The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2026

Two weeks ago, in a comment on my Facebook page about the Left-Cheek Ass Clown Award announced earlier that day, my old friend Dave wondered how many people had won back-to-back awards over the years. I did the research and discovered that there have been three instances over the years: Dick Cheney was the final winner in December of 2014*, and won the Ass Clown of the Year (ACOY) for 2014 a week later; Texas Governor Greg Abbott was the On-Crack Ass Clown for December, 2022, and won the 2022 ACOY the following week. Secretary of Defense (not War) Pete Hegseth was the third, having shared the Right-Cheek Award for March, 2026, followed by winning the Left-Cheek Award for the month two weeks later. Mr. Hegseth, being an overachieving MAGAt of the highest degree, seems intent on making his mark not just on the wreckage of the Department of Defense (not War), but on the history of my Ass Clown Awards.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, it is with no small degree of shame and regret that I award the tinfoil and toilet paper crown, fourth poison ivy cluster, to

The Right Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2026

and the winner, for an unprecedented third straight time (one shared) is

Secretary of Defense (not War)

Pete Hegseth

It's not easy to get the Pope to condemn you, however obliquely, but the clownishly belligerent Mr. Hegseth managed to make it happen after delivering a bizarre address at a "Christian Worship Service" at the Pentagon, when he exhorted his listeners

"Let every round find its mark against the enemies of righteousness and our great nation. Give them wisdom in every decision, endurance for the trial ahead, unbreakable unity, and overwhelming violence of action against those who deserve no mercy."

There is, of course, a long history of invoking the blessings of (insert preferred deity) on military undertakings. Indeed, the stirring Order of the Day to the troops issued by General Dwight Eisenhower before the Normandy landings on June 6th, 1944, ended with the words, 

"... let us beseech the blessing of Almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking."

And imperial and Nazi Germany famously emblazoned "Gott mit uns" ("God is with us") in their military heraldry.

Pope Leo XIV has pushed back against Mr. Hegseth's use of religious, specifically Christian, endorsement of war and violence. In his homily to crowds on Palm Sunday, without mentioning the Secretary of Defense (not War) by name, he said 

"Brothers and sisters, this is our God: Jesus, King of Peace, who rejects war, whom no one can use to justify war. He does not listen to the prayers of those who wage war, but rejects them, saying: 'Even though you make many prayers, I will not listen: your hands are full of blood.'" (Is 1:15).

When the Pope calls you out, you may want to rethink your rhetoric.

In his angry, bloodthirsty calls for extreme violence, Pete Hegseth has revealed himself to be an unserious, morally bankrupt man in a job which - paradoxically - requires both a willingness to use lethal force and a thoughtful weighing of the morality of such use. Writing in The Atlantic, Peter Wehner succinctly observed that

"We need people in government and in the military who can lead the nation to victory in times of war, but that is quite different than having people in leadership who indulge in bloodlust ..."

Sadly, we do not have them. And it is a terrible loss for the nation and the world.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2026, is Secretary of Defense (not War) Pete Hegseth - yet another example of the toxic mediocrity that has replaced competence,  morality, empathy, and simple humanity in Der Furor's government.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

P.S. - after I wrote this post earlier in the week, Mr Hegseth removed two black men and two women from the list of officers recommended by the Army for promotion to Brigadier General. He did not give a reason for their removal, but it's pretty clear that they ran contrary to his version of senior military command as a meritocracy based on white "Christian" male leadership. And he wasn't done yet ... on Thursday he fired - without stating any reason - the Chief of Staff of the Army, General Randy George, in the middle of the undeclared war against Iran. I can't make this stuff up.

* Before I started the Right-Cheek/Left-Cheek/On-Crack system.