Thursday, June 02, 2011

Evil Animals, Bwa, Ha, HAAAAAA!!!!!

We don't always think of animals as being "evil," and yet from Time Magazine comes this list of the Top Ten Evil Animals:

10. Asian Carp (carp are actually very useful for hilarious misprints on Chinese restaurant menus, where they often appear as things like, "Crap in Five-Emerald Sauce");

9. Emerald Ash Borers (they dig into ash trees to lay their eggs, and the larvae kill the trees. What a pain in the ash);

8. Pandas (wait for it ... wait for it ... angry denunciations from China are sure to erupt over this arrogantly anti-Chinese, splittist, Dalai-clique slander against lovable pandas. Read the accompanying text, which is hysterical);

7. Tapeworms (I'm surprised that evolution hasn't turned these into CD or DVD worms);

6. Dingoes (wild dogs of the Australian outback, often accused of stealing children. In the advanced countries, children are stolen by 24-hour television instead);

5. Locusts (they swarm by the millions, eating everything in their path ... much like teenagers);

4. Tse-Tse Flies (the spreading of dreaded sleeping sickness aside, these are actually useful creatures for those who design crossword puzzles ... how often have you seen the clue, "half a fly?");

3. Rats (what's not to hate? As for me, I'm starting a campaign to replace the elephant and the jackass as the symbols of the Republicans and Democrats with the rat. Like the rabidly partisan political ass clowns with which our government is infested, rats are useless and indistinguishable from one another);

2. Humans (the accompanying text reads, "Concentration camps. War crimes. Genocide. The Crusades. Al-Qaeda. The specter of nuclear armageddon. Torture and rape as tools of systemic violence. Avarice. Jealousy. Sub-prime mortgages. What more evidence do you need of Homo sapiens' innate propensity to inflict ill upon the world and themselves?" What more can I say?);

1. Bedbugs (according to the article, they can drink three times their body weight in your blood in one feeding. And they number in the tens of thousands in an infested bed. Sleep well...).

Well, at least we aren't number one, but I'm not sure that ranking below bedbugs and above rats is much of a consolation prize.

Cast your vote in the comments for replacing the elephant and the donkey with the rat as a common symbol of our political parties. It will insult the rats, but they'll get over it.

Have a good day. Don't let the bedbugs bite.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

5 comments:

Mike said...

Found this video on th ecarp.

http://www.time.com/time/video/player/0,32068,541363358001_2010246,00.html

KKTSews said...

what accompanying text? If I missed it, I need more coffee!

KKTSews said...

Duh....at the top. Going to get more coffee and read it now.

KathyA said...

Had the read the thing on Pandas -- I'm one of the ones duped.

I'll be standing up to sleep tonight.

Chrissy said...

Yayy....you said "ass clown" again. I'm sitting here quietly giggling to myself while my kids refuse their naps.