Musical Sunday

There are two Musical Sundays before Christmas, and for the first one I thought I'd share this great song by a lady I met through a mutual friend on Facebook ...

It reminds me of this ...

... except more fun to listen to.

If you loved today's song from Marita Brake, buy her great CD, The Road I Took to You. You'll love it.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

And away we go ...

Representative John Conyers (D, MI) retired from Congress after allegations of sexual misconduct, even as calls by Democratic senators for Al Franken to resign increased; after weeks of vacillating, the GOP establishment has closed ranks and fully endorsed Roy Moore for the vacant Alabama Senate seat, deciding it was more important for a Republican - accused by multiple, credible witnesses of sexual misconduct with underaged women - to win than any Democrat; the International Olympic Committee has banned Russia from competition in the 2018 Winter Olympics following allegations of widespread state-sponsored doping of Russian athletes at the 2014 games hosted by Russia; and Donald Trump upended decades of US policy and threatened to inflame regional tensions when he announced plans this week to recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and to move the US embassy there.

This week, in honor of sticky situations, how about some cartoons about stick figures ...

The right weapon is necessary for the best defense ...

But you need to be careful with that non-stick spray ...

Jealousy ...

But is the ink covered by his medical insurance? ... 

When stick figures fence ...

CSI Pencil ...

I know how he feels ...

Less expensive than the gym ...

The magician leaves a clue ...

When art therapy doesn't work ... 

It's going to be a cold and blustery weekend here in NoVa, although the nasty white stuff* we were expecting seems not to have materialized so far, thank goodness. We're planning a quiet weekend at Chez Bilbo, in the hopes that reality does not intervene, as it is wont to do.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and don't forget to cast your votes for the Ass Clown of the Year. More thoughts tomorrow on Musical Sunday, featuring some classy Christmas music.

Bilbo

* Snow, not neo-Nazis.

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

New wonders for a new month ...

The latest from the GOP Gift Shop ...

Well, it's a mistake anyone could have made ...

These are the sort of statistics that our elected reprehensives shout at each other instead of analysis ...

I wonder if his HMO is a sole provider ...

It can't hurt ...

For those who need a good, stiff drink ...

Graduation can be a challenge ...

Yes, please ...

Well, it would save time shopping for that ham and egg breakfast ...

I think there's a layout editor who needs to find a new line of work ...

And there you have it - your first batch of editorial gems for the month of December. Because you need something to laugh at besides Congress.

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

P.S. - The balloting for Ass Clown of the Year is underway, and here are the leading candidates as of this morning:

Sarah Huckabee Sanders - 25 votes

Donald Trump - 20 votes

Ted Cruz and Roy Brown - 10 votes each

Every Other 2017 Award Winner to Date - 5 votes

Let your voice be heard! Vote now for your choice - balloting closes at 11:59PM on December 31st.

Bilbo

For Whom the Toll Tolls, Revisited

You may recall that back on November 16th I wrote a post fulminating about the insane "dynamic" tolls imposed as a "traffic management" measure on Interstates 95, 395, and 495 here in Northern Virginia. That post featured a photo of the toll warning sign near my home showing a toll of $20.80 for a local trip of about 10 miles ...

Well, that was so last month.

On Monday of this week, Interstate 66 inside the DC beltway changed over to a toll road with dynamic tolls, and here's an interesting photo from the morning commute:

In case you're having trouble reading the sign, it shows a toll of $34.50 for a trip of about 10 miles on I-66. On Tuesday, the highest recorded toll on the stretch of road was nearly $40.00.

If you think this is actually a traffic management feature, let me make you an offer on a slightly-used bridge. 

The Virginia state government originally claimed the tolls would max out at $7 for the morning rush and $9 during the afternoon rush; however, after the huge tolls recorded on Monday and Tuesday, state transportation officials said those projections were based on an "average" trip, and not on trips taken at the heaviest of peak traffic times. 

Get used to being screwed like this in more and more areas as your government discovers it's running out of money because of ill-considered and unnecessary tax cuts and reliance on dogma rather than good sense and effective planning.

I'm surely glad I don't have a daily commute any more ... but I still end up getting stuck with these outrageous tolls occasionally.

Have a good day. Avoid driving on the Interstates in NoVa if you can ... if you can't, get that second mortgage approved before you set out.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when we air our first collection of Great Moments in Editing and Signage for the month.

Bilbo

Why I Hate Yogurt

Well, I actually don't hate yogurt ... what I hate is shopping for yogurt.

Last Sunday I decided to make a recipe which required plain, whole-milk yogurt as an ingredient.

At my local store I discovered that - although there are acres of shelf space filled with yogurt - there's almost no such thing as plain, whole-milk yogurt.

There's non-fat, low-fat, 0%, 2%, and 4% yogurt.

There's yogurt with vanilla, blueberry, strawberry, peach, guava, and every combination thereof.

There's yogurt made from cow, sheep, and goat milk.

There's yogurt derived from almonds, soy milk, coconut milk, and other stuff.

There's Greek, Icelandic, and Australian yogurt.

There's drinkable yogurt (Kefir).

All flavored yogurts may be purchased in single-serving cups or in small packages of a pint or so, but if you want plain, old, whole-milk yogurt, it comes only in single-servings (very difficult to find), quarts, or 55-gallon drums.

I just needed a couple of spoonfuls of plain, whole-milk yogurt ... is that too much to ask?

Evidently, it is. And it's not good for my blood pressure, either, which is another issue entirely.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Dealing with Realia

My friend Mary has turned out to be a veritable fountain of interesting information about words and the larger general topic of language. Last week she sent me a link to a fascinating article titled My Sammelband has Frisket-Bite, subtitled "A Short Glossary of Delightful Library Terms." Never having worked as a librarian (although I have spent countless hours in the visiting and enjoyment of libraries), I'm not familiar with all of these terms, some of which are pretty esoteric*. Here are a few of my favorites:

Realia - objects and material from everyday life. As nowadays opposed, probably, to virtualia or fakia.

Inherent Vice - the tendency in physical objects to deteriorate because of the fundamental instability of the components of which they are made. I suspect the term can also apply to the deterioration of non-physical objects which are inherently unstable, like economic theories based on hugely optimistic assumptions of future conditions.

and ...

Palimpsest - a manuscript or piece of writing material on which the original writing has been effaced to make room for later writing but of which traces remain. I suspect that Donald Trump views former President Obama's record as a palimpsest for his attempts at governance.

I think there are probably some other library terms that didn't make the list, such as:

Bibliotormentor - a person who folds down the corner of a page to mark his place, or who cracks the binding of a book to make it lay flat.

Biography - also known as "fiction" when applied to many political figures.

and ...

Science Friction - the grating sound made when closed minds reject accepted science.

Any other terms? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. Support your local library. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* "Esoteric" does not mean, "Of or relating to Standard Oil of New Jersey, currently known as Exxon."

Voting Now Open for the 2017 Ass Clown of the Year!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, today is the official start of the selection campaign for

The 2017 Ass Clown of the Year

By December 29th (the On-Crack Ass Clown for December, and the last biweekly award for the year) I will have named 26 individual awardees in 2017, all of whom are eligible for the annual award. Of course, if there's someone I missed or someone you like better, you are free to vote for the write-in candidate of your choice. Here are the basic ground rules for the Ass Clown of the Year voting, unchanged from previous years except as noted:

- Chicago Rules apply: you may vote as many times as you want, for as many candidates as you want. You may cast votes on behalf of yourself, your family members, your friends, your pets, your friends' pets, or anyone else, living or dead. In the interest of fairness, I ask that you not cast more than ten votes at any one time for any one candidate ... just vote more often.

- You may vote for any of the 26 biweekly award winners (the first 24 are listed below, and the last two will be announced on December 15th and 29th), or for anyone else you wish. SPECIAL NOTE: Donald Trump, having been presented a lifetime achievement award in October after receiving the award nine previous times, is no longer eligible for selection as a Right- or Left-Cheek Ass Clown; however, he may receive Ass Clown of the Year votes in this, his final year of eligibility.

- You need not be legally authorized to vote in an official American election.

- Photo ID is not required. If you are concerned that the Russians will manipulate the results to undermine the integrity of the award without such identification, consider that conspiracy theorists already convinced that elections are rigged will assume that any IDs presented will be falsified, anyhow. And in any case, integrity is a quaintly outdated concept in today's political world in which "facts" require no proof other than conformity to one's preconceived notions. I worry more about my fellow citizens than I do about the Russians.

- Votes will be accepted from now until 11:59 PM on December 31st. You may vote by leaving a comment on any blog post between now and then; by sending me an e-mail; by sending me a PM on Facebook if we are connected there; or in person if we should happen to meet.

I will provide periodic updates on the balloting as a PS to upcoming blog posts, and will announce the 2017 Ass Clown of the Year in this space on Monday, January 1st, 2018.

Here are the first 24 Ass Clown awardees for 2017, and the dates of their awards, in case you want to go back and review the citations:

January 13 (Right-Cheek) - Buzz Feed
January 27 (Left-Cheek) - White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer
February 10 (Right-Cheek) - Education Secretary Besty De Vos
February 24 (Left-Cheek) - Pricers and Packagers of Printer Ink
March 10 (Right-Cheek) - James Craig Baker and Brandon Brent Vreeland
March 24 (Left-Cheek) - White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer (2nd award)
April 7 (Right-Cheek) - Bashar al-Assad and Vladimir Putin
April 21 (Left-Cheek) - United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz
May 5 (Right-Cheek) - Hillary Rodham Clinton
May 19 (Left-Cheek) - Representative Al Green (D, TX)
June 2 (Right-Cheek) - Vice President Mike Pence and EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt
June 16 (Left-Cheek) - The News Media
June 30 (On-Crack) - The GOP Health Care Plan and Its Supporters
July 14 (Right-Cheek) - The Trump Family
July 28 (Left-Cheek) - Donald J. Trump (8th award)
August 11 (Right-Cheek) - Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump
August 25 (Left-Cheek) - Louise Linton
September 8 (Right-Cheek) - Senator Ted Cruz (R, TX)
September 22 (Left-Cheek) - Senators Lindsey Graham (R, SC) and Bill Cassidy (R, LA)
October 6 (Right-Cheek) - Donald Trump (9th Award and Lifetime Achievement Award)
October 20 (Left-Cheek) - EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt (2nd award)
November 3 (Right-Cheek) - White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders
November 17 (Left-Cheek) - Roy Brown
December 1 (Right-Cheek) - James O'Keefe

Let your voice be heard! Vote early! Vote often! Help me heap dishonor on the Ass Clowns who work so hard to Make America Groan Again.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

At the intersection of poetry and film noir ...

I beseech thee, O Yellow Pages...

by Barbara Hamby

I beseech thee, O Yellow Pages, help me find a number
for Barbara Stanwyck, because I need a tough broad
in my corner right now. She'll pour me a tumbler
of scotch or gin and tell me to buck up, show me the rod
she has hidden in her lingerie drawer. She has a temper,
yeah, but her laugh could take the wax off a cherry red
Chevy. "Shoot him," she'll say merrily, then scamper
off to screw an insurance company out of another wad
of dough. I'll be left holding the phone or worse, patsy
in another scheme, arrested by Edward G. Robinson
and sent to Sing Sing, while Barb lives like Gatsby
in Thailand or Tahiti, gambling the night away until the sun
rises in the east, because there are some things a girl can be sure
of, like the morning coming after night's inconsolable lure.

Perhaps you should look under "M" for Maltese Falcon.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when we launch the 2017 Ass Clown of the Year campaign.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

New month, new cartoons!

Prince Harry, fifth in the line of succession to the British crown, announced his engagement to American biracial actress Meghan Markle; former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn pled guilty to making false statements to the FBI; Donald Trump enraged a key US ally and sparked concern for the safety of US diplomats abroad by retweeting three anti-Muslim videos* produced by a far-right British organization; a glitch at a crew scheduling computer at American Airlines accidentally gave all of its pilots that time off from December 17-31, ensuring that as many as 15,000 scheduled flights in the busiest holiday season of the year will not have pilots to operate them; and the Senate passed a sweeping tax overhaul, almost universally opposed by responsible economists deeply unpopular with the public, and being amended right up to the vote, that not a single senator had read or understood.

This week, in honor of the engagement of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, and because sometimes the idea of "off with their heads!" can sound pretty good, I thought some cartoons featuring kings and queens** would be appropriate ...

Be careful around her, she's a little prickly ...

Well, yes, it would be, wouldn't it? ...

Kings don't like bad news ...

It should have been obvious ...

Rather like the White House nowadays ...

Her majesty poses a good question ...

I'd always wondered how he got the job ...

But is it ergonomic? ...

The quest for the sword, 2017 ...

Probably because he hasn't seen the latest tweets and gotten depressed ...

And there you have it - a Royal Flush for your first Cartoon Saturday of December. I hope you enjoyed it.

It's looking like a nice weekend, and I plan to spend as much of it outside as I can before Mother Nature slams us with colder weather in the coming days. There'll be plenty of time to hunker down under piles of Agnes's homemade quilts in the next month or two.

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders wouldn't comment on whether the authenticity of the videos had been established, other than to defend Trump's decision to tweet them, saying that, "Whether it is a real video, the threat is real." 

** Yes, I know there's not much chance of Prince Harry ever being the king, but work with me on this, okay?

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2017

Today is Friday, the first of December - the first Friday of the month and the day on which we designate our Right-Cheek Ass Clown for December.

As always, I am awestruck by the huge pool of potential awardees, expanding daily because of the exploding exposures of sexual misconduct and the shameful behavior of our elected and appointed reprehensives, members of the media, and everybody else.

Today, in honor of the latest bizarre twist in the "fake news" saga, I hereby name as

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2017

James O'Keefe

James O'Keefe is the director of the unfortunately-named "Project Veritas," which uses underhanded means to trick its targets - generally liberal-leaning media outlets - into appearing to spread "fake news" against conservatives.

This past week, Mr O'Keefe's shenanigans blew up in his face when his attempts to plant an embarrassing phony story about Alabama senate candidate Roy Brown with the Washington Post were exposed during routine fact-checking by Post reporters. Mr O'Keefe's "operative," Jamie Phillips, using several assumed names, worked over a period of months to infiltrate the Post. In the end, she posed as a woman claiming that Roy Brown had gotten her pregnant, and pressed Post reporters to go public with her story. The deception was exposed when the Post reporters performed routine background checks on her story

I will leave it to you to consider the motivations and morality of a man who, in pursuit of a political agenda, would try to plant a phony story about the rape of an underage woman .

For his despicable attempts to undermine fact-based investigative reporting, and to divert attention from the actions of Roy Moore, James O'Keefe is named our Right-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2017.

And the poster boy for Fake News.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday returns.

Bilbo