Musical Sunday

For our last Musical Sunday of 2020, how about a nice, upbeat offering of a great Christmas tune from Postmodern Jukebox ...

Merry Post-Christmas and Happy New Year! See you on Friday, when we name the 2020 Ass Clown of the Year. Be here!

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

I hope your Christmas was as merry and happy as it could have been in this gawdforsaken year ...

Der Furor flew off to vacation at Mar-a-Lago after pardoning dozens of convicted criminals, including four military contractors convicted of murdering 14 unarmed Iraqis; a powerful bomb in a parked vehicle caused extensive damage, but no apparent casualties in downtown Nashville, Tennessee; in addition to spewing pardons, Der Furor also took time out of his busy schedule to veto the defense authorization bill and also refused to sign a $900 billion Coronavirus relief package; despite concerns over surging rates of infection and death from Covid-19 and the urging of medical professionals to stay home, millions of Americans ignored the danger and traveled for the holidays; and a judge in California ruled against a couple who harassed their neighbors by constantly playing the theme from "Gilligan's Island" at high volume.

I know that Christmas is already over, but this collection of cartoons about Santa Claus was just too good to sit on until next year ... 

So what did you think Santa did in the off-season? ...

Uh, oh ...

Not so well, I expect ...

Sometimes, even Santa needs to be a little more cautious ...

If Santa's a Republican, that naughty list probably only applies to those with a net income under $1,000,000 ...

You should have seen this one coming ...

Santa has employee relations problems, too ...

Santa is on somebody's naughty list ...

Santa needs vaccines, too ...

Bad news, Santa ...

I hope that your Christmas was as merry and - above all - safe as is possible in this misbegotten year. I'll do my part to help keep you cheered and entertained if you come back tomorrow for the final Musical Sunday of the year. 

For those of you who have not yet cast your votes for Ass Clown of the Year, or who are ready to keep voting, here are the standings as of 6:00 AM on December 26th:

Mitch McConnell – 805

Lindsey Graham – 430 

Der Furor – 375

“All of the Above” – 320

The GOP – 230

Michael Flynn – 60 

Ted Cruz – 60 

Rudy Giuliani – 95 

Sidney Powell – 85 

Ron DeSantis – 5

You have another week to vote! Keep enjoying the holiday season, but don’t forget to do your part for the Ass Clown of the Year! Happy Holidays!

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Christmas Day, 2020

Today is Christmas Day, the day on which Christians around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, whose lessons and example many of them find admirable in theory but bothersome to follow in practice, useful only as a cudgel with which to beat those who worship differently. Beyond the Christian world, it is a season for general good cheer, the exchange of gifts, and a month of uplifting and sentimental television shows which temporarily offset the sex, violence, and cynicism of the rest of the year.

We’ve long bemoaned the commercialization of Christmas, in which the purchase and exchange of gifts has replaced thoughtful contemplation and love of family. But for years now, Christmas has been politicized just like everything else. Conservative shouting heads moan bitterly about a nonexistent “war on Christmas,” and both Christians and non-Christians complain about discrimination because they don’t want to have to be exposed to religious ideas and traditions which are not their own. Angry idiots object to hearing a generic “Happy Holidays” or "Season's Greetings" instead of "Merry Christmas," "Happy Hanukkah," "Happy Solstice," "Happy Kwanzaa," "Happy Festivus," or other seasonal holiday greeting. Nuisance lawsuits force towns and cities to remove nativity displays from public places. Scrooge lives on.

The traditional Christmas story that most of us recognize is told in the Bible in the second chapter of the gospel of Matthew:

2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
2:9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.
2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; You shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Whatever happened to the part about “peace on earth and goodwill toward men*?” It seems to have been replaced by “peace on earth, goodwill only to those who agree with me, and the rest of you can go to Hell.” It’s been replaced by rigid intolerance and stiff-necked self-righteousness that belie both the spirit of the season and the values and teachings of the person whose birth is being celebrated.

Nevertheless, for those willing to put aside their cultural tunnel vision and petty carping and hatreds, the Christmas season offers a time for joy and renewal, regardless of the religious tradition they profess to follow. It’s a season in which persons of goodwill can come together and treat each other like real human beings rather than like despised “others” … if, of course, they’re willing to bend enough to do so.

And it is, above all, a season for children, who have not yet been spoiled by the cynicism and hatred they’ll learn all too soon. The look on a child’s face on Christmas morning is a wonderful thing, and it reminds us that there is still joy to be found in life, if only we can get past the greed, selfishness, and political chicanery.

And so, Dear Readers, Agnes and I wish all of you a very joyous holiday of your choice and a safe, happy, and healthy new year.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Okay, “persons.” Don’t get your holiday knickers in a twist.

Christmas Eve, 2020

Today is Thursday, December 24th, the day of Christmas Eve, when millions of people across the nation and the world frantically await the arrival of the auxiliary Santas from FedEx and UPS with gifts bought online that were "guaranteed" to arrive by Christmas. Tonight, children will set out milk and cookies for Santa and desperately try to stay up late in hopes of seeing him, parents will use salty language as they try to deal with the toy for which "some assembly (is) required*," and stores will sell out of the batteries they didn't realize they needed for that toy they had to assemble.

Here's a timely quote from Dave Barry:

"Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space**"

Ah, the holidays!

No peace on earth, though.

Today's commentary is fairly short ... I'll have more to say tomorrow in my traditional Christmas Day post. I'll just warn you to be careful if you plan to go out today, because the stores will all be madhouses, parking lots will look like the beaches of 1944 Normandy, and drivers will be more distracted than usual.

And I want to see you all safe and happy tomorrow.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* "Some assembly required" is the shortened version of the statement, "Assistance by credentialed mechanical or electrical engineers is required."

** This was one of my mother's favorite cartoons.

Poetry Sunday

We are less than a week away from a Christmas like few others in our history, with much of the misery and lack of Christmas spirit able to be laid directly at the doorstep of one heartless and despicable human being. This poem by Robin Richstone speaks to some of what makes this Christmas memorable for all the wrong reasons ...

The Christmas Story

by Robin Richstone

We know by heart these stories

of a cold world, unwelcoming inn,

the murderous tyrant,

Mary on a donkey, escape,

how cruel, how long ago, how far

from what we mean to sing,

O Come, O Come,

to the weary, the terrified,

Mary's heart beating fast,

her grip on the baby,

the strains of it fill the shops,

the streets, flow down rivers,

cross seas, cross borders,

the refugee mother kneels

to change her infant in

an open field, the shepherds gone,

the angels quiet,

her safety now

completely up to us.

Have a good day, enjoy the rest of your weekend, and love your neighbor.

More thoughts later.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

It's Saturday, December 19th ... just 13 more days in this miserable year, and 34 more days until Der Furor relocates to whatever municipality will have him.

 Country music legend Charley Pride passed away from complications of Covid-19; Russian intelligence appears to be behind a huge compromise of US computer networks and systems - a hack which Der Furor has yet to acknowledge or comment on; President-Elect Biden has nominated Representative Deb Haaland (D, NM) to be his Secretary of the Interior - the first Native American ever to serve in the cabinet and direct the department with responsibility for Native American affairs; acting Defense Secretary Christopher Miller appears to be leading Pentagon resistance to President-Elect Biden’s transition team efforts; and a judge in Michigan has ruled that a 42-year-old man can seek compensation from his parents for destroying his pornography collection.

This week, I thought a few cartoons about art might help raise the level of culture out there. Or not. It's worth a try ...

There are some really excellent young artists out there ...

Busted! Or declawed, whatever ...

A good artist knows how to identify the key element of his or her painting or photograph ...

So, how did they decide close races before photo finishes? ...

Turnabout is fair play ...

I can see Mike and I visiting this gallery ...

Very early ...

You must have wondered where the models came from ...

I think this will be Der Furor's next licensing scheme ...

I can relate to that sort of commentary ...

And there you go ... the next-to-last Cartoon Saturday for 2020. I hope it helped lift you off the canvas that this year has knocked you down to.

Here's today’s update on the Ass Clown of the Year voting:

- Der Furor - 120

- “All of the Above” - 30

- Mitch McConnell - 20

- Rudy Giuliani - 15

- Louis Gohmert - 10

- The GOP - 10

- William Barr - 10

- Mike Pence - 5

There's still plenty of time to cast your votes, so get going! Rules and the list of 2020 winners to date can be found here, and the final Left-Cheek awardee for December was announced yesterday - you can read that citation here.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2020

We wearily approach the end of the Year of Our Lord 2020 ... and our lord is welcome to it. It is also time to announce the last semi-monthly ass clown awardee for the month and the final awardee for this miserable year. Because I'm just getting tired of the whole thing, let's get right to it ...

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2020

is

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton

As Der Furor carried on with his endless and ludicrous attempts to undermine faith in American democracy and the results of the presidential election, many of his Republican enablers stepped up to help in his efforts. Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton filed a lawsuit in the Supreme Court against Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin, claiming that those states exploited the COVID-19 pandemic to justify ignoring federal and state election laws and unlawfully enact last-minute changes which skewing the results of the 2020 election. His suit - supported by Der Furor, a staggering 126 GOP members of Congress, and the attorneys general of seventeen states Der Furor carried in the election - claimed that the four named states - all of which were carried by President-Elect Biden - flooded their people with unlawful ballot applications and ballots while ignoring legal requirements as to how they were received, evaluated and counted.

Mr Paxton's lawsuit was long on lofty rhetoric and woefully short on evidence and substance (an election law expert described Paxton's filing as "... a press release masquerading as a lawsuit" and " ... utter garbage. Dangerous garbage, but garbage"). More than 50 other Republican lawsuits at the state and national level had already been rejected by the courts, and this one was no exception - in a two-paragraph decision, the Supreme Court refused to hear the case because Texas lacked the legal standing to file it ... a reasonable position, as the Constitution allows each state to manage its own elections, and grants no power to other states (or the federal government) to interfere in those elections. Two of the justices (Alito and Thomas, neither one appointed by Der Furor) did not dissent from the rejection, but said they'd have heard the case ... and then dismissed it.

In a year that has seen unprecedented challenges to American democracy from our elected officials and their fanatical supporters, we can take solace in the fact that our courts - no matter how much Der Furor and the GOP attempted to skew the partisan background of judges at all levels - held fast in the face of historic pressure. It is noteworthy that the un-American authoritarianism rejected by a record number of Americans in this election has been equally rejected by the courts and by dedicated public servants at all levels. On January 20th, regardless of any ongoing chicanery and noisemaking by die-hard GOP partisans, America will once again have adult leadership ... and ridiculous ass clowns like Mr Paxton will take their seats in the dumpster of history.

Ladies and gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2020 - the last to be named in this misbegotten year - is Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton.

Have a good day, and don't forget that voting for the 2020 Ass Clown of the Year began this past Wednesday ... vote early and vote often for your candidate! The results so far are as follows:

Der Furor - 135

Rudy Giuliani - 30

"All of the Above" - 15

Mitch McConnell - 10

One early voter (yes, that would be you, Mike) wanted to cast 74,000,000 votes for Der Furor and 74,000,001 for Mitch McConnell, but decided after consulting me for a ruling to simply cast smaller numbers of votes more often. For my part, I didn't want to get sued by every crazy Republican on Earth if Der Furor didn't win.

See you tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Voting Is Now Open for the 2020 Ass Clown of the Year

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, today is the official start of the selection campaign for

The 2020 Ass Clown of the Year

By Friday, December 18th (announcement of the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, and the last biweekly award for the year), I will have named 28 individual awardees in 2020, all of whom are eligible for the annual award. Of course, if there's someone I missed or someone you like better, you are free to vote for the write-in candidate of your choice. Here are the basic ground rules for the Ass Clown of the Year voting, unchanged from previous years except as noted:

- Chicago Rules apply: you may vote as many times as you want, for as many candidates as you want. You may cast votes on behalf of yourself, your family members, your friends, your pets, your friends' pets, or anyone else, living or dead. In the interest of fairness, I ask only that you not cast more than ten votes at any one time for any one candidate ... just vote more often.

- You may vote for any of the 28 biweekly and special award winners (the first 27 are listed below, and the last will be announced in the blog on December 18th), or for anyone else you wish. SPECIAL NOTE: the lifetime achievement award presented to Der Furor in 2017 was revoked in July of this year, making him once again eligible for selection.

- You need not be legally authorized to vote in the United States. Laws don't matter to the current administration, why should they matter to you?

- No ID is required. If you are concerned that the Russians (or the Chinese, or the mythical Ukrainians, or one or the other political party, or the "Deep State") will manipulate the results to undermine the integrity of the award without such identification, consider that many fanatical supporters of Der Furor are already convinced that elections are rigged and will assume that any IDs presented will be phony, anyhow. And in any case, integrity is a quaintly outdated concept in today's political world in which "facts" require no proof or connection to reality. I worry more about my fellow citizens than I do about any external actors.

- Finally, in response to a suggestion from long-time reader Allan U, I am offering a new voting option this year: because the number and "quality" of potential awardees is so staggeringly high, you have the option to vote for ALL OF THE ABOVE, rather than a single winner.

- Votes will be accepted from now until 11:59 PM on December 31st. You may vote by leaving a comment on any blog post between now and then; by sending an e-mail to der_blogmeister(ATSYMBOL)yahoo.com; by sending me a PM or leaving a comment on Facebook if we are connected there; or from a distance of at least six feet if we should happen to meet. If you choose to cast your votes in person, be advised that your candidate's chances of winning are enhanced if the votes are accompanied by adult beverages and tasty snacks. Yes, it's bribery, but in today's political environment that's okay unless the other side is doing it.

I will provide periodic updates on the balloting, and will announce the 2020 Ass Clown of the Year in this space on Wednesday, January 1st, 2021.

Here are links to the first 27 Ass Clown awardees for 2020, in case you want to go back and review the citations:

1/3/20 (Right Cheek) - Wisconsin State Rep Scott Allen (R)

1/17/20 (Left Cheek) - White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham

1/20/20 (Special Award) - Secretary of State Mike Pompeo (third award)

1/31/20 (On Crack) - Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts and Professor Alan Dershowitz (joint award)

2/14/20 (Right Cheek) - Attorney General William Barr (second award)

2/28/20 (Left Cheek) - Vice President Mike Pence (third award)

3/13/20 (Right Cheek) - Representative Matt Gaetz (R, FL-1)

3/27/20 (Left Cheek) - Senator Rand Paul (R, KY)

4/10/20 (Right Cheek) - The Republican Party (fifth award)

4/24/20 (Left Cheek) - Las Vegas Mayor Caroline Goodman

5/8/20 (Right Cheek) - The Screaming Idiot

5/22/20 (Left Cheek) - Secretary of State Mike Pompeo (fourth award)

6/5/20 (Right Cheek) - Senator Tom Cotton (R, AR)

6/19/20 (Left Cheek) - John Bolton

7/3/20 (Right Cheek) - The Karens

7/17/20 (Left Cheek) - Der Furor (eleventh award; lifetime achievement award rescinded)

7/31/20 (On Crack) - Representative Louis Gohmert (R, TX-1)

8/14/20 (Right Cheek) - The Attendees at the 2020 Sturgis Motorcycle Rally

8/28/20 (Left Cheek) - Secretary of State Mike Pompeo (fifth award)

9/11/20 (Right Cheek) - Attorney General William Barr (third award)

9/16/20 (Special Award) - The Republican Party (sixth award; special achievement)

9/25/20 (Left Cheek) - Senators Lindsey Graham (R, SC) and Mitt Romney (R, UT)

10/9/20 (Right Cheek) - Vice President Mike Pence (fourth award)

10/23/20 (Left Cheek) - Attorney General William Barr (fourth award)

11/6/20 (Right Cheek) - The GOP's Army of Lawyers

11/20/20 (Left Cheek) - Rudy Giuliani (third award)

12/4/20 (Right Cheek) - Michael Flynn

It says something about the "quality" of this year's nominees that Kentucky Senator "Moscow Mitch" McConnell, who was named Ass Clown of the Year for the last two years, did not rise to the level of ass-clownery needed to win this award even once in 2020. It also says something that I found it necessary to present out-of-cycle special awards not once, but twice.

Vote early, vote often, and watch for updates on the progress of the voting. Let your voice be heard. #StopTheStupid.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

There's only one Musical Sunday before Christmas this year, and I thought I'd use it to call up one of my all-time favorite holiday tunes. Marty Robbins is famous for his gunfighter ballads and songs of the Old West, but his cheerful rendition of this great Christmas tune always makes me happy.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Christmas is a mere 12 days away ... wear your masks, wash your hands, and be good boys and girls. Maybe Santa will hurry up with the delivery of some adult leadership.

More thoughts coming on Wednesday, when we announce the start of voting for the 2020 Ass Clown of the Year. See you then. 

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Sigh ...

American hero Chuck Yeager, the first man to break the sound barrier, died at the age of 97; more than 120 Republican representatives - over 60% of GOP members of the House - signed on to support a lawsuit filed by the Texas attorney general asking the Supreme Court to overturn the 2020 presidential election (but not the downballot races won by Republicans) ... which the Supreme Court dismissed in a terse, one-paragraph decision (in a second paragraph, two conservative justices said they'd have been willing to hear the case, but would have decided against it); death row inmate Brandon Bernard, the youngest person to be executed by the federal government in nearly 70 years, was executed in Indiana after last-minute clemency pleas were rejected by the Supreme Court; Russian police are searching for thieves who stole 39 pieces of radio equipment from an aircraft used as a top-secret airborne nuclear command and control center; and a Florida business owner who was once down on his luck is giving back by paying the utility bills of 114 families who were facing disconnection ... more than Congress and Der Furor combined have done for Americans in dire economic distress during the pandemic.

This week, in honor of presidents who think they're kings, a collection of cartoons about kings ...

How important decisions were announced by kings before they had Twitter ...

It works for Republican kings ...

King Furor I has adopted this method ...

It's okay, your majesty, just ignore them anyhow ...

It works for Der Furor ...

The secret to ruling ...

Sire, you have been out-tweeted! ...

Der Furor has a whole stable of messengers like that ...

It's good to be the king, eh? ...

I'll bet the pawns don't have gold toilets ...

And that's it for this royal collection of cartoons ... a laugh we sorely need that isn't provided by GOP antics. I hope you enjoyed them.

Come back tomorrow for a Christmas-themed Musical Sunday, and don't miss Wednesday's upcoming post which will launch the 2020 Ass Clown of the Year competition. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

And here we go with the first collection of editorial and signage gems for December ...

I think this bathroom accessory has a few more features than I really need ...

I hope it has a really good filtration system ...

Um ... no, thanks ...

It's not only sanitary, but nutritious ...

The GOP will go to any lengths to prevent people from smuggling illegal votes into ballot boxes ...

I'll bet it's a great fundraising technique ...

No wonder he's standing at attention ...

If you're looking for a gift for that impossible-to-buy-for fellow ...

So, what would Jesus carry (WWJC) ... an AK-47 or an AR-15, or would he go for the concealed carry?

How surprising! ...

And there you have it ... another collection of memorable editorial and signage moments. Hope you enjoyed them.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts (and laughs) then.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

For the first Poetry Sunday of December, what could be more appropriate than this marvelous and timely short poem by Gary Johnson?

December

by Gary Johnson

A little girl is singing for the faithful to come ye
Joyful and triumphant, a song she loves,
And also the partridge in a pear tree
And the golden rings and the turtle doves.
In the dark streets, red lights and green and blue
Where the faithful live, some joyful, some troubled,
Enduring the cold and also the flu,
Taking the garbage out and keeping the sidewalk shoveled.
Not much triumph going on here—and yet
There is much we do not understand.
And my hopes and fears are met
In this small singer holding onto my hand.
     Onward we go, faithfully, into the dark
     And are there angels hovering overhead? Hark.

Come, all ye faithful, and hope for the better day that will dawn on January 20th!

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

PS: I have received several questions about when voting will open for the Ass Clown of the Year Award. The official start will be on Wednesday, December 16th ... watch for that day's blog post with the official rules and summary of 2020 awards to date. Given that 2020 has been such a dumpster fire of a year, I considered starting earlier, but a two-week voting period helps keep the interest up. See you on Wednesday the 16th.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

It just gets better and better ...

The House of Representatives for the first time passed a bill to decriminalize cannabis, removing it from the list of federally controlled substances and erasing certain federal convictions for its use; public health officials in five San Francisco Bay Area counties issued a new stay-at-home order requiring some businesses to close and banning all gatherings, as the number of virus cases surge and hospitals fill; Der Furor's administration has refused to allow members of President-elect Joe Biden’s transition team to meet with officials at U.S. intelligence agencies controlled by the Pentagon, undermining efforts for a smooth transfer of power; after weeks of failed lawsuits seeking to overturn the results of the Presidential election, the Trump campaign suffered another blow this week when the Pennsylvania Supreme Court rejected efforts to reverse the commonwealth’s election results; and a 5-year-old student in Stafford County, Virginia, reportedly brought a gun to school after he grabbed the wrong backpack from the car when being dropped off.

This week, because the news is all so bad, why not a few cartoons to make us laugh about the news media?

That's pretty much how I feel most days ...

Spoiler alert!

Ah, the smell of rotting brains ...

I suspect it can be scientifically proven that anything will offend somebody, who will then file a frivolous lawsuit about it ...

I need a pair of those glasses ...

Yes, that's definitely how it works ...

"All over but the shouting" should be the expression of the year ...

I feel that old, sometimes ...

Nothing makes me want to change the channel more than a bunch of shouting heads interrupting and talking over each other ... unless it's Der Furor fulminating about his disgrace du jour ...

Sometimes, you just need to focus on the right things ...

We interrupt this post for a breaking news bulletin: the weekend has started! Be sure to come back after this message for Poetry Sunday!

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo