"Ten Things We Should Toss"

I was surprised and gratified by the response to yesterday's post (The Things You Remember), in which I asked what the earliest historical event was that you remembered. The Challenger disaster and the assassination of JFK were mentioned several times, and it was very interesting to see the things that make an impression on people and ground them in a particular time and place. I didn't get a record number of responses, but I got quite a few and all were great - thanks to everyone for replying!

I have another question today, this one brought on by a very interesting series of short essays in yesterday's Washington Post Op-Ed section: 10 Things We Should Toss. In this two-page spread, ten commentators suggested ten things we ought to get rid of to improve the nation. The ten things (and their authors) were:

The Nobel Prize in Literature (Marie Arana);
The Prom (John Green);
The NAACP (Jonetta Rose Barras);
Vice Presidents (Jeremy Lott);
West Point (Thomas Ricks);
The White House Press Corps (Ana Marie Cox);
Larry Summers (Naomi Klein);
Tenure (Francis Fukuyama);
The Term "Muslim World" (Parag Khanna); and,
Television (Farhad Manjoo)

In my humble and biased opinion, this is a great list. Each essay is well-written and thought through. Having read them, I can agree with most, although not necessarily for the same reasons put forward by the authors. For instance, John Green hates the expense vs the perceived return on investment of the high school prom...but it does show young people the value of dressing well and acting civil, if only for a night. Jeremy Lott doesn't think we need Vice Presidents, but I think it's not bad to have an understudy (although, having just finished Angler: The Cheney Vice Presidency, by Barton Gellman, I think we need to keep an eye on them). Farhad Manjoo wants to dump television, although I love the diversity of shows that keep things interesting. I must say, though, that I agree with Thomas Ricks, a military affairs commentator for whom I have great respect, that we should close West Point...as an ROTC graduate, I see all his arguments and agree with him pretty much across the board.

Take a few minutes, read the 10 short essays, and then suggest something you think we should toss. To start things off, I suggest we get rid of the Department of Homeland Security, which I don't think has made us any more secure, and has contributed to an unnecessary and expensive ballooning of the federal bureaucracy.

What do you think?

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The Things You Remember

One of my co-workers asked an interesting question the other day: "What's the earliest historical event you remember?"

I thought it was an interesting question on two fronts: first, because I think it's useful to think about the time in which you've lived; second, because it makes one feel really ancient, if the ancient one is yours truly. It's also the sort of question Jean-Luc Picard tends to ask in his "The Weekend Question" feature at Captain Picard's Journal (feel free to use it, Jean-Luc, if you haven't already).

Anyhow...

The responses of my various co-workers included:

The assassination of Martin Luther King (in 1968);

The first manned landing on the moon (in 1969); and,

The release of the original Star Wars movie in 1977;

My own first historical memory was of the Cuban Missile Crisis in October, 1962 - at which time I was a month shy of being 11 years old. The whole thing was a bit beyond my level of geopolitical understanding, but I remember my parents being nervously riveted to our old black-and-white TV, my father trying to explain what was going on, and - most of all - the school exercises in which we had to crouch under our desks with our hands clasped on our heads, which would certainly have ensured our survival in case of thermonuclear war.

As a history buff, I have long thought about my place in the endless train of events that connect Genesis with the age of Hugo Chavez, Britney Spears, and the Taliban. I've always found it fascinating that I was born less than 100 years (86, to be exact) after the end of the American Civil War and six years after the end of World War II (a "baby boomer"). I've lived through the first manned space flight (Yuri Gagarin, in 1961) and the first man to walk on the moon (Neil Armstrong, in 1969 - only eight years later). I was one of the last military folks of the Vietnam generation (I was commissioned in 1973, and was one of the few who didn't end up in Southeast Asia), was involved in the mass evacuation of Americans from Iran after the Islamic revolution in 1979; and observed the first Gulf War from my desk in the bowels of the Pentagon.

I oughta write a book: something with a catchy title, like Present on the Fringes: A Not-So-Innocent Bystander to History. But, at least for now, I'm too lazy.

So what are YOUR earliest memories of historical events? I'm waiting to see the comments, particularly those from those of you outside the United States - it'll be interesting to see what constitutes a "historical event" from your perspectives, and how it may differ from an American perspective.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

At least 18 people have been killed in the latest mine explosion in China; the last survivor of the sinking of the Titanic is selling off personal mementos to pay her nursing home bills; Mahmoud Ahmedinejad thunders that "no one dares threaten Iran," which prefers to do its own threatening; North Korea has thrown another temper tantrum; and a woman in Boston may have been murdered by a man who responded to her ad on Craigslist for massage services.

At least you have Cartoon Saturday to make you feel better.

This week, pairs of cartoons on related themes...

What happens when some people show up in front of St Peter is a popular subject. I was a little concerned about this one, which was sent to me by one of my co-workers...

But this one looks pretty good to me ...

A pair of riffs on the proliferation of electronic entertainment ...


And finally, two cartoons that are just what the doctor ordered. More or less.


It looks as if it's going to be a gorgeous weekend here in Northern Virginia, and I can already hear my winter-neglected yard whining for attention. Last weekend I put some plant food on the shrubs under the windows...now I can't sleep because I overfed them and they just sit out there and belch all night long.

You can't win.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Metaphors

One of the things that gives richness to language is our use of metaphor - a description of one thing by comparison to another. Metaphors can be a marvelous tool for evoking vivid mental images; they can also make you cock your head to one side and say, "Eh?"

Last night Agnes and I were watching Bones, our favorite TV show, which follows the adventures of a team of forensic anthropologists who solve bizarre murders. This particular episode dealt with the murder of a musician from a death metal band, the music of which was elegantly described by one of the characters:

"This stuff sounds like a truckload of cymbals crashing into a saw factory."

Now that's metaphor. And, in my humble opinion, devastatingly accurate.

A great source of strange metaphors is the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Edward George Bulwer-Lytton was a 19th century British author most remembered for the classic and much-parodied opening line, "It was a dark and stormy night..." The 2008 winner of the contest, Garrison Spik of Washington, DC, submitted this classic:

"Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped 'Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J.'"

Jim Thomas of Gilbert, Arizona, received a "Dishonorable Mention" for this entry:

"The pancake batter looked almost perfect, like the morning sun shining on the cream-colored bare shoulder of a gorgeous young blonde driving 30 miles over the speed limit down a rural Nebraska highway with the rental car's sunroof open, except it had a few lumps."

I think I need to work on polishing my own metaphors so that I can improve the flow of writing in this blog, eh? Any suggestions? After all, I've got to do something to stay ahead of Mike and Fiona. How about,

"Bilbo's elegantly descriptive if overly verbose writing flowed like the smoothly moving torrent of effluvium gushing from the end of a large-diameter pipe exiting a water treatment plant, but without the larger and more unidentifiable chunks."

Hmmm...

I think maybe I'll leave it here. I need to save some of that creativity for the office, after all.

Have a good day. Cartoon Saturday is coming...

More thoughts later.

Bilbo

Tax Freedom Day, 2009

Here I am again, back from my trip out to Ohio. The business part of the trip was very successful and educational, but - of course - the best part was the ability to spend some (not enough) time with my son and his family. Before we get down to business, here's a picture of yours truly with Noah, Joe, and Marcy - the most wonderful grandchildren west of the Ohio state line ...

Jason took about 15 straight pictures in a hopeless attempt to get all three kids sitting still, smiling at the camera, and me with my eyes open. This was about as good as it got. To paraphrase Mel Brooks, "It's good to be the grandpa!"

Okay, now down to business.

Yesterday was Tax Day - April 15th - the day each year individual American taxpayers must submit their tax returns and pay their taxes due to the Infernal Revenue Service. Two other dates are worth mentioning:

April 13th: National Tax Freedom Day - the first day of the year on which, according to the Tax Foundation, Americans first begin to keep the money they earn, having made enough to pay all their federal, state, and local income, payroll, real estate, sales, excise, luxury, and other taxes and tax-like fees we're liable for. Tax Freedom Day came earlier this year than last, largely because the dismal state of the economy has reduced income, which has reduced the tax bite. You can read about it here.

April 16th: that would be today, which is Tax Freedom Day in the Commonwealth of Virginia. This means that we Virginians worked 106 days to pay all our taxes this year, and our Tax Freedom Day is the sixth latest (Connecticut is number one, with a Tax Freedom Day of April 30th; number 50 is Alaska, on March 30th). You can see all the rankings here.

As you all know by now, I don't object in principle to paying taxes. However, like all Americans, I believe in equality and fairness under the law, and in the belief that we should have to pay the minimum in taxes consistent with the needs of the government to pay its legitimate expenses. The problem, of course, comes in defining what those legitimate expenses are. In Bilbo's humble opinion, legitimate expenses include:

- National defense;

- Essential services (police, fire department, public health, schools); and,

- Operation and administration of government (this does not include any office led by an individual whose title begins with more than two qualifiers, as in "(1) Principal (2) Deputy (3) Assistant (4) Under (5) Secretary of ___ for ___.")

Illegitimate expenses, on the other hand, include:

- Any services of any sort for anyone in this country illegally;

- Foreign aid provided to any country whose citizens routinely participate in demonstrations which call for death to America or any specific American; and,

- Tax benefits provided to any specific individual or industry which increase the tax burden on individual taxpayers.

I believe in fairness. I don't think anyone's taxes should be based on their ability to hire a good tax lawyer, or to contribute enough to a Senator or Reprehensive who can craft the tax code to their advantage. If you want to take part in protest "Tea Parties," knock yourself out. But you're wasting your time. Making a lot of noise for the cameras and mouthing the platitudes that your talk radio heroes spout doesn't help - educating yourself, voting, and making your positive and constructive recommendations known to your elected leaders at every level does.

I'm all in favor of the earliest possible Tax Freedom Day consistent with the government's ability to operate and provide essential services. We just need to agree on what those essential services are...and that's no trivial task. One person's pork is another person's essential service.

As for me, I'll keep writing letters to my elected reprehensives. And I'll keep sighing and writing those checks to Uncle Sam and to the Governor of Virginia each year.

And I'll enjoy an occasional cup of tea without thinking about taxes.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Navy 4, Pirates 0

Before I start on this morning's post, I should note that the counter on my Blogspot home page tells me that yesterday was my 974th post. That would make this my 975th post. And that means, of course, that - barring unforeseen circumstances - sometime in the next month I should hit my one thousandth post.

Hmmm...

I didn't realize even I could pontificate that much.

Any suggestions for a topic for the approaching 1,000th post? Suitable for a PG-rated blog, of course (yes, Mike and Fiona, I'm talking to you!).

Anyhow...

Yesterday, after a four-day standoff, Navy SEALs on board a warship reduced the pirate population of the waters off Somalia by four, shooting three, capturing one, and rescuing unharmed the American ship's captain the pirates had held hostage. Navy 4, pirates 0.

Unless, of course, you count all the other ships pirates have seized and hostages they still hold.

I have mixed feelings about the whole piracy thing. On the one hand, I think I can understand the poverty and desperation that supposedly drives people of that region to commit acts of piracy. On the other hand, it doesn't appear that the many millions of dollars of ransoms paid by shipping lines and their insurance companies have turned into food for starving Somalis, housing to replace their shantytowns, medical care for their children, and so on. Instead, the money is creating an economic boom in coastal pirate havens as pirate leaders build huge mansions for themselves and stock up on guns and other supplies to seize more ships and extort still more money. In the Somali heartland, away from the pirate dens, life expectancy continues to be 46 years, a quarter of all children die before age 5, and radical Islamists enforce their paradise on earth with lashings and stonings for accused criminals (i.e., women, men without beards, etc).

The heroic pirates the coastal Somalis love, and whom women flock from the impoverished interior to marry, are conniving opportunists who traffic in violence and theft. They aren't Robin Hoods, they're just hoods. And the problem won't go away until two things happen:

1. Companies stop paying ransoms; and,

2. The various navies stop cruising majestically around the waters off Somalia turning fuel into wakes, and start actually sinking a few pirate ships instead of just watching and chasing them.

This is a very hard problem. The area to be policed is enormous, the pirates are hard to catch in the act, and most Western nations tend to think in the legalistic terms of arresting and prosecuting pirates, rather than just turning them into chum for the nourishment of the local shark population, and their ships into small, smoldering chunks.

The pirates are now claiming they'll "retaliate" for the deaths of the scumbags that the Navy killed yesterday. No doubt they'll try, and no doubt they'll succeed, at least in part. But if we don't start letting them know that there are consequences ... that we're not going to just roll over and pay them to keep doing what they want ... innocent mariners, and not worthless pirates, will continue to suffer.

Here's what President Bilbo would do:

1. Sail a few warships into the coastal towns that harbor pirates and hail them as heroes. Shell every new mansion built by a pirate, destroy the harbor facilities, and sink every local ship.

2. Offer to stop when they do.

3. Repeat step 1 until the pirates realize we can and will remorselessly hurt them where they live, instead of just writing checks.

Good thing I'm not the President. But that's my advice.

At one time, captured pirates were hung, and their bodies were dipped in tar and hung at the entrances to harbors as a warning to others. Sometimes, heads were displayed on pikes at strategic locations.

Those were the good old days.

It's time to stop thinking of pirates as colorful characters with tricorn hats, earrings, peg legs, and squawking parrots on their shoulders as they shout "AARRGG, matey!" It's time to start treating them like the greedy, vicious criminals they are.

That's a pretty expensive Navy we're paying for, after all. And they need target practice to stay sharp.

Have a good day. More thoughts later.

Bilbo

P.S. - later this morning I'll be flying out on a business trip for the next few days. I won't have access to the Internet, so my next post won't be until Wednesday evening or Thursday morning. Don't give up - I'll be back.

B.

Why So Serious?

Yes, this was the signature line Heath Ledger hissed in his role as the murderous, psychopathic Joker in the latest Batman film (The Dark Knight).

And why would I be using it to introduce a post on Easter Sunday, the holiest day in the Christian calendar?

As you know, I have mixed feelings (bordering on a love-hate relationship) with organized religion. I think that as humans who are aware of ourselves, our surroundings, and the eventuality of our own death, we need to be able to think of some larger purpose for our lives, and the possibility that something exists beyond the end of our too-few years. Religious beliefs give us that. But a good case can also be made that religion has caused enormous amounts of pain and misery over the centuries. For every Pope John XXIII who preached a message of love and inclusivity, there's some bearded and beturbaned monster encouraging impressionable young people to kill themselves in the act of murdering others, guaranteeing that for their action they'll enjoy the eternal attentions of virgins in an imagined paradise.

Why so serious?

Why do so many different religions exist, each one claiming to be The One True Way, each one claiming that adherence to any other is a guarantee of eternal damnation, and many of them preaching a life of austere misery on earth as a guarantee of an imagined paradise in some promised eternity?

Does a God capable of creating the endless majesty of the universe really need to direct every aspect of the lives of humans on just one of the countless billions of worlds in that universe? Why would a God who can create the wonder of a living, breathing baby also demand a system that requires belief in Him down to specific sets of rituals and a mandated hatred of those who believe anything else?

Why so serious?

On this Easter morning, the beginning of what promises to be a gorgeous spring day here in The Old Dominion, it may not be a bad thing to ask ourselves that question.

I came to know Father James Martin (not personally, but through his writings and his appearances as a commentator on NPR) as a thoughtful and interesting person. Earlier this month, Father Martin aired a commentary titled, "God to Man: Get Over Yourself" which I thought was one of the most marvelous pieces of gently religious encouragement I've ever heard. Take a few minutes to listen to it. In it, Father Martin explains why he enjoys telling jokes about Catholics, Jesuits, and priests ("since I'm all three") ... he writes,

"Why is it important to tell jokes about yourself? It reminds you that you don't know everything, you can't do everything, and that you're not God. Humility underlines your place in the universe."

Why so serious? One of the things I always try not to do is take myself too seriously, to remind myself that I'm not always as witty and intelligent, suave and handsome, and adored by women everywhere (well, except for my granddaughters, and then only most of the time) as I might like to think. And perhaps it would be a good thing if that were shared by those who aspire to religious leadership. As Father Martin says with elegant simplicity, You're not God. What gives you the authority to command in his name? Where do you get off preaching hatred and intolerance rather than love and compassion? What have you done to make the world a better place, rather than one of death and misery and fear?

On this Easter Morning, as Christian believers stream to churches around the world (except in Saudi Arabia where, of course, it is a crime to be anything but a Sunni Muslim), let's ask ourselves why so serious? A little humility before the vastness and grandeur of creation isn't a bad thing.

And so is loving your neighbor, rather than killing him because he doesn't think the same way you do.

Happy Easter to all of my friends out there in the blogosphere, regardless of your choice of faith. Decide to ask yourself for once why so joyful?

It can't hurt.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Somali pirates are still standing off two powerful warships and holding hostage the American captain of the ship they unsuccessfully tried to hijack earlier this week; a Sunday school teacher has been arrested for the murder of an 8 year-old girl; a mysterious fungus is killing off local bats, threatening an explosion of the insect population; graft and corruption in China is contributing to a series of deadly mine accidents; and a car driven by a retired priest plowed into a crowd of Good Friday worshipers, killing one and injuring several.

If there was ever a time for Cartoon Saturday, it's now.

From my unique perspective laboring away in a cubicle in the shadowy depths of the Pentagon, I can relate to this one...

Another in the ongoing series of cartoons featuring crash-test dummies ...

You all know the old joke about the dyslexic, apathetic, agonstic insomniac - you know, the guy who lies awake nights wondering whether or not Dog exists, but in the end doesn't really care. I love this cartoon that riffs on that joke as only Mike Peters can ...

This is the first cartoon I've seen that takes off on an obvious theme ...

Some cartoons, like this one, cleverly update old themes ...

And in the ongoing series of cartoons about the awful economy, cutbacks, reductions, and related bad news, comes this absolute classic (click it to enlarge and get the full effect) ...

Here in Northern Virginia it's a chilly, rainy, gloomy day. It looks as if I'll spend it housecleaning and catching up on paperwork, instead of planting my garden. Oh, well ... there's always tomorrow.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Because SusieQ Asked...

Because reader SusieQ made a valiant effort to convince me that beets aren't so bad (as I opined in my post earlier today), and because she asked me to post the Chicken Marsala recipe I mentioned rather than e-mailing it on request, my culinary heart has melted. SusieQ, here is your recipe...

Chicken Breasts with Wild Mushrooms, Marjoram, and Marsala

Ingredients:
4 large skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
6 teaspoons chopped fresh marjoram, divided
2 tablespoons butter, divided
2 tablespoons olive oil, divided
12 ounces assorted wild mushrooms (oyster, shiitake, baby bella, etc), thickly sliced
1 cup sliced shallots (about 5)
3/4 cup chicken broth
1/2 cup whipping (heavy) cream
3 tablespoons dry Marsala

Preparation:
Sprinkle the chicken breasts with salt, pepper, and 2 teaspoons of the marjoram. Melt 1 tablespoon of butter with 1 tablespoon of oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add the chicken to the skillet and saute until just cooked through, about 7 minutes per side. Transfer the chicken to a warm plate and tent with foil to keep it warm.

Melt the rest of the butter and the remaining tablespoon of oil in the same skillet. Add the mushrooms, shallots, and 2 teaspoons of marjoram. Saute until the mushrooms are brown and tender, about 6 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper, and transfer to a bowl.

Combine the broth, cream, Marsala, and remaining 2 teaspoons of marjoram in the same skillet. Boil until thickened and reduced to about 1/2 cup, about 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Divide the mushrooms among 4 plates, place a chicken breast on the mushrooms, spoon the sauce over, and serve. Dodge hugs and kisses from happy diners.

Note: because we're sauce lovers, I doubled the sauce ingredients. It doubles just fine.

Let me know how you like it.

Bon appetit!

Bilbo

You Are What You Eat

Agnes and I both love to cook. This is not a bad thing, because we both like to eat, too. And collect cookbooks. Every time we go to the local Costco megawarehousestore, cookbooks lie in wait for us, peering out from their ambush sites behind the latest thriller or historical fiction offerings for just the right moment to slide unseen into our cart, only to be discovered later when Agnes does her usual steely-eyed review of the receipt, just knowing we couldn't have spent that much.

We have a collection of cookbooks that is the envy of the Library of Congress. We have cookbooks for every conceivable type of cuisine, by every celebrity, from every charity, addressing every cooking style, using every ingredient.

Agnes: "What's for dinner?"

Me: "What do we have?"

Agnes (peering into refrigerator and pantry cupboards): "A pound of dried octopus, four kumquats, half a box of quinoa, and a block of some kind of cheese that needs a shave."

Me: "Look! Here in this Coastal Albanian Peasant Cooking for Two cookbook, there's a recipe for Octopus with Kumquats and Partially-Moldy Cheese on a Bed of Almost-Enough Quinoa!"

Agnes: "Yum!"

Actually, the truth is that we have so many cookbooks that we don't have enough time to search all of them for recipes, and can never find the cookbook with the recipes we want to use. We usually end up searching on Epicurious.com for suitable recipes.

But, as usual, I digress.

Yesterday I noted this interesting article, reproduced on CNN's health page from Cooking Light magazine: What You Eat Can Improve Your Health, Mind, and Appearance. According to this article, eating a varied diet which includes a wide range of meats, fish, fruits, vegetables, and grains provides all sorts of nutrients and vitamins and amino acids (acids from Italy) that contribute to health, vitality, mental acuity, and long life. Eat right and you, too, can have smooth and glowing skin, silky hair, eyes like an eagle, strong bones, a mighty heart, and a brain that would make Einstein look like the school dumbass.

What a crock.

I eat all this stuff, and I still look like a confused, squinting, gray-haired, saggy man in search of his second childhood. I drink fruit juices, eat vast quantities of vegetables, enjoy fish (brain food, as my Mother always said), and generally eat pretty much anything that doesn't move fast enough to get away, prepared in pretty much any style. I do draw the line at beets, though. Beets are what Satan put on earth to take the fun out of brussels sprouts, peas, green beans, and other yummy vegetables.

So if you are what you eat, I ought to be a leafy, finned character with gills and a vague resemblance to a cabbage resting atop a scaffolding of celery, asparagus, and carrots. At least I don't look like a large sack of Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese Extra Large Value Meals, like many of the folks I have to squeeze next to in narrow seats on the bus.

Want to try the recipe I made for supper last night (Creole Catfish with Tartar Sauce and Red Rice), or a few nights ago (Chicken Breasts with Wild Mushrooms, Marjoram, and Marsala)? E-mail me and I'll send you the recipes. You'll thank me.

You are what you eat. Eat well. I need you around to read this blog for a long time.

Have a good day. Tomorrow is Cartoon Saturday!

Bilbo