Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, today is the start of the two-week period in which you can cast your votes for the individual or group that best exemplifies the year's supreme achievement in ass clownery, and unseats the 2023 winner, The Republican Party. It's time to vote for
The 2024 Ass Clown of the Year
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By Friday, December 27th (the announcement of the final awardee for the year, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December), I will have named 31 awardees in 2024, all of whom are eligible for the annual award. Of course, if there's someone I missed or someone you like better, you are free to vote for the write-in candidate of your choice. Here are the ground rules for Ass Clown of the Year voting, unchanged from previous years except as noted:
- Chicago Rules apply: you may vote as many times as you want, for as many candidates as you want. You may cast votes on behalf of yourself, your family members, your friends, your family members' friends, your pets, your friends' and family members' pets, or anyone else, living or dead. In the interest of fairness, I ask only that you not cast more than 100 votes at a time for any one candidate (an increase from last year) ... just vote more often if you want to stuff the digital ballot box.
- You may vote for any of this year's 31 award winners (the first 30 are listed below, and the last will be announced on December 27th), or for anyone else you wish.
- You need not be legally authorized to vote in the United States. Voting laws don't apply to Republicans, why should they apply to you?
- No ID is required and there is no minimum age to vote. If you are concerned that the Russians (or Elon Musk, or the Chinese, or the Venezuelans, or the Italians (via satellite), or the Martians or one or the other political party, or the "Deep State") will manipulate the results to undermine the integrity of the award without such identification, consider that the fanatical supporters of Der Furor are already convinced that elections they don't win are rigged and will assume that any IDs presented will be phony, anyhow. And in any case, integrity is a quaintly outdated concept in today's political world in which "facts" require no proof or connection to reality. I worry more about my fellow citizens than I do about any external actors.
- Finally, you again have the option to vote for ALL OF THE ABOVE, rather than a single winner.
- Votes will be accepted from now until 11:59 PM on Tuesday, December 31st. You may vote by leaving a comment on this or any blog post between now and then; by sending an e-mail to der_blogmeister@yahoo.com; by sending me a PM or leaving a comment on Facebook or Bluesky if we are connected there; by text message if you have my phone number; or in person if we should happen to meet and you are properly vaccinated. If you choose to cast your votes in person, be advised that your candidate's chances of winning are enhanced if the votes are accompanied by adult beverages, desirable snacks (list available on request), cash, or any combination thereof. Yes, it's bribery, but if Elon Musk can do it, so can you.
I will provide periodic updates on the balloting, and will announce the 2024 Ass Clown of the Year in this space on Wednesday, January 1st, 2025.
To help you make your choice, here are links to the first 30 Ass Clown awardees for 2024*, in case you want to go back and review their qualifications:
January Right-Cheek: Representatives Nancy Mace (R, SC-1) and Jim Jordan (R, OH-4)
January Special Award: Texas Governor Greg Abbott
January Left-Cheek: Sen Tim Scott (R, SC)
February Right-Cheek: Missouri State Senator Scott Schroer
February Special Award: The American News Media
February Left-Cheek: Der Furor
February Special Award #2: Jack Posobiec
March Right-Cheek: Senator Mitch McConnell (R, KY)
March Left-Cheek: Steven Cheung
April Right-Cheek: Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.
April Left-Cheek: Benjamin Netanyahu
May Right-Cheek: The Conservative Wing of the Supreme Court
May Left-Cheek: Judge Aileen Canon
May Special Award: Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito and Harrison Butker
May On-Crack: Der Furor's Protective Society
June Right-Cheek: The Authors and Architects of Project 2025
June Left-Cheek: The American Electorate
July Right-Cheek: The Conservative Wing of the Supreme Court
July Left-Cheek: Representative Andy Ogle (R, TN-5)
August Right-Cheek: Der Furor and Senator JD Vance (R, OH)
August Left-Cheek: The Boeing Company
September Right-Cheek: Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.
September Left-Cheek: Senator JD Vance (R, OH)
October Right-Cheek: The "Election Integrity" Zealots
October Left-Cheek: The Republican Party
November Right-Cheek: Washington Post Owner Jeff Bezos and Los Angeles Times Owner Patrick Soon-Shiong
November Special Award: The American Electorate
November Left-Cheek: The Democratic Party
November On-Crack: Former Florida Representative Matt Gaetz
December Right-Cheek: Elon Musk
It's worth noting that one candidate - The American Electorate - already has 100 votes, these having been cast by John when he jumped the gun a bit in a comment on the November Special Award.
It's up to you, now ... vote early, vote often, and make sure your voice is heard and your chosen ass clown is recognized for appropriate ridicule and receipt of the Tinfoil and Toilet Paper Crown, which has been presented to each ass clown awardee since the 2022 annual winner -
Although the run on tinfoil hats by the MAGA crowd and the panic-buying of toilet paper ahead of winter storms may lead to temporary shortages of raw materials, I'll make it work.
Have a good day, vote early, and vote often. More thoughts coming.
Bilbo
* Some of the individual recipients have won the award multiple times by being part of group awards. I have not detailed individual membership in group awards during the year in the interest of space.
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