Friday, June 24, 2011

May I Have the Envelope, Please...

You may recall that some time back, Faithful Reader Chrissy, the reigning Queen of Poop Stories who is routinely reduced to giggles when I use the term "ass clown," suggested that I start designating an "Ass Clown of the Week."

I thought that was a great idea, but have only done it once thus far - back on April 17th, when I announced that the first holder of that title would be ultra-worthy recipient Donald Trump. Since then, though, I haven't announced an Ass Clown of the Week ... not because there haven't been any good candidates, but because it's been too difficult to select from the enormous number of worthies who deserve to wear the crown.

But not this week!

This week, Dear Readers, we have an absolutely stand-out candidate - one who rises high above the festering swamp of mere mediocrity to reach hitherto unknown heights of ass-clownery. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the second recipient of the prestigious Ass Clown of the Week Award:

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (Republican of Virginia's 7th District):

Mr Cantor has earned this award through his amazingly hypocritical and petulant withdrawal from budget negotiations with the Vice President because those irresponsible Democrats, having agreed to trillions of dollars in spending cuts demanded by Republicans, insist on also discussing tax increases as a way of easing the budget crisis. Republicans, having painted themselves into a philosophical and rhetorical corner because of their absolute refusal to even be in the same room where the word "tax" might possibly be mentioned, and terrified of the hysterical Tea Party wingnuts, refuse even to discuss the issue.

Mr Cantor, attempting to shift blame for the budget talks breakdown away from Republican intransigence, called upon President Obama to weigh in, saying “I believe it is time for the President to speak clearly and resolve the tax issue." For those of you who may have difficulty translating Republicanese into plain English, here's what Mr Cantor actually was saying:

"I believe it is time for the President to yield to my intransigence and make the sort of concessions my party absolutely refuses even to discuss, much less make."

Mr Cantor, for your sterling example of political pigheadedness and clear demonstration of Republican disdain for compromise and negotiation, I bestow upon you the second Ass Clown of the Week Award. Hang it proudly on your wall - you've earned it.

Have a good day. Tomorrow is Cartoon Saturday - and boy, do we ever need it this week!

More thoughts coming.



The Mistress of the Dark said...

Ass Clown is too nice of a term to describe him


Mike said...

And heaven forbid we should take away tax breaks because that's just like a tax increase. hmmmmm Then wouldn't spending cuts be like tax increases too?

Bilbo said...

Andrea - I wholeheartedly agree with you, but this IS a family blog, so I have to be somewhat circumspect in my choice of denunciatory terms...

Mike - that's actually a brilliant observation I'm surprised I didn't trip to myself. Spending cuts that hit social programs have a result that is EXACTLY the same as a tax increase on the affected individuals! It just doesn't seem like it to Republicans, because their top donors don't need the social programs that are being cut. You da man!

chrissy said...

I LOVE it!! He's a PERFECT choice!!

Haa...."ass clown" never stops being funny for me

allenwoodhaven said...

An excellent choice! I, too, hadn't considered that spending cuts are actually tax increases but it's true. If the republicans/tea baggers come to understand this concept, I bet their heads will explode....

KathyA said...

I want to attend the aware ceremony. Will there be food?