Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Jokes for Intellectuals

My coworker Scott yesterday sent me a list of 20 jokes that "only intellectuals will understand." Oddly enough, I "got" most of them. Since I have such erudite and well-educated readers (hell, Mike doesn't have anything else to do all day but learn new stuff), you ought to get most of them, too. Here are a few of my favorites ...

1. A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. "You mean a martini?," the bartender asks. The Roman replies, "If I'd wanted a double, I'd have asked for it!"

2. Another Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, "I'd like five beers, please."

3. There's a new band called 1023MB. They haven't got a gig yet.

4. A logician's wife is having a baby. The baby arrives and the doctor hands it to him. His wife asks, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician answers, "Yes."

5. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting in a Parisian sidewalk cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee please, with no cream."  The waitress responds, "I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of cream. Would you like it with no milk instead?"

6. A Higgs Boson walks into a church, and the priest says, "We don't allow Higgs Bosons in here!" The Higgs Boson says, "But without me, how can you have mass?"

and finally, one that I added to the list ...

7. Rene Descartes walks into a bar and orders a drink. He finishes it and the bartender asks, "Would you care for another?" Descartes replies, "I think not" ... and disappears.

You can read all 20 of the jokes here. If you have any others, share them with the rest of us in a comment.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



eViL pOp TaRt said...

I couldn't get the one about Heisenberg, Gödel, and Chomsky.

I liked the one about the programmer and the Higgs Boson one.

Duckbutt said...

Great jokes! I'll tell some today to my kids.

Bilbo said...

Angel - this one was pretty esoteric. The joke builds on the work of the three scientists. Werner Heisenberg is famous for developing his "Principle of Uncertainty;" Kurt Goedel published his "Incompleteness Theorems," one of which postulated that the consistency of axioms about a system can't be proven within the system (makes no sense to me, either); and Noam Chomsky is one of the world's great linguistic theorists.

And the Higgs Boson joke was my favorite.

Mike said...

In looking for explanations to the logic jokes I ran across this one...

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Those were deep jokes -- not for the Hooters crowd.