Kittenfishing

Back when I was in the dating pool, shortly after the earth's crust cooled, getting a date wasn't easy. Rather than the ruggedly handsome, manly stud you've come to know, I was skinny, awkward, and something of a nerd, which was an impediment to attracting the attention of the girls in whom I was most interested. But at least there were odd, 21st century dating practices I managed to avoid back then ... like kittenfishing.

I'd never heard of kittenfishing until this morning, when I stumbled on an article titled The New Dating Hazards You Need to Know About. I hadn't heard about catfishing, either, which is supposedly the dating hazard from which kittenfishing has mutated. I must lead a sheltered life.

Anyhow, kittenfishing is defined in the article as "the act of unrealistic self-presentation," for instance, using old and exceptionally flattering photos on social media and dating websites, or claiming interests one doesn't really have and experiences one has never actually experienced. Catfishing, on the other hand, is the creation of an entirely fake individual - supposedly, more attractive and engaging than oneself - for use in Internet dating.

I'm glad I'm out of the dating market. Things were hard enough back in the Paleozoic.

Have a good day, and watch out for catfishers, kittenfishers, and other such hazards of dating in the digital age. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Peak Ages, Revisited

Back in May, Mike shared in his blog a fascinating chart titled "The Age You Peak At Everything, According to Science*." And in line with my demonstrated talent for taking off on ideas already introduced by other bloggers, I thought I'd go back and look at that chart one more time, and offer my own thoughts on it ...

First of all, speaking as a linguist, age 7 as the peak age for Learning a New Language sounds about right. I pick up languages pretty easily, but I started learning German in high school and Russian in you can tell how easy it is to speak Chinese because tens of millions of little children in China speak it perfectly well ... and it's because they learned it from their earliest years.

Life Satisfaction actually peaks twice, according to this chart - at age 23 and again at age 69**. I seem to remember being fairly satisfied at age 23, but haven't made it quite to 69 yet. However, closing in on age 66, I'm already pretty content with Agnes, my retiree status, my six grandchildren, my friends, my garden, and my other hobbies. Maybe I'm just ahead of the curve. Oh, and speaking of age 23, the chart says that it's the age of Maximum Female Attractiveness to Men. I'm not sure I agree with that, though, because I think there are a lot of very attractive women out there much older than 23. As the old saying goes, the major compensation nature pays to men for getting older is that every year there are more women we find attractive.

I don't understand Happiness with Your Body peaking at age 74 ... while I'm not a complete wreck yet, I think my body was a lot firmer and more attractive back around my 20s and 30s. Women tell me today that my gray hair makes me look distinguished, which sounds better than older than rocks, so I guess I'll take it.

Vocabulary is said to peak in the late 60s and early 70s (71 on the chart). I have my doubts about how accurate this is, given that the president is 71 and I'm not especially impressed by his communicative skills.

And finally, although it's not specifically indicated on the chart, but in the accompanying text, men's attractiveness to women seems to improve with age. However, as Mike reminded me in our exchange of comments on his blog, we've probably exceeded the allowable margin of age difference ... by a few decades.

Oh, well ...

Have a good day. Get ready to excel on schedule.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* You can see the chart in its original article with the original discussion and explanations on the IFL Science website here.

** I'm not going to make any jokes about 69 producing great satisfaction.

Updating the Rules of Chivalry

It’s been said that chivalry – which I define as the quality of men being polite and respectful toward women – isn’t dead, just underemployed. Nowadays, the average man never learns the fine art of being polite and respectful toward anyone, equating it with subservience or a diminishing of his “street cred.” And the average woman, while she may appreciate an occasional polite deed or gesture, is sometimes embarrassed by the attention in what is supposed to be a gender-neutral world.

It’s tough for a man to know what today is proper and acceptable behavior toward women; after all, gestures that might have been acceptable in the 40’s or 50’s or even the 80’s and 90’s may be frowned upon by the lady of today.

I would call your attention to this interesting, somewhat tongue-in-cheek article by Lauren Bans which offers a guide to what’s acceptable and what’s not in the not-so-chivalrous 21st century. Here are a few of her takes on some of the old and new rules of chivalry … with my commentary, of course …

Old Rule: Always hold the door.
New Rule: Almost always hold the door.

A lady usually won’t mind if you open a door for her as a matter of common courtesy. After all, men sometimes open and hold doors for each other. Ms Bans recommends, though, that you not race ahead to open the door, or muscle the lady out of the way to get there first … if you’re in the right position, go ahead and do it, otherwise let her go ahead and open it herself (and, perhaps, hold it for you). Don’t use it as an excuse to ogle her backside. And regardless of who opens the door, don’t slam it in the face of the person coming up behind you.

Old Rule: The man always pays.
New Rule: If she asks, she pays.

Many ladies today are creeped out by a man who always wants to pay for everything, possibly because they feel that he’s expecting subsequent horizontal repayment. If you invited the lady out, you should pay. If she extended the invitation, let her pay. Or agree in advance to go Dutch. But if one of you is footing the bill, it’s bad form for the other to order the most expensive item on the menu.

Old Rule: Order for her.
New Rule: Never order for her.

Most of the ladies you’re likely to date can read the menu, and they’re more than capable of ordering for themselves. Let them do it. If the menu is in a foreign language, let whoever speaks the language place the order*.

Old Rule: Put your phone away.
New Rule: Put your phone away.

Unless you’re a doctor, volunteer fireman, or police officer on duty and expected to be available at a moment’s notice, turn the phone off and leave it in the car. The lady deserves your undivided attention.

Old Rule: Stand up when a lady enters the room.
New Rule: Don't get up.

This is one in which I differ from Ms Bans – I think it’s perfectly all right to stand up when a lady approaches and you are sitting down. It shows respect. And I also think it's okay to offer a seat to a lady, particularly if she's older than you are.**

Old Rule: Punch people to defend her honor.
New Rule: Do not punch people to defend her honor.

Aside from any other considerations, nowadays you never know when the person who’s bothering your date might be a gun enthusiast anxious to prove his manhood and celebrate his Second Amendment rights by packing iron in inappropriate locations. And as Ms Bans notes, most women are more than capable of getting rid of unwanted admirers on their own.

Chivalry. It's not meant to demean or embarrass anyone ... it's meant to show respect. Try it ... you may like it. Ladies, weigh in ... what sorts of well-intended but perhaps unwanted chivalrous behavior do you like or not like? Why?

Have a good day. Remember the Golden Rule***. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* It will keep you from embarrassing yourself by accidentally ordering something unexpectedly disgusting. If neither of you can read the menu and it does not feature pictures of the entrees, consider patronizing another establishment.

** A few years ago, I was on a Metro train in Washington when a young woman stood up to offer me her seat. It was a very nice gesture, but it made me feel older and more decrepit than usual.

*** Not the DC version - "Whoever has the gold, makes the rules."

Point Shaving of an Entirely Different Sort

Yesterday I was in a bit of a funk, being completely overwhelmed by my outrage at our political classes, and felt the need to engage in a full-scale rant of the sort I haven't done for a while. But now that I've gotten it out of my system, perhaps we can move on to other, more interesting (if offbeat) things.

You may be familiar with the concept of "point shaving," the system of cheating on sporting events in which, in exchange for a bribe, one or more players agree to ensure that their team will not "cover the point spread" - that is, that the team will run up a score that is outside the margin predicted by the oddsmakers. The gambler then wagers against the bribed team and is guaranteed to win.

Point shaving as such doesn't matter very much to me, as I never bet on sporting events, but I ran across an article the other day that brings a whole new meaning to the term "point shaving" - University Offers Female Students Extra Credit for Not Shaving Their Armpits.

It seems that Arizona State University professor Breanne Fahs, who teaches Women and Gender Studies, challenged her students to explore the differences in gender expectations by having her female students stop shaving their legs and underarms for the ten-week term, and keep a journal which documented the reactions they received. Male students in the class got a somewhat different assignment: they were to shave their entire body from the neck down and keep a similar journal. The point was to allow the
students to reflect on gender inequality as reflected in how society reacts to women with body hair and men without. Both the male and female students received extra credit if they shaved (or didn't) and maintained the journal. This picture accompanied an article on the program from the Arizona State University newspaper.

Now, I personally don't have an issue with whether women shave or not. I think hairy arms on a woman can be very sexy, and I never cared one way or the other about leg and underarm shaving ... probably a reflection of going to college in the late 60's and early 70's when many coeds burned their bras or stopped shaving as a perceived act of rebellion against male standards of beauty. I also lived in Europe in the late 70's and early 80's, when it was very unusual to find a woman who bothered to shave*. But I found the reactions to the story about Professor Fahs' class to be interesting ... men tended to get hysterical at the very idea that a woman would choose not to shave, and the trolls came out in force to fulminate that a lack of female depillation clearly heralded the end of civilization as we know it.

Have a good day. Shave if you want to. Or not. It's all the same to me.

Bilbo

* The situation is much different now, with most European women - at least in Western Europe - just as likely to shave as American women.

Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi?

No, Mike, I'm not talking to you.

People who speak no other French know this useful phrase, which translates as would you like to go to bed with me? It was made famous ... or, perhaps, famouser ... when it appeared in the Lady Marmelade number from the film Moulin Rouge!. Here's a version of it for your morning titillation ...

I got to thinking about this for a couple of reasons. One was Angel's recent posts on the topics of strip poker and the Coolidge Effect, and the other was a link I followed from Miss Cellania's website to a Neatorama article which, in turn, referred me to an article in the Annals of Improbable Research: “Gender Differences in Receptivity to Sexual Offers.”

According to a study originally published in 1989 in The Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality, five women and four men were sent, one at a time, onto a college campus. Each approached strangers of the opposite sex, and said: “I have been noticing you around campus. I find you to be very attractive.” They then invited the strangers to have sex.

This experiment was designed to test the cultural stereotype that men want sex, and women set the limits. It was performed twice, once in 1978, and again in 1982, with the same results: the great majority of men were willing to dance the horizontal tango with the women who approached them; however, not one woman agreed to do so when approached by the men.

So, what does this mean to you and I?

Two things. First, if you're a guy, your odds of scoring aren't very good. Second, if you're a lady, you instinctively understand how to use the handle with which men come equipped.

Good thing I'm too old to worry about all that stuff any more.

Have a good day. Consider taking up chess or bridge ... losing is less embarrassing.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Rest Room Etiquette, Part 2: Men, Women, and the Position of the Seat

As I write this, I'm sitting in the dark, cold house ... our power went out during the night during a fierce windstorm (that is still going on), and it's still out, with no estimated time to restoration. Happily, my laptop and trusty portable hotspot were both fully charged, my emergency portable radio has plenty of batteries, and we have lots of flashlights, so you don't need to be denied your daily dose of Bilbo's rambling ruminations. Aren't you lucky?

The other day we discussed the etiquette of how men choose the right urinal in public restrooms. Today, we take a look at another aspect of restroom etiquette.

One of the standard jokes about men and women deals with their approach to toilets ... specifically, whether or not the seat has been left up or down after the business has been completed. Women complain that men always leave the seat up; men complain that women are too ... uh ... anal ... about the position of the seat.

Given the success of the diagram I posted to help men determine the right urinal to use, I thought it might help if I prepared another diagram to help men and women manage their approaches to the eternal problem of what to do with the toilet seat (click to supersize) ...

You might want to post a copy of this in the bathroom at home. It couldn't hurt.

Have a good day, no matter what position the seat is in. If your power is out, I hope it comes back on soon.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo