Thursday, February 09, 2012


As I try to build readership in the lead-up to my sixth blogoversary (coming up on March 8th!), I figured I might as well try using some words that will resonate well with search engines and draw unsuspecting readers to my little corner of cyberspace. Sex seemed like a pretty good choice, since we spend most of our early lives looking for it and most of our later lives trying to remember why we were looking for it and what to do if we actually find it. Don't ask me how I know that.

Here's what some of the famous and not-so-famous have had to say about sex ...

"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds." (Joan Rivers)

"I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax." (Scott Roeben)

"Anyone who says that gratuitous sex is no substitute for gratuitous violence obviously hasn't had enough gratuitous sex." (Geoff Spear)

"I love sex. It's free and doesn't require special shoes." (Anonymous)

"Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing." (Charles Bukowski)

"Despite a lifetime of service to the cause of sexual liberation, I have never caught venereal disease, which makes me feel rather like an Arctic explorer who has never had frostbite." (Germaine Greer)

"I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it." (Anonymous)

"For me, love is very deep, but sex only has to go a few inches." (Stacy Nelkin)

"Housework is like bad sex. Every time I do it I swear I will never do it again. Until the next time company comes." (Marilyn Sokol)

"During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else." (Richard Lewis)

"There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be." (Norman Mailer)

"The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes." (Scott Roeben)

"It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean." (Mae West)

"There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that." (Lewis Grizzard)

"For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to peel and cook." (Quentin Crisp)

"Nothing makes you forget about love like sex." (Staci Beasley)

"I read so many bad things about sex that I had to give up reading." (Anonymous)

"Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them." (Kevin Costner, in the film Tin Cup)

"I'm a great lover, I'll bet." (Emo Philips)

"Just saying 'no' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day'cures chronic depression." (Faye Wattleton)

"I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible." (Leslie Nielsen)

"I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me." (Scott Roeben)

"Science is a lot like sex. Sometimes something useful comes of it, but that's not the reason we're doing it." (Richard Feynman)

"Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing." (Phyllis Diller)

"One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other." (Jane Austen)

"If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right." (Anonymous)

"Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn." (Garrison Keillor)

"I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic and the others give me a stiff neck or lockjaw." (Tallulah Bankhead)

"The position is ridiculous, the pleasure momentary, and the expense damnable." (Lord Chesterfield)

Now to sit back and watch the hit counter. This ought to be interesting.

Have a good day. Practice safe sex ...

More thoughts tomorrow.



eViL pOp TaRt said...

Great quotes about this very quotable topic. Didn't Woody Allen say that bisexuality doubles one's chance of getting a date on Saturday night

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

oh Bill this will jump your numbers. I wrote about Sophia Vergara and it went ballistic.
Can't wait to hear.

BeeCeeArr said...

Another great Mae West comment was "Sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand."

Mike said...

Well the title got my attention.

Big Sky Heidi said...

Sweet corn is not THAT good!