We Interrupt This Program to Bring You a Rant...

There are still several posts coming in the series documenting my Reformed Republicratic Party Platform, but I'm getting down to the hard stuff now, and have some more research and writing to do before they're ready. Fortunately, though, there is sufficient buffoonery going on in the news to give me plenty to write about while I finish off the other posts.

1. Between them, the fired CEO's of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac will receive $23.9 million in salary payments. You can read the story here. The best part of the story is this: "Syron's (Freddie Mac's former CEO) package, Schmidt (an 'executive compensation consultant') said, is 'very unusual' because it allows him to receive $8.8 million in cash to replace stock grants and options that are now worth little or nothing. Representatives of Fannie and Freddie declined to comment." (Added emphasis is mine).

Now, let's make sure we all heard this correctly...the man fired for running Freddie Mac into the ground and sticking the U.S. taxpayer with an enormous debt is eligible for $8.8 million in cash because his stock grants and options are in the tank. And what about all the Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae stock that was in my 401k? I'll just bet that I'm in line to get my $8.8 million. I'm glad I still believe in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and a government that cares about its citizens...at least, the ones that are already rich and powerful.

2. The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office predicts that the budget deficit will grow to $407 billion this year, a jump of $246 billion from 2007. Read about it here. The story attributes the huge jump in the deficit to "a substantial increase in spending and a halt in the growth of tax revenues." Wow. What a surprise.

Yes, if you are running the government, you can cut taxes on the wealthy, spend countless billions on a useless war in Iraq, dismantle the regulatory structures that used to protect the citizens from outrageous economic activity, and rescue the greedy bastards who have ruined the economy...and still maintain the fiction that all is well. As Mel Brooks so well said in The History of the World, Part I: "It's good to be the king!"

If you're not mad as hell, there's something wrong with you. If you aren't letting your elected reprehensives know you're mad as hell, they'll keep right on ignoring the problems of the average American and running the country into the ground.

Do you have any idea what we could do with 407 billion dollars? What we could do with the 23.9 million dollars the disgraced CEO's of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are getting? The crumbling infrastructure we could repair? The schools we could adequately fund? The essential regulatory structures we could replace? The Social Security system we could keep solvent?

If you're not voting for Bilbo's Reformed Republicratic Party, vote for Nobody. Nobody is the real candidate this year.

Have a good day. Get mad. Really mad.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Bilbo's Republicratic Party Platform, Plank #4: Foreign Policy

Today we continue with the platform I wish one of our political parties would adopt. The usual disclaimer applies: I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I think my ideas are good and I welcome your constructive comments. If you like what you read, why not send the URL to your elected reprehensives and the candidates for president so they can get some fresh ideas rather than the same old political caca de toro. Let's look at a realistic foreign policy for the 21st century.

Current management philosophy says you have to have a "vision statement" that encapsulates your desired goal. The vision statement for Bilbo's Reformed Republicratic Party's foreign policy is simple: "A prosperous America within secure borders, enjoying peaceful relations with all nations." Starting from this vision, here are the planks of my foreign policy platform:

1. Put America's Interests First, but Always Take the Legitimate Interests and Concerns of Other Nations Into Account. American foreign policy should be made in Washington, not Pyongyang, Moscow, Tel Aviv, or anyplace else. But while our interests need to drive our policy decisions, we will improve our international relations by accommodating the concerns of other nations as much as possible.

2. Lead by example. One of our biggest problems today is that our actions in the international theater do not match our rhetoric. For instance, we maintain an extralegal prison at Guantanamo while hectoring other nations about abuse of human rights. Yes, many of the people at Guantanamo are evil bastards who deserve whatever they get, or worse. But the fact remains that we appear hypocritical in the eyes of the rest of the world. "Do as I say, not as I do" is a pretty poor excuse for a policy.

3. Be a Good Friend and a Terrifying Enemy. Nations who wish us well and want to live in peace should know that America is always on their side, extending the hand of friendship. Those who don't should know that we can make hell seem like a good thing.

4. Follow the Golden Rule. No one has ever improved on "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" as a general rule of conduct. It applies in foreign affairs as much as in interpersonal relationships.

5. Call a Spade a Spade, Not a Pointy Shovel. This goes along with #1 above - if our conduct is above reproach, there's nothing wrong with excoriating those whose conduct isn't. If another country or ruler acts in an outrageous manner, don't issue bland statements that their conduct is "unhelpful"...call them what they are.

6. Level With the American People. Americans are dumb, but they aren't stupid. Our leaders have an obligation to explain our foreign policy to us in clear, understandable, and rational terms. Don't couch it in quasi-religious terms or messianic views of America's role in the world. Level with us. Explain what you want to do and why. And pay attention to what we say.

7. Focus Foreign Aid on Economic and Humanitarian Needs Before Military Ones. Most nations would benefit more from improvements in health, agriculture, and economic stability than from a bigger military which all too often turns its might inward. Severely restrict military aid in favor of "soft" aid.

8. Rely on Diplomacy to Resolve Problems Before Taking Military Action. We have the world's finest armed forces, and shouldn't be afraid to use them...but we should use them only as a last resort. "Regime change" may be a desirable thing, but the people living under the regime ought to change it themselves, not have change imposed from outside.

9. Rethink All Existing Alliances and Scrap Those No Longer Needed. One of the things which fueled the rise of Putin's New Russia was the expansion of NATO after the fall of the Soviet Union. While this might have been useful from the perspective of former Soviet satellites, it aggravated Russia and bred grievances that have now come home to roost. George Washington, in his farewell address, warned against American involvement in "permanent alliances." We need more Georges with his wisdom and foresight. He was right in the 1700's and he's right today.

These are the planks of my foreign policy platform. What do you think? Your comments welcome.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Bilbo's Republicratic Party Platform, Plank #3: Energy Policy

Okay, we're on a roll here! My immigration reform plank was a general hit, and my income tax reform plank went over better than I had expected...a few comments of the "did you think about...?" sort, but no one coming right out and calling me a jerk. So far. So instead of quitting while I'm ahead, let's go on with the next part of my Reformed Republicratic Party Platform: Energy Policy.

Tax reform is difficult enough to think through, because there are so many vested interests that benefit from the current system in one way or another. The same applies to developing an energy policy, except that it's almost worse: our current approach to energy combines the worst features of tax policy, agriculture policy, housing policy, foreign policy, environmental policy, the oil industry, the nuclear industry, vast swarms of lawyers and pundits, and probably several others I've forgotten. If the country needs a tax system that looks like someone designed it on purpose, it needs a comprehensive energy policy at least as badly.

Here's mine...

1. Immediately Start Up Manhattan Project 2 to Develop Safe, Reliable, Renewable Alternative Energy Sources. During the darkest days of World War II, when victory against Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan was not yet a foregone conclusion, President Roosevelt authorized the Manhattan Project to develop the atomic bomb. It was the most expensive crash program in American history, harnessing the efforts of the nation's finest scientists in a money-is-no-object effort to develop the ultimate weapon to defeat the ultimate evil. Today, we need a new Manhattan Project to break our reliance on fossil fuels. This effort would be funded by a tax on oil company profits, a small tax on gasoline- and diesel-fueled vehicles, and a small parallel tax on gasoline at the retail level (not more than 2 cents/gallon).

2. Open the Yucca Mountain Repository for the Safe Storage of Nuclear Waste, and Do Not License Any New Nuclear Plants Until It Is In Operation. Nuclear energy is often touted as an environmentally safe, clean source of energy, and it is...for the short term. The elephant in the nuclear room that no one in the industry wants to discuss is that nuclear power generation produces radioactive waste, much of which will be deadly for tens of thousands of years (see my earlier post "Don't Dig Here"). If we are going to rely on nuclear power, we must accept the risks inherent in its waste, and must have a secure, remote place to store it that's as safe as we can make it. Yucca Mountain is probably the best place.

3. Shift Ethanol Production From Corn to the Use of Other Agricultural Waste Products. If ethanol continues to be used as a component of gasoline, it should be made from products other than corn. Reliance on corn distorts agricultural prices and policies and eats up valuable land that could be used for growing wheat and other staple products.

4. Require That All New Construction Employ Environmental Principles. "Green" construction techniques and building features will help save energy both in construction and throughout the life of the structure. Built-in solar panels in areas with abundant sun or geothermal units in geologically active areas, "green roofs" for insulation (and gardening), and a return to the use of natural construction materials instead of plastics will all help to conserve energy by minimizing the need for electricity and relying on renewable natural energy sources.

5. Ban the Manufacture and Use of Non-Biodegradable Plastics for Packaging. There are vast islands of floating plastic bags in the oceans, hazardous to fish and plant life and not going away in our lifetimes. Landfills are choked with plastic trash. We need to get away from the use of such materials now. Many stores are offering reusable bags; this should be made mandatory, as should the use of biodegradable products for packaging of all types.

6. Invest in the Nation's Rail Network. Railroads can move vast amounts of cargo over long distances at cheap rates while using less energy than long-haul trucks. Modernize and expand the nation's rail system for both passengers (in high-traffic areas like the East Coast corridor) and for cargo (nationwide).

7. Encourage Expansion and Use of Mass Transit in Major Metropolitan Areas. Buses, light rail networks, and similar mass transit methods save energy while moving large numbers of people. Encourage use of mass transit by expanding networks to serve larger areas and by limiting the ability to drive in urban areas (for instance, by reducing availability of parking).

That's the basics of my energy policy. Take your best shot. But if you don't like it, don't just say it won't work...propose something better.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Bilbo's Republicratic Party Platform, Plank #2: Tax Reform

Today we proceed with the second plank of Bilbo’s Reformed Republicratic Party’s Platform: Tax Reform. As a result of years of political shenanigans and misuse of the power of taxation by governments led by both parties, this is an enormous, highly-charged, and vastly complicated problem to solve. For this reason, we’ll approach it in sections; today, we’ll look at personal income tax.

The fundamental problem with income tax system in this country is that we have forgotten that the purpose of taxation is to raise money to fund the operation of the government, not to implement social policy or to solve (or sidestep) other problems. The Founders knew that the government needed the power to levy taxes…their problem was not with taxes per se, but with taxation without representation, which is why they vested the power of taxation in the legislative, rather than the executive branch of government. This is what the Constitution says about taxes:

Article 1, Section 7: All bills for raising revenue shall originate in the House of Representatives; but the Senate may propose or concur with amendments as on other Bills.

Article 1, Section 8: The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes, duties, imposts and excises, to pay the debts and provide for the common defense and general welfare of the United States; but all duties, imposts and excises shall be uniform throughout the United States.

Citizens have a civic duty to pay taxes to operate government at the national, state, and local levels, each of which has different types of responsibilities. The responsibility of government at each level is to manage the people’s affairs and money in such a way as to ensure that the tax burden is the minimum required to fund necessary and efficient operations. The Constitution spells out the responsibilities of the Federal government in articles 1 (Legislative Branch), 2 (Executive Branch), and 3 (Judicial Branch), and we’ll talk more about this in future posts.

When tax policy is used for purposes other than raising revenue, it creates a problem which cascades through the economy. When, for instance, the federal government grants “tax breaks” to a particular special interest group, offers “tax credits” as a way of reducing costs of programs to taxpayers, or uses “tax incentives” to garner support for particular programs or activities, the revenue those taxes would have brought in is now no longer available and must be made up somehow. Popular alternatives include:

Shifting the tax burden to other groups. This, of course, causes political problems when those other groups have political power of their own;

Increasing levies on individual taxpayers. This is the usual route, as individual taxpayers in the middle and lower economic classes generally lack the organized political power to fight the additional tax burden;

Imposing fees for services that were previously provided free of charge, or increasing fees already in existence; and,

Increasing government borrowing (includes both direct borrowing and the sale of bonds and other treasury securities). This avoids the political heat involved in taxing other industries or individuals, but pushes the problem down the road by increasing government debt and incurring the interest payments on that additional debt. It also dries up money that would otherwise be available for individuals and businesses to borrow.

The tax code as it exists today is an unworkable farce. As a result of laws which change each year, special breaks and incentives provided to special interests, and the use of the tax code as an instrument of social policy rather than revenue collection, the size of the complete code is mind-boggling: according to figures current as of January 2004, the online version of the code is more than 24 megabytes in size and contains more than 3.4 million words; printed 60 lines to the page, it would fill more than 7500 letter-size pages. It’s no wonder that an entire industry of tax preparation specialists and tax lawyers has become necessary to assist citizens in calculating their taxes, filing their returns, and defending themselves against the often-draconian penalties involved when inevitable errors are made.

This must stop.

We must return to a tax system that, as former Treasury Secretary William Simon once said, looks as if someone designed it on purpose. We must have a tax code that is fair, easy to understand and implement, and raises just enough revenue to operate the government.

We propose completely scrapping the tax code in its present form, and replacing it with a graduated flat tax. Basic elements of the proposed new federal income tax structure are:

1. All income, regardless of source, is subject to taxation.

2. All deductions and credits are eliminated. This would both tremendously simplify the tax code (most of which is designed to explain the arcane calculations of various deductions) and increase the amount of potential revenue.

3. Tax rates are low, but progressive and scaled to gross income. The initial proposal is:

$0 - $50,000 per year: 5%
$50,001 - $100,000 per year: 10%
$100,001 - $500,000 per year: 15%
$500,001 or more per year: 20%

By contrast, consider that the highest federal tax bracket for 2008 (levied on incomes over $357,700) is 35%. Oh, and what's the logic of an odd figure like $357,700 as a break point, anyhow?

Under this proposal, some people in the very lowest economic categories will be required to pay taxes, which they have avoided in the past, and some people in the upper income levels will pay less. The burden is, however, spread more equitably and the elimination of deductions and credits suggests that lower rates overall can produce equivalent or greater revenue.

4. Income reconciliation and tax calculations are spread throughout the year, with the month for tax submission based on the last two digits of the taxpayer’s social security number. This eliminates the enormous national trauma of every taxpayer submitting their returns at once, swamping the IRS collection system and inviting the type of errors inherent in processing such a vast number of returns in a short time. Taxpayers whose social security numbers end in 01-10 would file in January, 11-20 in February, etc. This would finish up submissions with 91-00 filing in October, leave two months free for the IRS (or its successor) to work on crunching the numbers, and not require anyone to pay taxes during the November-December holiday season.

Now, I'm not an economist. You could put everything I know about economic theory into your navel and still have room for a herd of elephants and a brass band. But I have to believe, based only on some rational, common-sense thinking, that overall rates can be radically lowered for almost all taxpayers if we just return to basics: tax all income, eliminate all deductions and credits, and use the tax code for revenue generation rather than as a political tool or a means of implementing social policy.

This is my plan for personal income tax reform. Take your best shot.

Corporate tax policy is much more complicated. I had a spirited discussion of this in the office last Friday with three colleagues, and in the end all our heads hurt and I had to admit that some of my ideas weren't workable (see, lacochran, I can change my mind!). So discussion of that part of my economic reform plan will have to wait until I can think it all through.

Tomorrow, we'll look at energy policy...assuming I have enough energy.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Hurricane Hannah is rolling up the East Coast, North Korea is again petulantly threatening to fire up its nuclear program, a man with a gun and grenades in his car has been arrested near the Capitol, and the presidential campaigns are in full swing.

You really need Cartoon Saturday.

Times change, and what we think of as normal changes, too...


If you regularly ride the Metro trains here in the Washington, DC area, you know that the illuminated arrows that show you which side of the train the doors will open are wrong about 75% of the time. The caption of this German cartoon says, "Correction - doors will open on the right."

Did you hear anything in the speeches at the Democratic and Republican conventions about a rational energy policy? Neither did I. I think I need a drink...

At the intersection of the "Galley Slave" and the "It Couldn't Get Any Worse" families of cartoons...


And finally, speaking of the national mood...

If you live in the areas being drenched by Hurricane Hannah, be safe this weekend...it's probably a good day to stay inside and work down that honey-do list. Bilbo's Republicratic Party Platform continues tomorrow with a look at tax reform and the economy.

Have a good day. More ruminations tomorrow.

Bilbo

Bilbo's Republicratic Party Platform, Plank #1: Immigration Reform

As promised yesterday, here is the first installment of the platform for the party I'd really like to see running for the presidency this year - Immigration Reform.

Those of you who have been with me for more than a year or so have already seen earlier versions of this proposal. I've tweaked it a little as I've thought about it and considered readers' comments, but its basic elements remain the same. As always, I welcome your comments...as long, of course, as they're constructive and not directed toward my ancestry, odor, or sexual proclivities.

Here we go...

Bilbo's Republicratic Party Platform, Plank #1
Comprehensive Compromise Immigration Reform

Congress begins by enacting legislation to create a new category of immigration status – the “Provisional Resident Alien (PRA)” – and designate the status with a new form of ID card – the “Blue Card.” Anyone who is in the United States illegally as of the date of enactment will have a grace period of six months to register for PRA status and obtain a Blue Card without fear of arrest, imprisonment, or deportation on any immigration violation charge. They would, of course, be subject to arrest for outstanding criminal violations unrelated to their immigration status.

A person registering as a PRA must pay a fee of $500 per person or $1000 per family for the privilege of obtaining that status. This fee does two things: it imposes a penalty for having broken the law in the first place, and it partially funds the cost of the new program. This provides something for those who oppose blanket amnesty, because it imposes a penalty for the willful violation of the law. Many churches and immigrant rights organizations will object to the fine because they think it’s either unfair or too much for poor immigrants to pay. Individuals or organizations who object to making the illegals pay the fine will be offered the opportunity to pay it on behalf of those who can’t or won’t pay it themselves.

Once a person has been granted PRA status, he or she will be required to obtain a valid social security number, and will be entitled to the same rights, privileges, and social services as other legal immigrants; in exchange, they will be required to obey all laws, pay all taxes, enroll in basic English classes (if they do not speak English already), and otherwise act as responsible members of American society. They will enjoy the protection of labor laws which require payment of the minimum wage, and with a legal status, will no longer be subject to exploitation by unscrupulous employers.

Initial PRA status will be valid for five years. At the end of this period, the individual must report to the immigration authorities with proof of employment and proof that taxes have been paid. If these conditions are met, the individual may either extend the PRA status for another five years, or apply for citizenship. Citizenship is not automatic – it will still have to be earned through the same naturalization process completed by many millions of legal immigrants throughout our history, with the clock starting at the end of the PRA period, regardless of how long the individual has already been in the country. This protects the interests of those who have weathered the legal immigration process by preventing previously-illegal immigrants in PRA status from “jumping the line” for quick citizenship.

On the date the grace period for seeking PRA status ends, anyone still present illegally in the country will be tracked down, arrested, and deported. Because the great majority of previously-illegal immigrants will almost certainly have taken advantage of the opportunity to legalize their status by becoming PRAs, the much smaller number remaining in an illegal status will probably be those with criminal records. Immigration authorities can then proceed to concentrate their efforts on this much smaller number of more dangerous individuals.

Second, change the citizenship laws to state that children born within the United States obtain automatic citizenship only if both parents are US citizens. This will help reduce the problem of sham marriages and “anchor children” used to establish legal residency for people otherwise here illegally.

Third, on the date the law is enacted, immediately transfer most immigration enforcement agents to border security duty to crack down on new illegal immigration. Severely stiffen border security and summarily deport those caught attempting illegal entry after photographing and fingerprinting them. Make facilitation of illegal immigration (whether by “coyotes” who help smuggle illegals across the border or by those who knowingly employ illegals) a felony. Make a second illegal immigration attempt a felony as well.

Fourth, on the date the grace period for PRA registration ends, impose a set of very steep fines and jail sentences for businesses and individuals hiring persons who are in the country illegally (without a Green or Blue Card). This will help to remove the economic incentive for businesses to support illegal immigration.

Fifth, make employers responsible for reporting to the immigration authorities any change in the employment status of a PRA. If a person in PRA status is fired from a job or becomes unemployed, his status is revoked and he must leave the country until otherwise eligible to enter in that status in the future.

This takes care of those who are in the country illegally today. But comprehensive immigration reform must also address the need for a responsive program to allow unskilled, low-wage workers to enter the country to take jobs that might otherwise go unfilled. PRA status can be used for these persons, too. Businesses would project their labor requirements, and the State Department would make an appropriate number of PRA visas available to meet the need. Immigrants would then apply at the US embassy or consulate in their home country for PRA status covering any period of time from six months to five years, and need only maintain a job, pay taxes, and learn English in order to maintain their status. At the end of five years, they would also have the opportunity to apply for citizenship.

This plan won’t please everyone, but that’s the nature of a compromise, and the ability to compromise is what has been missing from political discourse in this country for too long. The advantages of this plan are:

1. It offers a way to legitimize the persons already here illegally (who, after all, are too numerous and well-protected to be rounded up and deported), but imposes a fine on them as a condition of legalizing their status (i.e., no reward for having broken the law in the first place).

2. It funds itself, in part, through the fines collected from those applying for PRA status.

3. It provides resources for increased border security by freeing up immigration agents who otherwise spend their days fruitlessly hunting down illegals.

4. It provides a pathway for low-wage workers to legally enter the country and take advantage of economic opportunities not available to them at home, while contributing to the US economy in taxes.

5. It removes the incentive for businesses to hire and exploit illegal immigrants who cannot seek their rights for fear of exposure and deportation.

This is the first plank of my platform. What do you think?

Tomorrow is Cartoon Saturday, and then on Sunday, we'll take on the second plank of the platform: Tax Reform and Economic Policy.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The Platform of Bilbo's Reformed Republicratic Party

If you've by some miracle been able to pierce all the hot air and carefully-staged buffoonery that have surrounded the Democratic and Republican conventions, you may have noticed what I did: that there are two groups responsible for all the ills of the country and the world:

1. Whiny liberal pot-smoking, devil-worshiping, tax-raising, irresponsible Democrats, and

2. Heartless conservative gun-toting, Bible-thumping, environment-ruining, Constitution-shredding Republicans.

I'm glad we got that all sorted out. I feel better now.

Now, I've been pretty hard on both sides this campaign season - not without reason, to be sure - but I don't like to just sit here and kvetch without offering any better ideas myself. And so it is that I offer this list of the ten major issues facing the nation. In the coming days, I will offer the platform of Bilbo's Reformed Republicratic Party to explain how I think each one should be addressed. Don't vote for me...vote for the party which has a better idea on each one. Good luck with finding one.

Here's the list:

1. Delivering affordable, world-class health care for everyone.

2. Minimizing illegal immigration and reforming immigration law for the benefit of the United States.

3. Fixing the economy.

4. Reforming the tax code (actually, a part of #3).

5. Developing and implementing a comprehensive, long-term energy policy that reduces our dependence on foreign oil, and on fossil fuels in general.

6. Fighting religious extremism at home and abroad while preserving our Constitutional rights.

7. Bringing the rising cost of food under control and implementing a rational farm policy.

8. Implementing a foreign policy that recognizes both the primacy of US interests and the legitimate interests and concerns of other nations (these aren't necessarily mutually exclusive).

9. Reforming the American educational system to meet the needs of students of the 21st Century.

10. Remembering why the Founders wanted Church and State to remain separate (see Article Six of the Constitution, and the First Amendment)...and enforcing it.

These ten issues, which are all interrelated in some way, encompass what I believe are the major problems facing the nation today. Each, taken alone, is daunting. Together, they can appear almost insurmountable. Perhaps that's why the Democrats and the Republicans would rather shout insults and accusations at each other instead of working together to take them on.

Tomorrow, we'll start working down the list with a review of Bilbo's Comprehensive Immigration Reform Plan. If you've been reading my blog for more than a year, you've probably already seen it and can just skip to the next day.

I don't claim to have all the answers. What I do claim to have is workable ideas that can serve as a starting point for comprehensive solutions. Don't tell me I'm wrong...give me a better idea.

And if you just want to go on with the same old snake oil,

vote Republican or Democratic. And don't come whining to me when you see what you get.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Hail to the Blowhard Doofus and Other News from the Electoral Front

A new high was set in reasoned political discourse yesterday when former Bush political strategist Karl Rove referred to Democratic Vice-Presidential candidate Joe Biden as a "big blowhard doofus." Senator Biden, for his part, referred to Mr Rove as "a great American." For what it's worth, I thought that one of the qualifications to be a serving Member of Congress was to be a blowhard doofus, but a quick review of the Constitution (Article 1, Sections 2 and 3) reveals this not to be the case.

Senator McCain has surprised everyone by selecting the relatively unknown Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska as his running mate. As you might suspect, given the typically American high-minded approach to electing our leaders, people are very interested in learning more about Governor Palin. According to this Time Magazine article, the top internet search terms about the governor were:

1. Sarah Palin
2. Vogue Magazine
3. Photos
4. Beauty Pageant
5. Bio
6. Biography
7. Pictures
8. Scandal
9. Alaska Governor
10. Hot

And yes, the article contains a headshot of the glamorous Ms Palin from 1984.

The population of Alaska has gone up by approximately 15% as a result of the influx of two groups of new residents: news teams searching for more skeletons in Governor Palin's closet, and Republican operatives positioning themselves to spin anything that turns up. If the glaciers were in trouble before, this new blast of hot air will be their death knell.

As we get ready for the inevitable round of Presidential and Vice-Presidential "debates" (I put the term in quotes for the obvious reason that they aren't really debates in the classical sense), a little history may be of interest. The September issue of Smithsonian Magazine has a wonderful article on the greatest series of debates in American history: those between Abraham Lincoln and Stephen Douglas in 1858. It's a great warts-and-all look at a pivotal moment of our history.

In case you were wondering, at this juncture, I'm still supporting Nobody:

After all, if we're going to elect an empty suit, we may as well elect a real empty suit.

And that's all for today.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Talking "The Talk"

Every once in a while I get one of those icy blasts of mortality that raise the hair on my neck and make me realize how old I'm getting. I had one of those the other day when my daughter-in-law told me she'd just bought a book to help get my granddaughter Marcy ready to have The Talk.

Ohmygawd, I thought, I'm not old enough to have a granddaughter who's old enough to be ready for The Talk!

I mean, she's only eight years old, for Pete's sake!

But then I thought about the vice presidential candidate whose daughter is seventeen years old and pregnant and I thought, well, maybe nobody had The Talk with young Bristol Palin when she was eight years old. Might things have turned out differently? Or did she get The Talk, and then have the misfortune to meet a Faster Talker? Or did she get the Republican Version of The Talk (otherwise known as "Just Say No to Hormones")?

Yesterday Jessica Hagy posted this apropos diagram at her wonderful blog Indexed:

As you might suspect, it generated quite a few comments (including my (unedited) favorite: "when you knock up the daughter of a pro-life, nra, republican vice-presidential candidate... feel any pressure to marry the girl?").

Now, you can argue whether it's better to have a comprehensive discussion of sexual matters with your child, or just give him (her) the Thundering Biblical Injunction About the Evils of Sex. For the record, my parents never had The Talk with me...they gave me a book filled with annotated diagrams of the appropriate body regions, line drawings of smiling boys with wispy beards and girls with hairy underarms, and clinically exact explanations of things I'd begun figuring out on my own...and sort of let me fill in the empty spaces. In the end, it all worked out somehow.

So I'll let the die-hard family values conservatives figure out how they'll put the lipstick on this particular news pig (they're doing a marvelous job, if this morning's news is any indication), and will write not a single word more on the subject. It's none of my business, after all.

And Marcy can get The Talk from parents who love her as much as I do.

But I still feel old.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Scamming the Nigerian Scam

I'm sure you're familiar with the so-called "Nigerian Scam" in one of its many incarnations. In this scam, gullible morons respond to e-mails from "a member of the (insert country) royal family/recently widowed lady/pious religious missionary attempting to build an orphanage/hospital/old folks home" who needs help in protecting many millions of dollars from someone or another, and has identified you - out of all the many billions of people in the world - as just the trustworthy person on whom he/she can rely...all he/she needs is your bank account number and related information so that they can temporarily hide their millions in your account. Of course, in exchange for your help, you will receive a generous portion of their millions as a reward.

The reward, of course, is that the scammers will use the information to loot your bank account.

You'd think that people would be smart enough to recognize that this is a scam, yet many gullible, greedy, or overly-trusting people are conned each year.

Wouldn't it be nice to turn the tables on these scumbags?

My friend Laurie sent me an e-mail the other day with a clever response to the Nigerian Scam. In this version, the prospective mark has received an e-mail soliciting donations for an orphanage somewhere in Africa...

Dear Robin,

Thank you for your kind note. It is good of you to want to care for the poor orphans. And I would like to help. I will soon be in a position to give several million dollars to the orphanage, having just agreed to help a poor widowed woman from Nigeria to transfer a large sum of money out of the country and into the safety of a U.S. bank. According to the widow, I will soon be in possession of approximately $15 million for my efforts, and I would like to give half of it to the orphanage. To accomplish this, I will need the following:

1. Your telephone number.

2. Your social security number.

3. Your birth date.

4. The account number and other pertinent information for the bank to which the funds will be transferred.

5. The license plate number of the turnip truck from which you appear to think I recently fell.

Thank you so much, and God bless you.

I think that's brilliant, and I wish I'd thought of it.

On a related note, a year or so ago Verizon sent a repairman to my home to fix our FiOS cable that had been cut by some workmen digging a trench (the "Miss Utility" folks who marked the cable's location were about three feet off the mark...). The repairman had a very interesting accent, and I asked him where he was from. "Nigeria," he replied. "Oh, Nigeria," I said. He looked up from the split cable on which he was working and said, "Yes. I had to take this job because all the good scams were already taken."

Well, at least he was up-front about it.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo