It's Not The Necronomicon, But It's Bad Enough

Those of you who are interested in horror fiction and familiar with the works of H. P. Lovecraft know about The Necronomicon, an ancient book of mind-numbing evil that appears in many of Lovecraft’s works, usually accompanied by adjectives like "abhorred," "shunned," and "detested." It was a book so evil that its name often went unspoken and those who owned copies frequently met gruesome ends; most copies known throughout history were said to  have been rounded up and destroyed except for a very few kept under close guard. Not many books have received this much negative attention, but at least one other one has ... Mein Kampf, the political manifesto written by Adolf Hitler in the 1920s. In its way, Mein Kampf is the Necronomicon of politics.

This is why there was a great stir in Germany recently when it was announced that, for the first time since the end of World War II, Mein Kampf* would be published and made available for sale in Germany next year. It has been banned from reprinting in Germany since 1945 because the government of the state of Bavaria, which owns the copyright, has blocked all attempts to reissue the book, which was once the virtual Bible of the Nazi Party and the Third Reich. But the copyright expires in December of this year, and a German historical society plans to issue a heavily-annotated edition of the book, much to the chagrin, if not outright anger, of many in Germany and around the world.

Contrary to what I had earlier understood, the book was never actually banned in postwar Germany; only its reprinting was, and those who wanted to read it were usually able to find a copy in a library or antiquarian bookstore, or to buy one in another country. However, because of its unique role as the formal documentation of Hitler's political and social philosophies, its distribution and reading were officially discouraged, particularly with the recent growth in neo-Nazi skinhead movements in various parts of Germany.

I have read parts** of Mein Kampf in both the original German and in English translation. I can tell you without fear of exaggeration that it's one of the worst books I've ever read***, both because of its ugly content and because of its turgid, often nearly unreadable style. Nevertheless, it remains popular with those who sympathize with the hatreds and political rants of the Nazi era, and is important for that reason alone if no other – a civilized, cultured nation led the world into a horrifying conflict and allowed itself to be virtually destroyed because it followed the deranged philosophy documented in its pages.

A discussion of the pros and cons of reissuing Mein Kampf is timely in view of the ongoing debate in this country about allowable limits on freedom of speech. As I’ve said before, I tend to believe that there should be as few limits as possible on freedom of speech because it’s easier to recognize and contest bad ideas when they are presented in open forum. Forbidding discussion of certain topics and positions simply drives the discussion underground and allows those who hold distasteful ideas to live in their own self-confirming ideological bubble, free of the need to defend their ideas against counterargument. Allowing free and open discussion of ideas doesn’t grant them credence, but it does force people to defend their positions.

Of course, we all know that in today’s supercharged social and political environment, quaint things like facts and logic seldom carry the day. In fact, for many people, they are irrelevant distractions from things they absolutely know to be true. Facts are facts only if they support a previously-held position, and logic is not a method of forcing rational and defensible thought, but a highfalutin’ way of posing gotcha-style questions.

Participatory democracy requires an educated population willing to engage in reasoned debate. This is why sound education, freedom of speech, and freedom of the press are so vital to our survival and prosperity. To the extent that we sacrifice education on the altar of budget cuts and political and religious agendas and treat freedom of speech and the press as less important than the right to bear arms, we undercut the very foundation of our nation. When a book like Mein Kampf is suppressed, it gains an allure that its content does not earn. When we posit that certain ideas cannot be discussed or certain words used because they might offend someone, we lose the ability to drag unpleasant issues into the open where they can be debated and debunked.

So …

Go ahead and read Mein Kampf, if you can get through it, and ask yourself how such a collection of poorly-written, half-baked ideas managed to lead the world to ruin. Sometimes, The Necronomicon can look pretty good in comparison.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* The title translates as "My Struggle." Hitler originally wanted to call it, “Four and  a Half Years of Struggle Against Lies, Stupidity, and Cowardice,” but his publisher suggested the shorter, and presumably more salable, title.

** I couldn't get through the whole thing.

*** Others feel the same way. A review of the book on Amazon.com is typical, noting that “… Beyond the anger, hatred, bigotry, and self-aggrandizing, Mein Kampf is saddled with tortured prose, meandering narrative, and tangled metaphors.”

The Lawyer and the Orange

One day in a Contract Law class, the professor called on one of the students and posed this question: "If you were going to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student thought for a moment, then said, "Here's an orange."

The professor was furious. "No, no!' he shouted. "Think like a lawyer!"

The student collected himself, then stood tall and said, "I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat the same, extract the juice of, or give the same away with or without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding ..."

The professor beamed proudly. "Now you're thinking like a lawyer!"

Have a good day, good being defined as intellectually challenging, meteorologically pleasant, financially sound, and medically unimpaired, and day being defined as the 24-hour diurnal period defined by the rotation of the earth one time around its axis. The act of "having" in this context is intended and determined to encompass possession, experience, and enjoyment, without boundary or limit.

So there.

Have it, anyway.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

Edgar Allan Poe published a great many profoundly weird stories that rank among the greatest tales of horror and terror ever written. He also wrote a great many very fine poems, some of which also feature ... disturbing elements. This is one of my favorite Poe poems, and it contains some of the most beautiful lines of poetry I think have ever been written. I'll tell you which ones they are after you're done reading ...

Annabel Lee

by Edgar Allan Poe

It was many and many a year ago,
     In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
     By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
     Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
     In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
     I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
     Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
     In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
     My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
     And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
     In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
     Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
     In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
     Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
     Of those who were older than we-
     Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
     Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
     Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
     Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
     Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
     In the sepulchre there by the sea,
     In her tomb by the sounding sea.

Did you guess my favorite lines? They are:

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams

     Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes

     Of the beautiful Annabel Lee

Life and love are good when you find your own Annabel Lee.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

I don't know about you, but I'm really sick of winter, and need a laugh. Especially after this week's news headlines ...

Members of the so-called "Islamic State" have once again destroyed priceless cultural treasures, this time bulldozing the site of the ancient Assyrian city of Nimrud in northern Iraq; the Justice Department is preparing to bring criminal corruption charges against Sen. Robert Menendez, a New Jersey Democrat, alleging he used his Senate office to push the business interests of a Democratic donor and friend in exchange for gifts; knife-wielding attackers wounded ten people at a railway station in the southern Chinese city of Guangzhou before local police shot one suspect and arrested another; the US Ambassador to South Korea, Mark Lippert, was attacked and seriously injured in Seoul by a man wielding a ten-inch knife; and one of the men convicted in the horrifying gang rape and murder of a young woman in India in 2012 claims she was responsible because "she should (have) just be(en) silent and allow(ed) the rape."

It's a wonderful world, isn't it?

This week, in honor of the tremendous work being done** by our elected reprehensives in Congress, our collection of theme cartoons features ... zombies.

It's a common mistake ...

It isn't just the ladies who are golddiggers ...

You had to see this one coming ...

Even zombies need an occasional checkup ...

Making offers you can't refuse ...

When zombies network ...

Moving on to other topics, it can be disheartening to be the #2 goose ...

Congressional response ...

I think I need something like this as I rush toward retirement ...

 

Finally, I wonder if this is how I'll be remembered ...

Well, it looks like it will be a nice weekend. There's no snow in the forecast, it's going to be warming up a bit, and tonight we're going to the George Mason Center for the Arts with our friends Ken and Nadja to see Tango Buenos Aires. We'll lose an hour of sleep tonight as Daylight Savings Time kicks in, but I guess we'll get over it.

Have a good day and a great weekend. Come back tomorow for Poetry Sunday.

Bilbo

* Not.

Great Moments in Editing

Well, March is indeed coming in like the proverbial lion ... we had about 7 inches of snow here in my corner of NoVa, and my joints are reminding me that snow shoveling is a lot easier when you're 23 than when you're 63. But you didn't navigate here to listen to me gripe about the weather, so ...

Welcome to the first set of Great Moments in Editing for March. This edition, we'll focus on some of the ways things can go south rapidly when writing about foodstuffs. Here we go ...

That's the last time I order the soup to go ...

Guess what comes with the soup ...

I always like to be sure of the upbringing of my pears ...

I'm sure they did ...

I think some of the employees may need a little practice in their vegetable recognition ...

Perhaps they should have checked the sell-by date ...

I'd like a glass of Velveeta to go with my cheeseburger, please ...

Oh, waiter! Can you tell me what comes with the BLT? ...

I'm glad we cleared that up ...

Darn ... I was looking for the round, orange ones ...

And there you have it ... another collection of great moments in editing. No charge. 

Have a good day. Remember ... spell-check is not always your friend. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Definitions of Success

I recently received an e-mail from my friend Bob that offered some thoughts on how we define success at various ages. It's good enough to share ...

Success at age 4 is not peeing in your pants.

Success at age 12 is having friends.

Success at age 16 is having a driver's license.

Success at age 20 is having sex.

Success at age 35 is having money.

Success at age 50 is having money.

Success at age 60 is having sex.

Success at age 70 is having a driver's license.

Success at age 75 is having friends.

Success at age 80 is not peeing in your pants.

The bottom line: it all comes full circle.

I'm 63, and I think I can speak with some authority on the subject.

Have an age-appropriate good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Magical Plans

As we discussed in this space a week or so ago, the Supreme Court today is hearing the case of King v Burwell which, depending upon how the court decides, could fatally undercut the Affordable Care Act (aka “Obamacare”) by disallowing the subsidies upon which millions of low and middle income Americans depend to afford their health care insurance. Given that health care in this country is ridiculously expensive for the reasons we’ve already discussed, it seems fairly Grinchy to pull the rug out from under people who are now enjoying health insurance, many for the first time ...

But help is at hand, apparently, should the Supreme Court decide the subsidies are illegal*!

In an OpEd article that appeared in The Washington Post on March 1^st, three Republican Congressmen - Orrin Hatch of Utah (Chair of the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee), Lamar Alexander of Tennessee (Chair of the Senate Finance Committee), and John Barrasso of Wyoming (Chair of the Senate Republican Policy Committee) – announced that

“Republicans have a plan to protect Americans harmed by the administration’s actions**.”

This is wonderful news! Of course, it might have been even more wonderful had it been announced a few years ago, in place of endless, useless votes to defund all or part of the ACA, but hey! – they have a plan now!

But as you might suspect, Bilbo the Cynical Curmudgeon has a few questions and observations about this GOP plan as outlined in the OpEd article …

First, an observation: an OpEd article does not constitute a “plan.” It constitutes a pair of promises designed to give the impression that a plan exists. As we shall see, I’m not sure that’s true.

The GOP recognizes that if the Supreme Court decides against the subsidies, millions of people who now are getting health insurance for the first time will no longer be able to afford it, and will lose it. This would be undesirable from a PR perspective. Therefore, the first part of the “plan” is this:

“We would provide financial assistance to help Americans keep the coverage they picked for a transitional period.”

Riddle me this, Batman … what will be the source of funding for this financial assistance? The GOP advertises itself, after all, as the party of fiscal restraint, insisting that new spending be offset by cuts to other programs. One might reasonably ask, therefore, what other programs will be cut to provide this assistance, or what other source of funding has been identified. This is not spelled out in the article, and I suspect it has been glossed over in the hopes that no one asks about it ... especially not the extreme fiscal conservatives of the GOP who will adamantly oppose new spending***.

The second part of the “plan” is this:

“We will give states the freedom and flexibility to create better, more competitive health insurance markets offering more options and different choices ... We have had many discussions with our Senate and House Republican colleagues on this issue, and there is a great deal of consensus on how to proceed. Many of our colleagues have good ideas, and we look forward to working together.”

You will, I hope, forgive me if I question the existence of “consensus” or an ability to “work together” within the Republican party. The recent fiasco over funding the Department of Homeland Security is a direct result of the refusal of the most hardline conservative Republicans to work with their more moderate colleagues (although there is great effort being made to put the blame on the Democrats). But be that as it may, how will the GOP “plan” to increase options and choices work? What are the other options that are being considered? How will they differ from the options and choices now available? Inquiring minds want to know.

So I ask again ... what's the plan? And what makes Senators Hatch, Alexander, and Barrasso think that anyone other than the most die-hard conservatives will believe that their platitudes constitute a plan?

Sadly there's quite a bit of stupidity and gullibility in the American voting population ... perhaps just enough to carry the day. And then they can turn to the GOP and ask what the plan is.

Good luck getting a straight answer.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* For a very good analysis of the legal issue, read this New York Times OpEd by Nicholas Bagley: Hello, Justices? It's Reality Calling.

** I assume they are referring to the incalculable harm done to millions of Americans who are now able to obtain affordable health care insurance.

***  The obvious solution is that they will just print the money and blame the Democrats for making it necessary for them to do so.

When Life Gives You Lemons ...

The old motivational adage says that "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." The meaning, of course, is that you should always look for ways to turn misfortune to your advantage. It doesn't always work, but it sounds good.

Perhaps one of the ultimate lemonade moments came recently for the city of Portland, Oregon, where hydoelectric turbines have been installed in one of the main water pipelines to use the pressure of running water produce electricity. The advantage is clear: each time you hit that handle on your toilet, the pressure generated by the flush helps to power your television so that you can watch more C-SPAN coverage of Congress doing nothing.

But satire aside, it behooves us to look for new sources of both renewable (such as solar, wind, and hydroelectric) and nontraditional (such as flush-generated) energy. There's a scene in the great* comedy film Kentucky Fried Movie in which scientists search for new sources of oil, extracting it from teenagers' faces and recycling used combs.  That's all well and good, but we need far more energy nowadays than can be generated by such measures. Here are a few of my ideas ...

1. Install thousands of wind turbines in concentric circles around Capitol Hill. The wind energy generated while Congress is in session will pay for the installation within days.

2. In addition to the wind turbines, install thermal collectors to take advantage of the superheated air generated during congressional debates**.

3. Replace all 435 desks in the Senate and House chambers with human-sized hamster wheels to capture the energy of our elected reprehensives running in circles ...

4. Install generators connected to banks of revolving doors to capture the as-yet untapped energy of members of Congress and their aides shuttling back and forth to lobbyists' offices.

5. Take advantage of the latent energy represented by the mountains of cash masquerading as constitutionally-protected free speech. Because worn-out banknotes are usually destroyed by burning, require that members of Congress and their staffs periodically exchange their accumulated bales of older campaign contributions for fresh currency, so that the older banknotes can be burned and the resulting energy used to provide a new source of power for Senate and House office buildings.

Do you have any other ideas for nontraditional sources of energy we might tap? Leave a comment. The nation is counting on you.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* This opinion is not shared by Agnes, who has often threatened to destroy my copy of Kentucky Fried Movie if she ever finds where I've hidden it.

** By "debates," I mean "political posturing, finger-pointing, and coup-counting masquerading as principled discussion of serious issues."

Concealed Carry of the Brain

Each year sees a terrible number of deaths, both intentional and accidental, involving firearms. One of the most tragic, and yet most eye-rollingly stupid of them was reported in the city of Kalamazoo, Michigan, where, on January 1st, a woman accidentally shot herself in the eye while trying to adjust the gun she was carrying in a ... bra holster.

Yes, Dear Readers, you heard that right - a bra holster. There are apparently several types of such holsters for women who wish to conceal more than one type of 38, so to speak. Here is one, marketed as the "Flashbang," available from Amazon.com for $26.79 to $49.99, depending on the weapon to be holstered and the natural embellishments of the armed lady...

It seems to me that this is not a terribly practical design, requiring the lady to pull up her shirt, grab the gun by the handle, and pull it down, probably while under duress ... which probably explains how an insufficiently experienced quickdraw artist* could accidentally fire the gun, with predictable results. One might also think that it would give a somewhat unusual, angular appearance to the normally rounded appearance of that portion of the lady's anatomy. However, given the current craze for the concealed carry** of weapons, I suppose this development was only a matter of time.

Of course, this is not the first deadly bra accessory on which I have reported in this space. You may recall this post from May of 2013, in which I brought to your attention "rape prevention underwear" being developed by some engineering students in India. A key part of the "Society Harnessing Equipment"*** was a set of sensors located in the bra**** which would, when triggered, deliver a 3800 volt shock to an attacker, while simultaneously sending a GPS-enabled SOS message to the local police ...

Not all of Victoria's secrets are pleasant ones.

Have a good day. Consider carrying your deadly weapons in your purse. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Or an energetic date.

** Unintentional alliteration.

*** Yes, it's a stupid name, but I didn't make it up.

**** The bra in the picture is a prototype ... one imagines that the final version would be a bit more decorative.

Poetry Sunday

The telephone, as some of us may remember, was an instrument once used to establish verbal communication with another human being. Today, of course, it's morphed into something with which we take pictures, find restaurants, measure our pulse rate, find the weather forecast, send text messages, check our e-mail, play games, deposit checks into our accounts, and ... occasionally ... establish verbal communication with another human being. The telephone used to be a weighty device carved out of bakelite that sat regally in a position of honor within the home, before it evolved into a tiny device with a fragile screen made in Chinese sweatshops. We celebrate the telephone today in this poem by Louis Jenkins ...

The Telephone

by Louis Jenkins

In the old days telephones were made of
rhinoceros tusk and were big and heavy enough
to be used to fight off an intruder. The telephone
had a special place in the front hallway, a shrine
built into the wall, a niche previously occupied
by the blessed virgin, and when the phone
rang it was serious business. "Hello." "One if
by land and two if by sea." "What?" "Unto you
a child is born." "What?" "What did he say?"
"Something about the Chalmers' barn." The
voice was carried by a single strand of bare wire
running from coast to coast, wrapped around a
Coke bottle stuck on a tree branch, dipping low
over the swamp, it was the party line, all your
neighbors in a row, out one ear and in another.
"We have a bad connection, I'm having trouble
understanding you."

Nowadays telephones are made of recycled
plastic bags and have multiplied to the point
where they have become a major nuisance.
The point might ring at you from anywhere, the
car, the bathroom, under the couch cushions...
Everyone hates the telephone. No one uses the
telephone anymore so telephones, out of habit
or boredom or loneliness perhaps, call one
another. "Please leave a message at the tone."
"I'm sorry, this is a courtesy call. We'll call back at
a more convenient time. There is no message."


Here's to the good, old telephone. Pardon me while I send this text.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo