Wednesday, January 01, 2014

The Ass Clown of the Year for 2013!

Happy New Year!

And now that we've got the pleasantries out of the way, it is time to reveal the results of our voting for the quasi-esteemed title of

Ass Clown of the Year, 2013!

The voting this year was moderately spirited, but came in sudden gusts, rather than in the steady stream that was characteristic of last year's voting. But the people have spoken, and the results are in. Let us count down the candidates on our way to the Grand Announcement ...

In fifth place, with 12 votes, is GOP Representative Eric Cantor of Virginia (although, thankfully, not my district). He was also our June, 2011 monthly award winner.

In fourth place, with 31 votes, is self-important traitor Edward Snowdon, who has singlehandedly wrecked much of the US intelligence community. You may recall that he was our Ass Clown of the Month for July, 2013.

In third place, with 40 votes, is the GOP. The Republicans always make a strong showing, and are multiple past winners, having been co-winners (with the Democrats) in September 2011, our annual awardees for 2011, and received special recognition in October 2013 (that was the month the award went to Congress as a whole).

In second place, just edging out the GOP with 41 votes, is the Democratic Party which, as noted above, was a monthly co-winner with the GOP in September 2011. One can distinguish Democrats from Republicans by noting that Democrats tend to have hearts, but no brains, while Republicans tend to have no hearts and brains they do not choose to use.

And in First Place, just one vote ahead of the second-place Democrats, is our Ass Clown of the Year for 2013 -

The Tea Party

For its single-minded focus, utter lack of compassion, complete unwillingness to recognize the virtue of any opinions other than their own, and willingness to bring down the government to advance their agenda ... and for frequently doing so while wearing ridiculous costumes intended to recall memories of people with far greater intellect and heart than themselves, the Tea Party has won the designation of Ass Clown of the Year for 2013.

There were many other nominees as well, but they fell short in the voting department (as well as in the intellectual department). Here is a complete list of the remaining contenders you nominated ...

With 11 votes,  Casey James Fury (the August 2013 monthly winner).

With 7 votes, Speaker of the House John Boehner (R, OH, and our November 2011 monthly winner).

With 2 votes each, Secretary of State John Kerry and Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson.

And with one lonely vote each, we had the US Congress*, professional celebrity Kim Kardashian**, North Korean despot Kim Jong-Un, Calfornia Governor Jerry Brown, oddly-clothed singer Lady Gaga***, sometime actress and noted rehab queen Lindsey Lohan, the Alabama House of Representatives, Russian President Vladimir Putin, and economist Paul Krugman.

For those of you whose desired candidate did not achieve the desired degree of distinction this year, cheer up ... there are 12 monthly awards to bestow in the new year, leading up to the annual awardee to be announced one year from today. Vote early, vote often ... as you can see, there is no shortage of deserving candidates.

I hope that you all had a great New Year's celebration, however you chose to celebrate. Agnes and I celebrated by sitting in front of the fire watching my Christmas Blu-Ray disks of Star Trek: The Next Generation's third season. I did wake up at one point because of all the noise of firecrackers outside, but what did it matter ... 2014 arrived on schedule despite the fact that we dozed through it.

Thank you for your support and friendship during the past year, Dear Readers. Your comments and e-mails are the highlights of my day**** and make the writing of this blog a pleasure.

Have a good day and a safe, happy, healthy, and prosperous new year. More thoughts coming.


* I'm surprised that Congress got any votes at all, having done so little this year as to be beneath most notice.

** Who would deserve recognition for marrying a talentless dumbass like Kanye West if for no other reason.

*** She's truly odd, but I do like much of her music, particularly Poker Face and Bad Romance.

**** Yes, Mike, even yours.


Duckbutt said...

Ass Clown all! They deserve their recognition for making 2013 a memorable year. Not a good year, though.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

One vote between the Democrats and The Tea Party? Really? REALLY?

eViL pOp TaRt said...

A worthy choice. I'd hit the Dems just on principle too.

Happy New 2014 Bilbo!

KathyA said...

Thank you for this wonderful public service!!!! Finally -- something to celebrate!!

I may try to copy some of this -- will SOOO give you credit, however. That's just how I roll.

Mike said...

A well deserved win for the teabaggers.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

A good choice.