Friday, March 06, 2020

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


And here we go with our first collection of Editorial and Signage gems for March ...

Better use it soon ...


This would be unlikely to happen at my house ...


It made me cry ...


They left out Der Furor ...


Uh ... can I have the other flavor, please ...


Hmmm ...


Yes, that seems suspicious to me ...


Thanks, but I'll pass ...


Read the fine print ...


It must have been exhausted after that swim ...


And that's it for today. Be sure to come back tomorrow for more thoughts on Cartoon Saturday ... you know you need it.

Bilbo

Wednesday, March 04, 2020

"Super Tuesday" and Thoughts on the Coming Election


Yesterday, March 3rd, was "Super Tuesday," the day on which voters cast their ballots in presidential primaries in 16 states. As I have in previous elections, I served as an "Officer of Election" at my local precinct, rotating among various jobs to help ensure a safe, honest, and accurate tally. 


As I have many times before, I came away impressed with the thoroughness of the preparations, the professionalism of my fellow Election Officers, and the intricate, interlocking measures to prevent fraud and error. Here are a few of my comments on what I observed at our local precinct yesterday and what it all means in the long run.

1. Turnout. We had a turnout of about 30% of registered voters ... not too bad, given Americans' abysmal rates of voter participation, but - given the stakes in this year's presidential election - a bit disappointing. 

2. The Participants. Virginia had only a Democratic Primary, because the Republicans intend to canonize Der Furor by other means. But Virginia election law provides for open primaries, meaning that any registered voter, regardless of party affiliation, can vote in any primary for any candidate. There'd been some discussion of Republicans voting in large numbers in a "spoiler" action to skew the results toward a candidate they perceive easier to beat in the general election, but I didn't see any overt evidence of that happening. We did have one voter who came in wearing a bright red MAGA hat, but that's silly and not illegal.

3. Security vs Certainty. We had one voter who delivered a long and heated lecture to our Precinct Chief, demanding to know what Virginia was doing to make sure that he could be absolutely certain that his vote for his candidate was properly recorded. He insisted that in order to be fair and accurate, there must be a way to track the ballot cast by a specific individual to provide proof that the vote had been tallied to that individual's desired candidate. The Chief did a good job of explaining election law and the concept of the secret ballot while acknowledging that any voting system requires a certain level of trust on the part of the voters. The secret ballot is one of the things that separates our election system from those of dictatorships, which are designed to ensure a desired result by ensuring that voters cast their ballots for the approved candidate. Nobody needs to know for whom I voted, or for whom you voted ... and if you aren't concerned about the implications of a president with an overtly authoritarian philosophy having the ability to find out exactly how you voted and punish you if you voted the wrong way, you have a problem I can't fix. I place 100% of the blame for lack of trust in our elections on the Republican Party, which has spent decades undermining the authority and integrity of government at all levels and spreading wild conspiracy theories about "rigged elections."

4. You Can't Fix Stupid. We have two precincts that vote at the same local elementary school. Usually, one sets up in the gym and the other in the cafeteria, but this time we were both shoehorned into the gym. The precincts were set up on opposite sides of the gym, and a row of bright orange codes linked with bright orange tape ran down the middle of the room to keep them separate. It was a bit cozy, but there was still plenty of room ... the problem came when we tried to make sure that people stayed within their own precinct. For purposes of making sure all the numbers balance for each precinct (number of voters checked in = number of ballots issued = number of ballots scanned and recorded), it's important that people stay in their own precinct. Nevertheless, all day long we had people who would check in, get their ballots, then go to the opposite side of the room to mark and scan their ballots. We caught most of them, but in the end, the total for each precinct was off by two ballots - one of us over by two and the other under by two. The reason for this was clear, and was carefully documented in the official notes kept by each Precinct Chief, but if those errors are later seen individually and out of context, I think you can see people who are looking for irregularities pouncing on them as proof of insidious corruption. I should also note that EVERY PERSON we intercepted and steered back to the correct side of the room said that we should have put up signs to eliminate confusion ... despite the fact that they'd had to STEP OVER ROWS OF BRIGHT ORANGE CONES CONNECTED BY BRIGHT ORANGE TAPE to get to the wrong side. You can't fix stupid.

5. The Results. I won't comment on the results other than to say that I fear the Democrats are on the way to helping Der Furor gain another four years to continue his campaign to Keep America Terrible. If Joe Biden is the eventual candidate, the GOP will spend the entire election (and the next four years should he win) screaming about Ukraine, Burisma, and other manufactured crises (ignoring the documented fraud and mendacity of Der Furor's clique). If Bernie Sanders is the eventual candidate, the GOP will spend the entire election (and the next four years should he win) screaming about the ghastly evils of socialism while ignoring their own evils. In a nation of over 300 million people, you'd think we could do better than candidates like Der Furor, Biden, and Sanders.

That's it for now. If you live in a Super Tuesday state, I hope you went out and voted. If your state's primary hasn't happened yet, be sure you go out and vote when it does. And by all means, make sure you vote in November. The stakes have seldom been higher.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Sunday, March 01, 2020

Poetry Sunday


As you know, I really love language. Lately, I've gotten hooked into online social groups for my hometown of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, many of which include extended conversations on our peculiar dialect  ("Did yinz red up the room 'n at before yinz went dahntahn?"). Here's a poem on the subject of how we talk "where we come from" ...

Where I Come From

We didn't say fireflies
but lightning bugs.
We didn't say carousel
but merry-go-round.
Not seesaw,
teeter-totter
not lollipop,
sucker.
We didn't say pasta, but
spaghetti, macaroni, noodles:
the three kinds.
We didn't get angry:
we got mad.
And we never felt depressed
dismayed, disappointed
disheartened, discouraged
disillusioned or anything,
even unhappy:
just sad.


I'm sad about most of what I hear in the news, but I'm happy yinz are all my friends.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Wash your hands often. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, February 29, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


Well, it's been quite a week, hasn't it?

Der Furor appointed his Special Assistant for Adoring Gazes, Mike Pence*, to direct the government's response to the coronavirus pandemic; Don Junior, son of Der Furor, in an interview with "Fox and Friends," accused the Democrats of sabotaging daddy's 'winning streak' by wishing for the deadly coronavirus to spread and kill millions of Americans; a man murdered five people in the latest mass murder by gunfire, this one at a brewery in Milwaukee; and scientists from several countries have detected evidence of an unbelievably enormous explosion in space - five times bigger than anything observed before, probably the biggest blast since the Big Bang that is believed to have created the observable universe, and generating almost as much violently expanding hot air as the annual CPAC rally; and popular adventure author Clive "Raise the Titanic!" Cussler died at the age of 88.

As we contemplate the smoking holes where our investments used to be and the administration continues its valiant efforts to deny that there's a problem with this coronavirus thing ... and that if there is, it's a plot by the Democrats ... we might as well have a few health care-related laughs ...

When we finally run out of protective gear for caregivers ...


Well, that's one approach ...


They'll get health care reformed if it kills them ...


Now that's my kind of treatment ...


This is one of those new, low-cost health care plans the GOP is pushing ...


Check to see what's covered before the battle starts ...


Another one of those creative approaches to the shortages of protective gear ...


Did you ever wonder why certain drugs are prescribed? ...


It's not? Hmmm ...


If your medical bills accurately documented what's being charged ...


And that's it for this week ... one of the most bizarre and unsettling weeks in recent memory. I hope I've helped you get past it.

Have a good day and a great weekend. Turning off the TV will help. Come back tomorrow for the return of Poetry Sunday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

* He's been practicing his "solemn gravitas" face to use in place of his usual adoring gaze to get ready for his role as the pre-designated scapegoat for coronavirus-related bad news.

Friday, February 28, 2020

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2020


I find it somehow disheartening that I could probably give out an Ass Clown Award weekly ... if not daily ... rather than every other week. The condition of society and politics has resulted in a veritable flood of cringe-worthy ass clownery that threatens to overwhelm my ability to ration myself to a mere two selections per month. It's a dirty job that even Mike Rowe wouldn't want to take on, but I'm here for you, letting you know that the award for

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2020


is presented to

Vice President and White House Potted Plant
Mike Pence
(Third Award)


You may not have heard much about Mike Pence, even though he's the Vice President of the United States and the designated coordinator of the government's response to the building Coronavirus pandemic. That's because his major qualifications for his position are the adoring gazes he directs at Der Furor, and his matchless ability to keep his head down and avoid overt connection to the worst excesses of the administration.

As governor of Indiana, Mr Pence botched the state's response to the HIV outbreak, at one point saying "I'm going to go home and pray on it," rather than taking immediate action on measures to combat the infections. He has absolutely no qualifications to manage a public health emergency other than his fawning obsequiousness to Der Furor.

One suspects that Der Furor's intention in appointing Mr Pence to direct the Coronavirus response is to provide a high-profile scapegoat to blame when the response falls short ... as it well could, because Der Furor has already slashed CDC budgets and gotten rid of the experts who might have been helpful in developing an effective campaign.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2020 - receiving his third award* - is Vice President and Coronavirus Czar** Mike Pence. We're in good hands ... he'll begin deploying thoughts and prayers immediately.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. You know you need it.

Bilbo


** They're not actually calling him a "czar" ... Der Furor said at his news conference announcing the appointment that, “Mike is not a czar, he’s vice president.”  This is probably because a "czar" could be construed to rival a "president" in rank and prestige, and we can't have that, can we?

Sunday, February 23, 2020

Musical Sunday


Bad trips? You could be on the Diamond Princess, or you could be on the Sloop John B ...



Have a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, February 22, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


It's been the sort of week that makes you wish booze came in bigger bottles ...

Der Furor replaced his acting Director of National Intelligence with a new, unqualified (but presumably loyal) acting Director of National Intelligence, after flying into a rage over a new Intelligence Community assessment that Russia is still meddling in our electoral processes on his behalf; Secretary of State Mike Pompeo announced that the United States plans to sign a peace deal with the Taliban on February 29th; in Hanau, Germanym a man suspected of ties to right-wing extremists murdered 14 people, many of them Turkish, before murdering his mother and committing suicide; and Der Furor's friend Roger Stone, convicted on multiple counts of witness intimidation and lying to Congress, was sentenced to 40 months in jail ... which, given Der Furor's penchant for taking care of his friends, he is probably unlikely to serve.

Agnes and I recently decided to purchase unlimited passes for our local movie theater, which has turned out to be a remarkably good deal for a pair of retired people who can go to the less-well-attended matinees and enjoy the shows without a lot of background noise and annoying cell phone users. So, how about a collection of cartoons about theater and movies for today, eh?

The cost of food and drinks at movie theater concessions seems to be calculated by the same folks who brought you prescription drugs*. Here are a few riffs on the subject of movie snacks ...

Even with a senior discount, the price of snacks for two can approach that of dinner at a chain restaurant ...


I wonder why theaters don't have bank branches next to the concession stands to process the loans ...


I suppose that's an option ...


I don't understand why people would want to watch movies on a telephone screen. The screen of my iPad Pro is barely big enough ...


Truth in advertising ...


Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't ...


I don't think it's a very popular genre ...


We calculated that our unlimited passes would pay for themselves if we saw two or three movies a month at the senior discount rate. So far, it's working that way ...


Forsooth ...


Do you suppose it was as big a problem in the Bard's day? ...


Cut!! That's it for this week's collection of theater- and movie-related cartoons. At least you can enjoy them without worrying about whether or not Der Furor will insert himself into the business. Oh, wait ... he says "Parasite" didn't deserve to win Best Picture. Never mind.

Have a good day and a great weekend. Come back tomorrow and sail away on the Sloop John B for Musical Sunday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* They're serious about it, too. Last week, the ticket taker at the local cineplex wanted to search my Herrentasche to make sure I wasn't smuggling in any contraband snacks.

Friday, February 21, 2020

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


Here we go again ...

I think I lived here when I was a college student ...


At that price, why not buy two? ...


It's tasty, and the wires serve as a handy floss ...


Worth every penny ...


Maybe it's not all it needs ...


A problem we haven't had this year. Yet. ...


Now, that's a useful survival tip! ...



We Pittsburghers learned this long ago ...


There's nothing like a full-service hospital, is there? ...


And that's it for this week. Be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, where we'll offer a handy distraction from the horrors of the past week. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Sunday, February 16, 2020

Poetry Sunday


I featured this poem by John O'Keefe once before a few years back, but as we come down off the high of Valentine's Day, it seems to be a good choice once again ... for a closet romantic and a linguist, both!

Amo, Amas
by John O'Keefe

Amo, Amas, I love a lass
As a cedar tall and slender;
Sweet cowslip's grace is her nominative case,
And she's of the feminine gender.

  Rorum, Corum, sunt divorum,
  Harum, Scarum divo;
  Tag-rag, merry-derry, periwig and hat-band
  Hic hoc horum genitivo.

Can I decline a Nymph divine?
Her voice as a flute is dulcis.
Her oculus bright, her manus white,
And soft, when I tacto, her pulse is.

  Rorum, Corum, sunt divorum,
  Harum, Scarum divo;
  Tag-rag, merry-derry, periwig and hat-band
  Hic hoc horum genitivo.

Oh, how bella my puella,
I'll kiss secula seculorum.
If I've luck, sir, she's my uxor,
O dies benedictorum.

  Rorum, Corum, sunt divorum,
  Harum, Scarum divo;
  Tag-rag, merry-derry, periwig and hat-band
  Hic hoc horum genitivo.

Have a good day and a great weekend, in whatever language you speak and with whomever you love. More thoughts later.

Bilbo

Saturday, February 15, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


I don't know about you, but after this week I need some laughs.

Der Furor claimed that he has a right to intervene in any criminal case he chooses; in a move certain to enrage Der Furor, the Justice Department has formally declined to pursue criminal charges against former acting FBI Director Andrew McCabe; celebrity attorney Michael Avenatti has been convicted of trying to extort the Nike sportswear corporation; more than 63,000 people in China, including more than 1700 medical personnel, are confirmed to be infected with coronavirus; and in an unusual Valentine’s move, a Russian army lieutenant arranged to have 16 tanks surround he and his girlfriend in a heart shape as he asked her to marry him.

Back when I was doing my radio show, my Valentine's Day program always featured songs about divorce, breakups, lost love, and so on. Today, we continue by moving the tradition of the Anti-Valentine's Day show to Cartoon Saturday ...

That's one way to look at it ...


Forsooth! ...


There's an app for that ...


Nice twist on an old joke ...


Then and now ...


Uh, oh ...


Since there's no cure ...


When lawyers wed ...


Yes. Yes, they do ...


I shop here a lot ...


Yes, Dear Readers, I love you all!

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday returns.

Bilbo