Growing Pains

I don't know if I mentioned it before, but this year, I decided to try a new approach to my garden. Being tired of setting up an all-you-can-eat salad bar for the local animals, I planted herbs in pots on the deck, along with two pots of tomatoes and two pots of bell peppers (one red, one green). I also cleared a patch at the side of the house and planted the seeds I saved from the single acorn squash I managed to grow last year. Here's how it all turned out:

Basil - growing like crazy, and we've been harvesting regularly for salads, sauces, etc. It smells wonderful.

Dill - plants grew very tall and gave us enough dill for what we use (mostly sauces). Kind of ugly, though.

Mint - Grew well, but we don't use that much of it, so I probably won't grow it again next year. I may just transplant the plants out at the edge of the woods behind the house and let them go wild.

Thyme - growing very well, and smells wonderful.

Parsley - growing very well. Because it's a biennial herb, it'll come back next year, too.

Chives - growing very well.

Rosemary - I put in two plants at the side of the house, next to our acorn squash. The plants are growing, but I just can't get them to turn into one of those big, beautiful rosemary bushes I really want.

Tomatoes - a total loss. The plants grew big and strong and produced lots of tomatoes, but they all rotted on the vine. I wonder if I overwatered, or overdid it with the solution of Epsom salts and water that I sprayed them with. I think I'll just skip the tomatoes next year.

Green and Red Bell Peppers - the plants grew pretty well, and we may get one of each color pepper. Several others rotted and fell off the vines before they had a chance to ripen.

Acorn Squash - this was our success story - the plants grew up very big and strong from the seeds, and right now I have at least four squash about the size of billiard balls, with a lot more developing. With any luck, we'll have quite a crop. The deer munched away at some of the plants on the edges of the plot, but left enough that we should get some good squash dinners this winter*.

Bottom Line: Next year, I'm going to do the herbs again in pots on the deck. No tomatoes. No bell peppers, but I think I'll try to plant jalapenos. If the squash turns out, I'll save the seeds and plant it again. I'm thinking I may try to build a garden enclosure like this one I spotted on Facebook ...

Farmer Bilbo will get a decent crop yet. If the deer and the rabbits don't get it first.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Want my recipe for Sausage-Stuffed Molasses-Glazed Acorn Squash? E-mail me and I'll send it to you.

Special Music

Yesterday, I shared some of my "special" books, some the ones that are my favorites for various reasons. Today, I thought I might share some of my "special" music - the songs and instrumental pieces that I particularly enjoy. The list is very long, but here's a sample to start you off ...

Angel Mine, by the Cowboy Junkies. One of my favorite love songs ...

Bullshit, by Grace Jones. I could sing this about sixteen times a day. On a good day ...

Mr Shorty, by Marty Robbins. I love a song that tells a good story, and the storytelling songs don't get much better than this one about the day a pint-sized gunfighter in the Old West got pushed a bit too far ...

Fields of Gold, by Sting. Another great love song. The perfect blend of music and lyrics ...

Herbstgewitter ueber Daechern, by Reinhard Mey. I realize that most of you don't speak German, but this is a fantastic song that puts to rest the idea that German is a harsh and unmelodic language. The title translates as Autumn Thunderstorms over the Rooftops, and here's a sample of the wonderful lyrics:

Haett' ich all das nie vernommen,
Waer' fuer alles taub, und hoert
Nur ein Wort von dir gesprochen - 
Sag' ich doch, ich hab' gehoert.

If I'd never heard anything else,
If I were completely deaf, and yet heard
You speak a single word,
I'd know that I'd heard (enough).

Just a few of my favorite songs. What are some of yours? Leave a comment so we can all share.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow. 

Bilbo

Special Books

The other day, Mike sent Andrea and I a link to a Reddit thread he thought we’d like: “Many people own books that possess sentimental value greater than the author ever intended. What's your special book?” 

After reading a few of the posts in the thread, I got to thinking about my own special books (which, of course, was probably Mike’s intent all along). Here are a few:

The Kappilan of Malta, by Nicholas Monsarratt. History for people who don’t like history. The exciting, enthralling history of the island nation of Malta, in episodes narrated by a priest trying to keep up the spirits of his parishioners as they endure the brutal siege of the island during the Second World War.

Household Gods, by Judith Tarr and Harry Turtledove. A woman whose life is falling apart around her wishes she could live in a simpler time … and gets her wish, which doesn’t quite work out as she expected. A great novel that is by turns funny, frightening, sad, and always entertaining.

The Night Circus, by Erin Morgenstern. A story of love, mystery, and a competition between two magicians, set in a mysterious circus that only opens at night. Superb writing and an engrossing plot.

Water for Elephants, by Sara Gruen. Another story set in a circus and populated with interesting, well-developed characters. The story begins with a murder and continues with flashbacks that lead to the present day and reveal the killer … and you’ll never see it coming.  

Two O’Clock Eastern Wartime, by John Dunning. A marvelous mystery set in a radio station on the American east coast during World War II. Brilliantly combines many of my favorite topics: radio, the Second World War, and a murder mystery whose roots lie in a conflict most of us have never heard of.

The Killer Angels, by Michael Shaara. No one has ever told the enthralling and heartbreaking story of the Civil War battle of Gettysburg as well as this.

Death Comes for the Archbishop, by Willa Cather. A wonderful novel of the American Southwest that is the source of one of my favorite quotations: “Men travel faster now, but I do not know if they go to better things.”

I have lots more “special” books, and I’ll share some of them with you in future posts. What are your special books? Leave a comment so that the rest of us can find new things to read. Yes, Vicki, I'm talking to you!

Have a good day. Read more. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Godzilla is So Last Year

One of the big cinematic events of this year was the release of the latest remake of the classic monster movie “Godzilla.”

The original Godzilla, of course, dated back to the 1950s and was a cautionary tale about nuclear power gone awry in the person of an enormous lizard, awakened by nuclear testing, that breathed atomic fire and flattened Tokyo.

Now, I’ve written about Godzilla before, and he’s a great monster and all, but you’ve really gotta admit that – as monsters go – Godzilla and other giant monsters are kind of passé.

Just think about it … when was the last time you felt existentially threatened by a gigantic lizard with thermonuclear halitosis? How often does a giant ape climb the Empire State Building with a beautiful girl squirming in one hand? And it’s been a while since giant tripods from Mars menaced the Earth with heat rays and poison gases.

Nah, giant monsters are out. Smaller, yet more terrible monsters are in ...

Hamas crazies lob missiles at Israeli towns, knowing full well that the Israeli retaliation will kill dozens, if not hundreds, of the people they claim to fight for;

Ebola virus ...

Anti-vaccination zealots who would rather see children die of preventable diseases than allow them to be inoculated;

Climate change*;

Politicians who are more interested in scoring cheap shots against the other party than they are in working to solve the nation's problems;

Pedophiles;

Lawyers more interested in big settlements than in justice;

Religious bigots who condemn (often violently) everyone who doesn't share their absolute beliefs; and,

Businesses that routinely jack up their prices "to cover increased costs of doing business," while their customers go years on end without raises that will cover their increased cost of living.

He may be passé but I'll take a good old-fashioned monster like Godzilla - one that we can actually kill (even with difficulty) over the newer and smaller, yet more fearsome, ones any day.

Have a good day. Remember that, sadly, "here there are monsters" isn't just an annotation on an old map. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Okay, this is a big one, even bigger than Godzilla ... but give me some license, here, okay.

Poetry Sunday

As I get older, and watch the beginning of my own long, slow decline, this poem speaks louder to me every day ...

Forgetfulness

by Billy Collins

The name of the author is the first to go
followed obediently by the title, the plot,
the heartbreaking conclusion, the entire novel
which suddenly becomes one you have never read,
never even heard of,

as if, one by one, the memories you used to harbor
decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain,
to a little fishing village where there are no phones.

Long ago you kissed the names of the nine Muses goodbye
and watched the quadratic equation pack its bag,
and even now as you memorize the order of the planets,

something else is slipping away, a state flower perhaps,
the address of an uncle, the capital of Paraguay.

Whatever it is you are struggling to remember,
it is not poised on the tip of your tongue,
not even lurking in some obscure corner of your spleen.

It has floated away down a dark mythological river
whose name begins with an L as far as you can recall,
well on your own way to oblivion where you will join those
who have even forgotten how to swim and how to ride a bicycle.

No wonder you rise in the middle of the night
to look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war.
No wonder the moon in the window seems to have drifted
out of a love poem that you used to know by heart.


Have a good day. Remember the important things. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Here we go again ...

The World Health Organization has declared the ongoing outbreak of Ebola in West Africa to be an "international health emergency;" at the US embassy in Moscow, a laser light show with racist overtones was played against the front of the building to mock President Obama on his birthday; speaking of the President, he has authorized airstrikes against the surging forces of ISIS in Iraq; Hawaii is hunkering down in the face of not one, but two tropical cyclones; and in Los Angeles, a 62 year-old woman has been arrested for attempting to board an airliner without a ticket ... days after being convicted of the same offense, which has earned her a description as a "serial stowaway."

You don't need to stow away ... we bring the cartoons right to you!

Our collection of theme cartoons this week features ... fish! You thought something smelt funny, didn't you?

You are what you eat, right? ...

Not just a dog thing? ...

Taking it to the next level ...

The problems of the teenage salmon ...

Fish have party tricks, too ...

You had to see this one coming ...

Your fishy visual pun for the day ...

 Turning to other topics, I can't wait for this scientific breakthrough ...

This one reminded me of Angel's post of a few days ago ...

Finally, there's increasing specialization in stores ...

And there you have it for another Cartoon Saturday. Thanks for joining me for the ya-ha's and get ready to have a good day and a great weekend. Come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday.

Bilbo

The First Ass Clown of the Month Award for August, 2014

Ah, yes, Dear Readers, we have reached the second Friday in August, and it's time to name our first Ass Clown of the Month.

With a roll of drums and a fanfare of farting trumpets, let's have a round of raspberries for

The Rope Nazi

I see by the blank looks on your faces that you are confused. Here's the full citation ...

Last week while we were at Disney World, we decided to stay late one night and catch the famous Main Street Electrical Parade that was scheduled to begin at 9:15. By late afternoon, workers were busy marking the path of the parade with tape and setting up stanchions to hold up the white ropes that marked the boundary beyond which - for obvious safety reasons - no one could sit or stand to watch the parade. We found a likely spot, parked the stroller and our bags, and sat down to wait for the parade.

Soon afterwards, my daughter spotted what looked like a better position across the street and a bit farther down. She went to check it out while I waited with Leya and Elise and our belongings. She beckoned us to come to the new location, and while the girls ran ahead, I followed with Yasmin's backpack, our stroller, and our other bags of accumulated goodies. The girls ducked under the rope to the new position, and I lifted up the rope to push the stroller underneath. Then, still carrying the backpack and bags, I hoisted a leg and stepped over the rope to get myself to the other side.

Suddenly there came a tremendous roar: SIR!! SIR!! DO ... NOT ... TOUCH ... THE ... ROPE!!

There I stood, one leg on either side and the rope quivering in my crotch, carrying the backpack and the other bags, while a very large and corpulent fellow in Official Regalia continued to bellow at me:

SIR!! I TOLD YOU ... DO NOT TOUCH THE ROPE ... YOU MUST GET AWAY FROM THE ROPE NOW!!

Naturally, when I tried to lift my other leg over the rope, my foot caught in it, and I began to do a single-foot happy dance to keep from losing my balance.

SIR!! YOU WILL GET AWAY FROM THE ROPE IMMEDIATELY!! YOU CANNOT TOUCH THE ROPE!!

I continued to hop on one foot while my daughter and several other people tried to help me extricate myself from the rope, which petulantly refused to let go of my foot.

SIR!! I WILL NOT TELL YOU AGAIN ... GET OFF THE ROPE - NOW!!

Finally, we managed to get me off the rope, and the Rope Nazi went on to bellow at other people committing other grievous sins such as sitting or standing on walls or trying to cross the street at the wrong place. He kept up this performance for the entire length of the parade, marching back and forth on his side of the rope and shouting at children and adults alike.

Now, it's clear that the rope is there to keep people from getting trampled by giant parade floats and reinforced battalions of brightly-lit marching cartoon characters. But it's also clear that The Rope Nazi was a fellow overwhelmed with his own importance and the awesome power of his lordship over 30 feet of white rope. It was pretty obvious that I was trying to get off his $%#! rope, but he continued to loudly bellow and threaten, causing everyone within about 150 feet to gape at him in utter disbelief. What a buffoon.

For his loud, abusive, and unprofessional behavior that was a poor reflection on a workforce that we had up to that time found to be uniformly pleasant, polite, and professional, The Rope Nazi is named as our first Ass Clown of the Month for August, 2014.

And if you visit Disney World and want to watch the Main Street Electrical Parade, for heaven's sake don't touch any ropes. The Rope Nazi might have a taser or a riot baton or something by that time.

Have a good day. See you tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday.

Bilbo

We Survived The Mouse!

Well, we made it back safely from our trip to Walt Disney World in Florida with our daughter and her two girls. It was a fun trip, if tiring, and the girls had a great time, so it's all good. Here are a few of my observations about the trip*, along with the obligatory pictures ...

Florida is hot, with a capital H. It is beyond doubt the place where God stores all the heat He doesn't need anywhere else in the universe. If the official state sport isn't competitive sweating, it should be. I used sunblock, although not nearly enough, and am still limping because I managed to burn the soles of my feet on the pavement around the hotel swimming pool.

Which leads me to Bilbo's Second Law of Automotive Thermodynamics: if two children are in a hot car, one will be melting and want the air conditioner turned up as far as it will go, and the other will be freezing and want the air conditioner shut off immediately. Both will let you know this at the same time, at top volume.

The weather was beautiful almost the entire time we were there, except for the day we visited the Animal Kingdom. I needed to take Agnes back to the hotel, and on the way there we were treated to a tremendous deluge of nearly biblical proportions ... it was raining so hard I couldn't see to drive, and I knew we were in trouble when we were passed on the interstate by an ark. It was so bad that we gave up and just went back to the park ... where our daughter informed us that it hadn't rained at all! Next time, I'll pay the extra surcharge for a rental car with oarlocks and lifeboats.

We had four-day passes to the various parks that constitute Disney World, and still weren't able to visit everything. We hit the Magic Kingdom, the Disney Hollywood Studios, Epcot, and Disney's Animal Kingdom, all of which were wonderful, although the Animal Kingdom had the most shade (refer back to that comment about the heat, above). Agnes and I had one of the employees take a picture of us there ...

On the first day at the Magic Kingdom, I was trying to squeeze into a small patch of shade while waiting for the ladies to come back from one of the rides. Suddenly, a group of Disney characters in costume came running up to me, shouting "Here's Waldo!! We found him!! We've been looking EVERYWHERE for him, and here he is!!" while they ran in circles around me and pointed as other onlookers clapped and took pictures. That's positively the last time I wear a red-and-white striped shirt to a Disney park ...

One of the things my daughter wanted to do was ride the "Twilight Zone Tower of Terror" at the Hollywood Studios park. We got there early enough that we breezed right in without having to wait in an interminable line, and all five of us did the ride ... which is indeed terrifying. The downside was that we only thought to bring a change of clothes for the children ... here are my daughter Yasmin and I, with Leya and Elise, after surviving the Tower of Terror. You will note that I am posing behind the stroller so as to hide my soiled pants ...

If you visit Epcot, be sure to look for the tea kiosk across from the China pavilion. It sells a concoction that consists of half coffee and half tea, mixed with a generous dollop of whiskey and topped with whipped cream. Yasmin and I both agreed that it was one of the high points of the day.

Of course, Disney is all about movie characters, particularly princesses. Leya and Elise bought autograph books, and over the course of our four days in the various parks, they met and collected the autographs of luminaries like Snow White ...

Cinderella ...

Belle (from "Beauty and the Beast") ...

Aladdin and Jasmine ...

Mulan ...

and many others, including Minnie Mouse ...

and Rafiki (from "The Lion King") ...

My daughter managed to arrange reservations for us at one of the "Dinner with the Princesses" seatings, and Leya and Elise got all dressed up to meet with their favorite princesses over dinner (you saw their beautiful dresses in some of the pictures above).

I even made a new friend at the Epcot Center's Norwegian section ...

We didn't stay at one of the Disney Resorts, but at a hotel a few miles down the road, which had a wonderful pool ...

I did have a little trouble with some of the local fauna, though (Leya arranged and took this picture!) ...

In addition to our time at Disney World, we were able to wedge in a visit with my brother Mark and his family, who live in Kissimmee and who we haven't seen in seven years. This is Mark and I with his children, Danny and Valerie ...

And so ...

We spent far too much money, sweated off enough weight to create at least two new people, took many hundreds of pictures, and had a great time watching our grandchildren have a wonderful experience.

But I think I'll wait a few years before doing it again. Maybe about 20 or 30.

Have a good day, fellow Mouseketeers. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Those of you who are my friends on Facebook may already have seen some of what's coming. Sorry about that.

Watch This Space ...

We got back from our vacation trip to Disney World in Orlando last night, and I have to go back to work this morning. Ugh. If you can hold your excitement in check, I'll get the pictures organized and give you a full-details rundown in a day or so.

Watch this space for The Rest of the Story. I promise I'll be back soon.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Hot for Teacher. Not.

When I moved up from a phone that just let you call people and talk to them to a phone that lets you do all sorts of things and has an operating manual that weighs as much as the front line of the Dallas Cowboys, I discovered that I had broad new horizons for wasting time playing games. There was "Bejeweled Blitz," "Tetris," fifteen kinds of Solitaire ... and my favorite game, Scrabble.

Now, for those of you who may not know about Scrabble, it's a game in which you draw random letters and use them to form words on a board. The letters have various values which reflect how difficult it is to use them (Q's and Z's, for instance, are worth ten points; P's and B's are worth three; and vowels are a measly one point each. You use the tiles to build words on the board, which is dotted with special squares that let you multiply the value of the letters you place on them as you build words ... there are spaces that double and triple the value of the letters you play on them, and other spaces that double and triple the value of the words that cross them. If a word you play crosses or adjoins another word already on the board, any other words that are formed must be legitimate words in the English dictionary. The object is to use all your letters to get the maximum score.

Got all that?

Now, if you use the version of Scrabble that plays on your iPhone or iPad, it contains a special feature called "Teacher." After you have made your play and received your score, if you press the "Teacher" icon, a snarky window pops up to tell you how many more points you might have gotten if you'd played the Teacher's word ... which is usually something that looks as if it came out of a 14th-century Old Church Slavonic dictionary and will net 17,856 points instead of the 6 you finally managed to eke out.

I hate the Teacher.

Another thing you should probably not do if you play Scrabble online is play against a retired English teacher*. Unless your name starts with PhD, you should probably seek a less formidable opponent.

Nevertheless, Scrabble is a fun game, on the kitchen table or on your digital device. If your name doesn't start with PhD and you're looking for someone to play against, send me an e-mail and we'll get it on.

You'll be more fun than the Teacher, and I might have a better chance of making a decent showing.

Have a good day. Build that vocabulary. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Kathy is a wonderful lady and a dear friend, but a ruthless Scrabble competitor.