Thursday, October 14, 2010


In her post for today, Amanda discussed a book she's been reading called The Wonder of Boys, by Michael Gurian. You can probably guess what it's about. Anyhow, while reading the book for insights into raising her two young sons, she extrapolated the information to improve her understanding of her husband.

It sounds interesting, but there appears to be a lack of information on one area crucial to an adequate understanding of men: their language. To help Amanda compensate for this unfortunate shortfall, and as a guide for all the other ladies out there who often despair of understanding their men, I offer this handy guide to the translation of common male idiomatic expressions ...

"It's a guy thing."
Translation: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Translation: "Why isn't dinner ready?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, Honey," or "Yes, Dear."
Translation: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."
Translation: "I have no idea how it works."

"Take a break, Honey, you're working too hard."
Translation: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, Dear."
Translation: "Are you still talking?"

"You know how bad my memory is."
Translation: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned ... but I forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss...I just cut myself. It's no big deal."
Translation: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Translation: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
Translation: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?"
Translation: "What did you catch me at?"

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Translation: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework."
Translation: "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

Now, before all you men out there post a bunch of angry comments, you should know that there is a another version of this translation aid which helps men understand women. Well, as much as anything can. I'll post it in a few days. For now, this should serve as a useful aid to all the wonderful ladies out there who keep us clothed, fed, and pointed in the right direction. We couldn't do it without you.

Even if we sometimes act as if we'd like to try.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



chrissy said...

Haa. I always like to see what is really going on in the male mind.

My Husband keeps saying "you look like you need a break honey" and i just wonder what this means.

Is it..."you look like your hair already" or maybe "good god..put some makeup on...gross"

Who knows. Maybe it's better that I don't ever know his motivation for saying it...and just am grateful for him saying it nicely. :)

Raquel's World said...

I would not even worry about posting the women's version. We basically say what we mean and mean what we say.

The "I've got my reasons for doing what I'm doing" Classic in my house, and basically means -What I am doing is so stupid I couldn't possibly justify it-

Mike said...

I'm waiting for the female version. I need it.

Amanda said...

Ah! So much clearer now :)

I hear so much of the third one its not funny! Now I know it doesn't even mean anything.

KathyA said...

Although you are right on with this, have you ever considered becoming a marriage counselor? No? Good. :)
In this case, the truth will not set you (or any other man) free.