What does all this mean to you? A short post, since I need extra time to dig out my YakTrax, long underwear, and heaviest scarf. And for this post, I once again provide a thankful tip of the hat to my friend Bob, who offers these unique and useful definitions for common terms:
Traffic Light - a devilish apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.
Divorce - a postgraduate course in the School of Love.
Pioneer - an early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.
People - some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened.
Self-Control - the ability to eat only one peanut. Also, the ability to refrain from bitch-slapping morons spouting inane blather from the political and religious extremes.
Salesman - a man with the ability to convince his wife she'd look fat in mink.
Cannibal - a person who likes to see other people get stewed.
Egocentric - a person who believes he is everything you know you are.
Foreign Film - any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn't a western.
Optimist - a girl who looks at a bulge and sees a curve.
Magazine - a collection of glossy, printed pages that advertise products you don't need while telling you what's coming in the next issue.
College - the four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone and the family automobile.
Emergency Numbers - important numbers you should always keep close to your telephone, such as the police station, the fire department and restaurants that deliver.
Opera - a bizarre form of entertainment in which a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, sings in Italian. For two long acts.
Buffet - a useful French expression that roughly translates as, "Get up and get it yourself."
Baby-Sitter - A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.
Tattoo - Permanent proof of temporary insanity (or, in the words of the Jimmy Buffet song, "a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling").
Divorce - a postgraduate course in the School of Love.
Pioneer - an early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.
People - some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened.
Self-Control - the ability to eat only one peanut. Also, the ability to refrain from bitch-slapping morons spouting inane blather from the political and religious extremes.
Salesman - a man with the ability to convince his wife she'd look fat in mink.
Cannibal - a person who likes to see other people get stewed.
Egocentric - a person who believes he is everything you know you are.
Foreign Film - any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn't a western.
Optimist - a girl who looks at a bulge and sees a curve.
Magazine - a collection of glossy, printed pages that advertise products you don't need while telling you what's coming in the next issue.
College - the four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone and the family automobile.
Emergency Numbers - important numbers you should always keep close to your telephone, such as the police station, the fire department and restaurants that deliver.
Opera - a bizarre form of entertainment in which a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, sings in Italian. For two long acts.
Buffet - a useful French expression that roughly translates as, "Get up and get it yourself."
Baby-Sitter - A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.
Tattoo - Permanent proof of temporary insanity (or, in the words of the Jimmy Buffet song, "a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling").
Don't thank me - it's all part of my ongoing quest to help enrich your vocabulary.
Have a good day. Stay warm. More thoughts tomorrow.
Bilbo
5 comments:
Funny!
These are quite entertaining!
Hope you patootie has thawed!
I have a Foreign Film on my kitchen counter.
Hilarious. A real Quality Post.
I think the babysitter one needs to also somehow include a little line about watching the adults tv, eating their food, and overcharging for ignoring the adults kids. ohh....and texting while the adults try to give them instructions...
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