An Unlikely First Place

In last week's discussion of how to be interesting, one of the suggestions was to "have three good stories to tell." I mentioned one of my own good stories, which involved a mishap at a dance competition ... and, sure enough, Peg wanted to hear the whole story. It's actually better if it's told in person, but I'll give it a try ...

Some years ago, Agnes and I were participating in the annual Inter-City Amateur Dance Challenge*, along with a bazillion or so other dancers from around the Northeast. We'd gone through several heats already, and we ready to dance our tango routine ...

If you've never been to a ballroom dance competition, you need to know that a typical heat only lasts about 90 seconds or less ... just long enough for the judges to quickly evaluate and score the couples on the floor. For this reason, the average competitive routine is designed to pack the maximum amount of material (required steps and show-off patterns) into a 45- to 90-second package, and if the music is still playing when your routine is done, you simply blend back to the beginning and keep going. An average amateur dancer might compete in 20 or more heats representing the various dances and skill levels, so there are always a lot of routines to keep sorted out in one's head.

Okay, on with the story ...

Even if I say so myself, our tango routine was awesome. My teacher and Agnes had choreographed a dramatic and complicated routine that was a proven crowd-pleaser and we were pumped and ready to go. We waited in the on-deck chute and, when our heat was called, took our places proudly on the floor, ready to give it our best. The announcer read out the competitors' numbers, the judges checked their score sheets to make sure the right people were on the floor, the music started ... and we were off!

The music we got (you never know what specific piece of music will be played - only that it will be at the prescribed tempo for your age group and competitive level) was great, and our routine went flawlessly. Our friends in the audience were all cheering and screaming out our number as we sailed around the first three sides of the floor ... and then we ran out of routine and the music was still playing! So we did as I'd been trained and blended back into the opening sequence of our routine, which was a series of tight, fast Viennese-style turns that whirled down the floor to end in a dramatic contra check ... something like this ...

Well, we had made the turn onto the fourth (short) side of the rectangular floor, and were whirling through those Viennese turns straight toward the announcer - whose position was just off that corner of the floor, with a judge standing right in front of him. We were about halfway through the turn sequence when my heel caught on a ridge where two sections of the prefabricated dance floor had been bolted together, but not hammered down flat ...

... and you can probably guess the rest.

When my heel caught that seam I lost my footing, and the combination of forward momentum and fast rotation ensured that we were going to go down in spectacular fashion. I realized I couldn't save the situation, so I tried to twist as we fell so that Agnes would fall on top of me ... and we hit the floor in a great cloud of tango dress as a collective gasp went up from the crowd.

We lay there for a moment waiting for other dancers to pass, and then quickly scrambled back to our feet, went back into dance hold, and started the sequence again (there being nothing worse than not trying to recover unless you have a compound fracture). We were about halfway through the Viennese turns again when the music stopped, signaling the end of the heat. We took our bow and walked off the floor to a round of sympathetic applause, completely uninjured except for fractured dignity and bruised egos.

Now, fast-forward about a half-hour or so to the awards ceremony at the end of that segment of the competition.

We joined all the other couples who had danced in that section of heats in a great semicircle on the dance floor to await the announcer's rundown of the results. Three of the judges stood before us, holding the First, Second, and Third Place ribbons to be awarded as the announcer began to call out the scores. As each heat was announced, the first, second, and third-place finishers walked forward and received their ribbons to the loud applause of the crowd. Soon, it was time for our ill-fated heat ...

"Heat number one-four-seven, American Gold Tango: first place to Bilbo and Agnes!"

How 'bout them apples?, as my dad would have said.

It turned out that the judges had already finished scoring our heat and had turned their completed score sheets for tabulation before we took our tumble, and the music director was just letting the heat music play out!

And that, Dear Readers, is the story of how Bilbo and Agnes took first place in a competitive dance heat in which we actually fell down right in front of a judge and an entire ballroom full of people. Looking back on it, it was probably not a bad thing: an embarrassing fall like that teaches humility. And besides that, once you've actually fallen down in front of a large audience ... what's the worst that can happen? It gives you perspective.

Agnes and I pose at the corner where we took our famous dive. I was thinner, then, and still had brown hair. 

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* It's now called the Washington Open Dance Sport Competition, organized by our friends Dan and Silke Calloway, and it's being held this weekend. No, we're not competing this year.

The River City Ballroom Dance Competition

This past weekend Agnes and I drove down to Richmond to cheer on our friends who were taking part in the River City Ballroom Dance Competition. We had a great time dancing, partying, and generally enjoying time with a group of people who know how to enjoy life.

If you've never been to a ballroom competition, you might have a mental image of a very staid, formal affair full of men in tuxedos and tail suits and ladies in gorgeous gowns or skimpy, sexy Latin costumes. It's actually a rowdy, raucous affair with loud cheering and applause encouraged to fire up the dancers and the rest of the audience. Our school, Studio One of Alexandria, is widely known for being loud and happy, and for lustily cheering not only our own dancers, but everyone else's, too. Here are a few pictures from the weekend...

I played a key role in preparations for the event. At our party the evening before, when dresses were being modeled, I was often called on to help the ladies with pesky zippers and such ...

Our mascot always travels with us for good luck ...

A judge's-eye view of the dance floor ...

This was our group after the smooth and standard dance rounds (Agnes took this one) ...

And I took this one after the afternoon Latin dance rounds ...

And, of course, we always work very hard to present a calm, dignified image of our studio ...

If you're not into ballroom dancing, you don't know what you're missing. What's not to like about spending the weekend in the company of beautiful ladies in gorgeous costumes who want you to dance with them?

Unfortunately, it's time to go back to work. Sigh.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Really Tall Women

There's an interesting article in CNN Online's Living section: Are You Man Enough to Date Tall Women?

The article was written by a lady who says she is six feet, one inch tall ... "ridiculously tall," as she describes it. She then goes on to offer five bits of advice to men on dating very tall women, four of which follow:

1. Stay away from the cheesy lines. Duh. Cheesy lines are dumb, anyway. Ladies usually recognize them, and such lines result in the flipping of the mental switch to the "he's a dumbass" position.

2. Get over it. Meaning, don't worry about how tall she is. We're all the same size on the inside, after all. Unless she's using her height to intimidate you, who cares?

3. Treat her like a lady. Duh. She's a lady, after all, height notwithstanding.

4. We're all the same height in bed. Um ... I'll take your word for it, although I do often look at couples greatly mismatched in height and wonder how ... well ... never mind.

Of course, I've been off the dating shelf for going on 30 years now, so this is a topic of only academic interest to me. To me, the biggest challenge in relating to a very tall lady comes not at cocktail parties or office meetings or happy hour liaisons, but on the dance floor. Consider the following...

When you're in closed dance position (holding each other closely), it can be awkward to find your head just above the bust line. Interesting, but awkward.

And how about executing the simple Underarm Turn: to lead this turn, the man raises the lady's arm well above her head and gently guides her to turn in a circle underneath her upraised arm...

This is a pretty simple movement with lady who is close to one's own size, or shorter, but with an especially tall lady, getting that arm high enough for her to turn under it can be a challenge.

Of course, dancing with any lady is great fun, and size really doesn't matter. One learns to adapt to the size of the partner and - ideally - lead her in a dance that has her leaving the floor hoping you'll ask her again.

And unless she does something unforgivable - like driving a four-inch stiletto heel through my instep while dancing - I will.

Have a good day. Dance like nobody's watching. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Why You Should Pay No Attention to My Predictions

I'm through making predictions about who will win on Dancing with the Stars.

Last night was the exciting season 8 finale of our favorite show, and I was convinced actor Gilles Marini and his partner Cheryl Burke would win...

With Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani in second place ...

And Olympic gold medal gymnast Shawn Johnson and partner Mark Ballas in third ...

Well, if you were fortunate enough to be watching last night, you know that I was proven wrong. Shawn and Mark took first, with Gilles and Cheryl in second place and Melissa and Tony in third.

I think my crystal ball needs to go in to the shop for a tuneup.

In fairness, though, I think this was the best season of the show so far, and the most difficult in which to predict results. It was the first time that all three couples received perfect scores (a 10 from each judge, for a total of 30) for their final dances (and the Argentine Tango danced by Gilles and Cheryl was a red-hot, amazing thing to see). The final three contestants all deserved to win, and the point scores for Gilles and Shawn were separated by less than 1% ... an amazing amount going into the finale, where there's usually a clear front-runner. I still think Gilles Marini had the most talent, but I'm not disappointed with the results - I think I would have been equally pleased no matter who won.

Just don't hire me to make any predictions for you.

The fall season of Dancing with the Stars comes in September, and the bar for the next set of contestants is set very high.

I can't wait.

And maybe someday I'll get to dance the waltz with Edyta Sliwinska ...


Have a good day. Dance. It's fun.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Dancing with One Less Star

Okay, I know that most of you don't do ballroom dancing (your loss), and that few of you follow the TV show Dancing with the Stars (Strictly Come Dancing in the UK). Just bear with me for a few minutes, for I feel a rant coming on that joins these two topics...

For those of you unfamiliar with the Dancing with the Stars concept, the basic idea is this: a group of professional ballroom dancers is matched up with a group of B-list stars, and the couples compete against each other throughout the season in the various ballroom and Latin dances. Each week, the scores of the three judges are combined with the votes phoned, e-mailed, or texted in by fans, and the lowest-scoring couple is eliminated. The last couple standing at the end of the season takes home the cheesy mirror ball trophy.

Got that?

Okay. Here's my question: What are you people thinking???

Last night, with the competition down to five couples and the semifinals looming next week, rapper Lil' Kim and her professional partner Derek Hough were eliminated.

I was positive that champion cowboy Ty Murray and his partner Chelsie Hightower would be eliminated.

Now, don't get me wrong. I think Ty Murray is clearly the most-improved celebrity on the show. He's done a fabulous job is an arena that is way outside his comfort zone. But there's just no way he should have beaten out Lil' Kim this week (or any week, for that matter). I don't see how the energetic and hyper-talented Lil' Kim could have lost out to the hard-working but wooden Ty Murray.

Sigh.

The competition this season is unusually fierce. All of the couples are doing fantastic jobs, and the four couples who enter the semifinals next week are each deserving of their position and fully capable of winning the competition. I think the finals will pit Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani

against Cheryl Burke and Gilles Marini

And I also predict that Tony and Melissa will take home the trophy.

Of course, I predicted Ty Murray would go home last night, so why should you listen to me?

So...

No deep thoughts this morning...just the excitement of watching some really, really good dancing.

And being disappointed at some of the results.

Maybe they'll call Agnes and I for next season...


Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Toxic Waste and Dancing with the Stars

I've been fulminating about the current economic disaster and the lack of Presidential and Congressional leadership to deal with it for a few days now, and so it's time to shift gears just a little bit. I'm so angry about the whole thing that it's probably better to back off for a day or two lest all my readers start to think that I'm obsessed or something. Even if I am.

Like many of you, I like to follow the statistics of visits to my blog. According to MyBlogLog, I have learned that my two most-read posts are "Don't Dig Here!" (1,951 hits) and "Helio Castroneves Wins Dancing with the Stars" (3,351 hits). "Don't Dig Here!" discussed the problem of how to craft warnings about toxic waste dump sites to civilizations tens of thousands of years in the future; the other, of course, was my summary of the last season of "Dancing with the Stars."

Speaking of toxic waste, and considering the speech presented by President Bush last night, you may enjoy this great editorial cartoon from Tom Toles of the Washington Post earlier this week:

Yucca Mountain, of course, is the yet-to-be-opened storage site for nuclear waste in the remote Nevada desert.

Speaking of "Dancing with the Stars," like most ballroom dancers I'm of two minds about the show. My friend lacegem, commenting on yesterday's post, said she'd stopped watching the show because "...Most of America only votes for the cute couple or the hot looking star or dancer & not necessarily the best dancer," and notes that she'd rather watch "real ballroom dancing on PBS." In one way, I agree with her. It's very frustrating to watch people with real talent like Sabrina Bryan
and Melanie Brown

get voted off while talentless losers like "Master P"

and talentless but entertaining losers like George Hamilton

and, this season, Cloris Leachman

keep coming back.

But nevertheless, I keep watching...it's sort of like the fascination that makes one want to gawk at a ghastly wreck on the highway. And who knows? It may be tacky and puffed up with Hollywood kitsch and fluff, but Dancing with the Stars is better than no dancing at all.

And someday, I will have my waltz with Edyta Sliwinska.


Have a good day. Hold on to your wallets...Congress is still working on the plan to save its favorite campaign contributors.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - If you have MS-Office installed on your computer, and would like to see a great (if somewhat crude) PowerPoint explanation of the subprime mortgage mess, e-mail me at bilbo_the_blogger (at) yahoo dot com and I'll send you a copy. You'll love it. Mike, I already sent it to you.

B.

Bilbo and Agnes Dance the Viennese Waltz

Since I had the time to play with the video capture program again while the laundry was doing its thing, I thought I'd try to capture some of our performances from last weekend's Virginia State DanceSport Championships. After looking at the DVD of our heats, I selected this one as the most free of glaring mistakes on my part...

The dance is the Viennese Waltz. Dance champion Corky Ballas once said that it was a very simple dance, consisting only of left turns, right turns, and closed changes...the problem was that you had to do them at a hundred miles an hour. This makes the Viennese Waltz a very aerobically demanding dance (think running the 440 in a tuxedo), which explains the look of horror on my face and the titter in the ballroom when the announcer asks the DJ for a "three-minute Viennese Waltz." And so, moving at not quite a hundred miles an hour, here are Agnes and I dancing the Viennese Waltz...



I'm still reviewing the rest of the heat videos...if I find another one that doesn't look too bad, I'll put it up later this week.

By the way, the dress Agnes is wearing was a new one, and quite spectacular. The event organizers' liability insurance protected them from lawsuits from all the men who walked into things or tripped and fell down while gawking at her.

In the meantime, all you men out there reading this and watching the video: that's a room full of beautiful ladies waiting to be danced with. It could be you dancing with them. All you need to do is get off your wide rear end and take some lessons.

Just a thought...

Have a good day. More thoughts later.

Bilbo

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Yes, today is my birthday...I've made it through another year, added another growth ring, whatever. I'm steadily marching toward being an officially old guy, but I don't feel old (at least, most of the time). What are some of the things that help keep me young?

* Three grown, successful children, of whom I'm enormously proud.

* The world's three most beautiful grandchildren (although I tend to feel about three times my age after they've spent a day playing with grandpa).

* A beautiful and loving wife.

* The joy of good friends.

* New opportunities every day to learn new things.

* Books, books and more books. If the world's authors stopped publishing tomorrow, I'd still be set for life trying to read through everything we have on the endless shelves at home...but I sure hope they don't stop!

* Glorious sunrises and sunsets.

* (Of course) Ballroom dancing...the world's most underappreciated sport. But that's just as well...if more men understood the pleasure of a sport you play holding beautiful ladies in elegant clothes close to your body, I'd have a lot more competition!

But this year, there's a downside to my birthday - it happens to coincide with Election Day. And while I look forward to performing my duty as a citizen of this great nation to cast my vote, it's been tough getting through the last few weeks of hysterical, information-free political ads on TV and radio. And those in addition to the bales of printed attack ads that have choked my mailbox, the automated phone calls that I (automatically and immediately) hang up on, and the herds of earnest young political workers who pass out flyers door-to-door and at the Metro station...few of whom really appear to be able to answer detailed questions about where their candidates stand on particular issues. When I finally push the big, red VOTE button on the machine in an hour or so, it will be with a sense of duty completed, mixed with happiness that the hoopla is over.

At least until 2008, when it will be worse.

But so much for that - I'm going to enjoy this birthday and look forward to many more in the future!

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Some thoughts about ballroom dancing...

Yes, I know that the midterm election is coming up, that illegal immigration is still an unresolved (and politically ignored) issue, that gun violence continues to claim innocent lives, and that global warming is (maybe) a critical topic. Yes, all these things are important. But sometimes, it's also important to think about the things that bring joy to our lives, instead of problems.

At a dinner conversation this evening, I talked about what I've gained from my training in and love of ballroom dancing...and I think it was an important enough conversation to share with you.

Those who knew me when I was in grade school, high school, and college remember me as the premiere geek...the bookish, average-looking, marginally athletic fellow that was always in the shadow of the jocks, admiring the "hot babes" from a distance, but always intimidated by them. Amazingly enough, I managed to find a nice lady and get married...get divorced...find another nice lady...and remain married for the last 24 years. But at heart, I was always still the shy geek...until Agnes dragged me, kicking and screaming, into the world of ballroom dancing.

To all you guys out there who scoff, I would just say this: there's nothing in the world like walking onto a dance floor and being recognized for your skill at making the ladies feel beautiful and appreciated. There's no feeling quite like being the recovering geek who has women approaching him to ask for a dance. And, even though I'm as happily married as a man can be, there's just something awesome about knowing that there are ladies out there who want me to take them in my arms for three minutes of no-fault, no-committment bliss on the dance floor.

So, you jocks can go ahead and scoff. And you guys who think dancing is for sissies can go right ahead and spend your time at the gym with all the other hairy, sweaty men...I'll take care of making your ladies feel like sophisticated and desirable women, three minutes at a time.

Have a good evening, and a good week. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

We've got Happy Feet!

Agnes and I spent the last three days in Miami Beach, taking part in the 36th annual Grand National Ballroom Dance Championships, and had a wonderful time. The weather was great, the quality of the competition was high, and the crowd was large and friendly...everything you could ask for in a ballroom competition.

We danced 14 times, and took first place in 13 of those heats: American Gold Waltz, Tango, Fox Trot, Rumba, Cha-Cha, Swing, and Bolero; International Silver Quickstep and Viennese Waltz; and International Bronze Rumba, Cha-Cha, Samba, and Paso Doble. We took second place in the International Bronze Waltz. In the picture above, I'm deleriously happy (and Agnes is shocked, yet proud) that I have just won the Top Student Award in the American Gold category.

If you haven't tried ballroom dancing, you don't know what you're missing. And if you're a ballroom dancer who hasn't tried competitive dancing, you're missing out on more fun and excitement than you ever dreamed was possible. My only regret is that I didn't start doing this 40 years ago.

We'll get back to some serious posts tomorrow...but for today, I just needed to crow a bit.

Have a great evening. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo