Thursday, June 23, 2011


Yesterday my "Forgotten English" calendar mentioned Saint Acacius, a fifth-century individual said to be the patron saint of headache sufferers.

Because I live in Disneyland-on-the-Potomac and am exposed every day to the atonal cacophony that has taken the place of rational political discourse in America, I found the idea of a patron saint of headache sufferers to be especially interesting, and so I dutifully came home and researched Saint Acacius. Unfortunately, although I learned much about this worthy gentleman, none of it mentioned his efficacy in relieving headaches (although he was killed by beheading, which would give him some expertise with terminal headaches, I suppose). Saint Theresa of Avila, on the other hand, in addition to being the patron saint of my old elementary school back home in Pittsburgh, does turn out to be the patron saint of headache sufferers. Who knew?

I told you all that to set up this discussion of folk remedies for headaches, which was the point of yesterday's "Forgotten English" calendar page. Here are a few recommended remedies for serious headaches of the sort you can get from listening to Republican economic theories, Democratic social blather, nattering religious bigots, and ass clowns of all sorts:

1. Put leeches on your forehead.

2. Rub cow dung and molasses on your temples.

3. Tie a buzzard's head around your neck.

4. Use powdered moss as snuff.

5. Have someone else rub your head; the headache will be transferred to that person, but it will be less severe.

6. Have a relative read chapters of the Bible to you.

7. Stand on your head or spin around until you are dizzy.

8. Soak your feet in hot water to draw blood from your head.

9. Run around the house three times.

10. Ask a seventh child to blow in your ear.

11. Put a buckwheat cake on your head.

12. Rub your head with a piece of stone containing iron ore.

13. Wrap damp cloths around your head and burn scented wood.

14. Plait a handful of hair very tightly on top of your head.

15. Lean your head against a tree and have someone else drive a nail into the opposite side of the tree.

16. Put a potato in your pocket and carry it around with you until it dries out.

Interesting approaches. They may not work as well as that 500-count bottle of Advil you bought at Costco, but they're certainly cheaper. But keep that bottle around anyhow, because the 2012 presidential election is coming up, and if you think you have headaches now ...

And I'd write more, but I need to get ready to go to work and get started on today's headache.

Have a good day. More headaches thoughts tomorrow.



Raquel's World said...

uummm, I'ma roll with Advil. It just seems easier.

Mike said...

I got a headache reading all those cures.

chrissy said...

I have a headache today. But mine is more of the 'kid drove me nuts i drank too much beer to relax after they went to bed' kind. Wonder if these remedies would help from this kind of headache :)

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

I have a toothache right now I fear what your findings would tell me do with that issue!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I have a 'forgotten English' calendar. Anyone think they are a flamfoo?

armouris said...

more info on headache here - Types of Headaches

Anonymous said...

My grandmother insists that eating celery is a cure for headaches.

Slightly off-topic, yet dealing with heads, is this conversation...
"Doctor, is there a cure for my baldness?"

"Yes, mix persimmon juice and alum into a paste and rub it on your head."

"Will that grow hair?"

"No, but it will shrink your head to fit what hair you have."