Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Debbie Strikes Again!

A few days ago I depended on the contents of an e-mail from my long-lost and newly-re-found-via-Facebook friend Debbie for a clever post on the economy. Since that post got so many rave comments, I decided not to argue with success...I went back to another e-mail from Debbie for this collection of off-the-wall comments. I'd already heard some of them before, but they're worth repeating (with commentary, where appropriate) ...

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. (In Indonesia, you can eat unnatural foods - see this post from Amanda)

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. (Especially if you have to negotiate the intersection of Frontier Dr and the Franconia-Springfield Parkway at the entrance to the Franconia-Springfield Metro Station here in lovely Northern Virginia)

Life is sexually transmitted. (Question: when all those women told me over the years to "get a life," was it an invitation I was too slow to recognize at the time?)

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. (Note: it doesn't work)

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? (Note: at least in the Pentagon, it makes the elevator stop)

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

And finally, the person who sends me my Joke of the Day e-mail seems to have read yesterday's post on data conservation. Mike, Gilahi, and I can all relate to this one ...

You know you're getting old when you've bought the same album five times: vinyl in 1965, 8-track in 1975, cassette tape in 1985, CD in 1995, and MP3 in 2005! (Mike, I didn't mention the wax cylinders because I didn't want you to feel too old)

Have a good day. If you're a pedestrian, be quick.

More thoughts tomorrow.



The Mistress of the Dark said...

These are good for a giggle

Amanda said...

They are ALL so funny! I can't even pick a favorite.

bandit said...

Good Stuff...Reminds me of Steven Wright. So you are saying that an OB-GYN does a quizzical?

The group Chicago's 1st album is Chicago transit Authority. I have all forms except the 8 track. Used to have it but those 8 tracks were junk and mine broke.

fiona said...

These are all new for me and I'm giggling!

wv - ampert - sadly no I'm not!

Mike said...

I was going to mention wax cylinders yesterday but since they're a read once media they would be hard to use for back up.

Wv: claties - Ties made out of dirt.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

You're on Facebook? You'll have to tell me where you are.

Bilbo said...

Andrea - we all need a giggle sometimes!

Amanda - :-) !!

Bandit - we used to use an 8-track at the radio station to run commercials before we finally switched over to mp3's on the computer. What a difference!

Fiona - giggle away, Dearie!

Mike - wax on, wax off. Or so Mr Miyagi always said.

Jean-Luc - I've sent you an e-mail with my name...look me up on Facebook and I'll "friend" you!