Sunday, June 27, 2010

Things That Make You Go GRRRRR...

It's Sunday, and I'm still recovering from my granddaughter Leya's dance recital yesterday. Actually, we had a great time, although the recital itself suffered from a bit of a lack of organization. One would have thought that the two- and three-year olds were in charge of event management in addition to their performances. But be that as it may, there is nothing quite like watching a group of toddlers wandering about the stage and mugging for the audience in vague time to music while occasionally remembering to throw in a few of the steps and movements their parents have paid big money for them to learn. We grandparents live for this stuff.

Well, on with the present show...

A while back, I borrowed an idea from Jay when I answered the ten questions he tossed out for the consideration of his fellow bloggers. And today, I take from him yet another idea, this one one that he himself shamelessly lifted from fellow blogger Dana: "Don't You Hate It When...", as shortened by Jay to just "GRRRRRRRR..." Herewith, a list of the things that tend to piss me off, even though I am by nature a relatively even-tempered and forgiving fellow...

1. People who enter the theater in the middle of the act/movie/show and decide they have to sit in the empty seats right in the middle of your row. And they each weigh 497 pounds, move eight inches per hour, and spill their popcorn and drinks on you because they're busy yakking on their cell phones as they squeeze past. I guess this counts as three. No matter.

2. Getting back to cell phones: people who share their most intimate details with the entire world as they mindlessly babble into their phones, apparently thinking that the rest of us have nothing better to do than enjoy sharing their trials and tribulations.

3. People who get in front of you in the 12-items-or-less checkout line with a cartload of stuff you'd need a professional stevedore to unload. Then they glare at you when you call them on it and tell you to mind your own business. Then they wait until the entire mountain of stuff is rung up before realizing that "oh! I have to pay for this!" Then they search high and low for a functioning credit card or enough cash to pay the bill. Then, finding they don't have enough, they keep having the cashier remove stuff from the bill until they can pay it. And finally, they have to stand there while they review the receipt line-by-line and complain about things they think are wrong. Okay, that's six things. Forget it, they all run together.

4. Drivers who slow down to six angstroms per fortnight to make a turn, and then put on their turn signal at the moment they are halfway through the turn.

5. Drivers who block traffic as they wait for that golden parking place right in front of the store, while there are acres of open spaces a few feet further on.

6. Dentists who ask, "How are we doing today?" Well, offhand I'd say that at least 50% of us are doing lousy, otherwise we wouldn't be sitting in this $&%@! chair waiting to experience agony while trying to figure out how we're going to get our insurance company to pay for it. If we're lucky enough to have insurance in the first place.

7. Police officers who ask if you knew why they pulled you over. You're getting the damn ticket, anyhow...why embarrass you by playing 20 questions?

8. Telemarketers. Need I say more?

9. Women who wear low cut tops, then complain because men keep looking at their breasts. This one was on Dana's list, too. If I'm not supposed to look, don't advertise.

10. People who accept the most ludicrous political positions (Obama is the Antichrist, America needs to apologize to BP) and religious beliefs (72 virgins will service my sexual needs forever if I kill you because you don't unquestioningly accept my truths). If your clue chute is up, bolted, welded shut, and has a force field over it, stay away from me. Nothing you have to say is worth listening to.

Okay, I've ranted enough. There are lots more things on my list, but I'll save them for another time. If you recognized yourself on this list, perhaps you need a little pick-me-up...

Take as directed. Don't stop.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



Bandit said...

I feel your pain.

Myself, I have made a concerted effort to not complain to others. I have come to the realization that 85% of the people you complain to really don't care. The other 15% are glad you have problems.

allenwoodhaven said...

My brother does a great thing with telemarketers: they always start by asking "How are you today?" so he tells them! "Oh I'm not feeling so good. My gout has been acting up. You wouldn't think it would since I've been avoiding that shellfish since the last time I had food posioning. That was wicked let me tell you. You wouldn't believe that projectile vomiting and diarreah could happen at the same time, but it can. Other than that, I did have a root canal at the dentist the other day. I couldn't believe that he ran out of novacaine, but that's what he said. He's been hit hard by this economy and can't afford everything he needs. Of course working out of his van does save on office overhead. The wife just got laid off after 10 years at the brewery. No more free beer isn't the worst of it..." You get the idea. Just keep talking until they hang up!

Mike said...

I'm impressed. You've condensed 15 separate posts into one. I could get a month out of this much stuff.

As for #5. I Had the golden spot already and was loading groceries while the waiter was waiting on me. Three cars were backed up behind her.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

This post alone is reason to love you :)