Monday, January 20, 2014

Your Bizarre Anatomy Lesson for Today

I am not making this up, as Dave Barry would say.

During an interview at the Screen Actors Guild awards, actress Jennifer Lawrence was asked about her stunning, strapless Dior gown ...

She complained that the dress, tightly fitted to prevent wardrobe malfunctions, was "pushing (her) breasts into her armpits," resulting in armpit fat that, in turn, created what she called an armpit vagina.

This was, truly, an image that I did not need to have when I think about Jennifer Lawrence. Or any other woman, for that matter.

As it happens, I have written about the subject of armpits before in this space ... in a 2010 post titled "In Praise of the Humble Armpit," I discussed the potential health risks of various deodorants and antiperspirants, and the fact that there are roughly 1,800,000 websites dealing with the underarms of Bollywood actresses*.

The topic of underarms also came up recently in the context of noting the birthday, back on January 5th, of King C. Gillette, the inventor of the safety razor. I noted on my Facebook page at that time that Mr Gillette, were he still with us, would no doubt be distraught over the popularity of non-shaving characters like the entire male cast of "Duck Dynasty," but might be pleased to note that his invention had proven such a hit with the ladies. As a direct result of Mr Gillette's ingenuity, we can see that even comely prehistoric cave dwellers like Raquel Welch (in the classic film One Million Years BC) and the most filthy and downtrodden guttersnipes in Victorian England or peasants and beggars in the slums of King's Landing** feature glisteningly smooth underarms and legs.

And so we see that while Ms Lawrence's "armpit vagina" may be fat, it is certainly well-groomed.

One might also note that the armpit is also frequently used as a term of derision for certain undesirable geographical locations, as in expressions like, Camden, New Jersey, is the armpit of the east coast. This, of course, is a vile slur against an innocent and inoffensive (well, most of the time, anyway) body part.

But enough about armpits. We have a Monday to face. Roll on that antiperspirant and let's get going.

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow, when we will announce January's Ass Clown of the Month.

More thoughts then.


* If you don't believe me, Google it yourself. You will probably want to rip out your cable modem and throw it out the window.

** Watch "Game of Thrones" if you don't believe me.


eViL pOp TaRt said...

I thought Jennifer Lawrence's expression was woefully injudicious. Too bad! She's had a string of hit movies in the past two years.

Mike said...

I had never heard of armpit vagina before. Google images has plenty of examples.

Duckbutt said...

Jennifer Lawrence knows how to turn an apt phrase, doesn't she?

Bilbo said...

Mike - I checked Google Images, too. Afterwards, I wanted not only to erase my hard drive, but also reformat it, then melt it down.

Big Sky Heidi said...

That dress looks as constricting as a Wonderbra!

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

She should have worn a dress that showed her boobs better.