Friday, February 15, 2019

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2019


Yes, it's that time again ... time flies, doesn't it?

Ladies and gentlemen, Dear Readers, it is with no small amount of sadness that I announce

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2019


And the award goes to

Representative Ilhan Omar (D, MN-5)


Representative Omar, hailed as one of the new generation of progressive women elected to the House in 2018, delivered a crushing disappointment this past week when she showed herself to be every bit as arrogantly biased as the worst of the GOP. Ms Omar accused American political supporters of Israel of being motivated by money rather than principle when she tweeted "It's all about the Benjamins* baby.” After receiving a firestorm of criticism for her comments, she claimed she never intended to offend her constituents or Jewish Americans, tweeting out an "unequivocal" apology, but the damage had already been done.

With an inept and ham-handed attempt to address the problem of powerful lobbyists and their money in our political system, Ms Omar squandered the moral high ground she could easily have claimed, allowed Republicans to adopt a holier-than-thou attitude, and deflected attention from the miserable record of the GOP. She then adopted another trick from the GOP playbook by angrily snapping at a CNN reporter trying to question her about her actions by asking the reporter "What is wrong with you?," then snidely telling the reporter, “Yes I tweeted, and there’s a response. You can run that. Have a nice day.”

For the sad and reprehensible performance by someone who should have known better, Representative Ilhan Omar is named our Left-Cheek Ass Clown of the month for February, 2019. Let us hope she grows up and does not merit future awards.

Have a good day. See you tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* A slang reference to $100 bills.

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Should Everybody Vote?


This is going to be a little long and rambling, so bear with me. It's one of those topics I know will be loved and hated in equal measure.

GOP lawmakers in many states have made unfortunate names for themselves and their party by imposing onerous limitations on persons likely to vote for the other party ... not in so many words, but under the guise of "ensuring the sanctity of the ballot box" or "protecting against rampant* voter fraud." These efforts continue at the national level, where Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell** recently scoffed at a draft bill to make Election Day a national holiday, calling it "the "Democratic Politician Protection Act" and describing it as a "power grab" that changed "the rules of Americans politics for the exclusive benefit of the Democratic Party." That bill would have, in addition to making Election Day a national holiday and thus enabling millions of working people to more easily vote, also called for presidential candidates to release their tax returns, added a matching system for small donations, required super PACs to disclose donors who give more than $10,000, and prohibited voter purging. I find it difficult to see this as a "power grab," but then I'm not anxious to turn the clock back 150 years, either.

There are legitimate issues with the mechanics of voting, but beyond that we have a general problem with the acceptance of civic responsibilities. For instance, I'm not sure that making Election Day a national holiday would solve the problem of low voter turnout, partly because such a holiday would likely not be enforceable (look at how many retail and service businesses continue to operate normally on national holidays), and partly because many people don't vote because they've been turned off by the unseemly mud-slinging circus that our elections have become. There's also the problem that many otherwise well-qualified candidates are unwilling to subject themselves and their families to the gutter tactics of modern political campaigns, leaving the field open to those who are less-qualified or who seek power for its own sake.

Yes, there are a great many problems with our voting system, even without considering the impact of the anachronistic Electoral College***.

But I think a very large part of the problem also lies with the voting public itself.

In 2016, enough citizens voted for a supremely unqualified con man to allow him to lose the popular vote but win the election in the Electoral College and go on to lead one of the most chaotic, disruptive, and divisive administrations in our history. How did this happen?

One can make the argument that previous administrations were out of touch with the needs and interests of many Americans and that those people, anxious for a change to an administration that would listen to them and fix their problems, turned to a candidate who told them what they wanted to hear.

But why did those people make that choice? Why did they believe that a bombastic, secretive, self-described billionaire whose homes are decorated with gold, who had never held a blue-collar job of any type, who had never served in the military, whose business record reflects a string of bankruptcies, lawsuits, and the shameless stiffing of creditors, who was several times divorced and had been accused of sexual misconduct by numerous women ... why did voters believe that this person, whose only qualification was supreme self-confidence and the ability to whip audiences to a frenzy with pithy bumper-sticker slogans, deserved to be the President of the United States?

At the risk of bringing the wrath of the Internet down upon my head, I have to ask: should everyone be allowed to vote? Should there be requirements other than citizenship and a minimum age that apply to the right to vote? While I agree in principle that every citizen of the republic should have a voice in the election of his (or her) representatives, I also believe it's incumbent upon each citizen to understand the structure and function of their government, comprehend the issues at play in the election, and be able to realistically evaluate the qualifications and competence of candidates for office. It appears to me - based on the results of the last election and the quality of many comments posted on the Internet - that many of our citizens cannot do any of these. For many reasons, the voting public has been dumbed down to the point where it can be swayed by the airy, uninformed promises of an endlessly bloviating con artist.

Although I realize that it will never happen because it flies in the face of our evolved political traditions, and that the very suggestion will enrage many at all points on the political spectrum (but mostly on the far ends), I believe that in order to register to vote a person must:

1. Be a citizen of the United States (duh...);

2. Be 18 years of age on election day (see the 26th Amendment); and,

3. Complete a course of instruction in basic civics and government, either as a routine part of a high-school-level education or, if necessary, as a mandatory requirement for voter registration. This course would cover the Constitution, the structure and function of the national government and that of the individual's state of residence, the rights and privileges of citizenship, and the economics of government (who pays for what, and how).

It would also be nice to be able to impose a requirement that each registered voter subscribe to multiple news sources representing varying points of view, but that's a bridge waaaay too far and I don't know how it could be enforced in the present media environment.

Should everyone vote? Can we impose reasonable requirements that do not unduly limit our most basic civic responsibility? Whether you agree with me or not, I care what you think. Leave a comment.

Have a good day. Vote, but do it carefully.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Yet continually unproven.

** A five-time Ass Clown awardee and winner of the 2018 Ass Clown of the Year Award.

*** While there are those who argue that the Electoral College is an essential protector of our form of representative government, I am not one of them.

† Like many other populations, like Germany under Hitler, Venezuela under Chavez and Maduro, Iran under the Mullahs)

Sunday, February 10, 2019

Musical Sunday


This past Monday we celebrated the birthday of Australian pop singer Natalie Imbruglia, whose biggest hit was this one, for which she won a Grammy for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance in 1999 ...



Have a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, February 09, 2019

Cartoon Saturday


Oy. Just, oy ...

Donald Trump delivered his second State of the Union address this past Tuesday, a speech hailed as a brilliant combination of distortion and self-congratulation - the Democratic response was delivered by Georgia Democratic star Stacey Abrams; Virginia politics fell into chaos after two major Democratic leaders - the Governor and the Attorney General - found themselves in political danger after old pictures of them in blackface were published, and a third - the Lieutenant Governor - was accused of sexual assault; and Pope Francis publicly admitted for the first time that clerics had sexually abused nuns, and that the issue that was "still going on" within the Catholic Church.

Since Valentine's Day is coming up on Thursday, I figured a collection of cartoons about Cupid would be appropriate for today ...

Sometimes it takes a little effort ...


The desire for non-commitment goes high-tech ...


Playing defense ...


Another way to play defense ...


Cupid may need some of those armor-piercing arrows ...


Oops ...


Been there ...


Nothing like a little extra insurance ...


Cupid may not want to go with the updated equipment after all ...


There's an app for that ...


Happy Valentine's Day. I realize that the whole thing is a conspiracy hatched by the world's florists, candy-makers, restauranteurs, but we may as well make the most of it. Do something nice for your significant other.

More thoughts tomorrow, when Musical Sunday visits Natalie Imbruglia. See you then.

Bilbo

Friday, February 08, 2019

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


First selection for February!

It must have been a slow news day ...


These stupid anti-vax people are getting way out of hand ...


I wonder if, in this case, MMA meant Macaroon and Muffin Assault ...


I've heard this in other places, too ...


Har, de har-har-har!! ...


Insufficient diversity? ...


There's got to be a great story here ...


This isn't as funny as you might think ... some years ago my daughter gave me a little statue of a monkey made out of "compressed, sanitized zoo manure," marketed as a "Dung Buddy." It was a great conversation piece in the office ...


He may have thought it was gone ... you know, Brexit and all that ...


I'm not sure this would be considered as good a Valentine's Day gift as they think ...


And there you have it - your first collection of editorial and signage gems for the new month ... hope you enjoyed them. Come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, when we will take a cartoon look at - what else? - Valentine's Day. See you then.

Bilbo

Wednesday, February 06, 2019

The Letter the Democrats Should Send


Last night I wasted about an hour and fifteen minutes of my life listening to Donald Trump's State of the Union speech (I gave up before it was over). It was about what I'd expected to hear, and it suggested how the Democrats need to proceed with the mess over the Great Wall of Trump.

Were I Chuck Schumer or Nancy Pelosi, here is the letter I would send to Mr Trump:

QUOTE:

Dear Mr President,

In the interest of cooperation and conciliation, and in order to put the issue of your proposed border wall to rest so that we can move on to other pressing issues facing the nation, we offer the following:

Congressional Democrats will provide 100% of your requested wall funding upon receipt of documented proof, based on official government documentation, facts, and analysis, that prove both the existence of a border crisis and that such a wall is necessary to solve that crisis. Acceptable documentation would include formal National Intelligence Estimates, official studies conducted by the Department of Homeland Security, official Justice Department records of arrests and prosecutions for border violations, and similar official records. Data without documentation to show its provenance, irrelevant or anecdotal data, and emotional references to "Angel Moms" are not sufficient - we are prepared to provide the funding you want as long as you can prove the existence of the problem and the efficacy of your proposed wall as a solution.

Because you are clearly certain of the existence and severity of the crisis, we are sure that you must be in possession of hard data that proves your case. Therefore, we ask that you provide this information to the appropriate Senate and House committees no later than February 28, 2019 so that it can be shared with the American public to prove the case for your wall. Once this information has been received and verified, we will provide the funding you request.

Sincerely,

The Democrats

END QUOTE

That's what I think ought to happen ... what do you think? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Monday, February 04, 2019

Of Hagfish and Twitter


One of my granddaughter Leya's hobbies is making slime. Yes, slime. It's quite the "in" toy nowadays, and you'll pay top dollar for it at your local toy store; Leya, however, has developed an endlessly-adjustable formula for mixing play slime at home using various combinations of ingredients and fragrances. Slime is fun. Who knew?

Thus it was that this interesting article in The Atlantic Monthly caught my eye recently: No One Is Prepared for Hagfish Slime.

Yes, it seems that the humble and unfortunately-named hagfish, along with its numerous other unique and interesting features, uses slime as a defensive weapon.


When threatened, the hagfish exudes small amounts of slime (about a teaspoonful) from pores in its skin, and that small amount of slime can expand in volume up to 10,000 times ... clogging the eyes, mouths, and gills of attacking predators. The picture below shows the aftermath of a highway accident in Oregon in which a truck carrying a load of hagfish (for export to South Korean restaurants, where they are considered a delicacy) overturned and covered the road - and the pictured car - in slime generated by the truckload of panicked fish.


I think this is a very interesting capability, although perhaps not as unique as one might think. Consider such predatory creatures as donaldtrumpus egoisticus maximus and rogerstoneius dirtytricksibus, both of which respond to the least attack with bursts of slime from their overdeveloped Twitter glands. Indeed, there are many subspecies of homo sapiens* that have the same reflexive reaction to ideas they don't like.

Speaking of that sort of slime, let us not forget that uncontrolled and thoughtless social media was foretold in the Bible: Chapter 11 of Genesis, verses 1-9, tells the story of the construction of the tower of Babel; with verse 3 addressing the issue of building material ...

And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly. And they had brick for stone, and slime** had they for mortar.

And to this day, slime remains the mortar that connects many of the thoughts of the ignorant.

All in all, I think I prefer Leya's slime which, while yucky, is harmless and made for fun.

Have a good day. Keep away from the online slime.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* In case you weren't aware, the Latin "homo sapiens" translates as "wise man;" surely a laughable misnomer among much of the population.

** The King James Version of the Bible from which I drew this quote uses the word "slime," while the New Revised Standard Version uses the word "bitumen." While "bitumen" may be a more accurate translation of the original word for the cement the builders used, I believe "slime" works better as a contextual metaphor.

Sunday, February 03, 2019

Poetry Sunday


Today is the first Sunday in February, and it's Poetry Sunday, so what could be more appropriate than this poem by Margaret Atwood? ...

February 
by Margaret Atwood 

Winter. Time to eat fat
and watch hockey. In the pewter mornings, the cat,
a black fur sausage with yellow
Houdini eyes, jumps up on the bed and tries
to get onto my head. It’s his
way of telling whether or not I’m dead.
If I’m not, he wants to be scratched; if I am
He’ll think of something. He settles
on my chest, breathing his breath
of burped-up meat and musty sofas,
purring like a washboard. Some other tomcat,
not yet a capon, has been spraying our front door,
declaring war. It’s all about sex and territory,
which are what will finish us off
in the long run. Some cat owners around here
should snip a few testicles. If we wise
hominids were sensible, we’d do that too,
or eat our young, like sharks.
But it’s love that does us in. Over and over
Again, He shoots, he scores! and famine
crouches in the bedsheets, ambushing the pulsing
eiderdown, and the windchill factor hits
thirty below, and the pollution pours
out of our chimneys to keep us warm.
February, month of despair,
with a skewered heart in the centre.
I think dire thoughts, and lust for French fries
with a splash of vinegar.
Cat, enough of your greedy whining
and your small pink bumhole.
Off my face! You’re the life principle,
more or less, so get going
on a little optimism around here.
Get rid of death. Celebrate increase. Make it be spring.


Oh, yes, for pete's sake make it be spring ... I'm really sick of winter!

Have a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, February 02, 2019

Cartoon Saturday


It's the start of a new month, but the news seems to be just like the news in the last one ...

The chiefs of the nation's intelligence services delivered a summary of the threats facing the country which represented a stinging rebuke to Donald Trump's single-minded focus on migration from the south as an existential threat ... Trump responded by calling the intelligence chiefs "extremely passive and naive;" temperatures dropped to historic lows as a polar vortex pushed huge masses of frigid air from the polar regions across the country; police investigating a report of a sinkhole in Florida discovered a tunnel being dug toward a local bank, probably as part of an attempted burglary; and on Friday, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo announced that the United States will withdraw from the Intermediate Range Nuclear Forces (INF) Treaty that was signed with Russia in 1987, charging that Russia has not been adhering to its terms.

This week, in honor of the horrendous cold weather that's kept us all indoors, I thought some cartoons about books and reading might be just the thing, particularly in combination with a few quilts and a mug of hot chocolate ...

Well, that's one way to make it happen ...


Tennessee Williams, updated ...


Mom must have been very proud ...


But Mrs Gray, not so much ...


I think this is how it will go if I ever get my book written ...


Good choice ...


Smile, Yorick ...


Sometimes you need a creative librarian to explain the concept ...


One of these days, I need to write a letter in which the first letter in each paragraph has grapes and angels hanging off of it ...


Sadly, this is true ...


And that's it for the first Cartoon Saturday of February, 2019 ... I hope it helped take your mind off all the craziness. Why not sit down with a good book to help keep you calm and centered?

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday takes on the concept of February.

Bilbo

Friday, February 01, 2019

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2019


It's February, and there are lots of Ass Clowns clamoring for recognition as we move into the second month of the year. The choice is almost always difficult to make, although some decisions are easier than others. And so it is for the first of our February awards, as we clear away the floating debris at the top of the cesspool and reach in to pull out

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2019


and the award goes to

Roger Stone


Roger Stone, a "political consultant," "opposition research" specialist, and longtime associate (one hesitates to say "friend") of Donald Trump, has spent his adult life as a self-described political dirty tricks specialist, eagerly scraping the bottom of the political barrel to dream up ways to make life miserable for his clients' opponents. He has described his political modus operandi as "Attack, attack, attack – never defend," and "Admit nothing, deny everything, launch counterattack." He has been described in many colorful ways, among the best of which was Michael Gerson's assessment that "he is, in fact, a mendacious windbag." 

Stone helped to promote a number of falsehoods and conspiracy theories during the Trump campaign, working hand in hand with noted conspiracy theorist and shouting head Alex Jones (a two-time previous winner of this award - see here and here). Birtherism and the Hillary Clinton child sex slavery ring in a DC pizza parlor (Pizzagate) were just two examples.

Last week, Stone was arrested at his Fort Lauderdale, Florida, home in connection with Robert Mueller's investigation into Russian meddling in the 2016 election. He was indicted on seven separate counts: one count of obstruction of an official proceeding; five counts of false statements; and one count of witness tampering ... all of which he has, of course, denied. He has also delivered a curiously worded expression of support for Donald Trump ever, saying "... there is no circumstance whatsoever under which I will bear false witness against the President, nor will I make up lies to ease the pressure on myself."  

Ladies and gentlemen, Dear Readers, Roger Stone is our Right-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2019. Well earned, indeed.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - heaven knows we all need the laughs at a time like this.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo