Sunday, January 04, 2009

Making a Clean Breast of Things...So to Speak

Okay, Rima and Fiona and Mike started this, so blame them if you're one of those odd people easily offended by sexual imagery.

Yes, I am going to write about breasts this morning.

Being a normal, healthy American male, I am as obsessed with the female figure as anyone else. The difference is that my obsession is a reasonably moderate and well-controlled one...I don't (usually) stare at the bosoms of young ladies, and neither do I get huffy when a young mother decides to breast-feed her child in public (hey, I learned from my daughter that one can now buy "hooter hiders" to make public breast-feeding less of a traumatic event for those exposed to it). Ladies come equipped with breasts, and men like them. It's been this way since Adam first realized that Eve had fine knockers and Eve went to Victoria's Secret Tree for leaves to cover said knockers, and it's unlikely to change any time soon. For my own part, I depend on beautiful breasts, partially exposed by teasingly low necklines, to encourage me to keep my head up while dancing. Most of the time, anyhow.

Which is all part of my long-winded introduction to this article from Time Magazine: Facebook's War on Nipples.

According to the article, "Facebook has drawn a line in the sand by removing any photos it deems obscene, including those containing a fully exposed breast, which the site defines as 'showing the nipple or areola.' In other words, plunging necklines or string bikinis are fine — just no nips."

You may remember the hysteria which accompanied Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" on live television some years ago...part of her costume was designed to pull away to expose a ... gasp! ... nipple on television. The horror! Oh, dear God, there couldn't have been enough psychiatrists in the world to deal with the incalculable harm done to the minds of the millions of impressionable children who might have caught a split-second glimpse of Ms Jackson's partially-exposed breast (and a fine breast it was, too, if I may offer the opinion). And think of the damage done to carpets and upholstery everywhere when alert men spilled their chips and beer at the sight.

We're doomed, doomed, I say! When breasts are wantonly exposed, surely the rain of fire and brimstone from an aggrieved deity cannot be far behind. Surely the collapse of the economy and all of our other ills can be traced directly to our willingness to expose female breasts.

Okay, it's time to cash the reality check.

A staple of modern prime-time television programming is violence. You have your CSI, you have your Bones, you have your police and detective shows in which people are routinely stabbed, shot, beaten, burned, tortured, bent, folded, spindled, mutilated, and subjected to many other types of hideous bodily harm. The small screen is awash in violent imagery of wounds, decomposed bodies, rape, murder, and all sorts of other examples of man's inhumanity to man.

And we're worried someone might see a nipple? Or - God forbid - a whole breast, still attached to a live, functioning lady? Oh, the horror! Maybe it's just me, but I tend to prefer the sight of a baby peacefully nursing at a mother's breast to a scene of violence and depravity.


As opposed to this:

I'm weird that way.

Well, other ways, too, but that's a discussion for another day.

If you are one of those people who get hysterical at the sight of an exposed breast, my message to you is: get a life. After all, the life you have is probably a result in large part of a breast your mother exposed to you some years ago. And I don't think you complained about that one.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



KKTSews said...

Oh man. I can see this comes the discussion about what defines pornography. I had a long talk with my step-daughter over Xmas about pictures of topless or mostly-nude women and how SOME people think of that as porn. She objected. I then went into the "I don't know how to define it but I know it when I see it" that either was used in what, the Supreme Court? Congress?
Unfortunately, this kind of thing lies in the eye of the beholder. We Americans are generally way too prude about sexuality, and way too easy about seeing violence. It's cultural, for whatever reason. And yet, in the South apparently it is now a very common HS graduation gift to give a daughter fake boobies. Plastic Surgeons love it.
Have a nice day.

Amanda said...

What a perfect latch that baby has!

As you probably know from my blog, I'm a proud breastfeeder and have, on occasion, flashed a little too much but I've learnt to smile back at whoever might have been looking and I usually win. I couldn't give a second thought as to whether I have offended them or not.

Great post!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

In the UK bumms are shown on the fact I'm pretty sure the f-word isn't bleeped out in certain shows, but we get all freaky about boobs and whatnot.

Its ridiculous.

Bandit said...

I'm glad you called them by their proper name in your first paragragh.........knockers. I noticed the Mistress of the Dark refers to them as bumms. I like that. How many names are there for those wonderments? Mike, you should refer to Roget on that.

In your closing paragragh you used the word hysterical. I must admit that I have been hysterical over them in many different ways. The gamut includes wow, oh yeah (which usually includes drooling), to what's wrong with you woman...cover those things up!

Bandit said...

I forgot to add this tidbit. Could that word be a name for them? Probably. My 6 month old grandson has been a confirmed "Boob Man" since he was born. Any female that holds him he wants to..uh...well you know. And my daughter in law does not breast feed.

Mike said...

Bandit stole my "hysterical over them" line. Life's a bitch. But at least I'm not dead.

And Bandit, Mistress is talking about the 'backside' bumm's. And a lot of them are GUYS backsides! YUCK.

Mistress, I'll be happy as long as string bikinis are allowed to be viewed from the backside.

OK, let me check something out here ....... HEY! This is Bilbo's comment section!
OK, the fact is that as long as the breasts are sliced down the middle and laid open for an autopsy and the nipples can only be seen from the backside, everything is OK.

Gilahi said...

It's pretty horrible. If a movie shows a woman's breast being kissed or stroked, it's an "X". If a movie shows a woman's breast being shot off by a high-powered assault rifle, it's an "R".

Mike said...

I went to the Facebook article. Which lead me to the 'topfree equal rights assoc'. Where I found this.

If a woman breastfeeds with her whole breast out of the shirt, there's someone in the room wishing she would pull the shirt down a little more.
If she pulls her shirt down a little more, there's someone in the room wishing she would put a blanket over her side boob or cleavage.
If she blankets her boob, there's someone wishing she would put the blanket over the baby's head.

If she blankets her baby, there's someone wishing she was in the corner.
If she moves to the corner, there's someone wishing she would face the wall.
If she faces the wall, there's someone wishing she would leave the room.

Can't please 'em all, so do what feels right to you, I say. But regardless of how you do it, keep nursing, ladies.

anOCgirl said...

so more boobs, less violence on TV? now that's change i can believe in!

Bilbo said...

Katherine - none of that fake boobs stuff for me...I want the real thing, or nothing at all!

Amanda - go for it! I'm sure Aaron isn't complaining.

Andrea - German TV is ... um ... interesting that way, too.

Bandit - aha! Woke you up, didn't I?

Mike - go ahead and comment about the comments. Your autopsy point is a good one.

Gilahi - my point exactly!

OCgirl - up with boobs, down with violence! So to speak.

KKTSews said...

you may not be interested in fake boobs, but I assure you, most of the huge sets walking around today on slender young ladies are just that. This isn't the result of homone-fed cows producing huge "udders" on our young ladies. It's the wonders of plastic surgery.
Trust step daughter got a huge set which are now universaly admired as if they were natural. No, we did NOT pay for them.

Bilbo said...

Katherine - I don't disagree with you...I just much prefer the naturally provided versions. And I think it's grand that I have a legitimate excuse to discuss breasts of all sorts and sizes, natural or not. I'll pass on the "are you going to hold it against me?" joke.

Twinkie said...

a local artist friend of mine, Jen Raven had a an art piece of a mermaid taken down from myspace for being "innapropiate"... in protest, she put the picture of the art piece back up, with a black line over the breasts. After a while she put the original picture back up and it's been there ever since. Funny stuff, this "innapropriate" thing. Even funnier when you compare the acceptance of violence over nudity.

Also, I've always wondered why on daytime television it's ok to say "bitch" but it's not ok to say "shit"... they bleep it out.

Damned male chauvenist bastard editors. LOL

fiona said...

I hand you the "Booby" prize on this one. Well done sir, well done