Cartoon Saturday

Here we are, less than two full weeks into 2015, and it's already going to pot ...

Radical Islamic thugs who murdered at least twelve people in Paris because they were offended by cartoons they believed insulted their religion were hunted down and killed by French police; the 114th Congress convened in Washington with the usual bipartisan accusations of responsibility for the miserable state of American governance; Sue Ann Arnall, the ex-wife of oil tycoon Harold Hamm, has cashed her $975 million divorce check after claiming earlier this week that the settlement was unfair; 32 people have become infected with the deadly listeria monocytogenes bacterium in 11 states and at least six have died, apparently after eating contaminated caramel apples; and with the GOP takeover of both Houses of Congress, the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee - which oversees climate policy - will now be headed by Senator James Inhofe (R, OK) ... one of the most strident of climate change disbelievers.

Hold on to your hats ... it looks like 2015 is going to be as rough a ride as the late, unlamented 2014. Good thing we have cartoons to ease the pain.

This week, in honor of my partners in verbal crime Gonzo Dave, Kathy, and Marco, we feature cartoons built around awful puns. Abandon hope, all ye who read further ...

Take two hits and call me in the morning ...

It's funnier if you understand the reference ...

Where the doctors live ...

No horsing around, here ...

Well, llamas have big humps, too ...

Well, we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway, so ...

The annoying pests aren't just sitting at desks in Congress ...

Groan ...

Double groan ...

Bow, WOW ... !

And there you have it ... your second Cartoon Saturday of the new year. Hope you enjoyed it.

It looks as if it's going to be a sunny, but continued very cold weekend here in NoVa. Agnes and I will be taking down the Christmas tree today and I'll be continuing the tough job of cleaning and reorganizing my study. Anybody have a front-end loader I can borrow?

Have a good day. See you back here tomorrow for Poetry Sunday.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

The First Ass Clown Award of 2015

You will recall, Dear Readers, that I decided last year to go from naming a single Ass Clown of the Month to naming an awardee every other week. The number of potential awardees in the running, and the need to keep the award as topical and current as possible led me to this decision. The problem, of course, is what to call the award. "Ass Clown of the Month" or "Ass Clown of the Week" has a nice symmetry to it, but what do I call an award presented every two weeks? "Ass Clown of the Alternate Weeks" doesn't sound very well, nor does "Biweekly Ass Clown." As a result, I've decided to simply refer to the dishonoree as the "Ass Clown." If nothing else, it'll keep things simple so we don't confuse Mike.

And so it is that I announce, with appropriate fanfare, the first Ass Clown for 2015 ...

Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell*

Senator McConnell exceeded even his own extraordinarily high standards of hypocrisy in an Op-Ed article he wrote for CNN this past Wednesday, in which he declared that under the new Republican majority in Congress "... A lot can be achieved if President Obama and his party work with us to advance common-sense jobs ideas for the middle class." This is pretty entertaining rhetoric, coming as it does from the individual who once said that the Republican party's top political priority was ensuring that President Obama would be a one-term president ... not common-sense jobs for the middle class, not health care for the middle class, not national security, but undermining the sitting President.

Here are a few other choice quotes from his article:

"... bipartisan progress can only be achieved if President Obama is interested in it." It wasn't possible over the last two years because Senator McConnell himself said and his party demonstrated that they weren't interested in it themselves.

"The president's supporters are pressing for militancy, not compromise. But they need to understand that democracy isn't about what you can get away with, it's about what you can achieve together." Mr McConnell clearly understands the concept of political militancy, given that the Republican Party has a loud, unruly, and very militant extreme right wing that appears to have no interest in compromise of any sort, and I must have missed all the times that the Republicans worked with President Obama to "achieve (something ... anything) together."

In his first speech to the new Congress, Mr McConnell said that, "... obstruction by the Democratic majority is against the traditions of this body and it needs to end. Because if Democrats truly want to get anything done this year, they're going to have to learn how to work with us." Perhaps the Democrats will learn this lesson, but they surely won't learn it from the example set by the Republicans.

While there is certainly a good deal of blame to share for the dismal record compiled by our elected reprehensives over the last few years, Senator McConnell's astounding ability to blame his opponents for exactly the type of behavior he and his party have carried out for the last two years indicates a remarkable command of creative hypocrisy and ludicrous historical revisionism. He has richly earned his title as our first Ass Clown of 2015.

As a final observation, I expect that I will attract some negative feedback for selecting Senator McConnell rather than Cherif and Said Kouachi, the savage religious bigots who murdered twelve people in France they believed had insulted their religion. The reason is simple: as I wrote yesterday, it's a matter of perspective ... the Kouachi brothers are religious fanatics who believe their faith permits - indeed, encourages - them to murder those who give offense. They are, like so many of their extreme co-religionists, beyond reason and humanity, and naming them as ass clowns serves no purpose. Senator McConnell, however, methodically uses his political power not to serve the American people, but to impede the work of Congress for his own political agenda. His blatant hypocrisy and cynicism exemplify the very worst of ugly ass clownery.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* This is the third award for Senator McConnell ... he won monthly awards twice before, on June 25, 2012 and on April 11, 2013. At least he's accomplished something. 

A Question of Perspective

You may recall, Dear Readers, that former Vice President Dick Cheney was selected as our Ass Clown of the Year for 2014, largely on the basis of his strident defense of the torture of terrorism suspects. Second place, you may also recall, went to the Republican Congressional Leadership for its lack of … well … leadership, as well as compassion, statesmanship, and evidence of ability to govern. Third and fifth places went to ISIS/”The Islamic State” and the Taliban respectively, for reasons that probably need no elaboration, while Texas senator Ted Cruz handily took fourth.

As I always do, I linked to the blog post from my Facebook page, where I received several comments, one of which was this one from my friend Bob: “Very disappointing that both ISIS and the Taliban finished behind anyone. I think we may lack some perspective.”

Now, Bob and I don’t always see eye-to-eye on things, but I respect his opinions. In this case, though, I have to say I think he’s dead wrong.

It’s very easy and satisfying to point out that the crazies of ISIS and the Taliban - and the lunatics who murdered a dozen cartoonists in Paris yesterday - deserve condemnation for their religious bigotry, senseless violence, and generally disgusting outlook on things like decent treatment of women, and living in the modern world. We know that they’re ass clowns, whether they won the vote or not.

But sometimes, we're ass clowns, too.

We recoil in horror when ISIS rapes, tortures, and murders innocents with terrifying glee. We are horrified when al Qaeda sympathizers behead American hostages. We shake our heads in disgust at the savage murder of editorial cartoonists. We value the sanctity of life and the dignity of the individual, and you may recall from your history lessons that we conducted major war crimes trials after World War II in which German and Japanese defendants were prosecuted for - among other things - torturing prisoners.

And yet we have done it ourselves. As I noted in the award citation,

While many argue that the torture of individuals responsible for the despicable murder of innocents simply shows that they are reaping what they've sown, America has always stood for the rule of law and justice - even when it's hard, and even when such rules have been mocked and ignored by other nations and groups. By resorting to the terrible actions for which we have so often condemned other regimes, we have lowered ourselves to their level and have forfeited the moral high ground.

Not everyone sees it that way, of course. In an OpEd essay in the Washington Post last Monday titled “Democrats Lose the ‘Torture’ Debate,” conservative commentator Marc Thiessen gloats (and I use the term deliberately) that "six sordid years of Democratic demagoguery and investigations" into the use of torture on terror suspects “show that the opponents of the CIA interrogation program were completely and utterly defeated.” He goes on to write that

"… a (Washington) Post poll revealed the American people’s final verdict. The vast majority agree with the CIA that these techniques were necessary and justified ... And - most importantly - 76 percent said they would do it again to protect the country."

But does that make it right? As I have noted in this space before, we teach our children that “he/she did it first!” is not an excuse for bad behavior. And in this particular case, that bad behavior will come home to roost with an awful vengeance the next time a YouTube video shows an American being tortured by those we no longer have a moral right to condemn.

In the future, thanks to Mr Cheney and Mr Thiessen and people like them … people who lack perspective … we have lost the moral right to condemn the use of torture by our enemies. We pride ourselves on being a country where the rule of law is supreme, but nowadays the law seems sometimes to be treated like a helpless prisoner - tortured until it tells us what we want it to say.

Because, you see, our values and our principles lack perspective.

Have a good day.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Updated

Last week, fellow blogger and delightfully twisted thinker Angel posted an interesting article to her blog: Rebranding Pestilence. If you haven’t read it yet, take a minute and check it out. I’ll wait.

Angel’s post builds on the image of the biblical Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - War, Death, Famine, and Pestilence ...

... and imagines that Pestilence, being jealous of the relative “coolness” of War and Death, engages a publicist to make over his image*. The results are as interesting as only Angel can spin them.

But her idea of Pestilence getting a makeover led me to think about the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in general, and how relevant they are to the world of 2015. Consider this: if the Book of Revelations was being written today, might we expect to see four different horsemen riding out of chapter 6, representing updated avatars of the apocalypse?

Today's horsemen might, for instance, represent a timely selection of the Seven Deadly Sins: Pride, Greed, Lust, and Anger are good candidates we can see every day in the news. Sloth is too busy in Congress to be able to take part, Gluttony has fallen out of favor with the emphasis on good nutrition, and Envy is simply too commonplace.

Or they might thunder forth from the world of Politics, where Gridlock, Bureaucracy, Sanctimony, and Self-Righteousness lurk.

They might also represent the afflictions of the cities: Traffic, Crumbling Infrastructure, Smog, and Crime.

Republicans might view the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as Obama, Clinton, Reid, and Pelosi; while Democrats might see them as Boehner, Cruz, McConnell, and Gohmert.

If you aren't willing to go all the way to apocalypse, the Four Horsemen of Annoyance** may be more your speed ...

What do you think, Dear Readers ... what are the four horsemen of today's apocalypse? Leave a comment with your choices.

And many thanks to Angel for allowing me to spin off on her idea***.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* There is a very clever story by Richard Armour (sadly, long out of print) titled “The Year Santa Went Modern,” which plays with a similar idea … but is, of course, more for children.

** I myself would replace the Constant Whistler with the Constant Cell Phone Blatherer, but to each his/her own.

*** Not that I asked, but the original inspiration came from her.

Happy New Year from Congress!

The 114th Congress is in session, and your elected reprehensives wish you a Happy New Year ...

The new majority party is ready to take care of you and address the issues you really care about ... as long as your last name is "Incorporated."

Have a good day. Happy New Year, anyhow. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

So, What are YOU Going to Do?

There was an interesting, if disheartening article in the Washington Post on December 30th: "Spate of Gun Violence Continues in District." According to the article, more than 15 people had been shot on Washington, DC streets — eight of them fatally — since December 23rd, including four killed on Christmas Eve. The total did not include a man who was killed by police after, they said, he shot at them.

The story was bad enough, particularly during the season of peace on earth, goodwill toward men, but there was another aspect to the story that deserves some thought.

The article reported that DC mayor-elect Muriel Bowser had visited the crime scenes and spoken with residents upset over the violence that plagues their streets. One man "demanded to know the city’s strategy for dealing with the violence, some plan beyond telling residents to be vigilant." He was quoted in the article as saying to the mayor:

"For people actually living 24/7 in the neighborhood, things have gotten objectively worse. That is a fact. Please outline a concrete strategy for dealing with the situation and show us concrete action. That’s all we ask."

He went on to urge the mayor to spell out "what you are doing to actually make it safe to walk around at night,” and "urged her to put more officers out on foot so they can connect with residents."

I appreciate the gentleman's concern. I'd like to be able to walk the streets of the nation's capitol without fear of being shot, too. But I think he's not asking the right questions to the right person. Consider these questions one might reasonably ask:

1. Where did the guns used in these shootings come from? What positive, concrete actions have the NRA and other gun rights organizations taken to help prevent these guns from falling into the wrong hands, or to help identify the sources of guns used in crimes, or to impose harsh sentences on persons that use guns in the commission of a crime?

2. What have the people in the affected neighborhoods done to help the police catch these criminals? It's easy to shout at the police for not catching the bad guys, but when the people in the area - for whatever reason - refuse to cooperate with the police or help identify the criminals, it's that much harder for the police to do their jobs.

3. How many of the people shouting for more police protection in their neighborhoods have spent the last few weeks participating in demonstrations in which the police are demonized and accused of shooting people - particularly blacks - at will?

4. How many of the people shouting for more police protection in their neighborhoods object to paying the taxes that pay for ... among other things ... police protection in their neighborhoods?

Violent crime is a terrible problem in our cities, and we depend upon our police to keep us safe*. But the sad fact is that the police can't - and shouldn't - do it alone. The residents of our cities have to do their part ... not just be vigilant, but cooperate with the police and help them do their jobs. And the people who vociferously defend gun rights need to do their part as well ... to recognize that not everyone who carries a gun is a fine, upstanding, well-trained, and law-abiding citizen exercising his or her sacred Second Amendment rights**, and not everyone who argues in favor of common sense controls on the availability of deadly weapons is a commiepinkoliberalratbastard desperate to shred the Constitution.

And so I might ask again: what are you going to do?

Have a good day. Be safe, and do your part. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Unlike gun rights advocates, I do not feel any safer knowing that anyone I meet on the street might be packing heat ... ostensibly to protect themselves or others from other people packing heat.

** Lemme hear you say, "Hallelujah!!"

Poetry Sunday

I thought about waiting for Valentine's Day with this poem, but then I figured that something about love might not be out of place in the depths of the post-holiday doldrums ...

A Dialogue of Watching 

by Kenneth Rexroth 

Let me celebrate you. I
Have never known anyone
More beautiful than you. I
Walking beside you, watching
You move beside me, watching
That still grace of hand and thigh,
Watching your face change with words
You do not say, watching your
Solemn eyes as they turn to me,
Or turn inward, full of knowing,
Slow or quick, watching your full
Lips part and smile or turn grave,
Watching your narrow waist, your
Proud buttocks in their grace, like
A sailing swan, an animal,
Free, your own, and never
To be subjugated, but
Abandoned, as I am to you,
Overhearing your perfect
Speech of motion, of love and
Trust and security as
You feed or play with our children.
I have never known any
One more beautiful than you.

As it happens, I am blessed to know a great many beautiful women, but I'm happily married to the one I never tire of watching.

Have a good day. Watch carefully ... you don't need the voyeurism arrest on your record.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The First Cartoon Saturday of 2015!

Yes, Dear Readers, today is Saturday, January 3rd, and it's time for our first Cartoon Saturday of the new year!

A 2-year-old boy accidentally shot and killed his mother after he reached into her purse at a northern Idaho Wal-Mart and fired her concealed gun; the Russian government, in an apparent move to take the minds of the population off of the miserable state of the national economy, announced a 16% reduction in the price of vodka; in the second major airline disaster in the Pacific this year, an AirAsia flight with 162 people on board crashed in the ocean near Borneo; in Canada, a man described by his family as "depressed and overly emotional" is suspected of murdering eight people before committing suicide; and Louisiana representative Steve Scalise is embroiled in scandal over a speech he gave in 2002 to an organization described as a white supremacist hate group.

Of course, all of the things noted in this summary actually took place in 2014, so it's a bit too early to pull the plug on 2015. Nevertheless, we still need cartoons to soften the blow of the transition to a new year ... and this week, there's no theme to our cartoon selection - just a collection of good laughs I've found over the past few weeks. Here goes ...

All you need is ... well ...

How the world ends ...

There's also a noir way to look at clearing the history ...

Speaking of invasive and dangerous species ...

The real story of what happened when the Empire struck back ...

Maybe hotter, but definitely brighter ...

Perhaps this is the dog we should have brought home ...

This one was just too good to pass up ...

Autocorrect can make a wicked witch even wickeder ...

And finally, the sad display that chronicles a breed quickly dying out among the hysterical media of the far right and the far left ...

And that, Dear Readers, is your first Cartoon Saturday for 2015. I hope you enjoyed it ... there are 51 more to go, and I'll keep 'em coming if you keep coming back.

Have a good day and a great weekend. Come back tomorrow for the first Poetry Sunday of the new year. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

More Great Moments in Editing

Amazingly enough, it's time for the first edition of "Great Moments in Editing" for 2015! Tempus is fugiting right along, so we'd better get to it ...

The judge ought to add another five years to the sentence just on principle ... 

Sometimes, the editor doesn't quite think through the placement of articles in his (her) newspaper ...

Somehow, this one doesn't surprise me ...

It's been my experience that the average colonoscopy results in gas without the card ...

Best advice: stay out of the wind ...

There must be a Darwin Award candidate in here somewhere ...

As defenses go, this one probably won't impress the jury ...

Well, this is one way to cut down on all those nuisance calls ...

Quick, Ma, break out the long johns! ...

And finally, this one isn't - strictly speaking - an editorial faux pas, but it nevertheless has a great eyebrow-raising quotient. Thanks to my nephew Eddie for sending this one to me ...

And there you have it - 2015's first collection of editorial gems. Don't worry ... there's plenty more where these came from.

Have a good day. See you here tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Announcing the 2014 Ass Clown of the Year!

2014 was a year filled with some of the most amazingly deserving ass clowns we've ever seen. The world of politics alone gave us many stellar candidates, and it was never a problem finding someone upon whom to bestow our biweekly award.

But it's time to announce the one nominee who has risen, like the biggest chunk in the septic tank, to the pinnacle of ass clownery, deserving of the supreme accolade of

2014 Ass Clown of the Year

This year's voting was hot and heavy right up to the deadline at midnight on New Year's Eve, and represented not only strong showings from ass clowns named during the course of the year, but new individuals and groups nominated by you, Dear Readers. Let's count down the top vote-getters on the way to the announcement of this year's Ass Clown of the Year ...

In fifth place, with 14 votes -  The Taliban

In fourth place, with 17 votes - Texas Senator Ted Cruz

In third place, with 51 votes - ISIS/"The Islamic State"

In second place, with 149 votes - The Republican Congressional Leadership

And now, ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to announce the 2014 Ass Clown of the Year, finishing with 189 votes - 

Former Vice President Dick Cheney

Mr Cheney also received our last Ass Clown of the Month award in 2014, and I believe that what I wrote at that time also serves as a fitting citation for his annual award:

Amid the furor that arose over the release of a Congressional report detailing the use of torture on terrorism suspects, Mr Cheney strongly defended the controversial program, saying that he has "no regrets" and "would do it again in a minute."

While many argue that the torture of individuals responsible for the despicable murder of innocents simply shows that they are reaping what they've sown, America has always stood for the rule of law and justice - even when it's hard, and even when such rules have been mocked and ignored by other nations and groups. By resorting to the terrible actions for which we have so often condemned other regimes, we have lowered ourselves to their level and have forfeited the moral high ground. Mr Cheney's defense of such actions is unworthy of a former Vice President ... and, indeed, of anyone who holds American values dear.

I believe that Mr Cheney has done more to damage America's reputation and standing in the world than almost anyone else in our history.

And although I believe the choice of Mr Cheney was a righteous outcome of the voting, I also believe that the second-place finisher, the Republican Congressional Leadership, deserves at the very least a dishonorable mention for its role in making our government an ineffectual laughingstock.

My conservative friends (and yes, I do have some), will insist that the Democratic Congressional Leadership* is equally at fault for the miserable condition of our government and economy. I would argue, though, that the apocalyptic and frequently downright dishonest language used by the Republican leadership and rank and file, and the reflexive opposition to everything proposed by the President** go well beyond the bounds of principled opposition and soar to lofty heights of petulant childishness***.

In the interest of full disclosure, here are the rest of the results of the voting:

The Democratic Congressional Leadership - 13 votes;

The New York City Cop Killer(s) - 9 votes;

Vladimir Putin - 8 votes;

The News Media - 4 votes;

MIT Professor Jonathan Gruber - 3 votes;

The American Voter, Mitch McConnell, and The Supreme Court - 2 votes each;

Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, and "People Who Think Republicans Are the Problem" - one vote each.

Thanks to everyone who voted in this year's totally unscientific, yet entertaining and revealing contest. We will continue to designate new Ass Clowns on a biweekly basis, with the first for 2015 to be announced on Friday,  January 9th.

Have a good day and a safe, happy, and healthy new year. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* The Democratic Congressional Leadership received 13 votes ... 15, if we count the single vote each earned by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, and 16 if we count the single vote received by Vice President Biden, who serves in a Constitutional role as President of the Senate.

** Consider the amount of time and effort wasted on more than 50 votes to either overturn the Affordable Care Act in total or defund all or parts of it ... without proposing anything to replace it, or to address the fundamental issue of skyrocketing medical care costs.

*** It is often argued - truthfully - that Democrats were grossly intemperate in their denunciation of former President George W. Bush. This, of course, makes it all right for Republicans to do the same. Do we not teach our children that "well, he did it first!" is not an acceptable excuse for bad behavior?