Monday, February 22, 2010

Flying the Rancid Skies

If you've traveled anywhere by air in the last, oh, 20 years or so, you know that flying is no longer fun.

Forget the old "fly the friendly skies" and "something special in the air." No more "we'll take more care of you" and "you'll love the way we fly" (You can pick from a list of outdated airline slogans here).

Nowadays it's "take off your shoes and take your laptop out of its case," and "time for your patdown, Mr Smith." It's $20.00 or more for each checked suitcase, $7.50 for the inedible food that used to be free, and $5.00 for the "gourmet chocolate chip cookie" that used to be dropped on your tray table without charge. It's seats that get narrower and closer together each time you fly, and fellow passengers who recline their seats into your chest, usually at high speed and without warning. It's endless delays, overloaded overhead bins, lost luggage, and the realization that the airlines aren't really contractually obligated to get you anywhere according to any advertised schedule.

Yep, flying is no fun any more.

But it gets worse...

Consider this report from CNN Travel: "Smelly Passenger Kicked Off Flight."

Yes, a passenger was removed from a Jazz Air flight on February 6th because of his staggering body odor, described by another passenger as "brutal."

Jazz Air spokesman Mary Stuart (no relation to the former English queen) said that her airline, like most others, doesn't have a specific policy covering body odor. However, she went on, "the safety and comfort of our passengers and crew are our top priorities. Therefore, any situation that compromises either their safety or comfort is taken seriously, and in such circumstances, the crew will act in the best interest of the majority of our passengers."

The lesson here is to plan ahead when flying. Wear comfortable, slip-on shoes. Pack all your liquids and gels in your checked baggage. Don't joke with TSA personnel. And don't forget to shower and use deodorant before you fly.

Your fellow passengers will thank you.

Have a good day. Take another shower. More thoughts tomorrow.



Bandit said...

This terrorist actually set off a bomb in his underwear. I can see it now...we are going to have to remove our underwear at airport security and be charged 10 dollars to put on govenment approved Depends. Also, there are countless people in D.C. the would be qualified to be the new Czar of Poo.

Bandit said...

"That" would be qualified

Mike said...

I think you covered most everything bad but I'm sure their working on something else to add to the list.