The Ass Clown Awards - Looking Back, Looking Forward

On April 17, 2011 (fifteen years ago!) I presented the first of my Ass Clown awards - my way of singling out truly despicable people for acknowledgement of their contributions to poisoning the gene pool. The first winner was a neophyte political buffoon named Donald Trump, and I presented the award "in recognition of his boundless egotism and willingness to embrace long-discredited birther conspiracies in an attempt to make himself look like a meaningful candidate for president." 

Sadly, we all know how that worked out, and Der Furor (I can no longer bring myself to write or say his name) has received more Ass Clown awards over the past 15 years than any other individual - 21 awards, consisting of 12 individual awards, 7 shared awards, two Ass Clown of the Year awards (2015 and 2025), and a Lifetime Achievement Award presented in 2017 along with his 11th award).

Here are a few other historical observations and statistics about my Ass Clown awards:

1. As of today, I have presented 376 awards, slightly more than two per month.

2. The tradition of designating Ass Clowns by cheek (Right-Cheek and Left-Cheek) began in January, 2015. On July 31st of that year, a third available Friday necessitated a new designation - the On-Crack Ass Clown, which was originally suggested by my friend and fellow blogger John.

3. The burgeoning number of Ass Clowns led me to begin announcing the occasional Ass Clown Special Award, the first of which was presented to The Republican Party in September, 2020. I've presented a total of 25 Special Awards. 

 

4. I've presented 15 Ass Clown of the Year (ACOY) awards since 2011. Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell has won three consecutive times (2018, 2019, and 2020 - a record for successive wins), the Republican Party has won three times (2011, 2017, and 2023), Der Furor has won twice (2015 and 2025), and The American Electorate has won twice (2016 and 2024).  

5. In June of 2025, I introduced a system of designating multiple awards to the same recipient modeled on the military use of oak leaf clusters, stars, and other devices for that purpose. The second and subsequent Ass Clown Awards each earn a poison ivy cluster. The second, third, or fourth ACOY Awards earn the Poop of Distinction ... the fifth and each subsequent ACOY earns the Poop of Distinction in Gold. Unfortunately, this got to be too cumbersome, so I've stopped using it ... although I still like the idea of the Poop of Distinction, which I'm retaining for occasional future use.

Last month, in my post presenting the Left-Cheek Ass Clown Award for April, I wrote that 

"I wish I could give these awards to examples of a broader spectrum of ass clownery, but the staggeringly rich mother lode represented by the current administration in Washington has crowded out virtually every other potential awardee." 

In response to that plaintive wish, longtime reader allenwoodhaven suggested I might ease the selection problem by adopting a new category of Ass Clown awards that provides

"Some sort of special status, like Temporary Protected Status (TPS) for certain immigrants. They stay in that status until it's revoked but are otherwise (supposed to be) ignored. Their status is assumed. The equivalent could be Temporary Ass Clown Status (TACS). Repeat offenders or truly special first timers could earn the new status at your discretion. They then wouldn't be considered for regular awards because it would be assumed they're still Ass Clowns. If they ever stop being one, you could rescind it. That's probably unlikely."

I think there's merit in that suggestion. It lets me recognize ordinary levels of ass clownery without diverting attention from truly world-class ass clowns or needing to present a Special Award between cheeks. And so I have decided to introduce the Provisional Ass Clown (or PAC) award. PAC awards will be presented on an as-needed basis to ass clowns who deserve recognition, but do not rise to the level of a Right-Cheek, Left-Cheek, On-Crack, or Special award. The winner of a Provisional award can, of course, later be elevated to higher status by subsequent superior or continued acts of ass clownery.

Any comments? I don't have an inaugural PAC winner in mind yet, although the field is full of deserving weeds. 

Have a good day, and come back on Friday for the announcement of the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for May. More thoughts then.

Bilbo