Friday, February 05, 2021

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


Here we go ...

Don't forget your banana ...


I think someone needs a new editor ...


The latest mutation is more dangerous than we thought ...


In case Der Furor still needs top-flight legal help ...


If you've ever  used an outhouse in the winter (and I have!), you know all about this ...


The equipment used in day care centers in some parts of the country is a little different ...


I guess this would be Der Furor's fallback position ...


I wish I had one of the lenses that photographer used ...


It pays to know the opposition when you develop your business plan ...


Look at what those &%*# libruls have done, now ... disarmed our patriotic mountain lions! ...


There you go ... the first collection of editorial gems for February, 2021! Have you seen a great ad? A fabulous misprint? A sign that made you go, huh? Send a copy to me for future editions of Great Moments in Editing and Signage!

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Sunday, January 31, 2021

Poetry Sunday


How better to mark the last day of January with a poem about ... January?
 
January 

“Cold as the moon,” he’d mutter
In the January of 5 A.M. and 15 below
As he tried to tease the old Chev into greeting
One more misanthropic morning.
It was an art (though he never
Used that curious word) as he thumped
The gas pedal and turned the key
So carefully while he held his breath
And waited for the sharp jounce
And roar of an engaged engine.
“Shoulda brought in the battery last night.”
“Shoulda got up around midnight
And turned it over once.”
It was always early rising as he’d worked
A lifetime “in every damn sort
Of damn factory.” Machines were
As natural to him as dogs and flowers.
A machine, as he put it, "was sensible.”
I was so stupid about valves and intakes
He thought I was some religious type.
How had I lived as long as I had
And remained so out of it?
And why had I moved of my own free will
To a place that prided itself
On the blunt misery of January?
“No way to live,” he’d say as he poked
A finger into the frozen throat
Of an unwilling carburetor.
His breath hung in the air
Like a white balloon.
Later on the way to the town where
We worked while the heater
Wheezed fitfully and the windshield
Showed indifference to the defroster
He’d turn to me and say that
The two best things in this world
Were hot coffee and winter sunrises.
The icy road beckoned to no one,
Snow began to drift down sleepily,
The peace of servitude sighed and dreamed.

And here in NoVa, January comes to an end with a big snowstorm ... a welcome change from the massive snowjob of the last four years.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Stay safe, wash your hands, and wear your mask. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, January 30, 2021

Cartoon Saturday


Yes, I'm ready for this month to be over ...

Six people, including a pregnant woman and her unborn child, were murdered in the largest mass shooting in the city of Indianapolis in more than a decade; Chinese scientists have introduced a new Coronavirus test which relies on an anal swab they claim is more accurate than currently-used throat or nasal swabs; in a sign of the continuing turmoil in the GOP and the continuing influence of the former president, House minority leader Kevin McCarthy traveled to Florida to kiss Der Furor's ... ring; famed actress Cicely Tyson passed away at age 96; and in Billings, Montana, a pair of 10-year-olds stole an RV from an auto auction yard and led police on a slow-speed chase, running other cars off the road and generally behaving like most drivers of large RVs.

This week, because we need to laugh at something more stupid than Marjorie Taylor Greene, how about a collection of cartoons featuring stupid puns and general lunacy ...

Lends new meaning to the term "dating pool," doesn't it? ...  


Proper pronunciation prevents possible problems ...


There are benefits if you're a fifth-level orc or something ...


It's a new world of spydom ...


Now, that's a sweet pun ...


Well, where else would they go for treatment? ...


Well, it's the truth ... sort of ...


There's a similar problem for former employees of Der Furor ...


If Caesar had been murdered today ...


Strategic planning for the food fight ...


And that's it for this week. Hope I helped you get over the ongoing horror of GOP politics.

Come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Friday, January 29, 2021

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for January, 2021


Not long ago, one of my friends commented about how long it's been since we had an Ass Clown Award presented to someone who was not a political figure. I hadn't thought about it, but went back and checked my records (yes, I keep them) and discovered that the last non-political presentation was the Right-Cheek Award in August of 2020 to the tens of thousands of clueless twits who attended the Sturgis motorcycle rally in defiance of public health warnings about the dangers of Covid-19.

Having realized that, I made a major effort to seek out a non-political individual or group for this period's award. There were quite a few possible awardees (the members of the anti-vaccination movement were high on the list), but in the end I had to go where the most spectacular ass clownery was to be found, which remains the political arena. And so, as we approach the end of the first month of the no-longer-new year, cometh the hour, cometh the man ... or, in this case, woman.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown Award for January, 2021


is presented to

Representative
Marjorie Taylor Greene (R, GA-14)


At a time when there are countless numbers of extraordinarily strange people running around loose and unsupervised, many of whom are running for election as Republicans, Marjorie Taylor Greene stands out. She is an unabashed and noisy believer in the bizarre Q-Anon conspiracy theory, and a vocal advocate of the thoroughly-discredited belief that Der Furor won an election he lost by more than 7 million votes. She is a loud supporter of the ghastly theory that the massacre of students at Sandy Hook Elementary School in 2012 was "staged," and that the mass shooting at Florida's Parkland High School in 2018 was a "false-flag operation;" she followed and harassed Parkland survivor David Hogg on Capitol Hill in March, 2019, calling him a "coward." In addition, she repeatedly indicated her support for executing prominent Democratic politicians in 2018 and 2019 before she was elected to Congress. Needless to say, she has been busily working to delete her most incendiary Twitter and Facebook posts as they are coming back to haunt her.

Despite all of her strange and dangerous beliefs ... or, perhaps, because of them ... the House Republican leadership has appointed Ms Greene to the Education and Labor Committee, a committee which, according to its website, stands for (among other things) "Holding Government Accountable" and "Education and Opportunity for Every Student." Given that the GOP believes in government accountability only when Democrats are in power, and that its approach to education was illustrated by the appointment of the useless and educationally dangerous Betsy DeVos* as Der Furor's Secretary of Education, the appointment makes sense ... but only in a world of irrationality and grossly inept governance.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene - the elected representative of the voters of Georgia's 14th District (who probably ought to be institutionalized) - is the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for January, 2021.

The nation is in trouble.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo



Sunday, January 24, 2021

Musical Sunday


After the furious flail of the last four years, it's nice to have some calming, professional adults in government. It's also nice to have some pleasant, calming music, like this great tune from The Seekers ...


See you in Morningtown!

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, January 23, 2021

Cartoon Saturday


Isn't it nice to finally have a non-embarrassing White House again? 

History was made this week when, on Wednesday, Kamala D. Harris was sworn in as the nation's first woman (and Black, and South Asian) Vice President, alongside some old White guy; retired Army general Lloyd Austin has been confirmed and sworn in as the nation's first Black Secretary of Defense; the United States passed the grim milestone of 400,000 Covid-19 deaths; late-breaking news reports indicate that former Justice department lawyer Jeffrey Clark, pressing the former president's false claims of election fraud, met with Der Furor three days before the deadly January 6th Capitol riot, then met with acting Attorney General Jeffrey Rosen and told him Der Furor was going to replace Rosen with Clark, who would then take action to prevent Congress from certifying the election results in favor of then-President-Elect Joe Biden; and a man in Georgia who won a new Corvette Stingray on a $5 scratch-off lottery ticket was disappointed when he tried to claim the prize and was told that the lottery administration had forgotten to actually buy any Corvettes to award.

In the wake of the sudden silence of all the lawyers who said they really ... no, really ... had evidence of massive voter fraud, how about a collection of cartoons poking fun at the legal profession ... 

You only use that term when you want the naked truth ...


Even a dummy knows to lawyer up when the time comes ...


I'm going to try this the next time I get called for jury duty ...


Some people just automatically feel the need to perp-walk ...


Yes, I think that's a bad sign ...


The right lawyer is an important part of good medical care ...


Absolutely yes ...


Modern childhood ...


I think I know an ex-president who could use this guy ...


This is how a lot of election lawyers seem to check things out ...


And there you go ... a few things about lawyers that you can laugh, rather than cry, about.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Musical Sunday returns.

Bilbo

Friday, January 22, 2021

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


Once more into the editorial breach, dear friends ...

He probably considers it a "reproductive biology laboratory" ...


How about that? You can have it all ...


Good, simple signage always works ...


Oh, grow up! ...


You do what you've gotta do ...


Time for that stainless steel, RFID-protected bra ...


Bad dogs! Bad dogs! ...


He couldn't get a position in the previous federal administration ...


Nothing like a multi-purpose barbecue sauce ...


Well, duh ...


Have a good day on this first Friday of the Biden-Harris administration. Let's look forward to brighter days ahead!

More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday returns.

Bilbo

Sunday, January 17, 2021

Poetry Sunday


I really enjoy reading poetry aloud. Not all poems, mind you, because I don't think every poem lends itself to a good reading. Poems I think are made for reading, and which I think I do a good job of reading (pats self on back) are ones like "Casey at the Bat," by Earnest Thayer, "The Raven," by Edgar Allan Poe, and just about anything by Robert W. Service, the man known as "The Bard of the Yukon." This tall tale of Yukon adventure is one of my particular favorites to read aloud ... 

The Cremation of Sam McGee
by Robert W. Service

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
      By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
      That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
      But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
      I cremated Sam McGee.

Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee, where the cotton blooms and blows.
Why he left his home in the South to roam 'round the Pole, God only knows.
He was always cold, but the land of gold seemed to hold him like a spell;
Though he'd often say in his homely way that "he'd sooner live in hell."

On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way over the Dawson trail.
Talk of your cold! through the parka's fold it stabbed like a driven nail.
If our eyes we'd close, then the lashes froze till sometimes we couldn't see;
It wasn't much fun, but the only one to whimper was Sam McGee.

And that very night, as we lay packed tight in our robes beneath the snow,
And the dogs were fed, and the stars o'erhead were dancing heel and toe,
He turned to me, and "Cap," says he, "I'll cash in this trip, I guess;
And if I do, I'm asking that you won't refuse my last request."

Well, he seemed so low that I couldn't say no; then he says with a sort of moan:
"It's the cursèd cold, and it's got right hold till I'm chilled clean through to the bone.
Yet 'tain't being dead—it's my awful dread of the icy grave that pains;
So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, you'll cremate my last remains."

A pal's last need is a thing to heed, so I swore I would not fail;
And we started on at the streak of dawn; but God! he looked ghastly pale.
He crouched on the sleigh, and he raved all day of his home in Tennessee;
And before nightfall a corpse was all that was left of Sam McGee.

There wasn't a breath in that land of death, and I hurried, horror-driven,
With a corpse half hid that I couldn't get rid, because of a promise given;
It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say: "You may tax your brawn and brains,
But you promised true, and it's up to you to cremate those last remains."

Now a promise made is a debt unpaid, and the trail has its own stern code.
In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, in my heart how I cursed that load.
In the long, long night, by the lone firelight, while the huskies, round in a ring,
Howled out their woes to the homeless snows— O God! how I loathed the thing.

And every day that quiet clay seemed to heavy and heavier grow;
And on I went, though the dogs were spent and the grub was getting low;
The trail was bad, and I felt half mad, but I swore I would not give in;
And I'd often sing to the hateful thing, and it hearkened with a grin.

Till I came to the marge of Lake Lebarge, and a derelict there lay;
It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice it was called the "Alice May."
And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, and I looked at my frozen chum;
Then "Here," said I, with a sudden cry, "is my cre-ma-tor-eum."

Some planks I tore from the cabin floor, and I lit the boiler fire;
Some coal I found that was lying around, and I heaped the fuel higher;
The flames just soared, and the furnace roared—such a blaze you seldom see;
And I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal, and I stuffed in Sam McGee.

Then I made a hike, for I didn't like to hear him sizzle so;
And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, and the wind began to blow.
It was icy cold, but the hot sweat rolled down my cheeks, and I don't know why;
And the greasy smoke in an inky cloak went streaking down the sky.

I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear;
But the stars came out and they danced about ere again I ventured near;
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said: "I'll just take a peep inside.
I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked"; ... then the door I opened wide.

And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm, in the heart of the furnace roar;
And he wore a smile you could see a mile, and he said: "Please close that door.
It's fine in here, but I greatly fear you'll let in the cold and storm—
Since I left Plumtree, down in Tennessee, it's the first time I've been warm."

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
      By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
      That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
      But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
      I cremated Sam McGee.


Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Stay safe ... and warm.

Bilbo

Saturday, January 16, 2021

Cartoon Saturday


Can we just skip forward to 2022? 

History was made on Wednesday, when Der Furor became the only American president to be impeached twice ... this time with limited GOP support; in the wake of last week's murderous riot and vandalism of the Capitol, metal detectors were installed outside the Senate chambers ... and numerous Republicans refused to pass through them, whining about limitations on their personal freedoms; Siegfried Fischbacher, one half of magic team of Siegfried & Roy, died at 81; an estimated 20,000 National Guard personnel will be assigned to Washington, DC to protect the inauguration of President Biden - more troops than are currently deployed in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Syria; and in New Zealand, hundreds of migrating geese are heavily polluting a lake with hundreds of pounds of ... poop ... leading for calls to have the birds culled and distributed to feed the poor.

This week, in response to the prevailing national mood and the rank stupidity of those who will believe just about anything, a collection of cartoons about conspiracy theories ... 

I'll never look at autumn the same way again ...


It's true ...


Conspiracy theories aren't new ...


Some people need it to make sense of the world ...


That'll teach him ...


It's a common worldview ...


Perhaps you shouldn't go ...


Some of them start early ...


Aha!! ...


That must be why my wine keeps running out ...


And that's it for this week's Cartoon Saturday ... perhaps, though, it's really Cartoon Sunday ... did you ever think about that?

Have a good day and a great weekend. Stay safe, and come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday, if they let you. More thoughts then.

Bilbo