Thursday, January 08, 2009

You Knew It Had To Be Coming...So To Speak...

Two of my heroes are comic writer Dave Barry and beloved American commentator Will Rogers. Dave Barry, before reporting on something true-but-utterly-ridiculous, generally said, "I couldn't make this stuff up!" Will Rogers once said, "I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."

Which brings me to this amazing story that popped up on CNN yesterday: Porn Industry Seeks Federal Bailout. Yes, the porn industry, represented by Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt and "Girls Gone Wild" CEO Joe Francis, are seeking a 5 billion dollar federal bailout of the adult entertainment industry. Mr Francis said in a statement that “the US government should actively support the adult industry's survival and growth, just as it feels the need to support any other industry cherished by the American people." Mr Flynt, in his own statement, said, "With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind. It's time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly."

Have you noticed that while boobs generally come in pairs, some are much more attractive and interesting than others (Rima, Fiona, and Mike, feel free to jump in here)?

It's obvious that Congress won't bail out the porn industry, at least not directly...they'll continue to do it one member and one transaction at a time. But I'd sure like to be in the audience for the hearings if it gets that far. Some of the evidence submitted would probably be exciting, and it would be interesting to see all the elected reprehensives wearing raincoats to the hearing. And can you imagine the collateral the adult entertainment industry could agree to post?

What's all this stuff about "adult entertainment," anyhow? I'm an adult. Age-wise, anyhow. And I get most of my entertainment from books and dancing. I wonder if I can qualify for a bailout? I can buy a lot of books and magazines, dance lessons and shoes for 5 billion dollars.

I'm working on my bailout request. I'll let you know how it comes out.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



Amanda said...

I heard this on the news today. It must be another one of those things that can only happen in America :)

The Mistress of the Dark said...

I saw that yesterday and went OMGWTFBBQ!

Talk about wasting our money.

I want a bailout for something now too.

fiona said...

"One member and one transaction at a time"
Well Double Entendre award to YOU mister! LMAO

bandit said...

Boobs bailing out boobs

GreenCanary said...

I think that I deserve a bailout, too. I represent the "Makes Bad Spending Decisions" contingent of the U.S. population. We want some monies. Pay up, Uncle Sam!

Mike said...

I just goes to show if you have the right line of BS you can justify anything.

Bilbo said...

Amanda - you are SO right!

Andrea - line forms to the rear, Dear.

Fiona - I wondered if anyone would pick up on that...somehow, I'm not surprised it was you. Happy Birthday.

Bandit - you know, I can probably coast out the rest of the year blogging about boobs...

Canary - You'll have to make a better case than that...the "Makes Bad Spending Decisions" bailout group designation has already been claimed by Congress. Sorry.

Mike - so true! I'm working hard on perfecting my line of BS. How am I doing?

twinkie said...

Oh MY God. This is PERFECT!!! I love it.


My stomach hurts... oh gaawd. Stop it. Stop it. stopitstopitstopit.... hahahahahaa