And the Award Goes To ...

Yes, Dear Readers, it's time once again for ol' Uncle Bilbo to present the richly-deserved Ass Clown of the Week Award!

But wait! This time, it's special, for two reasons!

First, today, we present an award covering not just a week, but an entire month, the level of recognized ass-clownery being so stupendous as to deserve dishonor over a longer period of time. And second, we have a tie for worst first place, and so recognize not one, but two dishonorees.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Ass Clown of the Month Award is presented jointly to the Joint Select Committee on Deficit Reduction (the so-called "supercommittee") and to Republican gadfly and loose cannon par excellence Newt Gingrich.

We first cite the members of the "supercommittee," for wasting the nation's time and treasure while accomplishing absolutely nothing, making our so-called government the laughingstock of the world, and imperiling our children's and grandchildren's future.

The self-serving and ludicrous closing statement (sent out by the committee's co-chairs by e-mail and as a post on the committee's website, because they were too ashamed to face the people and admit their failure) says it all:

"After months of hard work and intense deliberations, we have come to the conclusion today that it will not be possible to make any bipartisan agreement available to the public before the committee’s deadline ... Despite our inability to bridge the committee's significant differences, we end this process united in our belief that the nation's fiscal crisis must be addressed and that we cannot leave it for the next generation to solve. We remain hopeful that Congress can build on this committee’s work and can find a way to tackle this issue in a way that works for the American people and our economy."

If there was any "hard work" or "intense deliberations" involved, I didn't see it. And if these ridiculous, ideologically fossilized and morally bankrupt finger-pointing blowhards left any work "that Congress can build on," I didn't see that, either. If ever the Ass Clown of the Month Award was deserved, it is now.

And because the ass-clownery just never ends, especially in an election year, a second award is presented to Newt Gingrich ...

for his personification of the "compassionate conservatism" of today's Republican Party. Specifically, Mr Gingrich is cited for his recent assertion that child labor laws are "truly stupid," and his belief that children's work ethic could be enhanced and money saved by replacing expensive unionized school janitors with after-school student labor. Who needs to waste all that time on school work, anyhow? ... the current crop of Republican presidential wannabees clearly demonstrates that education is unnecessary if you are sufficiently ideologically rigid.

And so, Dear Readers, I give you the joint dishonorees for the month of November. Tomorrow may be our beloved holiday of Thanksgiving, but I find little to give thanks for as I look at these ridiculous ass clowns.

I'd go on, but I'm so angry I'd just splutter on the screen.

Demand more from your elected reprehensives, but expect less ... as Jerry Reed once famously remarked, "He who expected nothin' ain't gonna be deceived!"

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The Envelope, Please ...

Once again, Dear Readers, it is time to bestow the Ass Clown of the Week Award.

It's been a while since I last awarded it ... not because of a lack of worthy candidates, but because of the sheer difficulty of evaluating the relative merits of the potential awardees and making a decision. Previous awardees include the Republican and Democratic parties (joint award), anti-tax activist Grover Norquist, House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, the Westboro Baptist Church, and Donald Trump. Today, we present the award to House Speaker John Boehner ...

... for his utterly breathtaking hypocrisy in describing previous Ass Clown of the Week awardee Grover Norquist as "some random person in America" ... after claiming that House Republicans are "...doing everything we can to get our economy moving again and to get people back to work." Twice.

There's not much more I can say about someone who can stand before the American people and, with a straight face, describe the man whose infamous "Taxpayer Protection Pledge" has led the Republican Party to reject every attempt to fix the economy that contains the least mention of increased taxes as "some random person."

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the latest Ass Clown of the Week: John Boehner - leading the charge to return America to the halcyon days of the 19th century.

Have a good day. Tomorrow is Cartoon Saturday, not that we need it. Be here.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

P.S. - on a happier note, today is the anniversary of the birth in 1879 of one of my most revered heroes, American cowboy, humorist, and social/political commentator Will Rogers - the man who famously said that "I am not a member of an organized political party. I am a Democrat," and "There's no trick to being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you."

In 1932, he sent a letter of advice to President Roosevelt on dealing with Congress, saying, "They're just children that's [sic] never grown up. They don't like to be corrected in company. Don't send messages to 'em, send candy." Happy Birthday, Will - they're not makin' 'em like you any more.

B.

P.P.S. - once again, thanks to Faithful Reader Chrissy for the original suggestion for the Ass Clown of the Week Award. You're the best!

B.

The Ass Clown of the Week Award Returns!

It's been a while since I have bestowed the prestigious Ass Clown of the Week Award on a deserving recipient. This is because there have been so many worthy potential honorees that I was completely unable to make a decision. But our troubled times call for action, and so in order to facilitate the selection, I have decided to adjust the criteria for the Award to allow for two things: a group, rather than an individual award; and the award of a tie.

And so, Dear Readers, the coveted Ass Clown of the Week Award -

is presented jointly to the Republican and Democratic parties -

Matt Miller, writing earlier this week in The Washington Post, provided the citation for this award in his wonderful article The Third-Party Stump Speech We Need:

"Neither of our two major parties has a strategy for solving our biggest problems; they have strategies for winning elections, which isn’t the same thing. Democrats and Republicans will tell you, as I do, that they want to make America competitive again, keep faith with our deepest values of fairness and opportunity, and fix our broken political system. But the Democrats’ timid half-measures and the Republicans’ mindless anti-government creed can’t begin to get us there. Both parties are prisoner to interest groups and ideological litmus tests that prevent them from blending the best of liberal and conservative thinking. And neither party trusts you enough to lay out the facts and explain the steps we need to take to truly fix things ..."

I think this award is richly deserved, and I encourage you to read Mr Miller's whole article that I linked above. His ideas (with the exception of the one to lower the voting age to 15, which I think is silly) are the sort of ideas we'd be hearing from a responsible Congress ... if we had one that was more interested in serving the nation than scoring cheap political points.

The Ass Clown of the Week Award is presented to the Republican and Democratic parties - and seldom has it been more richly earned.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - a little historical note - today, September 28th, is the anniversary of the birthday (in 1836) of the unfortunately-named Thomas Crapper. Mr Crapper was a noted English plumber who, contrary to popular belief, did not invent the flush toilet, although he did develop and patent nine other innovative plumbing mechanisms, including the floating ball cock (just step away from that joke, and no one will get hurt). Just thought you'd like to know.

B.

Time to Open Another Envelope

Yes, Dear Readers, it's time once again to present the award first suggested some months ago by Faithful Reader Chrissy. Her original suggestion, and my original intent, was to make this a weekly award ... and there's certainly no shortage of candidates (I could make 535 weekly awards just by going down the Congressional roster); however, I find that I get so aggravated when I consider the range of potential awardees that it puts me into a bad mood and I spend the rest of the day having to calm down and stop spluttering.

So ...

Having said all that, I am proud pleased grudgingly moved to present the latest Ass Clown of the Week award:

This week, we are making a group presentation - to the leader and members of the Westboro Baptist Church for their latest disgusting outrage: planning to travel to Norway to picket at the funerals of people murdered by right-wing extremist Anders Breivik.

The Westboro Baptist Church - a bizarre fringe sect whose membership consists of less than 100 people, most of whom are members of a single extended family - has made itself notorious for its core belief that terrible things happen (soldiers killed in battle, mass murders, natural disasters, etc) because God is punishing those victims for happening to live in, be connected to, or somehow represent a government, country, or organization that accepts homosexuality as a lifestyle. The so-called "church" attracts attention far out of proportion to its level of membership or support of its beliefs by its hateful practice of using funerals and memorial services as venues to present its in-your-face message of hatred. Here's an example:

Lately it's been difficult to find any individual or group that exemplifies the need for the Ass Clown of the Week Award more than the GOP, but the Westboro Baptist Church has made a very strong come-from-behind showing to earn this week's symbol of utter disgust.

You go, WBC! I just wish you'd go somewhere else. And I have a suggestion where that might be.

Have a good day. Monday will come soon enough. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

May I Have Yet Another Envelope, Please ...

Although it is very difficult, I have to finally make a decision and select one - just one - person from the huge crowd of worthies clamoring for the dishonor of being named Ass Clown of the Week.

Our previous recipient, named on June 24th, was House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, who - based on his disgraceful performance in a non-supporting role - was also a strong candidate for a second award. But the competition this week was extraordinarily strong, and although it was very difficult to pick a single dishonoree, I am forced to conclude that the third recipient of the Ass Clown of the Week Award goes to Grover Norquist.

Mr Norquist, the head of a group called Americans for Tax Reform, has never been elected to a national office, and yet he has managed to maintain a stranglehold on efforts to address all aspects of the current budget crisis by his ironclad insistence on dogmatic purity on the part of all those members of Congress who have signed his "no new taxes" pledge. If the United States Congress remains in total gridlock, the nation is driven to default on its debts, and Republicans continue to insist that negotiate means do exactly what I say or else, it will be largely thanks to this unelected gadfly who revels in the power he exerts over members of Congress who are more concerned about kissing the backsides of their hysterical bases than on helping Real People and keeping a strong and economically secure America.

Mr Norquist, congratulations. Hang this award on the wall of your library along with your collection of fawning references to yourself. If the economy finally goes all the way down the toilet, we'll know who to blame.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - Take another look at the photo of Mr Norquist above, then go back and read this post. Coincidence?

B.

May I Have the Envelope, Please...

You may recall that some time back, Faithful Reader Chrissy, the reigning Queen of Poop Stories who is routinely reduced to giggles when I use the term "ass clown," suggested that I start designating an "Ass Clown of the Week."

I thought that was a great idea, but have only done it once thus far - back on April 17th, when I announced that the first holder of that title would be ultra-worthy recipient Donald Trump. Since then, though, I haven't announced an Ass Clown of the Week ... not because there haven't been any good candidates, but because it's been too difficult to select from the enormous number of worthies who deserve to wear the crown.

But not this week!

This week, Dear Readers, we have an absolutely stand-out candidate - one who rises high above the festering swamp of mere mediocrity to reach hitherto unknown heights of ass-clownery. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the second recipient of the prestigious Ass Clown of the Week Award:

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (Republican of Virginia's 7th District):

Mr Cantor has earned this award through his amazingly hypocritical and petulant withdrawal from budget negotiations with the Vice President because those irresponsible Democrats, having agreed to trillions of dollars in spending cuts demanded by Republicans, insist on also discussing tax increases as a way of easing the budget crisis. Republicans, having painted themselves into a philosophical and rhetorical corner because of their absolute refusal to even be in the same room where the word "tax" might possibly be mentioned, and terrified of the hysterical Tea Party wingnuts, refuse even to discuss the issue.

Mr Cantor, attempting to shift blame for the budget talks breakdown away from Republican intransigence, called upon President Obama to weigh in, saying “I believe it is time for the President to speak clearly and resolve the tax issue." For those of you who may have difficulty translating Republicanese into plain English, here's what Mr Cantor actually was saying:

"I believe it is time for the President to yield to my intransigence and make the sort of concessions my party absolutely refuses even to discuss, much less make."

Mr Cantor, for your sterling example of political pigheadedness and clear demonstration of Republican disdain for compromise and negotiation, I bestow upon you the second Ass Clown of the Week Award. Hang it proudly on your wall - you've earned it.

Have a good day. Tomorrow is Cartoon Saturday - and boy, do we ever need it this week!

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo