Well, here we go again ... time to make the depressing yet necessary choice of a new Ass Clown. As always, the competition is fierce and the choice difficult, complicated by many factors. I have considered a large number of possible awardees, including Colorado Representative and patron of the arts Lauren Boebert*, Ohio Representative "Shoutin' Jim" Jordan**, Der Furor***, Hunter Biden†, and many others.
But what do most of the top candidates have in common? They belong to a single cult, and it is to that cult that we turn once again as we present the battered tinfoil and toilet paper crown of
The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for September, 2023
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to (for the eighteenth time - twelve sole, six shared)
The Republican Party
The nation needs a responsible center-right party to balance the center-left Democratic Party. Sadly, it is obvious that today's Republican Party is not it.
The Republican Party once stood for traditional conservative values: limited government, strong defense, respect for the law, and fiscal prudence. That party is long dead, replaced by a bizarre coalition of extreme radicals unable to agree on what it is they want.
The positions of today's GOP are marked by the rankest hypocrisy and whataboutism, notably its insistence that the entire federal government has been "weaponized" against conservatives ... while shamelessly ignoring the fact that Der Furor's administration and the current GOP-dominated House of Representatives hammers repeatedly and without evidence against its political opponents.
Today's GOP has no ethical standards. Republicans ignore the mountains of evidence of bad faith and malfeasance on the part of its members (Der Furor, New York Rep George Santos, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, and Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, among many others) while desperately seeking evidence of an imagined "Biden Crime Family."
Today's GOP has no platform and no vision. It is characterized not by what it stands for, but by what it rails against - even though it is unable to articulate a clear image of what it opposes and why. Its only agenda appears to be complete and total opposition to anything proposed or supported by Democrats, regardless of how popular those programs and policies are and without any indication of what it might replace them with.
Today's GOP espouses the imposition of Christian beliefs and values on every American citizen, ignoring the Constitution's First Amendment guarantee of freedom of religion and its Article VI prohibition of "religious tests" for office, ignoring the beliefs of non-Christian citizens.
Today's GOP is unable to win elections on the basis of its unpopular policies, and relies upon blatant gerrymandering of Congressional districts and the suppression of likely liberal voters to gain and hold power.
Today's GOP shamelessly rewrites history to suit its version of events, much as the governments of Russia and China do. The most recent example was provided this week by Indiana Representative Victoria Spatz, who claimed that the riotous insurrection of January 6th, 2021, was not what it appeared, and that "... a lot of good Americans from my district came here because they are sick and tired of this government not serving them. They came with strollers and the kids, and there was [a] chaotic situation because the proper security wasn’t provided.” I don't recall seeing moms and kids in strollers beating police officers and trashing the Capitol, and while there are legitimate issues with the provision of security that day, it was not security forces that stormed the Capitol, spreading destruction and injury and doing grave damage to America's image on the world stage.
Today's GOP insists it is the party of "law and order," yet it supports rioters convicted of mayhem and destruction during the January 6th insurrection as "political prisoners," and has done its best to undermine legitimate, evidence-based state and federal investigations into the activities of Der Furor and his enablers.
Today's GOP has placed itself totally in bondage to Der Furor, a boorish clown given to childish outbursts of anger whose well-documented abuse of the presidency for his own benefit is ignored by a party fearful of antagonizing the legions of fear-besotted, red-hatted sheep who accept his idiocy without thought or question.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown crown for September, 2023, is presented - for the second time this year and the eighteenth time overall - to the Republican Party. Vote for it at your own peril.
Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.
Bilbo
* Already a two-time winner - the Left-Cheek Award for June, 2021, and a Right-Cheek Award shared with Empty G in December, 2021.
** Already a three-time winner: the Right-Cheek Award in December, 2019; the Left-Cheek Award in July, 2022; and a Left-Cheek award shared with Rep James Comer and Rep Bryan Stile in March 2023.
*** Fifteen previous awards - too many to list.
† Because, why not? Everyone else is dumping on him because they have nothing to pin on his father.
4 comments:
Although there are times when I have felt that a group award has been the easy way of selecting an award winner out of a large number of candidates, it is hard to argue with this choice.
So well articulated.
Republican fiscal prudence went the way of the Dodo bird with Ronald Reagan and every republican president since.
Well said! And I think "a party fearful of antagonizing the legions of fear-besotted red-hatted sheep who accept his idiocy without thought or question" is brilliant!
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