I Resign

To Whom It May Concern:

I hereby officially tender my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a 6-year-old instead.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four-star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks.

I want to think M&M's are better than money, because you can eat them.

I want to play kickball during recess and paint with watercolors in the park.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, addition tables and simple nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.

I want to return to a time when all you knew was to be happy because you didn't know all the things that should make you worried and upset.

I want to think that the world is fair. That everyone in it is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible.

Somewhere in my youth, I matured and learned too much. I learned of nuclear weapons, war, prejudice, starvation and abused children.

I learned of lies, unhappy marriages, suffering, illness, pain and death.

I learned of a world where men left their families to go and fight for our country, and returned only to end up living on the streets begging for their next meal.

I learned of a world where children knew how to kill - and did!

What happened to the time when we thought that everyone would live forever, because we didn't grasp the concept of death? When we thought the worst thing in the world was if someone took the jump rope from you, or picked you last for kickball? I want to be oblivious to the complexity of life and be overly excited by little things once again.

I want to return to the days when reading was fun, and music was clean. When television was used to report the news or for family entertainment and not to promote sex, violence and deceit.

I remember being naive and thinking that everyone was happy because I was. I would walk on the beach and only think of the sand between my toes and the prettiest seashell I could find...not tar balls and oil sheen and birds covered with sludge. I would spend my afternoons climbing trees and riding my bike. I didn't worry about time, bills, or where I was going to find the money to fix my car. I used to wonder what I was going to do or be when I grew up, not worry about what I'll do if this doesn't work out.

I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind and making angels in the snow.

I want to be 6 again.

This resignation is effective immediately.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Yet Another Snarky Question About Health Care

Yesterday I offered a tongue-in-cheek satirical post that provided answers to frequently asked questions about health care reform. The topic of health care is, of course, a serious one on which reasonable people (if you can find any nowadays) can disagree. Back on March 29th, I wrote a post titled Health Care Reform Yardstick in which I asked a few questions that nobody working the issues of health care reform appeared to be answering...or even considering. A week before that, on March 21st, I asked some other Questions About Health Care. If you want to go back and read those again, go ahead...I'll wait.

So...

At the risk of sounding like a one-note trumpet, I still have all the same questions, and have so far amassed exactly NO answers. I even have a new one:

The "public option," which I understand to mean a single-payer, government-run national health-care insurance system, has been savagely vilified by many commentators whose arguments seem to boil down to one thing: I don't want any #$@%! government bureaucrat making decisions about my health care!

Well, here's a news flash for those of you who have been mindlessly parroting that old bromide: bureaucrats are already making decisions about your health care. The only difference is that they work for insurance companies, and not for the government. Remember, if you will, that insurance companies are profit-driven businesses...delivering health care insurance is their way of making money for their shareholders.

So riddle me this, Batman: is it worse to have decisions about your health care made by a government bureaucrat who (at least in theory) is a public servant not motivated by maximizing profits while minimizing costs, or by an insurance company worker whose livelihood depends on maximizing profits while minimizing costs?

I'm just asking the question...not advocating a position.

I was thinking about this because I recently received a letter from my insurance company titled: "Status of your out-of-pocket maximum." This letter told me that, as of May 29th, I had completed 0.71% of my annual out-of-pocket maximum, while Agnes had completed 0.00%. It went on to say that "Th(is) information is intended to help you understand and manage your health care spending."

So, what does this actually mean and how does it help me "understand and manage my health care spending?" If I get sick, I'm going to the doctor. If I have a painful toothache, I'm going to the dentist. What's to "understand and manage?" And what happens when I reach the (very large) "out of pocket maximum?" Does the insurance company start paying 100%? I don't think so.

No answers today, just more questions.

I've given up on getting the answers.

Have a good day. Stay healthy...you can't afford not to.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care Reform

If you are hopelessly confused about the intricacies of health care reform, you are not alone. After all, it was written to be understood by lawyers and medical professionals, not by Real People. But as a public service, I have done a great deal of research and have compiled an initial set of answers to frequently-asked questions (FAQ's, for those of you who live on the net) about health care reform...

What does HMO stand for?

This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.

Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

No. Only those you need.

I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?

Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry - the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away!

What are pre-existing conditions?

This term refers to conditions which require treatment, but which are not covered by your insurance. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it.

Can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?

Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?

Poke yourself in the eye.

I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap. My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery, but I'd already paid my bill. What should I do?

You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill farms or frog hatcheries.

What should I do if I get sick while traveling?

Try sitting in a different part of the bus.

No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?

You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick.

I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?

Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $25 co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.

What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?

Analysts disagree, but generally agree on two factors: doctors trying to recoup their investment losses, and lawyers looking for a Big Score.

Will health care be any different in the next century?

No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

I hope this helps remove some of the mystery surrounding health care reform. If you would like to read the text of the bill, you can do it here. Of course, before you do that you should ensure that your insurance covers eye damage from reading 1990 pages of dense legalese.

But it probably won't. Good luck.

Have a good day. Stay healthy. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Dressing for Success. Or Not.

Years ago I worked in a military office in which we routinely wore civilian clothing. Many of my young soldiers and airmen had never had the experience of working in a professional office environment, and sometimes needed a little guidance on how to dress appropriately. Blue jeans and t-shirts were one thing, but I reached the limit when a young lady showed up for work one morning wearing a hot pink track suit. She looked like a stick of bubble gum, and I sent her home to change clothes.

There are many things they don't teach you how to handle in ROTC.

Nowadays I wear civilian clothes all the time, being a civilian again. This is not an easy thing for someone with wacky color vision, but since I have Agnes to help vet my wardrobe each day, I manage well enough. And we won't even talk about having to wear a tie every day.

Well, I told you all that to set up this series of memos which tell the story of 'Casual Friday'...

Memo #1: "Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as 'Casual Day' so employees may express their diversity."

Memo #2: "Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are inappropriate attire for Casual Day, as are string ties, rodeo belt buckles and moccasins."

Memo #3: "Casual Day refers to dress, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember: Image is one key to our success!"

Memo #4: "A seminar and fashion show on 'How to Dress for Casual Day' will be held today at 4 in the cafeteria. Attendance mandatory."

Memo #5: "As a result of last week's seminar, the new 14-member Casual Day Task Force will prepare guidelines on proper dress."

Memo #6: "The Casual Day Task Force has attached its 30-page manual, 'Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards' to this email. Review the chapter entitled 'You Are What You Wear' and consult the 'Home Casual Versus Business Casual' checklist before leaving home each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative. "

Memo #7: "Effective immediately, Casual Day has been discontinued because of lack of participation. "

Isn't that just how it goes?

Have a good day. Dress appropriately. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The Mosque at Ground Zero

Consider for a moment this bit of alternative history...

Nineteen young American Christians plot to kill Muslims. They do this because their radical parish priests tell them the Bible demands it and they will be rewarded in heaven for their act. The men hijack airliners and crash them into the Grand Mosque in Mecca, killing more than 3,000 people. Saudis, horrified at this act, decide that a good way to help ease tensions between the Muslim world and everyone else would be to erect a Christian church near the hole where the Grand Mosque used to be.

Okay, you can stop laughing now.

As you are no doubt aware (and if you're not, you should be), the American Society for Muslim Advancement and the Cordoba Initiative have obtained local endorsement for a controversial plan to build a 13-story Islamic community center including a mosque, performing art center, gym, swimming pool and other public spaces not far from the site of Ground Zero. It is not being referred to as an "Islamic" center, but the prominent inclusion of a mosque leaves little doubt as to what it is.

As I wrote in the introduction to yesterday's Cartoon Saturday post, I think this is an appallingly bad and grossly insensitive idea. And I think it's being supported by well-meaning people who have not thought through the implications of what it is they are doing.

The United States is a nation founded on the ideal of religious freedom...that every person has the right to worship God (or not) according to the dictates of his own conscience. The first amendment to the Constitution begins with these words: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..." The founders had seen what evils could arise when religious beliefs were abused by kings and princes, and they wanted none of it in the new nation they were founding.

Islam is completely alien to this concept of religious liberty. You are a Muslim, or you are an infidel. It is the duty of every Muslim to spread the faith, by force if necessary. If you are a Christian living in a Muslim-ruled land, you can exist (although not worship openly) by paying a tax to the religious authorities. Or you can be killed if you refuse to convert to Islam. The Islamic faith sees no division between the power of the mosque and the power of the state...there is no equivalent to Jesus' injunction in Mark 12:17 to "Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's." This is why the billions of dollars we pay for Saudi Arabian oil each year help to ensure that Saudi religious textbooks - including those shipped to this country for use in Saudi-funded Islamic schools - vilify Christians and Jews. You cannot build a church or synagogue in Saudi Arabia, nor can you openly worship there in any faith other than Islam. All of this goes back to the devil's bargain made between the al-Saud family and the forces of the brutally intolerant Wahhabi sect many years ago...and it's why the Saudi government will never be able to crack down on the worst excesses of Islamic radicals. They depend on them.

Islamic believers and apologists stress that Islam is a religion of peace and justice. What they neglect to mention is that this peace and justice applies to Muslims...not necessarily to infidels who worship according to other belief systems.

Make no mistake: I have no problem with anyone who wishes to be a Muslim or hold Islamic beliefs. But I believe it is important to note that Muslims believe the Koran is the final, unchangeable, revealed word of God...that every single word is definitive and must be accepted. There is no room for interpretation. There are most certainly some very bloodthirsty parts of the Bible, particularly in the books of Leviticus and Deuteronomy...but there aren't priests and ministers telling impressionable young people today to go out and burn, stone, or kill sinners. On the other hand, there are a considerable number of firebrand Muslim clerics who encourage their congregations to murder those who are of other faiths...or even those who are insufficiently Islamic (consider the terrible violence between Shia and Sunni Muslims in Iraq).

The gulf of hatred and mistrust between Muslims and other religions will not be bridged by building "community centers" near the sites of atrocities committed by Muslims. It will not be bridged by Muslim apologists who tell us that they are good people and the rest of us just need to be more understanding and accommodating.

It will be bridged when Muslims take a hard look at the tenets of their faith and recognize that they are no longer living in sixth century Arabia. When Muslims of good will (and I don't doubt that there are some) start rising up and taking action against the uncompromising religious bigots who murder and oppress in the name of their faith, I'll start taking them seriously. Until then, I believe that even thinking about putting a mosque anywhere near Ground Zero is a slap in the face of those who were murdered by Islamic extremists on September 11, 2001.

I'm sick to death of being told that it's my job to understand and accept Muslims. If they want to live in the United States and practice their faith, fine. But I believe it's their job to understand and accommodate themselves to the rest of the world.

Not that it will ever happen.

No mosque at Ground Zero. Ever. Period.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Israel is still weathering a storm of criticism for its botched attempt to stop a flotilla of ships attempting to deliver aid to Gaza; McDonalds has recalled 12 million drinking glasses featuring the characters from the Shrek movies, which were found to be contaminated with cadmium; although a cap is in place over the broken well head, oil continues to pour into the Gulf of Mexico, fouling beaches and marshlands for hundreds of miles in an unprecedented ecological disaster; a man once suspected in the murder of American high-school student Natalee Holloway in Aruba has been arrested and charged with the murder of another young woman in Peru; a four-year-old boy in Florida has survived a seven-story fall from the balcony of his parents' apartment; and passions continue to run high over a controversial proposal to build a mosque and Islamic culture center near Ground Zero (which, for the record, I think is an appallingly bad and grossly insensitive idea).

If you didn't have Cartoon Saturday to help you get past all the ass-clownery, how would you cope?

Since last week's Cartoon Saturday was preempted by the family reunion in Pittsburgh, we'll give you a few bonus cartoons this week. See, Bilbo takes care of you.

There are tourist attractions, and there are tourist attractions...

Speaking of useless signs...

Isn't it about time Hollywood remade and updated some of the classic Westerns...?

Someone must have been a fly on the wall at my last checkup...

The test results are in...
More test results are in...

Did you ever wonder what they grow on the ... oh, never mind ...

And finally, a clever ptake on an old joke ...

It looks as if it may be a rainy and stormy weekend here in Northern Virginia, so perhaps it'll be another good opportunity to finish cleaning out my study. Or not. It'll get done someday.

Have a good day and a relaxing weekend. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Vindication of Attitude

My daughter Yasmin, who knows me about as well as anybody else and still loves me anyhow, sent me a link yesterday to this marvelous article from the BBC News health department: Feeling Grumpy 'Is Good for You.'

The story tells of the work of an Australian psychologist named Joe Forgas who has studied emotions, and his discovery that "...in contrast to those annoying happy types, miserable people are better at decision-making and less gullible." Professor Forgas goes on to note that "While cheerfulness fosters creativity, gloominess breeds attentiveness and careful thinking."

Speaking as a practicing curmudgeon, I am pleased to see my world view vindicated by a scientific study.

The study determined that a grumpy person can cope with more demanding situations than a happy one because his brain processes information better...people who are in a bad mood make fewer mistakes and communicate better than those who are consistently cheerful. Professor Forgas noted that while a positive mood seems to promote creativity, flexibility, co-operation and reliance on mental shortcuts, a negative one triggers more attentive, careful thinking, and a tendency to pay greater attention to one's surroundings.

So turn over that new leaf and join me in viewing the world through morose-colored glasses. You'll think better and more efficiently, and you'll feel better every time you shake your head in bemused contempt at the political and religious shenanigans that intrude upon your day.

Curmudgeons rule!

Have a good day. Cartoon Saturday is coming...

Bilbo

Of Grasshoppers and Governments

The other day I ran across this article in Live Science: West Poised for Worst Grasshopper Outbreak in 30 Years. Yes, it appears that in parts of the American West, grasshoppers are breeding in enormous numbers, raising the threat of huge swarms of the wee beasties (head nod to Fiona) rolling across the landscape.

Grasshoppers. They were one of the plagues God visited on the Egyptians (okay, He sent locusts, same thing), and they're still around, periodically swarming in vast numbers to eat everything that grows in their path. And they make a convenient analogy as well...who can forget the grasshopper-ish words in the Declaration of Independence, in which King George III was castigated because, among other things, "He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance."

Come to think of it, isn't this what our conservative brethren are always raging about when they thunder about the evils of big government...right before they rage about all the things big government isn't doing for them?

Grasshoppers and governments. Not two things one usually thinks of in the same context, but not a bad combination at the moment.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Big Cities

I remember reading somewhere that if you are one in a million in China, then there are a million more people out there just like you. I don't know if that's completely true or not, but I found this marvelously interesting graphic yesterday that puts the population of China in perspective...it shows all the cities in China with a population over one million (click to enlarge):

According to this chart, there are 60 cities in China (including Hong Kong and Taiwan) with a population exceeding 1 million souls. That's a lot of people, and a lot of big cities. And I've never heard of most of them. The fifth largest city in China is Dongguan, with a population of 10,000,000...yes, I said ten million. Ever heard of it? I hadn't. Only Paris, Los Angeles, and New York in the West are larger...and the figures for the Chinese cities are from 2007 - so this chart is already three years out of date!

Wow. That's a lot of people to feed, house, and supply with fresh water and electricity.

The source of the information used in this graphic is Demographia.com, a fascinating website for urban planners and policy researchers that has more demographic information about more places than you could ever want to know.

No particular message for today...just a really neat graphic that even Edward Tufte could appreciate.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - boy, that's a lot of Chinese, isn't it?

B.

Driving Bilbo Crazy

There are a lot of people that drive me crazy. Well, maybe not drive me crazy...Agnes would tell you it's not more than a short putt. Be that as it may, there really are some people who seem to go out of their way to make me pull out what's left of my formerly-brown hair. Republicans, Democrats, Tea Party loonies, gun nuts, far-left wackos ...

... and stupid drivers.

Yes, there's nothing quite like driving from Northern Virginia to Pittsburgh via the Pennsylvania Turnpike on a holiday weekend to give you a warm feeling toward your fellow man. Here are a few species of drivers we could do without:

1. People who move into the left lane and stay there, driving at least 10 mph below the rest of the traffic.

2. Huge trucks roaring uphill on a two-lane stretch of road at 3 mph, with one trying to pass the other.

3. People who are in the left lane with their left blinker on, who then realize that THIS is their exit, and roar across all lanes of traffic to cut you off as they exit to the right.

4. People who don't realize that a turn signal is actually meant to indicate a coming turn, and just turn it on so they can watch the pretty blinking light on the dash.

5. People who slow down to 4 angstroms per fortnight to make a turn, and then switch on their turn signal while halfway through the turn. And it's the signal on the opposite side from the direction of the turn.

6. People who pull up to a turnpike toll plaza and park at the gate before searching high and low for their toll ticket. Then, having found it, they search the entire car for the money to pay the toll. And then they try to pay a $6.00 toll with a $100 bill.

That's all. If you recognized yourself on this list, consider yourself the recipient of a digital finger.

Okay, it's all out of my system now.

Until next trip.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo