The Language of Death

Those of you to whom I am connected on Facebook have already seen this rant, so feel free to surf to some other location if you like.

As a linguist and a lover of language, I am profoundly pissed off by the abject failure of our media reporters to use the correct words.

Last week, the Washington Post and other news outlets both in print and online reported that 12 people were killed in the latest mass shooting in America ... this one in Virginia Beach, about two hours from where I live.

This is false.

People are killed in auto crashes, falls, and swimming accidents. They are murdered in mass murders. It's time our media stopped calling a spade a pointy shovel and reported these horrors for what they are - cold-blooded murder. The use of any other word diminishes the waste of these lives.

And while we're at it, don't call the person who commits such a crime a shooter. This individual is a murderer and a coward. Those who refer to mass shootings are also guilty of failing to use the proper term - mass murder. When we soften the language, we dishonor the memory of those whose lives were brutally taken by a murderer and give a pass to those who honor and respect deadly weapons more than human life.

If you have occasion to write or speak about the next mass murder - and make no mistake, it's coming - use the right words. Don't weasel around. Call the act murder and the person who commits it a murderer. Tell your favorite reporters and commentators to use the right words, too.

Meaningless thoughts and prayers are cheap. Sadly, so is the language we use to mourn the dead.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Throttlebottoms

A recent update from Merriam Webster (the dictionary people) was titled, "Ten Words for People Who Are Bad at What They Do." Although the list did not include such terms as "senator" or "member of Congress," it did include this marvelous word:

Throttlebottom

defined as, "an innocuously inept and futile person in public office."

The term comes from the 1931 musical "Of Thee I Sing," which featured a hopelessly inept vice-presidential candidate named Alexander Throttlebottom, shown here as portrayed by actor Victor Moore ...

So, Dear Readers, if you find yourself in need of a good, suitable-for-use-in-mixed-company term for a useless oxygen sponge occupying a position of political responsibility, call him (or her) a Throttlebottom.

It'll give you something to chuckle at, even if their actions don't.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Things You Can't Say

If you came here expecting to see the usual Poetry Sunday offering, I'm afraid you'll have to wait a few days for your poetry fix. I decided to go with another topic today while it's hot in the news, and Monday's post is already written ... so Poetry Sunday will appear on Tuesday this week. Sorry for the confusion.

This is the time of year when we suffer through the nonsense of the so-called "War on Christmas," in which hypersensitive zealots think their rights are being infringed when you say "Happy Holidays," "Season's Greetings," "Happy Hanukkah," "Happy Kwanzaa," or anything other than "Merry Christmas." I've always been fond of this approach to the issue:

Unfortunately, there are people who believe in using language as a cudgel to impose their political agendas on the rest of us. For today's example, I call your attention to this news article that appeared yesterday: CDC Gets List of Forbidden Words: Fetus, Transgender, Diversity.

Yes, Dear Readers, the Trump Administration has directed the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to make sure that politically-unapproved scientific concepts, words, and ideas do not find their way into government announcements. The officially-banned words are:

Vulnerable;

Entitlement;

Diversity;

Transgender;

Fetus;

Evidence-based;

and,

Science-based.

According to an analyst who participated in the briefing at which the new rules were introduced, the phrase “CDC bases its recommendations on science in consideration with community standards and wishes” should be used instead of “science-based” or “evidence-based.”* A spokesperson for the Department of Health and Human Services** issued a statement claiming that the report was "a complete mischaracterization of discussions regarding the budget formulation process."***

A complete list of the GOP-approved terms to replace the seven blacklisted ones has not yet been released, but I expect it will look like this when it does:

Instead of Vulnerable, use Whiny and Complaining.

Instead of Entitlement, use Unearned and Undeserved Government Handout.

Instead of Diversity, use Unwarranted Government Interference in Population Distribution.

Instead of Transgender, use Unnatural.

Instead of Fetus, use Baby or Child.

Instead of Evidence-Based, use Supported by Fake News.

Instead of Science-Based, note that Scientists Disagree, regardless of how many scientists disagree, whether the scientists who disagree are in relevant fields, or the nature of their disagreements.

Consider that the CDC - the federal agency that's supposed to protect us from global/nationwide epidemics - is not allowed to say evidence-based or science-based. What could possibly go wrong?

I hope you're taking notes for the 2018 and 2020 elections.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Because, of course, community standards and wishes - particularly conservative ones - are more important than medical science in protecting you from disease.

** Not one of the GOP's favorite cabinet agencies, to be sure.

*** Tomato, tomahto.

Nicer Ways to Say "Stupid"

Most of us don't often think of the dictionary as a source of fun and entertainment, but Merriam-Webster is doing its best to make us more literate and have fun doing it.

As far as I can tell, it began in earnest when Merriam-Webster began trolling Donald Trump and his minions on Twitter for their gross abuse and imprecision of language, as when it noted after Kellyanne Conway's coining of the term "alternative facts" that, "In contemporary use, fact is understood to refer to something with actual existence."

The dictionary's Twitter account now has nearly half a million followers ... not bad for dusty reference book.

Here's a recent fun article from Merriam-Webster: 8 Nicer Ways to Say 'Stupid.' Are you running out of socially-acceptable ways to describe some people in government, politics, or entertainment? The article gives you eight new ways to let people know what you think; these two are my favorites:

Addlepated - defined as, "stupid and confused, mixed up, or eccentric." It derives from two root words, pate ("head") and adela ("filthy or foul-smelling") ... an addled egg is one that is rotten or putrid. I consider myself to be proudly eccentric for any number of reasons, but not addlepated ... at least, not all the time.

Nescient - defined as, "exhibiting or characterized by nescience: ignorant, agnostic." The root word of this wonderful term is the Latin verb scire ("to know"), which is also the root of the term omniscient (“having infinite awareness, understanding, and insight”) ... nescient, thus, means the polar opposite - "lacking in knowledge and awareness." Much like the Trump administration and its blind followers.

There are also lots of comparative expressions to indicate various levels of stupidity, such as dumb as a post and dumb as a box of rocks. The German language also has some nice words and phrases, including the well-known Dummkopf ("dumbhead"). And, of course, I keep finding it necessary to hone and expand my system for the National Stupidity Index - the DUMBCON - the most recent update of which can be found here.

Here's today's question, Dear Readers: what is your favorite, suitable-for-use-in-mixed-company word or expression - in any language - to describe someone or something as "stupid?" Leave a comment and let us all share the fruits of your vocabulary.

Have a good day. Don't let the nescient, addlepated buffoons get you down.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The Linguistics of the Problem

Here's an interesting exercise in language for you, if you're interested: go back and read every newspaper and online report concerning the shooting in Las Vegas. As you read, count the number of times you come across the word murder.

Unless I've missed something, you will not find it.

Not once.

You will read that 58 people were killed, rather than murdered. You will be told that it was a shooting or a mass shooting rather than a murder or mass murder. The perpetrator is never described as the murderer, but as the shooter.

I'm a linguist. I love words. Words matter. When we cannot bring ourselves to use the right word ... to use antiseptic terms rather than admit that we're talking about murder - the intentional taking of a human life - we are sugar-coating the horror and closing our eyes to the deadly problem that threatens all of us, every day.

More thoughts on this sad topic tomorrow.

Bilbo

Linguistic Rant

Okay, it's been a while since I've gone off on a good linguistic rant, so I guess it's time.

The subject for today is drones. Not the ants that do the work around the hill while the queen makes more ants, and not a long and monotonous sound, but machines that fly around and watch things or shoot missiles.

Because the word drone is too simple for use in budget documents and obfuscatory Congressional testimony, we tend to call them unmanned aerial vehicles, or UAVs (because you have to have a good acronym).

But even that is too simple for some people, who would prefer to call them uninhabited combat aerial vehicles, or UCAVs.

Really? Uninhabited?

An RQ-4 GLOBAL HAWK is unmanned ...

An MQ-9 REAPER is unmanned ...

Pluto is uninhabited* ...

But I guess I should be quiet, because sooner or later some wag will want to be very PC and insist that they are unpersonned. And that would be unnecessary ... and positively uncanny.

Have a good day. And remember ... it's unmanned, not uninhabited. So there.

Come back tomorrow for the naming of the Left Cheek Ass Clown for September.

Bilbo

* As far as we know.

Renaming Things

President Obama has come in for the usual mix of kudos and hysterical opposition for his decision this week to officially change the name of America's highest mountain, Alaska's Mount McKinley, back to its original native Alaskan name of Denali ...

Native Alaskans are delighted, and residents of Ohio - the home state of President William McKinley, for whom the mountain was named in 1917 - are outraged ... as are Republicans, who are outraged over anything the President does, anyhow. For my part, I think that Denali is a much more lyrical and majestic name.

In my opinion, it's a tempest in the proverbial teapot. Things get renamed all the time, and someone's social or political ox often gets gored in the process. In the wake of the furor over display of the Confederate battle flag in some southern states, in which the offending flag came down almost everywhere, the victorious flag opponents went on to insist that anything named for a figure of the Old Confederacy be renamed for a more politically correct figure. Here in Virginia, it seems like every other highway, school, or public building is named for Jefferson Davis (the Confederate President) or any of a host of Confederate Generals like Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, and Jeb Stuart ... this would make for a lot of renaming, and not everyone is happy about it except Republicans, who are salivating at the huge number of things they can now name for Ronald Reagan*.

Things that aren't named for famous (or infamous) people are often named for their corporate sponsors. Locally, the Washington football team** plays at "FedEx Field," and the "Jiffy Lube Amphitheater" and the "Verizon Center" are popular concert venues. Again, there are ample opportunities to rename things along these lines, such as the "NRA House of Representatives" or the "Koch Brothers Senate."

But getting back to the issue of renaming geographical features, what are some of the other things that the President might choose to rename before the expiration of his term***? This question was asked in an interesting article in the Washington Post the other day ... the list includes Mount Rushmore (named for an obscure New York lawyer, of all people); Mount St Helens (named in 1792 for the British Ambassador to Spain, Alleyne Fitzherbert, Baron St. Helens); and Lake Superior (so called because, well, it's pretty big). They might revert to their indigenous names: "The Six Grandfathers," "Louwala-Clough" (“smoking mountain”); and "Gitche-Gumee⁺."

So there are plenty of opportunities to rename things out there. What would you rename if you were the president? Leave a comment and let the rest of us know.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* We already have Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport, the Reagan Building, and the Ronald Wilson Reagan Memorial Highway, just to name a few. Of course, Saint Reagan would never be accepted by today's Republican party, but a little historical ignorance and revisionism is a fine thing for a political party in need of a hero.

** You're not supposed to call them the Redskins any more.

*** There is no truth to the rumor that his next act will be to rename "Hawaii" as "Kenya."

⁺ Which you know from Gordon Lightfoot's song, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald."

Soft Language

As a lover of language with a special interest in the meanings of words, one of the things I find very frustrating is when we refuse to say what we mean. Here's a clip of George Carlin's discussion of the plague of soft language that sums up what I'm talking about (warning: adult language* ahead) ...

And I'm not a "senior citizen" ... I'm a geezer, and proud of it.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* That would be "dirty words" in a more forthright time.

Honest Slogans

Do you sometimes wish that product advertisements would be up-front with you occasionally? That the advertising slogans that bombard us every day were more honest? Have I got a site for you!

I found the Honest Slogans website not long ago via Miss Cellania, and now it's one of my regular stops. I guarantee you'll want to check it out for yourself after you see these few samples ...

If you have a dog, you know ...

Paging Mr Orwell, Mr George Orwell ...

It's probably cheaper than the designer bottled waters ...

Support the Postal Service ... send a real card ...

Yep, nailed that one ...

Helping you cop a feel since 1966 ...

Truth in advertising. It would be almost as wonderful as truth in politics, and just about as likely.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

A Team By Any Other Name, Part II ... and "Ask Bilbo" Returns

Yesterday's post, in which I trolled for suggestions for a new team name for the Washington Redskins, set a near record for comments. I got 11 on the post itself, and four on my Facebook page. Here's a recap of the suggestions:

Angel suggested "Clowns" or "Hookers."

Duckbutt offered "Inerts" or "Big Spenders."

Peggy will take anything but the current name.

Arizona Dave suggested "Beltway."

KathyA said that the name most often called out at games is "WTF."

Anemone wants the name of any majestic bird, such as "Eagles" (already taken), "Hawks," or "Kestrels."

Mike suggested "Yellow Bellies," with the idea that I could profit from all the sap-sucking at games.

Elvis likes "Sentinels" (after the fictional team from the movie The Replacements).

Allenwoodhaven suggested "Disenfranchised" (in honor of DC's lack of voting representation in Congress).

The Bastard King of England offered "Dodos" (probably not the majestic bird Anemone had in mind).

Heidi likes "Remoras" (because the team sucks). This one was my favorite.

Bob offered "Whooping Cranes" (also probably not one of those majestic birds).

Buggie suggested the "Can Twins" (say it quickly); and,

Rob offered "Filibusters."

Wow! Quite a response. Thank you all for your suggestions, none of which has a prayer of being adopted by the hapless Redskins. But it's nice to dream, isn't it?

But that was yesterday, and this is today. Today we turn to a new topic ... actually, to an old topic: we bring back your opportunity to ask the burning questions that are on your mind.

Last October, I ran a post titled Getting Your Answer Straight from the Horse's ... uh ... Never Mind, in which I offered you to ask me a question on any topic. The guidelines, as I wrote them at that time, are these:

"Ask Bilbo a question, and I'll answer it. I, of course, reserve the right to be selective in my choice of questions to answer (not everyone wants to know my underwear size, for example), but I will take on any question and answer it for you. It can be personal, philosophical, about current events, or whatever. Just remember Bilbo's Second Law: don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer."

You're up, Dear Readers: what do you want to know? Send your questions as a comment on this post, e-mail them to der(underscore)blogmeister(at)yahoo(dot)com, or - if you're on Facebook - send me a PM or leave a comment on the link. Depending on how many responses I receive, I'll start answering them on Sunday.

In the meantime, stay warm and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

A Team By Any Other Name

Well, I'm back. Actually, I was never gone. I was just in a state of cold-induced suspended animation. It's six big degrees outside my study window, and the beautiful white blanket of snow we had at this time yesterday morning is now plowed, piled, sand-strewn, and pretty yucky-looking. The joy of winter, eh?

But enough about snow, let's talk about what we call our sports teams.

Most of the time, we give our teams names that reflect things like powerful animals (Bears, Lions, Tigers, Eagles) or local history and industry (Steelers, Ravens, Brewers). It's important to select the right name, because who wants to cheer for the Fond du Lac Ground Sloths or the Bayonne Loan Sharks? Not so long ago, we changed the name of the local basketball franchise from the Washington Bullets to the Washington Wizards because bullets was deemed an unfortunate allusion to the all-too-frequent fatal exercise of Second Amendment rights on the streets of the city.

The name of the team is a matter of no small importance here in Disneyland-on-the-Potomac, where there is a loud and furious debate concerning the name of the local football team: the Washington Redskins.

On one side of the argument are those who believe the name Redskins is a tremendously offensive slur against Native Americans*, a name that could only be worse if it were changed to something like the Washington Dreaded N-Words. So, what should we change the name to?

We could call them the Senators ... this was the former name of the local baseball franchise that today is called the Nationals, probably because of the realization that senators are hopelessly off-base and out of touch with reality. No, probably not a good choice.

If Senators doesn't work, how about calling them the Washington Representatives? Hmmm ... no, that probably won't work, because then every member of the team would only be interested in running the plays favored in his home district.

We could call them the Washington Republicans ... although it would imply that the team has only one play in its playbook, and continues to use it over and over again even though it doesn't work and pisses off large numbers of potential fans.

We could call them the Washington Democrats ... this would be appropriate for a team that has no playbook at all.

We could change the name to the Washington Lobbyists ... the team wouldn't even need to play - they could just buy off the opposing teams and win by default.

The Washington Evangelicals probably wouldn't have a prayer of winning**.

What do you think, Dear Readers? What would be an appropriate new name for the Washington Redskins, and why? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. Stay warm. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* The people we used to call "Indians" in a less-enlightened time.

** Much like the current team.

'Tis the Season to Be Hypocritical ...

As you know, Dear Readers, I long ago soured on both of our major political parties, which are more focused on gaining and holding power and bashing each other than with actually doing anything. Some of you have also castigated me for being harder on the GOP than I am on the Democratic Party, which is a righteous criticism ... however, as I've said here before, because I'm a basically conservative fellow, I tend to hold the GOP (rightly or wrongly) to a higher standard of behavior.

Both sides engage in rank hypocrisy and tend to pander to the worst in our natures, but I think that the GOP clearly leads the pack in hypocritical stupidity. The most recent instance (leaving aside discussion of the GOP 2012 Platform for a moment) was yesterday's comment by Louisiana's Republican governor Bobby Jindal in response to President Obama's offer of federal disaster assistance to his state:

"'We appreciate your response to our request and your approval,' Jindal wrote. 'However, the state's original request for federal assistance ... included a request for reimbursement for all emergency protective measures. The federal declaration of emergency only provides for direct federal assistance.'"

So ...

If I understand this, the Big, Bad, Government that spends too much money and is far too involved in micromanaging our lives, is being accused by a rising star GOP governor for ... not spending enough money. He demands "reimbursement for all emergency protective measures." Perhaps it's just me, but I would have thought this was primarily a state responsibility.

Can you spell hypocrisy?

I have no problem with federal disaster assistance. I believe it's the right thing to do. However, I do have a problem with hypocritical political zealots who want it both ways: to rail against the evils of the big-taxing, big-spending "nanny state," but then to demand the funds and services only a "big government" can provide.

If that sort of buffoonery is okay with you, vote for the ass clown of your choice on November 6th.

But don't say I didn't warn you.

Have a good day. Ask the right questions of both parties, and demand clear, direct, non-hypocritical answers*. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Let me know if you get any. I'm not holding my breath, and neither should you.

Bilbo's Plan for the President's Landslide Reelection in November

First of all, let me say that I haven't yet decided who I'll vote for in the Presidential election. I will just say that I need to be convinced that the opponent needs to convince me ... based on real plans I can evaluate, not platitudes aimed at an unthinking base ... that I should vote for him instead of the incumbent.

I'm still waiting for those plans and policy specifics, though, and I have a feeling I'll die of old age before I see them.

But be that as it may, many pundits have predicted that this year's election will be a squeaker, with the difference between Governor Romney and President Obama within the margin of error of whatever poll you choose to believe.

But I ... Bilbo, the clever but as yet unrecognized political operative ... have solved the problem for President Obama. I believe I have a plan that will guarantee him a towering landslide of historic proportions that will completely bury any opponent the GOP can field.

And it's so simple!

Consider this: the GOP is viscerally, completely, and utterly opposed to anything President Obama (or any Democrat) suggests. If a Democrat says the sky is blue, the GOP will line up in a solid wall to insist that it is absolutely, positively pink. If the President manages to pass, say, a health-care reform law, Republicans will hysterically oppose every aspect of it on principle ... even those portions which were originally developed and proposed by conservatives*.

So, here's my devious, sure-fire plan to ensure the President's reelection ...

On November 5th, the day before the election, President Obama calls a press conference at which he, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi unanimously endorse Mitt Romney (or whoever the GOP nominee turns out to be) for President.

Republicans, spring-loaded to reject anything suggested, proposed, or supported by any Democrat, will immediately vote for ... whoever is opposing the person who has been endorsed by the much-despised Democrats**.

The President will be reelected in an enormous landslide.

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I will admit that I voted for President Obama in 2008, largely because I was so sick of Bush era Republican policies***. I will also admit to a certain amount of buyer's remorse caused by President Obama's lack of inspiring and clear-eyed leadership****. But I will also point out that Governor Romney, the presumptive GOP nominee, has yet to explain any specific policies he would follow, budget cuts he would make, or plans he would propose that I can evaluate to see if he'd do any better job than the sitting President. This, of course, makes no difference to those rock-solid conservatives who foam at the mouth at the very thought of a second Obama presidency ... but who don't seem to appreciate that their guy is a would-be emperor without policy clothes^†.

So, Democrats, here's your way to win - endorse the GOP candidate! If nothing else, the level of cognitive dissonance you'll cause in the opposition will be very entertaining.

Have a good day. Make sure you ask the people who want your vote the hard questions ... and don't let them get away with not answering them. You deserve better.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Amazingly enough, even Faux News agrees on the conservative pedigree of the individual mandate!

** That would be President Obama, in case you weren't paying attention.

*** It appears that those who castigate President Obama for the size of the federal deficit have conveniently forgotten that it was President Bush who cut taxes at the same time he decided to fight two wars on credit. Has Mr Obama had a hand in running up the deficit? You bet. Are hypocritical, historically-blinkered Republicans blameless? Not in the least.

**** Although it can be tough to lead when you have a well-organized opposition fighting you every step of the way.

^†You may not agree with the President's policies and actions ... but at least you know what they are.

Creative Insults

I found this interesting article by Brian Palmer on Slate.com yesterday: "When Did "Douche" Become an Insult, and What Exactly Does It Mean?" Mr Palmer writes,

"There’s some support for douche as simply a nonspecific term of disparagement, much like its fellow d-words dick, dillweed, and dipshit. In a 2009 New York Times article about the surging popularity of douche in sitcoms, a writer for the show Community said, 'You’re always reaching for a more potent way to call somebody a jerk.'"

A more potent way to call someone a jerk. I love it.

As the level of civility in social and political discourse continues to decline (see Limbaugh, Rush), it is becoming more and more difficult to find new and creative ways to slam those who hold political and/or religious beliefs you don't like. After all, anyone can use trite expressions like #%$@!, ^&#%%#!, and the ever-popular $*!!!$%#&!, but if you want to separate yourself from the Great Unwashed, you need to get more inventive. As you know, my current favored term of disparagement is ass clown (see Limbaugh, Rush), and I have designated eight Ass Clowns of the Week/Month/Year thus far in this space ... but it's always good to have other verbal body slams for those times when the usual insults just don't seem to be good enough.

The Shakespearean Insult Generator is available for use when you just don't have time to think up something on your own, and you can even get more creative with the trusty word douche or it's variant, douchebag, as in the following:

In any case, it's always good to have interesting and erudite ways to put down the ass clowns of the world, because not everyone appreciates the intentionally foul and vulgar ...

So, get out there and be creative, thou craven, bat-fouling measle!

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - Today marks my 1,984^th post ... we're closing in on the magic 2,000 number, as well as on my sixth Blogoversary (coming up this Thursday). I'm looking for inspiration - does anyone have a topic on which they'd like to have ol' Bilbo expound upon in that magical milestone post? Leave a comment or send an e-mail to der(underscore)blogmeister(at)yahoo(dot)com and let me know. Otherwise, you'll have to take what you get. So there.

B.