Friday, May 28, 2010

Accounting for Time

When I retired from the Air Force and entered corporate America, I had to learn a hard lesson: I was still expected to be available to work whenever, wherever, but now I had to account for every hour I spent doing things on the job. The vehicle by which this is accomplished is called a time sheet, and each company uses a series of official alphanumeric codes to show what work is being accomplished and which contract has to pay for it. For example, ordinary work might have the code A9094672, while time spent sick might be indicated as S4291306. Supposedly, it all means something to the auditors.

But times change, and there are always more things we need to do at the office. This leads, of course, to a need for new codes to explain to the Powers That Be what it is we're doing. Here are just a few of the new standardized time codes being adopted in Corporate America...

Code - Explanation
5316 - Useless Meeting
5317 - Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318 - Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in a Meeting
5319 - Waiting for Break
5320 - Waiting for Lunch
5321 - Waiting for End of Day
5322 - Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323 - Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present
5393 - Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5394 - Blaming Incompetence of Coworker Who is Not a Friend
5400 - Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning
5401 - Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5402 - Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
5481 - Buying Snack
5482 - Eating Snack
5500 - Filling Out Timesheet
5501 - Inventing Timesheet Entries
5502 - Waiting for Something to Happen
5503 - Scratching Yourself
5504 - Sleeping
5510 - Feeling Bored
5600 - Complaining About Lousy Job
5601 - Complaining About Low Pay
5602 - Complaining About Long Hours
5603 - Complaining About Coworker (See Codes 5322 & 5323)
5604 - Complaining About Boss
5605 - Complaining About Personal Problems
5640 - Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
5701 - Not Actually Present At Job
5702 - Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu
6102 - Ordering Out
6103 - Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104 - Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
6200 - Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201 - Stealing Company Goods
6202 - Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Files
6203 - Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
6204 - Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods
6205 - Hiding from Boss
6206 - Gossip
6207 - Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
6210 - Feeling Sorry For Yourself
6211 - Updating Resume
6212 - Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter
6213 - Out of Office on Interview
6221 - Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
6222 - Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
6223 - Pretending You Like Coworker
6224 - Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks
6238 - Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6350 - Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
6601 - Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code 6603)
6602 - Complaining
6603 - Writing a Book on Company Time
6611 - Staring Into Space
6612 - Staring At Computer Screen
6615 - Desk Yoga
7281 - Extended Visit to the Bathroom (over 10 minutes)
7400 - Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401 - Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402 - Talking With Dentist on Phone
7403 - Talking With Doctor on Phone
7404 - Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405 - Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406 - Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419 - Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professionals on Phone
7931 - Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
8000 - General Pontification
8001 - Political Pontification
8002 - Religious Pontification
8102 - Liquid Lunch
8200 - Web Surfing (General)
8201 - Surfing Vacation Sites on the Internet
8202 - Surfing Porn Sites on the Internet
8203 - Surfing Humor Sites on the Internet
8204 - Reading e-mail
8205 - Distributing humorous e-mails

Feel free to use these as needed. Don't thank me...it's all part of the service.

Have a good day (that would be Code 9000). More thoughts tomorrow (Code 9100 = writing more thoughts; Code 9101 = reading more thoughts).

Bilbo

P.S. - Updates may be late or missing for the next few days while Agnes and I travel to Pittsburgh for our annual Memorial Day mini-family reunion. Five grandchildren all in one place trumps writing the blog. Sorry, but that's just how it is.

B.

6 comments:

Leslie David said...

I'll have to copy your list the next time I have to do the same thing--justify all the time I spend on things that are not directly job-related.

Chrissy said...

It's funny how i work 100 times harder now as a stay at home mom - than i ever did as a corporate drone. Yet - people talk about stay at homes like they sit around eating bon bons. I was more likely to do that in my office!

Have a great weekend and reunion!

Mike said...

The phone company was always big on codes. Every job you did had to be closed out with a cause code and action code. 999/999 No trouble found / BS with secretary.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Wave if you drive near the Roi!

Mike said...

"Updates may be late or missing"

I think the second word in that sentence should have been 'will'.

Wv: mysing - What Bilbo's posts are.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Excellent. I could invent a few new ones such as 'time waiting for the elevator' and 'time in the elevator'.

A Quality Post