Making the Right Choice

A shaggy dog story for a Friday...

One day a corrupt Congressman was crossing K Street in Washington after meeting with his favorite lobbyist, when he was hit by a car and killed instantly.

His soul eventually arrived at the Pearly Gates. He was welcomed by St. Peter, who told him, "Before you settle in, it seems we have a little administrative problem. We don't get many Congressmen here, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the Congressman.

"Well, I'd like to," said St Peter, but I have orders from The Boss. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"But I've already made up my mind - I want to be in Heaven," said the Congressman.

"I'm sorry," St Peter replied, "but I have my guidance." And with that, St. Peter escorted the Congressman to an elevator that took him down to Hell.

After a long ride, the doors opened and the Congressman found himself in the middle of a lush green golf course under a clear blue sky. In the distance was a clubhouse, and standing in front of it were all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. The men were dressed in tuxedos and smoking expensive cigars, and the women were dressed in the finest gowns and glittering with jewels. They all ran happily to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they’d had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and dined on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne, finishing off the evening with dancing to a superb five-piece band. The Devil proved to be a charming host who expertly worked the crowd as he poured drinks and told jokes and stories of politics through the ages.

The Congressman was having such a good time that before he realized it, it was time to leave. Everyone gave him a hearty farewell and waved as the elevator carried him slowly back up to the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter told him, "Now it's time to visit Heaven."

For the next 24 hours the Congressman joined a group of contented souls floating from cloud to cloud, playing harps and softly singing hymns. He had a pleasant time and, before he realized it, the 24 hours had gone by and St. Peter had returned.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven," he said. "Now it's time to choose your home for eternity."

The Congressman thought for a minute, then answered: "Well, I never thought I'd say this ... I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I really think I'd rather be in Hell."

"Well, it's your choice," St. Peter said, and he escorted the Congressman back to the elevator.

Once again the elevator went back down to Hell, but this time the doors opened onto a hot, barren wasteland covered with putrid, reeking garbage. All the Congressman's friends were still there, but now they were dressed in rags and moaning while they picked up the trash and put it in plastic bags while more trash rained constantly down on them from above and screaming demons poked them with pitchforks.

The Congressman was horrified, but the Devil put a friendly arm around his shoulders, smiled, and said, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today, you voted!"

Less than a week until the elections. Choose wisely.

Have a good day. Tomorrow, we'll have a special Halloween edition of Cartoon Saturday. Be here.

Bilbo