Happy Valentine's Day

Today we celebrate Valentine's Day - a day dedicated to love and romance, or at least to general once-a-year approximations of the same. The truth is that Valentine's Day is the public front for a sinister conspiracy on the part of the world's florists, greeting card manufacturers, candy makers, restauranteurs, and jewelers dedicated to separating insecure men from their money by preying on their fears of displeasing their women. Men have always known this, but are afraid to admit it. Women have always known it, but accept it as their due for putting up with men for the rest of the year.

The tradition of sending cards or notes on Valentine's Day goes back to - appropriately enough - Saint Valentine, a Christian martyr who lived in the third century and was put to death on - also appropriately enough - February 14th. St Valentine had been imprisoned and sentenced to death for performing clandestine weddings of young Roman men in defiance of the emperor, who needed lots of young, single men to flesh out his army. Valentine fell in love with the daughter of his jailor, and before he was led away to death, he supposedly passed her a note signed, "With Love from your Valentine."

Awwwww...

I used to host a weekly radio program on WEBR, the public access radio station here in Fairfax County, and each year during Valentine's Day week I'd host my "Anti-Valentine's Day Show." The playlist included hits like, "I Hate Myself for Loving You" (by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts); "Love Stinks" (by the J. Geils Band); "Love is a Battlefield" (by Pat Benatar); and "D-I-V-O-R-C-E" (by Tammy Wynette). It tended to be my most popular show each year, at least in terms of the number of on-air calls received. Coincidence? I think not.

How about a few cartoons for Valentine's Day? ...

Such is life for us men ...

Cupid tries to keep up-to-date with the technology ...

This one's pretty obvious, if you think about it ...

And finally, do other species observe their own version of Valentine's Day? One wonders ...

And who can pass Valentine's Day without enjoying the timeless classic by Spike Jones and His City Slickers, "You Always Hurt the One You Love" ...

But nevertheless, I'll take a moment to shelve the cynicism for a moment and wish - via this classic poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning - a happy Valentine's Day to Andrea, Amanda, Angel, Peggy, Buggie, Fiona, Heidi, and all my other digital heartthrobs out there in the blogosphere ...

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints — I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Happy Valentines Day, ladies! Men, good luck ... you'll need it.

Have a good day. Come back for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

How Your Government is Saving Money on Travel

With the looming threat of sequestration* just two weeks away, agencies of your federal government are taking draconian measures to reduce their spending in expectation of massive, across-the-board budget reductions.

At the Department of Defense (DoD to insiders), one area which is being sharply reduced is travel funding. Military personnel are frequently sent from their normal duty stations on short (179 days or less) trips known as temporary duty (or TDY)**, and there are special budgets set aside to pay for such trips. The rules for what can and can't be paid and how travel reimbursements are calculated are contained in an enormous volume known as the Joint Travel Regulations, or JTR, which is utterly unintelligible except to lawyers and accountants.

In order to reduce the cost of TDY (or TAD) travel, the JTR documents are being updated with special rules driven by the inability or unwillingness of Congress to do its job. Here are a few of the changes which will be going into effect immediately:

Part 1 - Lodging:

a) All DOD personnel performing temporary duty (TDY) are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on government business travel. 

b) If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Travelers may bring their own tents, if desired. 

c) Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather. 

d) For a small (non-reimbursable) fee, the National Geospatial Intelligence Agency will provide traveling personnel with maps showing the locations of:

(1) Steam grates which will allow comfortable sleeping in colder climates.

(2) Empty, abandoned, or under-construction buildings which can provide shelter.

(3) Caves.

e)  Sleeping in government facilities during or off-duty is henceforth prohibited for TDY/TAD personnel.

Part 2 - Transportation: 

a) Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests and flashlights with translucent red cones will be issued to all personnel prior to their departure on TDY but must be returned upon completion of travel. Traveler is responsible for any damage or stains and will reimburse the government for cleaning and/or repair. Replacement of flashlight batteries will be at the traveller's expense.

b) Bicycle, cross-country skis and horse rentals do not qualify for mileage or reimbursement. 

c) Bus transportation will be used only when work schedules require such travel. Personnel are expected to travel on foot; this not only saves transportation funds, but also contributes to personal fitness, reducing long-term medical costs.

d) Airline tickets will be authorized only in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Washington D.C., but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Omaha, NE, then travel to Omaha will be substituted for travel to Washington D.C. In group travel, smaller personnel will consider travel as checked baggage using pet travel rates whenever possible; documentation of cost/benefit assessment of such travel must be submitted with other travel paperwork.

e) Regardless of mode of travel, reimbursement of checked baggage fees is not authorized; thus, "layering" is encouraged.

Part 3 - Meals: 

a) Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum, and will not exceed two meals per 24-hour period. 

b) It should be noted that certain grocery and specialty chains, such as Costco, Sam's Club, Hickory Farms, General Nutrition centers, and occasionally Safeway often provide free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can be obtained in this manner, which is already being used by lower-ranking enlisted families with great success. 

c) Travelers should also be familiar with indigenous roots, berries, and other protein sources available at their destinations. 

d) If restaurants must be utilized, travelers will patronize "all you can eat" salad bars. This is especially effective for employees traveling together, as one plate can be used to feed the entire group. 

e) DoD Personnel are also encouraged to bring their own food on business travel. Cans of tuna fish, Spam, and Beefaroni can be consumed at your leisure without the bother of heating or costly preparation. Ramen noodles are also a low-cost alternative; however, costs of heating will not be reimbursed. In all cases, cost of these items will not be reimbursed.

Part 4 - Miscellaneous: Personnel are required to use innovative techniques to defray travel expenses. 

a) Red caps will be issued prior to departure to all personnel authorized to fly so that they may earn tips by helping others with their luggage. 

b) When not on duty, members with musical or performing talents are encouraged will perform on streets, in hotel lobbies, and in transportation waiting areas for tips. 

c) Small plastic roses, ballpoint pens, and other items will be issued to personnel so that sales may be made as time permits. These items will be signed for at issue and carefully inventoried upon the traveler's return. All proceeds will be turned into the servicing finance section at the conclusion of the TDY and will be used to offset the cost of the trip.

... and so it begins.

After all, budgets have got to be cut somewhere so that tax rates for businesses and the wealthy*** can be kept at low levels.

Do your part!

Have a good day. More thoughts on Thursday.

Bilbo

* You know, the budget forcing function that was supposed to be so terrifying it would force Congress to act. Didn't work all that well, did it?

** In the Army and Air Force, anyway. The Navy, which insists on being different, refers to it as "Temporarily Assigned Duty, or TAD."

*** Known in GOP terminology as "job creators^TM."

Conspiracy Theories

In 2006, commentator Thomas Friedman listed his "Mideast Rules to Live By," which was his attempt to help people in the rest of the world understand the byzantine politics and beliefs of people in that troubled region. Rule #3 (out of a total of 15) was this:

"If you can’t explain something to Middle Easterners with a conspiracy theory, then don’t try to explain it at all — they won’t believe it."

There are indeed a lot of really bizarre conspiracy theories swirling around the social and political cesspool of the Middle East, most of them blaming every ill of the region since the expulsion from Eden on the evil machinations of the CIA*. Unfortunately, belief in off-the-wall conspiracy theories is not limited to the Middle East.

In what passes for political discussion in modern America, some of the most bizarre and outrageous conspiracy theories are gaining traction on the part of people suffering from a lack of independent thought, education, good judgment, or common sense**.

How about this one: the Jack-Booted Thugs^TM of the ATF are going to swoop down and confiscate guns owned by law-abiding Americans so the country can be taken over by the UN.

Now, consider that we have somewhere around 11 million illegal aliens living more-or-less openly in this country. The All-Powerful Evil Government^TM is unable to identify and deport these 11 million people, very few of whom are likely to shoot back. Now consider whether the All-Powerful Evil Government^TM is likely to be able to confiscate an estimated 300 million guns*** from a paranoid and enraged population fired up by far-right propaganda****.

Yea, probably not all that likely.

And that's probably the least of the wild conspiracy theories flying around out there. I found this wonderful guide to "Almost Every Obama Conspiracy Theory Ever" to help you sort through the muck ...

If you follow the link, you can find details of all the individual theories about the President shown in the chart. Be sure to put on your tinfoil hat before you start reading.

Don't thank me ... it's all part of helping you keep what's left of your sanity in a world where real information and rational discussion are endangered species.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* And there's probably some imam over there preaching in his madrassah that the CIA planted the apple tree and drugged Eve, too. And just down the street is his ultra-ultra-ultra orthodox neighbor who believes women's clothing not made with 175 yards of heavy canvas is a CIA plot as well. Oy.

** Usually all of the above.

*** No one knows for sure, because there are no standardized requirements for tracking gun sales and ownership. The 300 million figure is a best estimate based on FBI and ATF data. 

**** And in violation of the Constitution, to boot!

Sunday Odds and Ends

Yep, another collection of odds and ends from the Blog Fodder file, and from other sources ...

Yesterday's mail (a Saturday delivery, which is not long for this world) was enlivened by the sparkling presence amid the junk post and bills of a postcard from Amanda and her family, sent from Hobbiton* in New Zealand. I was touched by the gesture, and insanely jealous of the fact that she and Richard and the boys were able to go there and I wasn't. Sigh ...

The weather here in Northern Virginia continues to be schizophrenic, alternating between springlike shirtsleeve weather and bitter cold. While New England is digging out from under more than three feet of the white stuff, we've had scarcely enough to notice**. On the one hand, this is a good thing, because I'm really not into getting my exercise by shoveling snow. On the other, a good snowfall (or around here, even a mediocre one) can bring things to a screeching halt faster than even Congress can.

Yesterday afternoon and evening Agnes and I were baby-sitting for Leya and Elise, our local grandchildren ... an exhausting task to be sure, but nevertheless a joy. After dinner and baths (Leya was desperate to have a bath in our jacuzzi tub, although Elise just wanted to watch, being a bit weirded out by the rumble of the jets), we settled down to watch a movie - Disney's The Little Mermaid. It was cute, as most Disney films are, but the best part was a wonderful calypso-melody song called "Kiss the Girl" that is now part of my favorites collection on my iPod. The song is clever and tuneful, and the video is delightful ... you can't not love this song ...

Another high point of yesterday was the chance to talk again via FaceTime with our other four grandchildren, who now live in Germany. We'd gotten spoiled having them living so long in Dayton, but now that they're on another continent, staying in touch is harder, especially given the six-hour time difference which complicates live chats. It was great to see and talk to them again, and to see how little Ava - now approaching three months old - is growing. Like all babies that age, she looks a lot like a cute, chubby Winston Churchill. Or a chipmunk with full cheeks. Joe and Noah are as rambunctious as ever, and my beloved Marcy, our oldest grandchild, will be a teenager (gasp!) in April. I'm way too young for this ...

Governments at every level are desperately trying to save money, often in the most inappropriate places ... like slashing budgets for schools and libraries. Courtesy of my old friend Dave in Germany, here's an example of what can happen when we skimp on education ...

It should be funny, but I'm not laughing.

CNN and other news outlets reported earlier this week that the largest prime number identified to date had been discovered. It is more than 17 million digits long, which makes it almost long enough to use in discussions of the federal budget deficit (if you are a conservative) or the annual number of deaths attributable to guns (if you are a liberal). A prime number, for those of you who may not be aware of the term, is a number that can be evenly divided only by itself and 1 - the first ten prime numbers are 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, and 29, and there are people out there who dedicate their lives, fortunes, and computer time to finding increasingly enormous primes. The prime number identified this week also happens to be a Mersenne Prime, a distinction of no particular use to those of us whose mathematical talents are limited to balancing a checkbook to within a few dollars and not running afoul of the IRS***.

And that's all for today.

Tomorrow morning I have an early dental appointment, which means I'll be going in to work late, which also means that I'll have time to both do my time on the elliptical machine and write a Monday blog post. See you back here again tomorrow morning!

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* The home of Bilbo Baggins the Hobbit, from the movie of the same name, in case you didn't know.

** Back home in Pittsburgh, it used to be said that it didn't count as a snowfall until you could track a cat in it. By that yardstick, we ain't got $%#!.

*** Did you notice that all the people in the pictures on the IRS website are smiling? What's up with that?

Cartoon Saturday

If ever there was a week I could use Cartoon Saturday, it was this one ...

An enormous nor'easter has pummeled New England with hurricane-force winds and 20 inches or more of snow before heading out to sea; Southern California is in fear as police try to track down a former police officer who appears bent on murdering fellow officers; hackers stole and journalists published a series of private e-mails belonging to former President George W. Bush, leading to new questions about the morality and ethics of modern journalism; 12 people were killed in Chile when a busload of soccer fans lost control and fell down a 100-foot cliff; and the CBS network has published guidelines for celebrities on how to dress for the Grammy Awards ceremony, suggesting that clothing not expose “bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks” or “bare sides or under curvature of the breasts,” among other things (like butt cracks ... who do they think they are, plumbers?).

We need to hook up the cartoon IV, stat!

Guidelines for dress at the Grammys suggest that celebrities ought perhaps to choose carefully the catalogs from which they order their garments ...

And keeping with the Victoria's Secret theme, how about a wonderful pun ...

It's about time someone came up with a way to capture and use all the hot air and BS ...

I wonder if the new edition of the DSM will include this particular disorder ...

Cartoons about alphabet soup? Why not? ...

and ...

Agnes is far more "crafty" than I am. She sews her own dance costumes and other clothing, does matting and framing and stained glass work, counted cross-stitch and quilting, and loves to build huge Lego constructions.  I'm afraid to think about what she may get into next ...

I don't know if this pun cartoon is really good or really groan worthy, or both. Yeah, it's both ...

Yes, this sums up life pretty well ...

And finally, this is the sort of take-out I really need nowadays ...

And that's it for this week's edition of Cartoon Saturday. We'll be spending the day getting ready to baby-sit with our local grandchildren this evening ... for me, that means being sure that all the new toys and games Agnes has stockpiled have batteries installed before we give them to the girls, and that the more ... um ... age-objectionable DVDs are not located on the shelf close to the child-friendly ones. This is important, because Elise (at age almost-3) knows how to operate the DVD player on her own*.

Oy.

Have a good day. Stay warm, and come back for more thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Something even her Oma can't do.

Saturday Mail

Well, the big news yesterday (aside from the fact that Congress still has its head up it's doopa) was that the US Postal Service wants to save billions of dollars a year by eliminating Saturday first-class mail deliveries, starting in August.

This is sad.

At one time, the Post Office was one of the crown jewels of our government, delivering fast and reliable service for a nominal fee. Its history goes back to the year 1775, when Benjamin Franklin was appointed the first Postmaster General, and it is one of the few federal agencies specifically authorized by The Constitution*. I remember when I was in college and - for the princely sum of six cents (eight by the time I graduated) - I could get a representative of a trusted and respected federal government agency** to come to my house, pick up a letter, and deliver it in a matter of days to someone on the other side of the country. As the old saying proudly reminded us,

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.***

Nowadays, a representative of a quasi-independent-sort-of-but-not-quite government agency will charge me 46 cents pick up that same letter, one less day per week. Still a bargain, when you think about it, but quite a bit more than the eight cents I paid in 1973.

The Post Office didn't have to end up in this ignominious state, but a lot of factors helped to turn it into a money-hemorrhaging butt of late-night TV jokes, including ...

- Congressional meddling and micromanagement;

- The rise of the Internet and fast, "free" communication;

- The general decline and devaluation of writing skills among Americans; and,

- A faster pace of life that values speed of communication over thoughtfulness and elegance of expression.

There have been some ideas for helping the Postal Service get back on its feet, including ...

and ...

And it isn't just people who regret the decline of the Post Office ...

As many of you know, I love writing letters****. I'm not quite as prolific as I used to be, but I still enjoy sitting down and crafting a long, chatty, and (hopefully) interesting and entertaining letter. Everyone enjoys getting personal letters, but nobody wants to actually write them any more ... and that's one of the big reasons the Postal Service is going belly up.

So, what are the other things that happen if the Postal Service eventually hangs up its mail bag?

Young boys and girls won't be able to sneak kisses by "playing post office." Playing "e-mail server" doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

Many old songs won't have the same impact, and new ones won't have the same effect. For example, consider the 1967 hit song by The Box Tops called "The Letter" ...

"Gimme a ticket for an aeroplane

Ain't got time to take a fast train - 

Lonely days are gone

I'm a-goin' home:

My baby wrote me a letter"

It just doesn't sound the same if it goes ...

"Gimme a ticket for an aeroplane

Ain't got time to take a fast train - 

Lonely days are gone

I'm a-goin' home:

My baby sent me a tweet"

And would Pat Boone's classic song "Love Letters in the Sand" have the same impact as "Sending E-Mails from the Beach?"

Why not take a minor vow today to write even just one letter a month?⁺  You'll give someone the thrill of receiving a real, ink-on-paper letter, exercise your dormant writing skills, and do your part to help rescue the good old US Mail US Post Office US Postal Service.

Do it now!

Have a good day. Write someone a letter. And then come back for Cartoon Saturday.

Bilbo

* Article 1, Section 8, Clause 7. You probably never noticed it because you were obsessing about the Second Amendment.

** You didn't know that we used to have those, did you?

*** Contrary to popular belief, this is not the official motto of the Postal Service, but an inscription found on the General Post Office at 8th Avenue and 33rd Street in New York City. It's a translation from the works of Herodotus that describes the faithful service of mounted couriers used by the Persian empire ... you know, the place where Iran is now.

**** I'll write one to you, too ... just send your snail-mail address to der_blogmeister(at)yahoo(dot)com and I'll send you your own, personal, handwritten letter, which may well be the only one you get this year. The only catch is that you have to promise to write back.

+ Mike, no fair subcontracting it to Claudia!

The Differences Between Musical Genres

A week or so ago, someone posted a clever piece on Facebook titled "The Differences Between Musical Genres." It started with a simple declarative sentence - "I saw a flower" - and then showed now that sentence might be turned into the lyrics of a song in various genres. As a linguist and a lover of music, how could I possibly turn down the opportunity to share it, and add a few of my own ideas? Here we go ...

Basic Lyric:
"I saw a flower"

Rap:
"Yo, I was hangin' wit my $%#%! homies and we saw a *#^%! flowa in a @$!%*! garden ..."

Pop:
"I saw a flower
a flower
a flower
It had blue petals
blue petals
blue petals ... "

Gospel:
"I saw a flower by the road to heaven
While Jesus called me home."

Reggae:
"I saw a flower,
A beautiful flower
And it smoked up so fine ..."

Acid Rock:
"In empty fields where nothing grew but weeds
I saw a flower,
And it turned into a dragon"

Barbershop Quartet:
"I saw a flower
(I saw a flower)
It smelled so fine
(It smelled so fine)"

Emo:
"I came across a beautiful flower, but it effin' DIED!"

Heavy Metal:
"AAAARRRRGGGGHHH ...
FLOOOOOOOOWWWWEEEEERRRR ...
AAUUGGHH ...
IN A FIEEEELLLLLD!!!"

Calypso:
"Down Jamaica way, mon,
I saw de flower a-growing by de road."

Country:
"I was ridin' my tractor in the rain
And drinkin' a beer
And I saw a flower, and I said,
We didn't have them flowers in the yard
When I was in prison!"

Grand Opera:
"I SAW A FLOWER!
A FLOWER, A FLOWER, A FLOWER,
MI AMORE
MI AMORE MI AMORE MI AMORE!!"

Any other ideas? Leave a comment.

Have a good day, and have it tunefully. More thoughts on Thursday.

Bilbo

My Granddaughter the Artist, and Her Model

I couldn't help myself ...

This afternoon we were visiting with our local grandchildren, and I discovered a wig that went with my granddaughter Leya's "Brave" Halloween costume, so I just had to try it on. Leya loved it, and added a hat. And then she drew a picture of the whole thing ...

I think I looked better in her drawing.

It's good to be the Opa!

Have a good evening. See you back in this space on Tuesday!

Bilbo

How We Talk to Each Other

Every once in a while (as you know if you've been with me for very long) I get an almost uncontrollable urge to capitalize on my parents' investment in my degree in Linguistics (which horrified my father, who had visions of a scientist or engineer in the family). I find language to be a fascinating topic, both as a vehicle for communication and as an indication of cultural development.

I thought about the latter aspect of language yesterday, when I read Angel's post titled "As American As ...", in which she riffed on some of the things we as Americans (sorry about that, Overseas Readers) have in common, as opposed to the many things which today divide us. One of the things she mentioned was that we are very good at profanity, which reminded me of this NPR story from earlier in the week: Dear Lawyers: Order In The &*%# Court!

You might think that lawyers, to whom precise use of language is critically important, and who often argue cases of great weight that may affect the lives of many people, would be judicious in their choice of words. But nowadays this is evidently not so, according to the NPR story which, in turn, cited a Wall Street Journal article about lawyers behaving like ill-mannered louts. From the WSJ article:

"From courtroom yelling matches to insulting letters and depositions that turn into fistfights, some lawyers and judges worry that the adversarial system of justice has gotten a little too adversarial ...
The well-mannered caution that lawyers who shout, lie and shoot off vulgar emails don't merely alienate judges and juries. They also slow the wheels of justice and cost clients money."

Ah, yes! If you can't get people to be civil any other way, appeal to economics.

It's not just lawyers, of course. As Angel points out in her post, "George Carlin's 'seven words you can't say on television'* is almost quaint."

I also found an interesting new expression this week on WordSpy: social swearing. The term is defined as "Casual swearing that helps to define and bind a social group." Yes, Dear Readers, we now have a term for the fact that we now routinely use - as a way of "bonding" - language my mother would have washed my mouth out with soap for using ... and that was before my father would have knocked me into the next zip code.

The indiscriminate use of foul language has grown tremendously since I was young. It's not unusual to hear grade-school children now using gutter language once associated with drunken sailors, longshoremen, rap "musicians," and uneducated ass clowns who don't know any better. It's all a part of the continuing coarsening of our society, in which The Golden Rule has changed from

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

to

Screw 'em.

We live in a time when many people who should know better have adopted the philosophy of the Robert E. Heinlein story Beyond This Horizon that 

An armed society is a polite society.

After all, why bother being polite and using calm and respectful langage when you can just pack heat to enforce granting of the respect you demand, but are unwilling to give in return?

I am, of course, not totally innocent of the use of less-than-scholarly language. I can turn the air blue with the best of them (in three languages!) when suitably provoked. But I try not to use profanity as a matter of routine, particularly not in front of small children or in a mixed company of strangers. I like to think of the use of profanity in the terms of a comment I heard and wrote down years ago. Sadly, I've lost the exact quote, but it goes something like this: 

"The English language has so few good cuss words that they should be kept stored away, protected and preserved against the time when no other word will do, at which time they should be unfurled and proudly waved like a flag of defiance in the face of an enemy who can understand no words more civil."

Take a few minutes to think about what you say and how you say it, particularly in front of children.

Perhaps you don't care whether you sound like an uneducated baboon, but I'd rather my grandchildren learn from a better example.

Have a good day. And have it politely. You may find you like it.

Bilbo

* Don't follow this link when small children are present near the computer, or if you are easily offended.

Cartoon Saturday

Welcome to February. How much fun has this year been so far ... ?

A convicted murderer is on the loose after being mistakenly released from custody in Chicago; two people were killed in a bombing at the US embassy in Ankara, Turkey; Chinese hackers are suspected in cyber attacks against the New York Times and the Washington Post; an Air Force pilot is dead after his F-16 fighter apparently crashed into the sea off the coast of Italy; authorities are negotiating with a man who has been holding a five-year old child hostage for five days in an underground bunker after killing a school bus driver; and your government is spending millions of dollars it doesn't have on actions necessary to plan for massive budget cuts which will come if the game of sequestration chicken being played in Congress goes through.

Paging Mr Barrie ... Mr J. M. Barrie ... I found your Never-Never Land, and it's not what you thought. Bring on the cartoons ...

I suppose the choice of muzak wouldn't bother some of us as much as others. Right, Fiona? ...

Praying mantises (mantisi? manti?) are always good for a few cartoons, like this one ...

... and this one ...

Happy Days aren't here again just yet ...

Sometimes, you can take things a bit too literally, as in this example ...

And sometimes, the message just doesn't quite get through ...

If it's on the Internet, it must be true ... right? ...

Sometimes a classic cartoon comes out of the combination of two wildly different themes ...

Organized crime in Scotland? ...

And finally for this week, one of the problems we always have at the beginning of a new year is our ingrained habit of writing the wrong year on our checks. Or we did, before we started using debit and credit cards instead of those old-fashioned check thingys. Do you suffer from this problem? Do you suppose the ancients did, too? ...

And that's it for another Cartoon Saturday. As I write this, it's 17 big degrees outside my study window, and unlikely to get out of the low 30's for the rest of the day. It's colder than a well-digger's ankles. But at least we don't have snow and ice, unlike some other parts of the country. I've submitted my order for an early Spring* online for faster service, which will help. Won't it?

Have a good day. Stay warm and dry. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Hey, work with me on this one. It's one of my few fantasies I can discuss in this forum.