The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2021

People and organizations deserve Ass Clown Awards awards for many reasons: greed, outrageous behavior, ugly political beliefs, and religious bigotry among them. Many awardees deserve their awards for a combination of these (and other) reasons, and so it is today.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, our award for

The Left Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2021

is presented to

Kimberly Guilfoyle

Ms Guilfoyle is a graduate of the University of San Francisco School of Law, and earned her JD degree in 1994. She served as a prosecuting attorney in San Francisco and Los Angeles, and won several awards at the Los Angeles District Attorney's Office, including Prosecutor of the Month. In 2006 she took a job at Fox News as a contributor and analyst on legal matters; she left Fox in 2018 after accusations of sexual harassment which were settled by her resignation. She then went to work for a super PAC supporting Der Furor, and moved on to various positions in his political campaign apparatus, becoming the girlfriend of Donald Trump, Jr.

Since then, she has been a controversial and very high profile cheerleader for Der Furor and conservative causes, and has attracted attention (and many hilarious memes) for her very loud, high-energy, over-the-top speeches at campaign and conservative events ...

More recently, Ms Guilfoyle has reportedly angered Der Furor by appearing to profit from association with his name, although she denies this is true. 

Kimberly Guilfoyle is a sad example of the most unfortunate Ass Clown Awardees ... those very talented people who have squandered their honor and their talents in the service of highly-questionable causes (see Rudy Giuliani for another prime example). From being an award-winning Los Angeles deputy district attorney, noted for her work on adult and juvenile narcotics, domestic violence, kidnapping, robbery, arson, sexual assault, and homicide cases, she has transformed into a dreadful joke in the far-right universe of petulance and anger.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, Kimberly Guilfoyle is our Left-Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2021 ... another self-destructive acolyte of Der Furor and his fevered destruction of American government and moral decency.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday returns.

Bilbo

Ass Clown Special Award

I usually present Ass Clown Awards to individuals or groups, sometimes to nations or their governments, and once to a product. Today, we single out a corporation for an out-of-cycle special award. An

Ass Clown Special Award

is presented to

Hobby Lobby

Hobby Lobby is a chain of stores specializing in arts and crafts supplies and noted for its strident advocacy of Christian religious beliefs. In a full-page ad inserted in numerous newspapers over the Fourth of July weekend, the management of Hobby Lobby advocated the supremacy of Christian religious faith over the government of the United States. In an accompanying, downloadable .pdf file, the firm published a carefully selected array of quotes from the Founders, former presidents, Supreme Court justices and decisions, and foreign commentators seeming to advocate for government as a theocracy overseen by - of course - "Christians."

The company has a long history of publishing colorful ads on major holidays, encouraging readers to adopt Christian beliefs. The present ad, though, actually advocates that the United States should be governed according to the precepts of the Christian faith ... ignoring the fact that, all other quotations aside, the Constitution specifically states (in Article VI, Clause 3) that "... no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States," and that the first sentence of the First Amendment clearly states that "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof."

Far too many Americans nowadays interpret "religious freedom" as "official recognition of and deference to Christianity the way we define it," and do not recognize Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, and other belief systems as legitimate and worthy of protected exercise. These people have redefined Christianity as a system not of social justice and the care and protection of others (which is pretty much what the Bible they ostentatiously wave says), but as a weapon with which to seize and exercise power over others. 

If the owners of the Hobby Lobby chain think living in a theocracy is such a good idea, I'm sure they can relocate and open lots of branches in Iran.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, The Hobby Lobby earns a well-deserved Ass Clown Special Award. If you need arts and crafts supplies, Michaels and Joann Fabrics can fill your needs without worrying about how you worship.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

Summer nowadays is a lot hotter than it used to be, when I used to spent entire days outside without melting into a puddle of elderly goo. But it's good to remember the joy of those sweet summer days that future generations may never enjoy thanks to the changing climate ...

Sweet Summer Days

by Dennis Caraher

The summer sun is nearly done

Frost will follow soon

Asters and chrysanthemums

Light up the afternoon

The dew is on long after dawn

Mornings are a haze

One swallow's song is holding on

In these fading sweet summer days.

We flew across the ocean

Some fell into the sea

God will choose what we will lose

Though we may disagree

We come here to be mended

That we may find our way

We pray that there's redemption

In these fading sweet summer days

Summer months comfort us

The sun comes with sustenance

We live for its lingering light

Days slip away from us

Katydids and crickets hush

We drift into lengthening night.

We were once our children

Too soon they will be us

All they ask, a simple task:

"Remember how it was".

We hold them close, we let them go

We watch them fly away

And if we trust, they'll come to us

In these fading sweet summer days

Stars they are innumerable

We'll never know them all

But nature's not immutable

Every star will fall

And one day, I'll return to thee

And all that will remain

Is the beauty and the certainty

of these fading sweet summer days 

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

It's been a pretty weeky week, hasn't it?.

Der Furor has filed a class-action lawsuit against the tech companies he accuses of violating his First Amendment right to free speech ... the lawsuit is likely to fail because Der Furor has no class, anyhow; Rudy Giuliani has been suspended from practicing law in the District of Columbia, his second ban after one earlier imposed by the state of New York; Jovenel Moïse, the President of Haiti was murdered by assassins, several of whom have been captured and others killed by security forces; Australia is battling a huge plague of mice; and in Florida, a judge in Miami-Dade County has reprimanded a lawyer who filed a lawsuit concerning the collapse of a condominium tower in Miami, but failed to advise the court that her client had no connection whatsoever to the tragedy.

The seventeen-year cicadas have all come out, had their flings, and died, and it's much quieter outside. But there are lots of other sorts of insects around, as we explore in this week's Cartoon Saturday ...

Did you ever wonder about the picnics the ants have? ...

They want to look good, too ...

I'd be suspicious, too ...

But he knows his rights, and he can wear the mask however he damn well wants ...

Bees tend to be very well organized and connected to nature ...

Butterfly costumes that don't quite work ...

Husbands get suspicious and jealous in lots of different species ...

... and so do wives ...

I can see where that would be a problem ...

I agree ...

And that's it for this week's edition of Cartoon Saturday ... hope I didn't bug you too badly.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday returns.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

And a new month begins ...

It's unusual, but useful when your mechanic is also experienced with animal husbandry ...

I think we have a winner for the best combination of tent manufacturing company name and logo ...

Anything I could say would get me in trouble, so I'll just leave this one here ...

It's about as easy to find as GOP moral backbone and governing competence ...

I don't think St David had a very tough time against that opponent ...

It sounds silly, but at my age, I can understand it ...

Wow ...

I saw this in a local clothing shop while out with my grandchildren. There are no words ...

Maybe we should go a little farther and see if there's a KFC available ...

I guess the actual P comes after too much of the third P ... 

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Ass Clown Special Award

Since I began the regular biweekly presentation of Ass Clown Awards* back in 2014, I have bestowed three out-of-cycle Special Awards for particularly noteworthy ass clownery that I believed shouldn't wait until the next scheduled award. These were to The Republican Party (September, 2020); GOP Senators Ted Cruz, Josh Hawley and the GOP Sedition Caucus (January, 2021); and Dr Sherri Tenpenny (June, 2021). Such is the level of rampant ass clownery around the nation and the world at this sad moment in time that I considered changing the award to weekly, rather than biweekly** ... but I was afraid of cheapening the impact of individual awards by presenting too many of them.

And so it is, Dear Readers, that I have decided to present more Ass Clown Special Awards when I think the level of ass clownery and/or the appropriate score on the Gohmert Stupidity Scale shouldn't wait for a regularly-scheduled award. This is one such point in time.

I hereby present an

Ass Clown Special Award

to

Representative Paul Gosar (R, AZ-4)

How terrible do you have to be to have six of your nine siblings publicly back your opponent in the race for your seat? Or to have several of them declare that you should be ejected from Congress? One of his brothers, an attorney, said "I consider him a traitor to this country. I consider him a traitor to his family ... He has disgraced and dishonored himself." His sister described him to a CNN interviewer as "hateful and bigoted." His 85-year-old mother has defended him, saying in a 2018 interview that “I share the same philosophy and policies that Paul does ... He’s done a hell of a job for Arizona, and they love him.”

Well, not everyone does, nor does he love very many people. 

Mr Gosar is one of the most bizarre figures in a House full of them. He has claimed in fundraising e-mails that the FBI had a hand in instigating the January 6th Capitol riots. He believes that "liberals" incited the infamous 2017 "Unite the Right" rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, as a "false flag" operation to discredit conservatives. He continues to support the discredited theory that former President Obama was not a US citizen by birth. He insists that Ashli Babbitt, the woman shot and killed during the storming of the Capitol, was "executed" by police who "lay in wait" for her and killed her without warning. 

And he has appeared in advertisements for a fund raising event sponsored by a known segregationist and white supremacist, although he denies any knowledge of the event. 

In the noisy and disgraceful clown car that is the Congressional GOP, Paul Gosar is firmly wedged into the front seat, and rates a Gohmert Stupidity Scale score of 500,000 ... he deserves a higher score, but his behavior indicates that a great deal of additional headroom is needed to accommodate future lunacy. He is eminently deserving of this Ass Clown Special Award.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Right-Cheek, Left-Cheek, and - when there were three available Fridays in the month - On Crack.

** It was actually monthly when I first started out.

The Grandiose Old Flag*

Yesterday we celebrated Independence Day in the United States, commemorating the day in 1776 the Declaration of Independence from Great Britain was proclaimed. It's the traditional high point of summer in this country, a day for picnics and fireworks, patriotic celebrations, parades, and the display of the national flag - often called the "Stars and Stripes," or "Old Glory," or "The Grand Old Flag."

For the last year or two, though, I haven't been sure I wanted to proudly fly the Stars and Stripes on the Fourth any more. This wasn't because I lack patriotic enthusiasm or no longer love my country, but because the flag has been hijacked by those who dishonor its meaning. It's no longer the Grand Old Flag - for too many, it's the Grandiose Old Flag.

Grandiose is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as (1) characterized by affectation of grandeur or splendor or by absurd exaggeration; (2) impressive because of uncommon largeness, scope, effect, or grandeur.

Consider the showboating poseur who roars up and down the highways with an enormous flag (or two) flying from his pickup truck ... often accompanied by a Confederate battle flag or a gigantic blue flag screaming Der Furor's praises. What kind of patriot is this?

If you use a gigantic American flag as a finger to raise to other citizens as proof of your "patriotism," you're no patriot. If you wave a Confederate flag, you're no patriot. If you fly a flag honoring a disgraced former president who represents the ugliest undercurrents in our society, you're no patriot.

So that's why the flag I flew at my house this Fourth of July measured twelve by sixteen inches, and flew from a dowel planted in my garden. I don't need to ostentatiously wrap myself in a flag, or fly a flag the size of Matt Gaetz's ego, to show that I love my country.

I fly the Grand Old Flag ... not the grandiose old flag. I believe in the America honored by Senator Carl Schurz in 1871, when he said in a speech to the Senate, 

"My country, right or wrong ... if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right."

Have a good day, and be a real American. Keep your country right ... not right as in "aggressively and defiantly conservative," but right as in moral, honest, and true to its best ideals.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* I've been thinking about this topic for a long time, and was finally spurred to write the post by this NY Times article by Sarah Maslin Nir: A Fourth of July Symbol of Unity That May No Longer Unite.

Musical Sunday - July 4th Edition

Today is Musical Sunday, and it's also the Fourth of July - Independence Day here in the United States. The Fourth of July is considered by most Americans to be the high point of summer, a day for picnics, barbecues, beer, fireworks, parades, and general fun.

The song "You're a Grand Old Flag" was written by George M. Cohan for his 1906 stage musical "George Washington, Jr.", and was supposedly inspired by a chance meeting between Cohan and a veteran of the Civil War battle of Gettysburg. There's more to the song than most people realize ... what we usually sing today is actually the chorus to the full song of the same name.

You're a grand old flag

You're a high-flying flag

And forever in peace may you wave

You're the emblem of

The land I love

The home of the free and the brave

Ev'ry heart beats true

Under red, white and blue

Where there's never a boast or brag

But should old acquaintance be forgot

Keep your eye on the grand old flag

Nowadays, all too many so-called Americans proudly wave the Confederate battle flag rather than the Stars and Stripes, and think of themselves as patriots while they worship a disgraced former president who is all "boast and brag." If your heart beats true, you'll honor the real Red, White, and Blue this Fourth of July.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your holiday weekend. Be careful with those fireworks, especially if there's been beer involved in the preparation.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Three days in and I'm already tired of July ...

Bill Cosby's conviction for sexual assault was overturned by the Pennsylvania Supreme Court, and the former comedian and TV star has been released from prison; because it can no longer be sure that machines examined by the "Cyber Ninjas" during their bizarre "audit" of the 2020 election results have not been manipulated, Maricopa County, Arizona, election officials will have to spend millions of dollars to purchase new voting equipment before the next election; the Trump Organization and its Chief Financial Officer have been formally indicted by New York prosecutors with conducting a "sweeping and audacious" tax fraud scheme stretching over more than a decade; combative and politically astute former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has died at age 88; and in Florida, a man named (no kidding) Shaft Bang Adams tried to smuggle four crystals of methamphetamine into a local jail by hiding them in the foreskin of his penis, where they were found during a routine strip search.

This week, because Agnes and I both enjoy cooking as well as eating, I thought a collection of cartoons about food and drink would be fun.

Part of me wants to try the less expensive one ...  

This is why I usually let Agnes select the wine ...

Boy, ain't that the truth? ...

I wonder if it's one of those genetically-modified strains ...

Speaking of which ...

I couldn't pass up such an awful pun ...

Truth ...

Ha, ha, ha, ha ...

We play this game all the time ...

Everybody's a critic ...

And that's it for your holiday weekend Saturday collection of cartoons ... I hope they helped you cope with the world as it is.

Have a good day and a safe, happy Fourth of July weekend. Don't drink and drive, or drink and play with fireworks. I need all the friends I can get.

More thoughts tomorrow, on an Independence Day edition of Musical Sunday.

Bilbo

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2021

As we approach that most American of holidays - Independence Day, the Fourth of July - the choice of a Right-Cheek Ass Clown takes on special meaning. While we celebrate our independence from a distant British king 245 years ago, many Americans today are perfectly willing to vote for a new king, and blindly support those who would bring the country a new birth of despotism.

With that in mind, I have carefully examined the vast roster of eligible candidates, and have decided that

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2021

will be presented to not one, but two deserving ass clowns:

Senate Minority Leader

Mitch McConnell (R, KY)

and

Former Attorney General

William P. Barr

The decision to present this joint award was based on this week's reporting that showed the depths of cynical political calculation, unconstitutional behavior, and shameless ass-covering exhibited by these two individuals.

A forthcoming book by ABC News Washington correspondent Jonathan Karl relates that McConnell would not publicly criticize Der Furor's claims of fraud, in part because he believed it would enrage the then-president to the point that he would deliberately sabotage GOP candidates in two Georgia runoff Senate elections. Instead, desperate to protect the Georgia Republican candidates (who were eventually defeated anyhow) and retain control of the Senate, McConnell asked Barr to intercede with Der Furor, telling him, "you're in a better position to inject some reality into this situation. You are really the only one who can do it."

Barr, in turn, told Der Furor that his claims of election fraud were "bullshit" ... although for months prior to this private conversation he had publicly supported the former president's increasingly wild claims that the election had been stolen from him by massive fraud on the part of Democrats. He is now engaged in a transparent attempt to restore his reputation, left in tatters* because of his slavish support of Der Furor over the interests of the nation and the Constitution.

Mitch McConnell has received nine previous awards, including being named Ass Clown of the Year a staggering three consecutive times (2018, 2019 and 2020), while Mr Barr is receiving his fifth award. Both men are eminently deserving of receiving it again, in recognition of the tremendous damage they have done to the nation and the rule of law ... not to mention their own reputations.

Have a good day. Don't believe for a moment that Barr regrets anything he did in service of Der Furor, or that McConnell has the least interest in doing anything that will benefit the country over the political fortunes of the GOP.

There are better fantasies to have.

More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday returns.

Bilbo

* If there were any doubt about what a toxic individual Der Furor is, consider the long trail of his allies, supporters, and sycophants who have been cast aside, their reputations in ruins, by a man interested only in himself.