The Gettysburg Address as Delivered by Der Furor

Last week we observed the anniversary of the Civil War battle of Gettysburg, and the memory of the brief, but powerful speech President Abraham Lincoln delivered at the dedication of the military cemetery after the battle ... his "Gettysburg Address" remains one of the most moving speeches ever delivered by an American president. Sadly, the quality of political oration has been greatly reduced since Mr Lincoln's time, leading Washington Post columnist Peter Marks to comment that “... if you’ve ever listened to some of the desultory rhetoric from the well of the Senate, you know that American politics has not exactly built an assembly line of Ciceros.”

All of which has led me to wonder how a speech in the style of the Gettysburg Address might have been delivered by one of the most cringe-worthy presidents and worst public speakers of our time, Der Furor ...

"Seventy-six years ago, my father brought forth your favorite president - me! - because only I can make America great again. Now the radical left Democrats have started a great culture war, testing whether my MAGA followers, our religious freedom, or our beloved Second Amendment, can survive much longer. My followers have come out to listen to my huge and unmatched wisdom. They have come to boost my ego and swell my bank accounts as I fleece the nation. It's the right thing for you to do, but you must do even more if you want to help save America. The brave patriots who stormed the Capitol have given you an example far above my great powers of intelligence and persuasion, as hard as that may be to believe. The world will forever remember what I say here, and it should, because I have the best words. But you need to keep up the unfinished work our Republican senators and representatives and judges and office holders have started, because you're very special, and we love you. You have to make sure that the heroes of January 6th - who were punished by the disgraceful Democrats for nothing more than peacefully protesting a stolen election - don't serve their prison terms in vain, that this nation - under me, of course - shall continue to stack the Supreme Court and pass laws which ensure that the white Christian right remains supreme, that we keep the freedom to carry whatever guns we want, and that government of the corporate donors, by the corporate donors, and for the corporate donors, shall not perish from Washington. Don't forget to donate to my PAC on your way out."

It's satire, of course ... but not all that far from the truth.

Have a good day. Vote in November like your country depended on it ... because it does.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo