The Birds Have Arrived!

Last week I told you the story of our new, space-age bird feeder and of my frustration that the birds seemed to be ignoring it.

No longer!

The birds have discovered the feeder and are evidently enjoying the premium birdseed I've put out for them ...

Of course, others have found the feeder, too ...

It appears that I'm not mixing enough cayenne pepper into the seed mix to discourage him. 

So, the birds and the beasts are here. Any suggestions on discouraging the beasts are welcome.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

Every once in a while, you can find a poem that speaks directly to the moment in which you're living. This is one.

Questionnaire

by Wendell Berry

How much poison are you willing

to eat for the success of the free

market and global trade? Please

name your preferred poisons.

For the sake of goodness, how much

evil are you willing to do?

Fill in the following blanks

with the names of your favorite

evils and acts of hatred.

What sacrifices are you prepared

to make for culture and civilization?

Please list the monuments, shrines,

and works of art you would

most willingly destroy

In the name of patriotism and

the flag, how much of our beloved

land are you willing to desecrate?

List in the following spaces

the mountains, rivers, towns, farms

you could most readily do without.

State briefly the ideas, ideals, or hopes,

the energy sources, the kinds of security;

for which you would kill a child.

Name, please, the children whom

you would be willing to kill.

If DOGE hasn't gotten around to sending you your personal copy of this questionnaire, don't worry - I'm sure they'll get around to it soon.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Hope for the best, plan for the worst.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

You've almost made it to the end of March, and the news hasn't been any better this week than in the other weeks ... it has, in fact, been worse.

Der Furor placed a 25% tariff on all imported cars, a move all but certain to add thousands of dollars to the cost of new cars and drive down auto sales ... and warned the auto industry not to raise prices because of those tariffs; the top national security officials of the US government traded sensitive operational military information on a commercial messaging app, not realizing that they had also invited a reporter to be a member of the group, then minimized the scale of the security disaster and blamed everyone but themselves; a Kansas babysitter who looked under a child's bed to prove that there not a monster there discovered a man hiding there, who fled and was later arrested by police; a group of masked men, not in uniform and claiming to be federal agents, abducted a 30-year-old Turkish graduate student in Boston, put her into an unmarked car, and shipped her to a prison in Louisiana, allegedly because she had “engaged in activities in support of Hamas;” and in Texas, a man has sued the person who keyed his Tesla in an airport parking lot for $1 million, citing damage to the car, lost wages, and "emotional duress." 

This week, because the price of eggs is something that Der Furor still hasn't done anything to address, being too busy churning out royal decrees executive orders to address his personal bugbears, let's enjoy a collection of cartoons about chickens. 

I wonder if her Medichick benefits cover it ...

I can see where this would be a problem ...

It's not a good sign ...

Well, that sums it up pretty well ...

For sending fowl language messages ...

For the literature fans among you ...

I always wondered how that was done ...

Uh, oh ...

Well, yes, but ...

From the International Division of the Really Awful Pun Agency ...

And there you have it - proof positive that Bilbo will never chicken out on his responsibility to get you a few laughs in this far-from-funny time!

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when we have our last Poetry Sunday of the month. See you then!

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

As your reward for surviving until Friday, here's your last collection of Great Moments in Editing and Signage for the month ...

It's always nice to have your contributions appreciated, but ...

Not something I need right now, but maybe I should keep the ad on file ...

This ranks right up there with the real artificial snow you can buy for Christmas decorating ...

Well, I guess I wasn't hungry anyhow ...

I really don't know what to say about this one ...

It'll be a bigger obstable when Der Furor finally manages to kill off the Department of Education ...

Um ... I think maybe I'll eat someplace else ...

I somehow wonder about this relationship ...

For the elegant table setting at your next party ...

Wild-caught imitation crab legs are easily cut with your Chinese imitation Swiss Army knife ...

And that's our wrapup edition of Great Moments for March. Don't worry - it'll be back again to help you survive April.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for the last Cartoon Saturday of March ... a few laughs to get you over the crazy. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Newspeak, Wordsmithing, and the Semantics of Security

If you've read George Orwell's classic dystopian novel 1984 (do it now, if you haven't), you know the concept of "Newspeak," the language imposed by the government to manipulate its version of both history and current events and to prevent independent thought.

Newspeak is alive and well in 2025 in the service of President Musk, PINO Der Furor, and the organs of their administration. Examples:

The deadly riot and storming of the Capitol on January 6th, in which five people were killed and millions of dollars in damage done to the Capitol Building was a "normal tourist day," and a "day of love."

Tesla Swasticars Cybertrucks tend to shed pieces of themselves on the highway as a result of "environmental embrittlement," rather than, "use of cheap glue instead of actual structural connectors."

SpaceX rocket boosters are lost not because of fiery explosions, but as a result of "rapid unscheduled disassembly."

An election won by 2,300,000 votes - 77,303,000 to 75,018,000 -  is an "historic," "powerful," and "unprecedented" mandate."

It is also alive and well as a bevy of administration officials who ought to have known better twist themselves into semantic knots to explain away their incompetence and stupidity in discussing an upcoming military strike in a commercial communications system known to be vulnerable to compromise. Nothing to see here, folks, just move along. It's not classified, and if it is classified it's not important and anyways, Hillary Clinton's e-mails were far more dangerous than the possible loss of our military personnel conducting a strike whose secrecy had been compromised. And oh, by the way, the reporter is a sleazebag who contributes to Democrats.

White House Press Secretary Katherine Leavitt dismissed the incident with her usual huff of contempt

“The Atlantic has conceded: these were NOT ‘war plans' ... This entire story was another hoax written by a Trump-hater who is well-known for his sensationalist spin.”

Her boss, Der Furor himself, characterized what was widely recognized by experts as an extraordinary security breach as a "minor transgression," and that the outrage over it constituted a "witch hunt." The Orange Airhorn's decades of deep experience with military operations, intelligence, and security evidently empower him to make such dismissive judgements.

But as military veteran and former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg said in a post on Bluesky,

"They're not going to get out of this by playing semantics ... Sending detailed information about an upcoming military strike on unclassified channels (and even to the wrong guy) is wrong, reckless, and obviously a threat to American troops."

Yes, Dear Readers, Newspeak is alive and well in Der Furor's America, and even some of the most die-hard conservative commentators can't stomach it ... right-wing shouting head Tomi Lahren wrote on X, 

“Trying to wordsmith the hell outta this signal debacle is making it worse. It was bad. And I’m honestly getting sick of the whatabout isms from my own side. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Admit the F up and move on.”

Well, yes ... but don't move on. Demand the accountability that Der Furor and his minions always demand of others. You won't ever see it, but you'll feel better for at least having asked.

Have a good day. Don't use Newspeak if you can help it, and don't let your elected reprehensibles use it, either.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Ass Clown Special Award

I try not to give out too many out-of-cycle Ass Clown Special Awards because I don't want to dilute their meaning and impact ... but I absolutely cannot let this one go by.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the latest

Ass Clown Special Award

is presented to

The "National Security" Establishment

of

Der Furor's Administration

In a staggering breach of operational security, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth and a group of administration civilian advisors planned and carried out a military strike against Houthi rebels in Yemen using the encrypted messaging app "Signal," which is not approved for use by government agencies. Worse, the chat group accidentally included Jeffrey Goldberg, editor-in-chief of The Atlantic, who went on to break the story after the strikes had taken place.

The reactions from the adults who are no longer welcome in the room were swift in coming. Historian Heather Cox Richardson summarized many of them in her latest "Letters from an American," posted last night:

Former commanding general of United States Army Europe and the Seventh Army Mark Hertling called the story “staggering.” 

Former CIA officer Matt Castelli posted: “This is more than ‘loose lips sink ships’, this is a criminally negligent breach of classified information and war planning involving VP, SecDef, D[irector of the] CIA, National Security Advisor—all putting troops at risk. America is not safe.” 

Former transportation secretary Pete Buttigieg, who spent seven years as an intelligence officer in the Navy Reserve, posted: “From an operational security perspective, this is the highest level of f**kup imaginable. These people cannot keep America safe.”

Rhode Island senator Jack Reed, the top Democrat on the Armed Services Committee, said: "If true, this story represents one of the most egregious failures of operational security and common sense I have ever seen. The carelessness shown by President Trump's cabinet is stunning and dangerous. I will be seeking answers from the Administration immediately." 

Armed Services Committee member Don Bacon (R-NE), a former Air Force brigadier general, told Axios that “sending this info over non-secure networks” was “unconscionable.” “Russia and China are surely monitoring his unclassified phone.”

This horrendous breach of security and simple common sense is all the more incredible given the number of Republican heads which exploded after the endlessly-trumpeted security incidents in Democratic administrations (remember Hillary Clinton's e-mail server?). Indeed, SecDef Hegseth in 2016 rhetorically thundered,

"How damaging is it to your ability to recruit or build allies with others when they are worried that our leaders may be exposing them because of their gross negligence or their recklessness in handling information?"

As you might suspect from an administration purposely staffed by amateurs selected specifically for their incompetent subservience to Der Furor, the immediate reaction was to wave the whole thing off. House Speaker Mike Johnson, for instance, dismissively commented that

“I’m told they’re doing an investigation to find out how that [Mr Goldberg's] number was included [in the classified discussions over Signal], and that should be that ... I’m not sure that it requires much additional attention.”

But, as Professor Richardson pointed out,

"When they [Republicans] were accusing then–secretary of state Hillary Clinton of such a breach, they called for firings, accountability, and perhaps criminal charges. Indeed, [Der Furor] rose to power in 2016 with the charge that Clinton should be sent to prison for using a private email server. 'Lock her up!' became the chant at his rallies."

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the second Ass Clown Special Award of 2025 is presented to the dangerously, amateurishly incompetent national security establishment upon which we depend for our defense. By now, leaders in Russia and China are likely running out of champagne corks to pop over their good fortune.

Have a good day. As usual in these times, hope for the best, but expect (and prepare for) the worst.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo 

The New Bird Feeder

Our house adjoins a large stand of trees on land owned by the county Park Authority, and so we have lots of birds around ... the tree outside my study window usually has birds happily twittering away in it, birds of all sorts perch on our mailbox and on the markers in my garden, and I keep a colorful hummingbird feeder in the garden during the season to enjoy the visits of the energetic little birds. 

To help us better enjoy the local avifauna*, this past Christmas our daughter gifted us a high-tech, camera-equipped, solar-powered, WiFi-enabled bird feeder. The ordering and delivery of the bird feeder is a long story in and of itself, well-told by our daughter, but suffice it to say that a few weeks after Christmas, the space age bird feeder arrived.

Last week, Spring having arrived, I decided it was time to assemble and put up the new feeder. Those of you who know me well know that I am the least handy of men, and so I was somewhat daunted by the apparent complexity of the device and the stressful decision on how and where to hang it, but I gritted my teeth and got to work.

The actual assembly of the feeder itself was pleasantly simple - it consisted only of three parts: the feeder itself, the attached perch, and the camera, and the assembly instructions were clear and amply illustrated. I plugged the camera into a USB charger to juice up the battery and, when it was fully charged, I screwed it into its mount within the feeder. So far, so good.

The next step was to connect the feeder to our home network ... and that was where the trouble started. 

The instructions sternly warned me at every turn that the feeder would not work with a 5G network, only with a 2.4 GHz network. 

Huh? 

I know that we have a network. Signals radiate from a futuristic-looking device perched atop a bookshelf in my study and things talk to each other ... Agnes surfs with her PC, I with my beloved Mac, and our iPads and phones enjoy satisfyingly strong signal strength. But is it 2.4 GHz? Is it 5G? G-whiz? An electronic G-string? I had no idea and, not wanting to do harm to our expensive high-tech feeder, I decided to ask the question of our friendly Verizon help desk. There no longer being any humans around any more, I had to explain my query (several times) to the AI chatbot on Verizon's website ... which timed out before ever answering the question. 

Sigh.

So I gritted my teeth and just went ahead and followed the instructions on how connect to the network. This involved pressing the power button on the camera housing (check) ... waiting for the blue light to come on (check) ... then pressing the power button twice to make the blue light blink (check). Once the blue light began to blink and a three-tone signal to ring out, I was to hold up the QR code to the camera, which would then sacrifice a digital goat in cyberspace, thereby appeasing the gods and allowing the camera to link to our network.

QR code? What QR code?

There was a QR code printed on a card inside the delivery box, but it petulantly refused to do anything when exposed to the camera, which just continued to flash the blue light at me while broadcasting that loud three-tone signal that seemed to roughly translate as "wrong code, dumbass."

Another few minutes of frantic searching in the small print of the instructions yielded a URL that I was to type into my phone to connect to the website that would provide me with the appropriate QR code. I did this (no small feat with my single-finger typing on the minuscule iPhone keyboard), and finally got the right QR code, which gave the secret handshake to the camera, which finally - if grudgingly - connected to our network!

Success!!

By now, it was late in the day, and so I left the assembled feeder sitting on my desk, figuring I could do the outdoor mounting the next day.

Fast forward. Next day, 5:00AM.

Bilbo, carrying his first cup of coffee of the new day, walks into the study ... and the camera dutifully lights up and takes very nice, hi-res video of its first bird: an old buzzard in his underwear. 

%&$#*!

So now, the problem is: how on earth can I delete that video? I can find no instructions in the package or on the app. AARRGGHH!! So (having first turned the damn camera to face the wall) I send an e-mail to the bird network help desk ... and, after a few hours, they respond with the procedure, which I immediately execute.

Whew.

So now, I knew the camera worked, but I still had to mount the feeder and its accompanying solar panel, then connect the two. This required the purchase of a 4x4-inch post, which I cut to length and firmly mounted on the deck. The feeder included two convenient templates to help incompetent installers like yours truly drill the right holes in the right places and then - VOILA!!

Naturally, such an ultramodern, high-tech bird feeder can't use just any seed, so I dutifully filled it with "premium" birdseed.

And as of the time I write this, we have had exactly one bird visit the feeder** ... a beautiful cardinal which petulantly perched on the solar panel for a few minutes before flying away without even checking out my premium birdseed. Bastard.

So ...

That's the story of our wonderful, high-tech bird feeder. I'm told that the birds will eventually discover it and we will be able to enjoy the visits of our feathered friends. We will also "enjoy" the visits of the  squirrels and raccoons which abound in our area, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Have a good day. Enjoy your birdwatching, regardless of what sort of feeder you have.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

 

* A fancy way of saying "birds" when you want to show off your vocabulary.

** The manufacturer, having somehow learned of my distress, sent me an e-mail telling me that "It takes time for birds to discover and become accustomed to a new feeder. Depending on your location, this process can take anywhere from 2 weeks to 1 month. Once they do find it, they'll spread the word to others!" Sigh. I guess I'll use the waiting time to think about squirrel and raccoon mitigation strategies.

Musical Sunday

German has a reputation for being an "ugly" language, largely because of its numerous guttural sounds and long, complex words. But German can also be beautiful, and I have a lot of favorite songs that I learned while living in Germany ... for instance, this one by the folk singer Reinhard Mey, titled Herbstgewitter über Dächern - in English, Autumn Thunderstorms over the Rooftops ...

Here are the lyrics, first in German ...

Herbstgewitter über Dächern, 

Schneegestöber voller Zorn, 

Frühjahrssturm im Laub vom Vorjahr, 

Sommerwind in reifem Korn. 

Hätt‘ ich all das nie gesehen, 

säh', für alles andre blind, 

Nur den Wind in deinen Haaren, 

sagt' ich doch, ich kenn' den Wind. 

Straßenlärm und Musikboxen 

weh'n ein Lied irgendwo her. 

Düsengrollen, Lachen, Rufen, 

plötzlich Stille ringsumher. 

Hätt' ich all' das nie vernommen, 

wär' für alles taub und hört' 

Nur ein Wort von dir gesprochen, 

sagt' ich doch, ich hab' gehört. 

Bunte Bänder und Girlanden, 

Sonne nach durchzechter Nacht, 

Neonlicht im Morgennebel, 

kurz bevor die Stadt erwacht. 

Wär' mir das versagt geblieben, 

hätte ich nur dich geseh'n, 

Schließ' ich über dir die Augen, 

sagt' ich doch, ich hab' geseh‘n. 

Warten, Hoffen und Aufgeben, 

Irren und Ratlosigkeit. 

Zweifeln, Glauben und Verzeihen, 

Freudentränen, Trunkenheit. 

Hätt' ich all das nie erfahren, 

hätt' ich all das nie erlebt, 

Schlief' ich ein in deinen Armen, 

sagt' ich doch, Ich hab' gelebt.

And now in my very amateur and far-less-poetic English translation ...

Autumn thunderstorms over the rooftops

Angry showers of snow

A spring storm stirring last year's leaves

Summer wind in the ripening corn

Had not seen all that,

Had I seen, blind to everything else, 

Only the wind in your hair, 

I could say I've known the wind

Street noise and music boxes,

A song drifting by,

Jet noise, laughter, shouting,

Suddenly stillness all around - 

Had I never heard all that,

Were I deaf to everything, and heard

Just one word you'd spoken, 

I could say I've heard.

Colored ribbons and garlands,

The sun rising after a wild night,

Neon lights in the morning mist

Shortly before the city wakes - 

Had all that been denied me,

Had I seen nothing but you,

I'd close my eyes over you

And say I've seen.

Waiting, hoping, and surrendering,

Craziness and despair,

Doubting, believing, and forgiving,

Tears of joy, drunkenness - 

Had I never known these,

Had I not experienced them,

If I fell asleep in your arms,

I could say I'd lived.

The real poetry of the German words is impossible for me to adequately translate, but trust me - this is a beautiful song of love and emotion. 

The French couldn't do it any better.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend ... you'll need it to face another Monday in this year.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Can we just reset the calendar to a better time? Like the 14th Century, maybe?

In its ongoing war against the unspeakable horrors of DEI, Der Furor’s administration has repealed the decades-old requirement for explicit prohibitions against segregated restaurants, waiting rooms, and drinking fountains; billionaire Commerce secretary Howard Lutnick suggested this week that only "fraudsters" would complain about missing a monthly Social Security check, and that most people wouldn't mind if the government simply skipped a payment; the fragile cease-fire between Israel and Hamas in Gaza ended this week as Israel launched a wave of air strikes against the enclave; Tesla has recalled almost all of its Swasticars Cybertrucks to fix a problem with body panels that suddenly fall off because the adhesives holding them to the frame are subject to "environmental embrittlement;" on Thursday, Der Furor signed a new (probably unconstitutional and illegal), cautiously-worded royal decree executive order to begin killing the Department of Education*; and in Philadelphia, a man is in critical condition with third degree burns to his face and upper body after nearly electrocuting himself and cutting power to 1500 homes and businesses when he tried to steal copper wire that was carrying live current.

Since Der Furor is so wildly hysterical about alien invasion, why not a collection of cartoons about real alien invasions this week?

Yes, don't ask ...

My kind of alien ...

I guess demonstrations are a cross-cultural thing ...

It is, now ...

I guess they'd think so ...

Ya think? ...

It probably won't be sung at the Kennedy Center, now that it's under new management ...

I can understand why they'd feel that way ...

You say tomato, I say tomahto ...

Probably not ...

And that's it for this week's alien-themed Cartoon Saturday. Maybe someday soon they can pick up the Orange Airhorn and probe him for anything resembling intelligence and empathy. Maybe they have instruments sensitive enough to detect it.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Well, what use do the Orange Airhorn and his MAGAts have for education, anyhow?

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2025

Given the behavior of the current administration and it's supporters, I'm seriously considering changing the format of this blog to "All Ass Clowns, All the Time." As hard as it is to pick one every other week, along with an occasional special award, I could make my life a lot simpler by just naming a winner every day.

But that would take all the challenge out of it, and where's the fun in that?  

I was strongly tempted to dip my net once again into the swirling cesspool of Der Furor's mob operation administration, but it's been a while since we've picked a worthy ass clown from outside the halls of government, and so it is that we blow the flatulent trumpets to announce 

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2025

and the tinfoil and toilet paper crown goes to

Joaquin García

No Photo Available

Mr García, a 62 year old engineer employed to oversee a wastewater treatment plant in the city of Cadiz, Spain, was due to receive a long service award on his 20th anniversary with his company when it was discovered he had not reported for work in six years. 

Mr García actually worked for two different departments, each of which assumed the other was overseeing his work: the city Water Board believed he was the responsibility of the City Council, which thought he was working for the Water Board. His absence went unnoticed until the decision to present his award, and the deputy mayor who originally hired him was unable to find him at work ... where his co-workers admitted they hadn't seen him in years and thought he'd quit. Mr García apparently drew his full salary of €37,000 (about $40,500) for the entire period of his absence, which he spent at home studying philosophy.

After his lengthy absence was exposed, Mr García was ordered by a court to pay a fine of €25,000 (about $27,000) - the equivalent of one year of his annual salary after tax. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown Award for March, 2025, is presented to Cadiz city employee Joaquin García - the poster child for Der Furor and President Musk in their unrelenting war against the federal employees they claim never show up for work. 

Have a good day. Do your job.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Supplemental Comment: when I discussed the draft of this award with my wife, it occurred to us that the bigger ass clowns in the story might be the people whose lack of managerial competence let Mr García get away with six years of absence from work. It's a compelling argument, but I decided to stick with Mr García, if only to honor his towering degree of chutzpah.

B.

American Christianity, 2025

You may have seen the news report about the study from the Pew Research Center showing that the decline of "Christianity" in the US has slowed and may have stabilized. The study data indicate that, after many years of steady decline, the share of Americans who identify as "Christian" shows signs of leveling off – at least temporarily – at slightly above six-in-ten.

I put the words "Christianity" and "Christian" in quotes because today's American version of the religion formerly known as Christianity has little or nothing to do with the teachings of Christ, and many of its American followers who style themselves as "Christians" are the least Christ-like people on Earth. 

I was born and baptized as a Byzantine Rite Catholic many years ago, but grew up in a mainly Roman Catholic environment. I went to a parochial elementary school, attended Sunday School once I entered high school, and remained a regular church-going fellow until a year or two after graduation from college. Over the years, having graduated from a public high school and college, served in the military, and traveled widely in other cultures, I came to understand that there is a wide range of religious beliefs, most of which tend to insist on their primacy, and that each one claims to have the "right" beliefs and the "true" connection to God. 

The worst, in my opinion*, are the noisy and intolerant so-called "Christians" of the American right. These are the people who, while noisily announcing their devotion at every opportunity, vote for people like Der Furor who are the very antithesis of Christian love and charity. They are the people who donate money they can't afford to rich televangelists who live in houses and follow a lifestyle their followers could never afford. In Congress, they are the people who pray ostentatiously while following the most un-Christian of party ideologies, happily slashing programs that help the less fortunate while blindly following a man so awful that one has to wonder why he hasn't been struck by a bolt of lightning from an exasperated Creator.

I've often heard people remark about how "deeply religious" so many Americans are. Of course, the leaders of the Spanish Inquisition were also deeply religious, as were the good citizens of Salem who burned the witches.

I think I'll pass, thank you.

Have a good day, and please keep your religion to yourself if you're one of those people who claims exclusive knowledge of the Only Way.

More thoughts tomorrow, when we try to single out the next winner of the tinfoil and toilet paper crown - the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for March. See you then.

Bilbo

* Other than the most violently extreme Islamic fundamentalists.

It's What's 'Appening

Until this past weekend, I'd never fully understood just how useful my humble iPhone 11 (yes, I'm holding on to it as long as possible) is.

We spent Saturday and Sunday cheerleading for our granddaughter Elise and her volleyball team in their latest tournament (in which they went undefeated in seven sets and won the gold medal for their bracket). The tournament was held at the St James Sports Complex, a vast facility not too far from where we live that has everything you could ever want except parking for vast hordes of volleyball players and spectators.  And here's how my humble, though now ancient, phone enabled us to make it through the day ...

1. I used the phone's Uber app on both days to get rides to the tournament (having learned our sad lesson about parking availability last year, when we had to park quasi-legally a mile from the facility);

2. The QR codes stored on my phone were our tickets to the event;

3. I paid for our meals with the phone using Apple Pay;

4. I texted back and forth with our daughter to coordinate meeting points and schedules;

5. I accessed the tournament website to keep track of match times, court assignments, standings, etc;

6. I used the phone's clock to check the time;

7. I used the phone's camera to take photos and video and share them with others; and,

8. When we were unable to see the courtside scoreboard from our seats, I used a handy scorekeeping app to keep track of the scores*.

The one thing I didn't use my phone for on either day was to actually make any phone calls.

Imagine that!

I also use my phone to take pictures of things I need to remember, or which I can't read without being able to enlarge them. And to do video conversations via FaceTime or Zoom. I also record the occasional voice memo to remind myself of things I shouldn't forget.

What did we do before smartphones?

What do you use your smartphone for besides making calls? What's your favorite app? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. Document it with your phone if you like. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* I didn't use it at this event, but I also have an app that does random coin flips. I use it to decide speaking order in the debate competitions I judge, because who carries an actual coin any more?

Rational Paranoia

I heard a radio PSA the other day that advocated, as a security measure, using the "personal hotspot" function of one's cell phone rather than a free public WiFi connection (at the airport, mall, coffee shop, etc) to surf the web away from home. The security specialist who was being interviewed called this measure an example of "rational paranoia."

In this era of proliferating conspiracy theories, tinfoil hats, and general preference for imagined threats rather than real ones, maybe a little paranoia is a good thing, especially if it's "rational."

The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines paranoia as,

1. mental illness characterized by systematized delusions of persecution or grandeur usually without hallucinations;

2. a tendency on the part of an individual or group toward excessive or irrational suspiciousness and distrustfulness of others

Much of the political and religious right, and all of Der Furor's cabinet and advisors, appear to accept as gospel truth the most irrational of conspiracy theories. Don't be like them. Check out each bizarre claim with trusted sources* before you believe it.

Be a rational paranoid, and always remember: it's not paranoia if they really are out to get you ... which Der Furor's newly-weaponized Justice Department, unfortunately, seems to be.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* "Trusted sources" means those that a fact-based and scientifically accurate, which pretty much automatically eliminates any right-wing media channel, "influencer," or member of Der Furor's administration. 

Latin for the Uneducated

Since President Musk and PINO Der Furor* are intent on getting rid of the Department of Education (their followers having no particular use for education, anyhow), it occurs to me that many people will soon need some way to sound educated. Perhaps they can do this by sprinkling a few Latin phrases into their daily speech. No, not "Latin" as in suspected of being here illegally, but "Latin" as in what the ancient Romans spoke. Of course, the Roman empire actually fell, but we're still using their language, which ought to count for something. 

I took three years of Latin in high school (two of them trying to get out of Latin I), and so I recognize that some people may have trouble learning enough of it to pass as well-educated. As a public service to help keep you from actually having to learn Latin (which, trust me, can be a pain), here are some useful Latin phrases for you to sprinkle into your discourse...

Domino vobiscum - The pizza guy is here.

Sharpei diem - Seize the wrinkled dog.

Nucleo predicus dispella conducticus - Remove foil before microwaving.

Cellulus interruptus - Hold on, I'm going into a tunnel.

Bodicus mutilatimus, unemploymi ad infinitum - Take the nose ring out before the job interview.

Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum - A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.

E pluribus iphoniensis - You just can't get away from people talking on their cell phones.

Veni, vidi, pesci - I came, I saw, I moidered da bum.

Revelare pecunia! - Show me the money!

Sic semper tyrannus - Your dinosaur is ill.

No quid pro quo - I'm sorry, we're all out of quid.

Cavaet homo sic tofu burritus e toga - Beware of the man with a tofu burrito in his toga. (SPECIAL NOTE: although the word "homo" in Latin simply means "man," it's not a good idea to use it near MAGAts who will automatically get the wrong idea).

Nunc tutus exitus computarus - It's now safe to turn off your computer.

Veni, vidi, vichy - I came, I saw, I surrendered to the Germans.

Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I stuck around.

Et tu, pluribus unum? - The government just stabbed me in the back (very useful lately).

E pluribus septum - Multiple nose piercings.

The next time you need to sound erudite, you'll thank me. If your idea of political activism consists of simply shouting mindless slogans, you might as well sound good doing it.

No charge!

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* He does love the poorly educated, after all.

Poetry Sunday

For those who observe, we are now in the Catholic season of Lent, the period which leads up to the feast of Easter. Traditionally, observant Catholics make voluntary sacrifices during Lent (for instance, giving up some favorite food or activity), and refrain from eating meat, especially on Fridays. But not everyone is especially observant, as we learn in this week's poem by Cherie Lashway ...

Lenten Dissent

by Cherie Lashway

There once was a logger, named Paddy O'Connell,

Who at lunch during Lent, found himself at McDonalds,

And had just settled down to his Big Mac and fries,

When along came his priest, much to both their surprise.

The priest said to Paddy, "Just what are you eating?

In this season of Lent, I sure hope you're not cheating."

Paddy said to the Father, "I'll tell you no lies.

I'm enjoying a Big Mac, along with some fries."

The priest said to Paddy, "I see no repentance.

Because of this sin, you will have to do penance.

"By Friday or sooner, I say that you should,

For our fireplace, deliver a cord of chopped wood."

Now our timberman, Paddy, an overworked man,

Did think to himself, "I don't think that I can."

But early on Friday, our priest, he heard shoveling,

And looked out the window at Paddy not groveling.

And saw with confusion, dismay and disgust,

That the wood bin was now almost filled with saw dust.

He called down below, barely hiding his ire:

"Hey Paddy, your penance was wood for the fire!"

To which Paddy said, rising up from his work,

While wiping his brow and concealing a smirk:

"I've brought you a cord, like you said that I should,

But if burger be meat, well then sawdust be wood!"

If Paddy has any sawdust left, he can save it until Christmas and give it as an appropriate gift to President Musk, PINO Der Furor, "Vice President" Vance, and the rest of the people working hard to wreck the country. 

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Does it feel like we're winning yet? 

In a marvelous present-day example of applying Orwellian Newspeak to avoid having to take unpopular votes, House Republicans this past Tuesday decreed that a day is not a day for purposes of ending Der Furor's "state of emergency" justifying his tariffs against Mexico, Canada, and China (“Each day for the remainder of the 119th Congress shall not constitute a calendar day”); unable to pass an actual budget, the GOP-dominated Congress last night passed yet another continuing resolution to keep the beleaguered government limping along while President Musk works to destroy it; Russian Tsar Vladimir Putin says he is ready for a cease-fire in Ukraine, but his conditions are likely to prevent any agreement; the number of measles cases in an outbreak in Texas and New Mexico is nearing 300, with two unvaccinated persons dead; "Vice President" JD Vance was booed and jeered when he and his wife attended a concert at the Kennedy Center in Washington, DC; and the widow of a man who died of a fentanyl overdose after being robbed by a Las Vegas prostitute has sued the owners of his hotel for not warning her husband of the possible threat of being drugged and robbed by Las Vegas prostitutes. 

This week, because it seems really appropriate to the moment, we feature a collection of cartoons about Pandora, the lady with the unfortunate box. 

Ouch ...

I wonder if that would actually have worked ...

I've used apps like that ...

A clever move, indeed ...

We've had the same problem once or twice ...

That's really good advice ...

It's where the really awful stuff is ...

Can it? ... can it? ...

If Pandora had ordered online ...

Don't you wish? ...

And with that, Pandora and I hope you enjoyed this week's collection, and that you'll resist the urge to open strange boxes, or to support the wanton destruction of your country.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday returns.

Bilbo