Cartoon Saturday

Prince Phillip of England, husband of Queen Elizabeth II, celebrated his 90th birthday this week, and received the title of "Lord High Admiral" from his wife as a gift; raging wildfires continue to scorch large areas of Arizona; as if you haven't heard enough about Sarah Palin, Alaska has released about 24,000 pages of her e-mail from her time as the governor of the state; militants in Pakistan targeted by the US military slipped away twice in recent weeks after intelligence shared with the government of Pakistan was apparently shared again with the militants, allowing them to escape; and the nascent presidential campaign of GOP demigod Newt Gingrich apparently crashed and burned this past week as a result of ... well ... Newt Gingrich.

Every week, it seems we need Cartoon Saturday more and more...

Last week, Cartoon Saturday took a new look at the legend of the Trojan Horse. This week, two more takes on a classic story ...

And ...

You might think the common slug wouldn't seem to be much of a subject for cartoons, but you'd be wrong ... here are a few takes on slugs, starting with unfortunate medical advice ...

Moving on to the dangers of the slug as terrorist ...

And finishing off with a pun you just had to know was coming ...

As long as we're on the subject of nasty things you don't like to find in your garden, we may as well take a few shots at snails as well ...

And another awful pun ...

It was Rudyard Kipling who wrote in The Ballad of East and West that "East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet." Of course, he wasn't referring to Shania Twain, and East and West could meet ... with odd results ...

Things are tough all across the economy, lending new meaning to the term "hell to pay" ...

And we wrap up this week's Cartoon Saturday with an observation on the Twitter phenomenon ...

It looks as if it's going to be a humid scorcher of a weekend, the sort that makes you want to put on a snorkel just to go outside, and to be grateful for inside chores.

Good luck with whatever the weekend has in store for you!

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

A Pain in the ... uh ... Glass

You may have seen this story on CNN: Glass Staircase Not Dress Friendly.

Yes, Dear Readers, the story reports on a beautiful, modernistic staircase in a newly-opened Ohio courthouse. The staircase is made of glass which, especially when combined with the wide proliferation of camera-equipped cell phones, is probably not the optimum material for preserving the modesty of ladies who wear dresses when they visit the courthouse and must attend to business above the ground floor. This is what the staircase looks like:

Security guards, according to the story, recommend women clad in dresses take the elevators, but they are "hoping people will be mature about the situation."

The best line in the entire story: Judge Julie Lynch, who usually wears a dress to work under her judicial robes, said, "They hope people will be mature? That's not a solution. If we had mature people that didn't violate the law, we wouldn't have this building."

If I ever have to go to court, I want this lady to hear my case.

The story does not indicate whether anything can (or will) be done about the beautiful, but modesty-challenging staircase. Perhaps it can be removed and donated to some government building in Iran, Pakistan, or Saudi Arabia, where it would probably make the ultraconservative clerics heads explode. In the meantime, ladies, wear pants if you go to court in Franklin County, Ohio.

Tomorrow is Cartoon Saturday, which will have a tough time topping this story, but we'll try. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Health Care. Or Health We-Don't-Care. Whatever.

It seems as if it's the season for people to have insane problems with their medical care. Amanda discussed her problem with lengthy waits in the doctor's office, as did Andrea, while Raquel has an amazing horror story that is one of the best excuses for a lawsuit I think I've ever read.

Here's my story ...

Some years ago, I had my periodic physical exam done at the hospital in Maryland. The exam was a two-part process: you went in once for all the poking, prodding, cup-peeing, blood-drawing, fanny-probing, etc, etc; then you got a second appointment about a week later, at which the doctor would sit down with you, gravely review all the test and exam results, and tell you how much longer you had to live.

Okay so far.

Those of you who live in the DC metro area will understand that traveling between Northern Virginia (where I live) and the location of Andrews AFB in Maryland (where my appointment was scheduled) is no simple task ... it's getting easier with the reconstruction of the infamous Woodrow Wilson bridge, but it's still a bit of a long drive in generally heavy traffic, not to be done on a whim.

I dutifully drove out there for the first appointment, and spent the better part of a day getting all the basic work done. At the end of all that, the receptionist made an appointment for me to see Doctor X about 10 days later to get the results.

Well...

On the appointed day, I fought the traffic across the Wilson Bridge and arrived at the Andrews AFB hospital in good time for my appointment. I checked in with the receptionist and waited about 10 minutes, until I was called and led to a little exam room where, I was told, the doctor would see me shortly. The receptionist put my records into the little bin on the door and pulled it closed.

Fast forward about 45 minutes.

No doctor had yet appeared, and I was starting to get a bit concerned. I let myself out of the exam room and went back out to the receptionist's desk, where a different person was now sitting. I explained who I was, and where and how long I'd been waiting for Doctor X, and asked how much longer I might have to wait.

Rustle of papers as the new receptionist checks the schedule.

Embarrassed looks.

Receptionist: "Ummm ... It doesn't look like Doctor X is in the office today."

Me: "?!!!!!"

Receptionist: "I can make you a new appointment."

Me: "???!!!!!"

One week later ...

I finally saw the doctor, after waiting only about 20 minutes. There was never an explanation of why I was put in a room to wait for him a week earlier, when he wasn't even in the hospital that day. I never received an apology, or a reply to the letter of complaint I wrote.

So, what is it with doctors and their schedules, anyhow? I understand that a schedule might get out of whack if the doctor encounters a particularly difficult case, or if he/she is called away for an emergency. But when was the last time you encountered an endless wait, long after your appointment time, and had someone come to you and explain the reason for the delay? Chances are, the answer is "never."

Because, after all, the doctor is a highly-trained and greatly-in-demand professional whose time is much more important than yours.

If we're going to reform health care, quality, cost, and basic availability need to be the primary considerations. But once those are taken care of, it would be nice just to know if the doctor will actually see you once you get to the office.

Have a good day. Stay healthy. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Still More Great Moments in Editing

Businesses are cutting back on expenses wherever they can, and the print media are no different from any other businesses. Unfortunately, furloughing your editor isn't always the best move you can make. Here, for your entertainment, is the latest in my continuing series of great moments in editing. Well, in not editing, actually. Whatever. Enjoy ...

It must have fallen off the truck ...

Oops ...

Stop the presses!! ...

Must have been donated by Congress ...

Alto? Soprano? Bass, even? ...

I don't know if this makes me feel better about flying, or not ...

This one surely doesn't ...

Perhaps this is why it took so long to track down and get rid of Osama bin Laden ...

It was probably just the surprise of the whole thing ...

We've known for a long time that stupidity can be an inherited trait, but ...

Good editing. Just one more victim of the false economy of saving money by cutting back on school funding.

Have a good day. Spell it correctly. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Defining "Freedom"

There is no shortage of stupid and overblown political rhetoric in these unhappy times, and we face the prospect of much, much more of it as we approach the 2012 presidential election (old joke: "Do you know the difference between a political race and a horse race? In a horse race, the whole horse runs"). For a person who loves language and good expression as much as I do, this is a very painful time.

With that in mind, I would call your attention to this interesting op-ed article by E.J. Dionne from yesterday's Washington Post - Romney's Flawed View of Freedom. The article discusses comments made by presidential wannabe Mitt Romney at the announcement of his candidacy which deal with the meaning of freedom. The entire article is great, but let me just summarize it with this excerpt:

“'Did you know,' he (Romney) asked, 'that government — federal, state and local — under President Obama, has grown to consume almost 40 percent of our economy? We’re only inches away from ceasing to be a free economy.'

"Actually, the federal government of which Obama is in charge 'consumes' about a quarter of the economy — and this after a severe recession, when government’s share naturally goes up.

"But even granting Romney his addition of spending by all levels of government, the notion that we are 'inches away from ceasing to be a free economy' is worse than absurd. It suggests that the only way we measure whether an economy and a country are 'free' is by toting up how much government spends.

"Are we less 'free' because we spend money on public schools and student loans, Medicare and Medicaid, police and firefighters, roads and transit, national defense and environmental protection? Would we be 'freer' if government spent zero percent of the economy and just stopped doing things?

"Romney, presumably, doesn’t think this, but the logic of what he said points in exactly that direction. We thus confront in 2012 nothing short of a fundamental argument over what the word 'freedom' means. If freedom, as the conservatives seem to insist, comes down primarily to the quantity of government spending, then a country such as Sweden, where government spends quite a lot, would be less 'free' than a right-wing dictatorship that had no welfare state and no public schools — but also didn’t allow its people to speak, pray, write or organize as they wish."

The word "freedom" is one of the most misunderstood and abused words in the modern political lexicon. Many years ago, when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was taking the Civics lessons that were once required of young students, we learned the difference between "freedom" and "license." My Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary defines freedom as:

"The quality or state of being free ... a political right."

And it defines license as:

"Freedom that allows or is used with irresponsibility ... disregard for rules of personal conduct."

I think the angry, blustering buffoons that are doing their best to wreck the country could use some good old-fashioned civics lessons in freedom - vs - license. I think they should realize that there's no such thing as a free lunch ... that you get what you pay for ... that principled compromise is the essence of good citizenship, not something to be scorned ... that if "everything but taxes is on the table," everything is not on the table.

Freedom, however you choose to define it, is not free. Freedom, and all the things we cherish that it makes possible, is paid for with blood and treasure, and it carries with it the requirement to realize that absolute freedom is a myth - we accept that we must give up absolute, unrestricted freedom in order to maintain the peace that allows us to live together in peaceful communities.

And, Mr Romney, it's not defined by how much the government spends.

Have a good day. Think about what it costs to maintain the freedom we enjoy ... and about how little those who would lead us understand about it.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Weapons of Musical Destruction

I really enjoy good music. This means that I don't enjoy rap, hip-hop, or heavy metal, which I find to be neither good nor music, but that's beside the point. I've always been in awe of composers who can generate magnificent symphonies - how on earth can they put little black squiggles on paper and hear in their minds the blending of the different instruments that will result? How do they even know all the gazillions of different instruments that are out there, and the sounds they make, and how those sounds work together (or don't)?

From the blog fodder file comes this piece run by Miss Cellania last March: Band Weapons of Mass Destruction. If you've ever wondered about the dark side of musical instruments, this is for you. Read and beware ... you will never listen to a symphony the same way again ...

PICCOLO: the minute dimensions of this weapon make it especially lethal as it is easily concealed and can be set off just about anywhere. As a solo weapon, this device emits a high-pitched squeal that directly targets the inner ear. The application of this tone temporarily disorients its intended victim rendering him unable to react. The natural reaction of covering one's ears to reduce the intense pain causes military personnel within a 100 yard radius to drop their weapons leaving them defenseless to further attack. Applied in concert with a second piccolo of slightly higher or lower pitch, the weapons produce the effect of an ice pick through the eardrum and may cause profuse bleeding of the aural cavity. These weapons are constructed in three forms; metal, composite materials, wood, or any combination of the three. The all-metal piccolos are especially lethal. The only countermeasure to this weapon is to apply psychological warfare in the following manner. Compliment the musician on her: clothes/hair/shoes. This will distract the musician(s) from emitting her deadly tones and cause her to gab endlessly about herself. This in itself takes us to another problem man has dealt with for a thousand years and to which there is no antidote. Good Luck!

FLUTE: Slightly less effective as the piccolo but still nothing to be trifled with. The flute possesses the same destructive qualities as the piccolo but is required in greater numbers to do so. Sixth and seventh grade females are especially effective with this weapon and are to be approached with extreme caution.

OBOE: This weapon may appear harmless at first sight. The instrument's stealth qualities lure its intended victims into a false state of security, and then hit them without mercy. The oboe itself is a harmless composite or wooden conical tube. Once the ordnance (reed) is inserted, it is a weapon of tremendous power. One comforting factor is that the oboe is only as dangerous as the musician who wields it. At first glance, the operator of the oboe appears sweet, demure, and quite approachable. Do not be fooled by this deception. The oboist is actually a very high strung and temperamental foe. This mania is caused by the perpetual search for the perfect reed, which we all know doesn't exist. Those who play on plastic reeds are the bottom dwellers of the oboe world and are especially dangerous. The oboe is capable of producing a tone of laser-like quality. The sheer capabilities of volume produced can overpower an entire concert band. The resulting backpressure produced by over blowing has a two-way effect. It allows the musician to play seemingly forever on one breath resulting in sympathetic vibrations causing bulletproof glass and diamonds to shatter into deadly flying shards. The warning signs of impending doom occur when the musician raises the body of the instrument to her mouth to blow dust from under a key. This is how the weapon is cocked. If you ever see an oboist do this, run for cover my friend, for all Hell is about to break loose. The second effect of this weapon's backpressure is to cause its owner to eventually go insane. On rare occasions an oboist's head has been known to explode while firing their weapon. The only countermeasure to this weapon is to remove and professionally destroy the ordnance (reed). Doing so will also incur the wrath of its owner, so use extreme caution. The first master of the oboe as a weapon was Melvin "Schwartz" (Oklahoma All-State Band 1982), name changed to protect the guilty. He single handedly destroyed a performance of the Howard Hanson Romantic Symphony Finale under McBeth with his laser-like tones and inconsistent attacks. To this day, he has a bounty on his head and was last seen tending bar in Tijuana.

E-flat CLARINET: The Eb clarinet is the Tasmanian Devil of the woodwind family. Entirely uncontrollable and unpredictable, its blunderbuss like emissions can occur without warning. It is as much a danger to its owner as it is to the intended victim. For this reason the Eb clarinet is not in wide use today and only used by highly trained professionals and circus band daredevils.

B-flat CLARINET: As the flute is to the piccolo, the Bb Clarinet is to the Eb Clarinet. The only time a Bb clarinet is considered truly dangerous is in the hands of a saxophonist doubling on clarinet. His seemingly lacking ability to adjust his air to the clarinet causes a tone so forced and horrific that decorum prevents me from continuing.

ALTO, BASS, CONTRA BASS CLARINET: The Scud missiles of the clarinet family. Considered low-grade weapons, these clarinets are of limited lethality due to the extreme geekiness of their operators.

BASSOON: This is a weapon designed to start wars. Used primarily indoors, this weapon's unique tone can cause great embarrassment in social situations. Also known as the "farting bed post" the bassoonist will hide behind a set of curtains at an official state dinner or similar function. With the help of a diplomatic operative during the meal, the intermittent flatulent tones emitted by the bassoon can be blamed on certain visiting high government officials, causing great embarrassment and the possible beginning of hostilities between two countries. The best countermeasure to the bassoon involves lighter fluid and matches (fill in the blanks yourself).

SOPRANO SAXOPHONE: (See Kenny G) AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

ALTO SAX: Originally invented by Adolph Sax as the result of an evening of much cheap wine and a dare by a drunken horn player, the instrument he produced is neither brass nor woodwind. The only intended victim of this vile weapon is the concert band French horn player. Nothing is worse than hearing a great brass lick only to be obscured by the overly reedy tone and wobbly "vibrato" of some half crazed alto sax doubling the horns and overplaying them. Composers and arrangers are to blame as much as the alto players. Older players unable to temper their 1940's swing band vibrato are also a danger. The only counter measure is to question their manhood by daring the player to play Charlie Parker's "Donna Lee" at 230 beats per minute. That should shut 'em up!

TENOR SAX: (See Alto Sax) Counter measure, throw down the gauntlet with a dare to render John Coltrane's "Giant Steps."

BARITONE SAX: A tenor or alto wannabe, this instrument is flaccid and harmless unless played in the style of Stephen "Doc" Kupka (Tower of Power). His sporadic well placed grunting and punctuated style, when discovered by young players, can cause discomfort among the average school director. The only counter measure to this is self-medication by the teacher in the form of tequila shots or similar substances.

TRUMPET: Obviously one would think that a trumpeter's greatest weapon is his ability to play high notes at great volume. This misconception has been perpetuated unwittingly by great performers like Maynard Ferguson and Dizzy Gillespie. The danger is not in the player who can play high. The danger lies in the player who thinks he can play high. A young player's incessant caterwauling and inflated ego are a danger to himself and all those around him. The most effective counter measure is to allow the player to continue his high note practice (even encourage him to go higher and louder) until his lips explode or he cracks a tooth jamming his face into the mouthpiece.

FRENCH HORN: French horns thankfully are a danger only to a small group of people, as their bells point in the wrong direction. They are only a danger to those unfortunate enough to have to sit behind them. Their intonation problems and constant cracking of pitches is of great annoyance to those brass players sitting behind them. Though lately the introduction of Plexiglas reflectors has reduced the danger to those behind the horns, unfortunately it presents a greater danger to the players themselves and those in front of them. Upon hearing their actual tones coming back at them, some hornists have been known to actually vomit on stage due to the hideousness of their own tone.

TROMBONE: A unique application, the instrument itself is not the real danger. The person playing the instrument is what is truly dangerous. The trombone and its player are the original "smart bomb." This weapon is most effective in high tech warfare areas. Insertion of one or more trombonists into a warfare computer center instantly lowers the aggregate I.Q. in the room. The trombonist's incredible stupidity is a lethal bio weapon that spreads at an incredible rate. Within 5 minutes of exposure, all computer operators within a 50-foot radius are reduced to drooling idiots incapable of the simplest motor functions and bowel control. Use of trombonists as weapons was outlawed by the Geneva Convention in 1999 after an ugly incident at a Dixieland convention in Sacramento.

BARITONE/EUPHONIUM: This is a weapon of mass confusion. Euphonium players are the Rodney Dangerfields of the brass world. Young players especially don't know their place in the band. They double French horns, trombones, saxophones, tubas in octaves, bass clarinets, bassoons...yadda, yadda, yadda! Euphonium orchestral parts are played by the second trombone or worse, the tuba player! For this reason most euphonium ... baritone ...whatever ... players resort to doubling on trombone. This is when they become dangerous. (See trombone.)

TUBA: This is a sonic weapon that when set off can produce sub sonic tones causing a general feeling of uneasiness and queasiness to those within its effective range. In addition, one may attach a sousaphone to a marching column of soldiers. As all tubists drag, the ever-slowing performance of um-pahs will eventually reduce the marching soldiers to a snail's pace causing them to be late for a battle or not arrive at all. The most effective countermeasure is to feed the tubist with great quantities of beer (imports if you have them). It won't improve his playing but makes him more enjoyable to be around.

SNARE DRUM/TRAP SET: This weapon affects only a very small demographic: teenage girls and the fathers of these girls with steady jobs and liquid bank accounts. The snare drummer and the jazz/rock variety of set player act almost like a computer worm. The drummer will attach himself to an unsuspecting teenage girl and milk her and her father's finances in such a way as to not be noticed by the father until it is too late. Drummers are the leeches of the music world and can only be countered by being forced to get a real day job. This will reduce the drummer's "coolness" factor and the daughter will immediately lose interest.

Don't thank me ... it's just another way in which I hope to bring to your notice the dangers that lurk around you, and of which you may not be aware. If you play one of these instruments and recognize yourself, well, what can I say?

Have a good day. Face the music and dance. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Guest Post

Hi, there! It's me again ... Nessa ... remember, I'm the dog that lives with Bilbo and Agnes. I know I haven't been posting for a while, but it's getting to be summer, and that means I have lots of other things to do. There are more people out walking past the house who need to be barked at, and more animals trespassing in my yard that have to be chased off. A good dog's work is never done and I am, of course, a good dog.

Yesterday I was out in the yard helping Bilbo with this gardening thing of his. I'm not sure exactly what gardening is, but it seems to involve him getting dirty and sweating a lot and complaining about stiff joints. I try to help him with the stiff joints thing by making sure he gets lots of exercise throwing my frisbee for me and taking me for walks and stuff, but he just seems sometimes to prefer getting dirty and sweating and complaining. Go figure.

One of the things I can't figure out about gardening is this whole thing about fertilizer. I think Bilbo's a pretty smart guy (hey, he keeps me around, and he married Agnes, right?), but sometimes I just don't understand him. He said he needed fertilizer and came back from the store with bags and bags of manure. Now, I may not be the smartest puppy in the litter, but even I know what manure is ... it's just poop with a good sales rep. Now, why would Bilbo spend good money that he could use on food and toys and treats for me to buy poop? I can give him all the poop he wants, but he gets mad at me when I put in in the yard, ready for him to use ... he just puts it in little bags and dumps it in the trash. What's up with that?

Oh, well ...

Another thing I can't figure is the difference between plants and weeds. They look pretty much the same to me and I don't feel any difference when I roll around on them, but Bilbo spends a lot of time he could use throwing balls for me to chase in pulling up one plant, but not another, because one of them is a weed. It seems to me that a weed is nothing more than a plant that's growing where you don't want it. Or maybe it's just something useless, like cats. Who knows?

Well, I'd write more, but it looks like Bilbo is ready to go back outside to do more gardening, and I know he'll need help (and guarding and supervision). And I have more poop to offer him so he can stop wasting his money on manure. To listen to him, he gets enough of it for free from some store called Congress, anyhow.

Bilbo will be back tomorrow. Have a good day.

Woof!

Nessa

Cartoon Saturday

Dr Jack Kervorkian, the man known as "Dr Death," has passed away - unassisted, oddly enough - at age 83; Eman el-Obeidy, the woman who accused Libyan security forces of gang-raping her, has been beaten and sent back to Libya from Qatar, where she had sought refuge; an 11 year-old girl in New Jersey has died after falling from a ferris wheel during a school outing; Yemeni President Ali Abdullah Saleh and a number of other people were wounded in a rocket attack on his palace during prayers on Friday; and Alabama has passed a tough new law which cracks down on illegal immigrants and has - oddly enough - resulted in increased immigration of lawyers to the state.

Welcome to Cartoon Saturday - you know you need it.

An old joke says that when your ship comes in, you'll probably be down at the bus station. Here's another take on it ...

After trying desperately to keep up with my grandchildren, I think I have found the answer to the energy crisis ...

Strategic business planning in the modern era ...

How corporate differences of opinion are resolved between friends ...

Warning signs to watch out for if you're in business ...

I personally think that tattoos are stupid, particularly when applied in large numbers to otherwise beautiful young ladies. Here is a collection of cartoons on the topic of "body art" ...

And ...

And ...

And ...

And, finally ...

It looks as if it's going to be a beautiful weekend here in Northern Virginia, with sunny skies, temperatures in the low 80's, and no rain ... perfect weather for me to try to sneak up on all the weeds that are sneering at me from the lush green of our new grass. I hope your weekend will be as pleasant and ... hopefully ... productive.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

It's a Horse!

After a long dry spell in which she was probably getting a life, our beloved Fiona is back to blogging again. If you are not getting enough Scottish brogue in your blog reading, she is riding to your rescue. Welcome back, Beautiful Lady!

And, speaking of riding to your rescue, she really is - because Fiona is a genuine horse lady who rides and cares for her equine friends on her spread out in California. I am envious, because here in Disneyland-on-the-Potomac, we don't very often see a horse with a front end attached. In fact, it can be difficult to even recognize and relate to an entire horse ... thus, as a public service, I offer this helpful flow chart from Graph Jam that will help you with the recognition and effective use of your horse ...

I hope you can read this ... if it's not legible, e-mail me (bilbo_the_blogger (at) yahoo (dot) com) and I'll send you a copy of the original.

Because when it comes to funny stuff, we don't horse around.

Have a good day. Cartoon Saturday is coming!

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Evil Animals, Bwa, Ha, HAAAAAA!!!!!

We don't always think of animals as being "evil," and yet from Time Magazine comes this list of the Top Ten Evil Animals:

10. Asian Carp (carp are actually very useful for hilarious misprints on Chinese restaurant menus, where they often appear as things like, "Crap in Five-Emerald Sauce");

9. Emerald Ash Borers (they dig into ash trees to lay their eggs, and the larvae kill the trees. What a pain in the ash);

8. Pandas (wait for it ... wait for it ... angry denunciations from China are sure to erupt over this arrogantly anti-Chinese, splittist, Dalai-clique slander against lovable pandas. Read the accompanying text, which is hysterical);

7. Tapeworms (I'm surprised that evolution hasn't turned these into CD or DVD worms);

6. Dingoes (wild dogs of the Australian outback, often accused of stealing children. In the advanced countries, children are stolen by 24-hour television instead);

5. Locusts (they swarm by the millions, eating everything in their path ... much like teenagers);

4. Tse-Tse Flies (the spreading of dreaded sleeping sickness aside, these are actually useful creatures for those who design crossword puzzles ... how often have you seen the clue, "half a fly?");

3. Rats (what's not to hate? As for me, I'm starting a campaign to replace the elephant and the jackass as the symbols of the Republicans and Democrats with the rat. Like the rabidly partisan political ass clowns with which our government is infested, rats are useless and indistinguishable from one another);

2. Humans (the accompanying text reads, "Concentration camps. War crimes. Genocide. The Crusades. Al-Qaeda. The specter of nuclear armageddon. Torture and rape as tools of systemic violence. Avarice. Jealousy. Sub-prime mortgages. What more evidence do you need of Homo sapiens' innate propensity to inflict ill upon the world and themselves?" What more can I say?);

1. Bedbugs (according to the article, they can drink three times their body weight in your blood in one feeding. And they number in the tens of thousands in an infested bed. Sleep well...).

Well, at least we aren't number one, but I'm not sure that ranking below bedbugs and above rats is much of a consolation prize.

Cast your vote in the comments for replacing the elephant and the donkey with the rat as a common symbol of our political parties. It will insult the rats, but they'll get over it.

Have a good day. Don't let the bedbugs bite.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo