Cartoon Saturday

29 miners are dead after a horrifying disaster at a West Virginia coal mine with a long history of dangerous safety violations; the president of Poland and his wife have apparently been killed in a plane crash; more than 200 people are known dead in massive mudslides in Brazil; according to the United Nations Children's Fund, a 12-year-old Yemeni bride died of internal bleeding following intercourse three days after she was married off to a man at least twice her age; and gentle, peace-loving Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmedinejad announced yesterday that his even-tempered and peace-loving nation has "fully mastered nuclear technology," bringing a nuclear weapon that much closer to someone who has threatened to wipe other countries off the map.

All rise for Cartoon Saturday...needed now more than ever.

As part of the movement to bring skyrocketing health care costs under control, many hospitals are looking to capitalize on older and less-costly technologies...

Sometimes, you've just gotta feel old in the presence of all this modern technology...

But sometimes, though, you want technology to come to the rescue...

If you're a fan of the over-the-top TV thriller 24, this is pretty funny. If you're not, well, just move on, folks, nothing to see here...

Do you ever worry about your prescription drugs after reading the huge list of possible side effects? It's an older problem than you think...

And finally, it's possible to take truth in advertising a bit too far...


It looks like it's going to be a nice weekend here in Disneyland on the Potomac...the sun is singing, the birds are shining, and the Republicans and Democrats are squalling. A normal day, just with better weather.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

I'm Taking Friday Off

From blogging, that is.

I have a lot to do this morning before heading out to slay the work dragons, so I'm going to just take a day off from the blog. I know you'll understand. And if you don't, well, there are about 200,000,000 other blogs out there to choose from. You'll probably be able to find one you like.

Anyhow, Cartoon Saturday will be here tomorrow. See that you are, too.

Have a good day. Back tomorrow.

Bilbo

Why I'm Not a Lawyer

Because I know who my parents are, ha, ha.

But seriously, folks...

Every once in a while, something I write here gets people riled up enough to make comments that make me rethink my original position...or, at least, the passions that led to my original position.

A week or so ago, I wrote in this space (read it here) about a court decision I found utterly incomprehensible: the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals decision in the case of Snyder v. Phelps. You can read the decision yourself at the link, but the Readers' Digest version is that the court rejected a suit filed by Albert Snyder, the father of a Marine killed in Iraq, against the Westboro Baptist Church for privacy invasion, intentional infliction of emotional distress and civil conspiracy, and ordered Mr Snyder to pay some $16,000 to the church to compensate it for costs incurred in fighting the suit. You may recall that the Westboro Baptist Church is notorious for its demonstrations at the funerals of military personnel, in which they praise the deaths and mutilations of these personnel as God's punishment of the United States for condoning what it believes is the sin of homosexuality.

I got several really excellent comments on that post, but two especially are worth your time to go back and read: one by my friend and part-time nemesis the Eminence Grise, and the other from my old high-school friend Ed, now a practicing attorney.

Ed's comment in particular made me go back and think about what I wrote, and why. His comment begins,

"Let me be the devil's advocate (and in the case of Phelps that's pretty close to the truth). Of course Phelps and his brood are vile and their speech is offensive beyond description. However, freedom of speech does not apply only to inoffensive speech; in fact, it is only offensive speech that needs protection, as no one would attack it if they were not offended. As I like to say, you don't need the First Amendment to protect your right to say 'Have a nice day.'"

He's right, of course. And he goes on to write a very good defense of the court's decision on the suit, if not on its awarding of the court costs to the defendants. Although I had read the decision (all 44 agonizingly legal pages of it) before writing my piece, I was writing from my passionate heart and not from my legalistic brain...as a result, I let my passions get away from me and got away from the real issue: that the First Amendment protects all speech, particularly the speech we may not want to hear. I still think that Phelps and his clan are despicable human beings with religious beliefs that are incomprehensible to normal people ... but Ed is right: their demonstration at the Snyder funeral was being conducted in full compliance with the law, and their speech is as constitutionally protected as is mine in this blog. The court decision offers a wonderful quote from an earlier decision that's worth re-quoting:

"Notwithstanding the distasteful and repugnant nature of the words being challenged in these proceedings, we are constrained to conclude that the Defendants’ signs and Epic are constitutionally protected. To paraphrase our distinguished colleague Judge Hall, judges defending the Constitution 'must sometimes share [their] foxhole with scoundrels of every sort, but to abandon the post because of the poor company is to sell freedom cheaply. It is a fair summary of history to say that the safeguards of liberty have often been forged in controversies involving not very nice people.'"

It's worth your time to read the full decision. It will make you think, and it will make you grateful for the Constitutionally-protected freedom of speech all of us - especially the most disgusting - enjoy.

Thanks, Ed. I don't think I could be a lawyer, but I'm glad you are, and I appreciated the comment.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - remember the old quote from Hansell B. Duckett ... "What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to." True then, true now.

B.

You Knew It Was Coming Sooner or Later...

Yes, friends, if you've been sitting there waiting for the other shoe to fall, wait no longer: the first airline has announced plans to charge for ... carry-on luggage.

Spirit Airlines announced yesterday that it will begin charging between 20 and 45 dollars for carry-on bags which must be placed in an overhead bin on board the aircraft. In a magnificent bit of 1984-style Newspeak, a spokesman for Spirit Airlines tried to put the best spin on the new charge by saying, "In addition to lowering fares even further, this will reduce the number of carry-on bags, which will improve inflight safety and efficiency by speeding up the boarding and deplaning process."

While it's true that I have often been frustrated by people who block aisles and delay boarding and deplaning as they try to stuff bags the size of upright pianos into overhead bins, I blame the airlines for not making them check those bags at the gate. Charging an extra fee for carry-on bags has nothing to do with improving safety and efficiency - it has to do with making money. And nobody with a functioning brain (that leaves out most Republicans and Democrats) can possibly believe that this new fee will result in "lowering fares even further." I must have missed the part where they were lowered in the first place.

I sometimes envy my online friend Craziequeen and her ability to escape to the 14th century. I wonder if the local lord charged extra for baggage loaded on mules?

Inquiring minds want to know. Sort of.

Have a good day. Pack less.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

A Short Book Review and a Fun Contest

The "commuting book" that's been keeping me company on the bus and metro the last week or so is a fascinating volume by Deborah Blum titled The Poisoner's Handbook: Murder and the Birth of Forensic Medicine in Jazz Age New York, and it's wonderful. Not a book to be read while eating, to be sure, but a great read for anyone interested in crime, punishment, and history.

Agnes and I are big fans of the TV shows Bones and NCIS, both of which feature forensic sciences as key parts of their plots, and Ms Blum's book tells us how the modern science of forensic medicine grew out of the study of poisons and the establishment of the first true professional medical examiner's office in the United States. The book is divided into chapters which focus on various poisons (Arsenic, Chloroform, Wood Alcohol, Cyanides, Mercury, Radium, etc.), and although packed with scientific detail, it's written in a light, fast-moving style that often reads more like a popular whodunit than a work of history. If you're interested in science, history, police science, or all three, you will love this book. I got it from the library, but as soon as it's out in paperback, I'm going to buy it for my library.

Another one of my guilty pleasures is the weekly "Style Invitational" contest that appears in the Washington Post every Saturday. Each week, it offers a different bizarre, humorous contest with off-the-wall prizes, and some of the entries are truly hysterical.

This past Saturday was the annual appearance of the contest called "Post Time," in which the paper lists 100 of the horses eligible for the annual Triple Crown races (the Kentucky Derby, the Belmont Stakes, and the Preakness), then asks you to pick any two (regardless of sex), mate them, and name the foal. The contest hinges, of course, on the fact that foals of prize horses are usually given a name that combines elements of the names of the sire and dam. One of the examples given in the paper suggests you could mate the horses "Dublin" and "Odysseus" and get a foal named "Bloomsday." You can check out the contest - and enter it - here. I have a bunch of entries to submit...I'll share them with you after the deadline (next Monday).

That's all for today. Time to be off to the races ... so to speak.

Have a good day. Don't poison anyone. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Dream Jobs

You may recall that in my post of March 28th (Something Else to Worry About), I wrote about the need to counter the latest insidious terrorist threat: exploding breast implants (I am not making this up, as Dave Barry would have said). You may also recall that I selflessly volunteered to help the TSA screen for these dastardly, murderous bosoms...one has to do one's patriotic duty, after all.

Well, it occurred to me that, as enjoyable and rewarding as such a job might be 99 out of 100 times, that 100th time might be...well...rather unpleasant.

So I'm looking for another - safer - dream job, and I think I may have found it.

According to this article on CNN, an Irish travel agency called Runaway Bride and Groom is having a contest to hire for the "ultimate job in Ireland" - "honeymoon testers."

Yes, friends, if you win this contest, you and your beloved (maybe even your husband or wife) can have a job visiting exotic resorts around the world on someone elses dime, evaluating those resorts for suitability as honeymoon destinations.

I've already submitted about 7,000 entries. I'll let you know how it comes out.

In other job-related news, we have determined that our granddaughter Leya - at age 2-1/2 - is destined to become an optometrist. Her latest thing is "fixing" Oma and Opa's glasses...which means taking them off, then putting them back on (usually sticking the arms of the glasses into an eye or an ear) and adjusting them by pushing on the lenses until the glasses are firmly seated against the eyeballs. Those of you familiar with toddlers can imagine the condition of the lenses once this activity has been completed...

I wonder if the outcome is covered under my health insurance?

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Happy Easter!

It's a glorious spring day here in Disneyland on the Potomac, and today is Easter Sunday, the day Christians believe Jesus rose from the dead.

Actually, Easter does not commemorate an exact date, like the Fourth of July or the 25th of December as Christmas...it's what's known as a "movable feast," meaning that it does not fall on the same date each year. The date of Easter (and, hence, all the other dates that depend upon it, from Ash Wednesday through Lent and Good Friday) is calculated by determining the Sunday which follows the full moon that falls on or after the vernal (spring) equinox.

Heck, I have enough trouble simply remembering everyone's birthdays (just ask my daughter-in-law).

Anyhow, today is Easter. Devout Christians celebrate it in church, children awake to find colorful baskets filled with candy and dyed eggs, and the President and First Lady sponsor the annual White House Easter Egg Roll (which will actually be held tomorrow on the White House lawn). Republicans, of course, will reflexively boycott the Easter Egg Roll this year if only because President Obama is hosting it; while Democrats will boycott it because they can't all agree on why they should support it in the first place.

That's life here in DotP.

But it's Spring, and the cherry blossoms are out in profusion around the city...

Yesterday I planted my new basil and rosemary seedlings, and got a start on clearing away the wreckage left by our miserable winter...the heaps of dead leaves, the broken branches, and the general mess...not to mention the 756,000,000 dandelions that are already shooting up all over the place. Today, before we head down to visit our local grandchildren, I hope to get still more of the mess cleared away, and perhaps get a few more flowers planted.

Spring has sprung, as they say, and at times like this I have to ask myself:

"Why on earth are you sitting at the computer when it's so nice outside?"

Good question. It's time to go.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

A boatload of Somali pirates lost their boat, weapons, and pride when they attacked a ship whose call for help was answered by the destroyer USS Farragut; unknown gunmen murdered 25 people in an Iraqi village; singer Erykah Badu faces a misdemeanor disorderly conduct charge from Dallas, Texas police after stripping while walking down an Dallas street (it was apparently for a music video); the economy added 162,000 jobs in March...not surprisingly, Republicans are blaming President Obama because the number wasn't higher; and a domestic extremist group has sent letters to 30 state governors, demanding they resign as part of their "Restore America Plan"...which calls for those governors to "be removed" if they don't resign.

Oh, baby, do we ever need Cartoon Saturday.

You might need to think about this one for a minute, but clowns are always good for a cartoon...

I always thought that the advertising line ought to be "paying for a diamond is forever." This is, after all, the industry that told you it was appropriate to spend three months' salary (assuming you actually still have a job) for that rock to show your affection...

You've gotta do what you've gotta do...

The importance of good communication...and pronunciation...

Another one of those "gotta look closely" cartoons...

And finally, for those of you who still believe in that "trickle-down economics" voodoo thing...

It's going to be a gorgeous Easter weekend here in Northern Virginia...time to get my garden planted and continue the ongoing work of fixing the wreckage of my landscaping left in the wake of last winter's blizzards. Good thing I like staying busy.

Have a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The Finer Points of Child Rearing

My fifth grandchild, Elise, is a week and a half old today, which causes reflections on being a grandparent. And on the whole subject of bringing up children.

As it happens, my friend Bob has sent me this interesting list, which I republish as a service to parents everywhere, old and new...the official Frequently-Asked Questions of Child Rearing:

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q: What is the most common craving during pregnancy?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him).

Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
A: Whatever she says divided by two.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

Don't thank me. It's all part of the service.

Oh, and by the way, this is Elise with her Opa:


There's no better way to improve your image than to have a cute grandchild.

Have a good day. Cartoon Saturday is coming.

Bilbo

Why Religious Rule Isn't a Very Good Idea

Just a short reminder of why it's a good thing to live in a country where religious extremism does not rule your life...and death: Saudi Arabia has announced that Lebanese entertainer Ali Hussain Sibat, a married father of five, will be beheaded tomorrow (Friday) after the Saudi Justice Ministry confirmed his death sentence for ... sorcery.

Yes, Mr Sibat,the former host of a popular call-in show on Beirut-based satellite TV channel "Sheherazade," was condemned to death for telling viewers would predict the future on his show and give out advice to his audience. He was arrested by the Saudi Arabian religious police (known as the Mutawa'een) and charged with sorcery while visiting the merciful and compassionate country in May 2008 to perform an Islamic religious pilgrimage.

If you think that rule by religious authorities is a good thing, you might want to take a few notes about what it's like to live in a country that's trying its best to return to the golden days of the seventh century.

In a related story, Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, a Malaysian model who was sentenced by an Islamic court last year to six strokes of a cane for drinking beer in public has had her sentence commuted following an international outpouring of outrage. Ms Shukarno will instead be required to perform three weeks of community service beginning on Friday...the same day that the enlightened and government of Saudi Arabia is planning to behead Mr Sibat for sorcery. In Ms Shukarno's case, I suppose it's a good thing that she didn't try to predict the future while drinking beer...who knows what might have happened.

And just in case you thought that religious extremism was limited to the Islamic world, nine members of an ultraconservative militia that calls itself "Hutaree" (a name they say means "Christian warrior") are in custody after authorities broke up a plot to murder a Michigan police officer, then attack other police at his funeral. The "Hutaree" group's web page says the group is "Preparing for the end time battles to keep the testimony of Jesus Christ alive." I wonder what Jesus would have to say about that.

Deeply-held religious beliefs can be a comfort in times of trial and a source of ethical and compassionate behavior. They can also be a horrifying justification for the very worst in human behavior.

Let's all think carefully about the kind of country we really want to have.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo