Five Jokes

Mike and Angel seem to be able to get a lot of mileage out of posts consisting of jokes, so who am I to argue with success? Here are a few ya-has for a very cold Thursday morning ...

Number One ...

Pavlov was enjoying a drink at his local tavern when the phone rang. He jumped up and cried, "Oh, no! I forgot to feed the dog!"

Number Two ...

A woman went into a pharmacy and said to the pharmacist, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The woman replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist shook his head and said, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'd lose my license and my business, and we'll both go to jail! I absolutely cannot sell you any cyanide!"

The woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "Well, now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Number Three ...

Q: What's the difference between a bad marksman and a constipated owl?

A: The marksman shoots and shoots, but doesn't hit.

Number Four ...

A fire and brimstone preacher was wrapping up his fiery temperance sermon when he shouted, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river!"

With even greater emphasis he roared, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river!"

Hitting his stride, he wrapped up his sermon by shouting, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and dump it into the river!"

The preacher sat down, everyone shouted "AMEN!!," and the song leader stood up and announced, "For our closing song, let us sing hymn number 365: "Shall We Gather at the River." 

Number Five ...

Two men in a bar were comparing their sex lives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one. 

"Well, not exactly," his friend replied. "She prefers dog trick style." 

"Wow ... kinky, huh?" 

"Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead."

Have a good day. Stay warm. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo