Friday, June 11, 2010

You Know You Work in Modern Corporate America If...

I realize I shouldn't make jokes about having a job because ... well ... I actually have a job, and all too many people nowadays don't. Nevertheless, I ran across this list that I found and salted away a long time ago and found that it applies just as well now as it did then, with only a few items needing to be updated (would younger readers recognize what a diskette is, as opposed to a thumb drive?).

You know you work in modern corporate America if...

You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.

Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.

Your resume is on a thumb drive in your pocket.

The company logo on your badge is drawn on a post-it note.

When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.

You get really excited about a 1% pay raise.

You learn about your layoff on CNN.

The worst effect of a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.

Your supervisor doesn't know how to do your job.

You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.

Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than the budgets of all the Third World countries. Combined.

You think lunch is just another meeting to which you drive.

It's dark when you drive to and from work.

Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.

"Communication" is something your group is having problems with.

You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.

Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.

Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.

Taking more than three days of sick leave in a row requires you to produce a written excuse. From the coroner.

Art involves a white board.

You're already late on the assignment you just got.

You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say, "Oh wow, thanks!"

Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.

Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes," "in your spare time," "when you're freed up," and "I have an opportunity for you."

Vacation is something you roll over to next year or a check you get every January.

Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers."

Change is the only thing constant in your job.

You only recognize your children because their pictures are hanging in your cube.

You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.

You understood everything on this list.

So that's how it is in modern corporate America. Now get back to work...somebody has to pay the taxes to provide those welfare checks for unemployed Members of Congress. Actually, they are just looks like they're unemployed because they accomplish so little.

Have a good day. Cartoon Saturday is coming...more thoughts then.



Mike said...

I remember all that stuff. From a long long time ago.

Wv: crate - Modern office chair.

Chrissy said...

This made me laugh out loud.

And it put a lot into perspective. I can't complain when my 2 week old poops on me - or my 2 year old screams "bad dog" at me in a store.

Because it's all better than my old job in corp america!

Anonymous said...

Hey, the nation is safer the less Congress does!

Eminence Grise