Cartoon Saturday

Oy. Just, oy ...

Donald Trump delivered his second State of the Union address this past Tuesday, a speech hailed as a brilliant combination of distortion and self-congratulation - the Democratic response was delivered by Georgia Democratic star Stacey Abrams; Virginia politics fell into chaos after two major Democratic leaders - the Governor and the Attorney General - found themselves in political danger after old pictures of them in blackface were published, and a third - the Lieutenant Governor - was accused of sexual assault; and Pope Francis publicly admitted for the first time that clerics had sexually abused nuns, and that the issue that was "still going on" within the Catholic Church.

Since Valentine's Day is coming up on Thursday, I figured a collection of cartoons about Cupid would be appropriate for today ...

Sometimes it takes a little effort ...

The desire for non-commitment goes high-tech ...

Playing defense ...

Another way to play defense ...

Cupid may need some of those armor-piercing arrows ...

Oops ...

Been there ...

Nothing like a little extra insurance ...

Cupid may not want to go with the updated equipment after all ...

There's an app for that ...

Happy Valentine's Day. I realize that the whole thing is a conspiracy hatched by the world's florists, candy-makers, restauranteurs, but we may as well make the most of it. Do something nice for your significant other.

More thoughts tomorrow, when Musical Sunday visits Natalie Imbruglia. See you then.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

First selection for February!

It must have been a slow news day ...

These stupid anti-vax people are getting way out of hand ...

I wonder if, in this case, MMA meant Macaroon and Muffin Assault ...

I've heard this in other places, too ...

Har, de har-har-har!! ...

Insufficient diversity? ...

There's got to be a great story here ...

This isn't as funny as you might think ... some years ago my daughter gave me a little statue of a monkey made out of "compressed, sanitized zoo manure," marketed as a "Dung Buddy." It was a great conversation piece in the office ...

He may have thought it was gone ... you know, Brexit and all that ...

I'm not sure this would be considered as good a Valentine's Day gift as they think ...

And there you have it - your first collection of editorial and signage gems for the new month ... hope you enjoyed them. Come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, when we will take a cartoon look at - what else? - Valentine's Day. See you then.

Bilbo

The Letter the Democrats Should Send

Last night I wasted about an hour and fifteen minutes of my life listening to Donald Trump's State of the Union speech (I gave up before it was over). It was about what I'd expected to hear, and it suggested how the Democrats need to proceed with the mess over the Great Wall of Trump.

Were I Chuck Schumer or Nancy Pelosi, here is the letter I would send to Mr Trump:

QUOTE:

Dear Mr President,

In the interest of cooperation and conciliation, and in order to put the issue of your proposed border wall to rest so that we can move on to other pressing issues facing the nation, we offer the following:

Congressional Democrats will provide 100% of your requested wall funding upon receipt of documented proof, based on official government documentation, facts, and analysis, that prove both the existence of a border crisis and that such a wall is necessary to solve that crisis. Acceptable documentation would include formal National Intelligence Estimates, official studies conducted by the Department of Homeland Security, official Justice Department records of arrests and prosecutions for border violations, and similar official records. Data without documentation to show its provenance, irrelevant or anecdotal data, and emotional references to "Angel Moms" are not sufficient - we are prepared to provide the funding you want as long as you can prove the existence of the problem and the efficacy of your proposed wall as a solution.

Because you are clearly certain of the existence and severity of the crisis, we are sure that you must be in possession of hard data that proves your case. Therefore, we ask that you provide this information to the appropriate Senate and House committees no later than February 28, 2019 so that it can be shared with the American public to prove the case for your wall. Once this information has been received and verified, we will provide the funding you request.

Sincerely,

The Democrats

END QUOTE

That's what I think ought to happen ... what do you think? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Of Hagfish and Twitter

One of my granddaughter Leya's hobbies is making slime. Yes, slime. It's quite the "in" toy nowadays, and you'll pay top dollar for it at your local toy store; Leya, however, has developed an endlessly-adjustable formula for mixing play slime at home using various combinations of ingredients and fragrances. Slime is fun. Who knew?

Thus it was that this interesting article in The Atlantic Monthly caught my eye recently: No One Is Prepared for Hagfish Slime.

Yes, it seems that the humble and unfortunately-named hagfish, along with its numerous other unique and interesting features, uses slime as a defensive weapon.

When threatened, the hagfish exudes small amounts of slime (about a teaspoonful) from pores in its skin, and that small amount of slime can expand in volume up to 10,000 times ... clogging the eyes, mouths, and gills of attacking predators. The picture below shows the aftermath of a highway accident in Oregon in which a truck carrying a load of hagfish (for export to South Korean restaurants, where they are considered a delicacy) overturned and covered the road - and the pictured car - in slime generated by the truckload of panicked fish.

I think this is a very interesting capability, although perhaps not as unique as one might think. Consider such predatory creatures as donaldtrumpus egoisticus maximus and rogerstoneius dirtytricksibus, both of which respond to the least attack with bursts of slime from their overdeveloped Twitter glands. Indeed, there are many subspecies of homo sapiens* that have the same reflexive reaction to ideas they don't like.

Speaking of that sort of slime, let us not forget that uncontrolled and thoughtless social media was foretold in the Bible: Chapter 11 of Genesis, verses 1-9, tells the story of the construction of the tower of Babel; with verse 3 addressing the issue of building material ...

And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly. And they had brick for stone, and slime** had they for mortar.

And to this day, slime remains the mortar that connects many of the thoughts of the ignorant.

All in all, I think I prefer Leya's slime which, while yucky, is harmless and made for fun.

Have a good day. Keep away from the online slime.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* In case you weren't aware, the Latin "homo sapiens" translates as "wise man;" surely a laughable misnomer among much of the population.

** The King James Version of the Bible from which I drew this quote uses the word "slime," while the New Revised Standard Version uses the word "bitumen." While "bitumen" may be a more accurate translation of the original word for the cement the builders used, I believe "slime" works better as a contextual metaphor.

Poetry Sunday

Today is the first Sunday in February, and it's Poetry Sunday, so what could be more appropriate than this poem by Margaret Atwood? ...

February 

by Margaret Atwood 

Winter. Time to eat fat
and watch hockey. In the pewter mornings, the cat,
a black fur sausage with yellow
Houdini eyes, jumps up on the bed and tries
to get onto my head. It’s his
way of telling whether or not I’m dead.
If I’m not, he wants to be scratched; if I am
He’ll think of something. He settles
on my chest, breathing his breath
of burped-up meat and musty sofas,
purring like a washboard. Some other tomcat,
not yet a capon, has been spraying our front door,
declaring war. It’s all about sex and territory,
which are what will finish us off
in the long run. Some cat owners around here
should snip a few testicles. If we wise
hominids were sensible, we’d do that too,
or eat our young, like sharks.
But it’s love that does us in. Over and over
Again, He shoots, he scores! and famine
crouches in the bedsheets, ambushing the pulsing
eiderdown, and the windchill factor hits
thirty below, and the pollution pours
out of our chimneys to keep us warm.
February, month of despair,
with a skewered heart in the centre.
I think dire thoughts, and lust for French fries
with a splash of vinegar.
Cat, enough of your greedy whining
and your small pink bumhole.
Off my face! You’re the life principle,
more or less, so get going
on a little optimism around here.
Get rid of death. Celebrate increase. Make it be spring.


Oh, yes, for pete's sake make it be spring ... I'm really sick of winter!

Have a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

It's the start of a new month, but the news seems to be just like the news in the last one ...

The chiefs of the nation's intelligence services delivered a summary of the threats facing the country which represented a stinging rebuke to Donald Trump's single-minded focus on migration from the south as an existential threat ... Trump responded by calling the intelligence chiefs "extremely passive and naive;" temperatures dropped to historic lows as a polar vortex pushed huge masses of frigid air from the polar regions across the country; police investigating a report of a sinkhole in Florida discovered a tunnel being dug toward a local bank, probably as part of an attempted burglary; and on Friday, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo announced that the United States will withdraw from the Intermediate Range Nuclear Forces (INF) Treaty that was signed with Russia in 1987, charging that Russia has not been adhering to its terms.

This week, in honor of the horrendous cold weather that's kept us all indoors, I thought some cartoons about books and reading might be just the thing, particularly in combination with a few quilts and a mug of hot chocolate ...

Well, that's one way to make it happen ...

Tennessee Williams, updated ...

Mom must have been very proud ...

But Mrs Gray, not so much ...

I think this is how it will go if I ever get my book written ...

Good choice ...

Smile, Yorick ...

Sometimes you need a creative librarian to explain the concept ...

One of these days, I need to write a letter in which the first letter in each paragraph has grapes and angels hanging off of it ...

Sadly, this is true ...

And that's it for the first Cartoon Saturday of February, 2019 ... I hope it helped take your mind off all the craziness. Why not sit down with a good book to help keep you calm and centered?

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday takes on the concept of February.

Bilbo

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2019

It's February, and there are lots of Ass Clowns clamoring for recognition as we move into the second month of the year. The choice is almost always difficult to make, although some decisions are easier than others. And so it is for the first of our February awards, as we clear away the floating debris at the top of the cesspool and reach in to pull out

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2019

and the award goes to

Roger Stone

Roger Stone, a "political consultant," "opposition research" specialist, and longtime associate (one hesitates to say "friend") of Donald Trump, has spent his adult life as a self-described political dirty tricks specialist, eagerly scraping the bottom of the political barrel to dream up ways to make life miserable for his clients' opponents. He has described his political modus operandi as "Attack, attack, attack – never defend," and "Admit nothing, deny everything, launch counterattack." He has been described in many colorful ways, among the best of which was Michael Gerson's assessment that "he is, in fact, a mendacious windbag." 

Stone helped to promote a number of falsehoods and conspiracy theories during the Trump campaign, working hand in hand with noted conspiracy theorist and shouting head Alex Jones (a two-time previous winner of this award - see here and here). Birtherism and the Hillary Clinton child sex slavery ring in a DC pizza parlor (Pizzagate) were just two examples.

Last week, Stone was arrested at his Fort Lauderdale, Florida, home in connection with Robert Mueller's investigation into Russian meddling in the 2016 election. He was indicted on seven separate counts: one count of obstruction of an official proceeding; five counts of false statements; and one count of witness tampering ... all of which he has, of course, denied. He has also delivered a curiously worded expression of support for Donald Trump ever, saying "... there is no circumstance whatsoever under which I will bear false witness against the President, nor will I make up lies to ease the pressure on myself."  

Ladies and gentlemen, Dear Readers, Roger Stone is our Right-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2019. Well earned, indeed.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - heaven knows we all need the laughs at a time like this.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Of Governments and Problems

One of the touchstones of conservative Republican dogma is summed up in the famous quote from Saint Ronald Reagan: “In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.”

Although the full quote, heard in context, was a response to the poor economic conditions of the late 1970's and early 1980's, and Reagan's belief that misguided government policies were responsible for those conditions, only part of his comment is remembered and has been adopted as dogma by the Cut Government/Eliminate Regulations/Slash Taxes Right:

"government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.”

I think the recent Petulant Trump Shutdown™ of parts of the federal government showed pretty clearly that the government, for good or ill, is an essential part of our lives, and that recklessly closing it down causes vast damage to the nation. Consider that the preamble to the Constitution - the document piously invoked by elected officials who seldom seem to have actually read and comprehended it - states that the Constitution was "ordained and established" to

"...establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty..."

So, how well did the Petulant Trump Shutdown™ align with the intent of the Constitution? Let's see ...

1. "Establish Justice." Federal courts nearly ran out of money. Guards in dangerous federal prisons were forced to work without pay*.  

2. "Insure domestic Tranquility." There was no tranquility for the families of furloughed federal workers, federal workers forced to work without pay, federal contractors (who, unlike federal workers, are unlikely to be paid after the standoff), and millions of business owners whose livelihood depends upon the business provided by government workers.

3. "Provide for the common defence." TSA workers, responsible for securing our air travel against criminal and terroristic threats, were forced to work without pay. Members of the Coast Guard - the men and women who rescue those in danger at sea, and our first line of defense against drugs imported by sea - were forced to work without pay. Border Patrol agents - who defend the Trump Sacred Borders against vast, surging armies of illegal immigrants, drug smugglers, and vicious gangs that drag helpless, duct-taped women across the border and into sex slavery** - were forced to work without pay. FBI agents - who protect us from organized crime, espionage, and terrorism and who are unfairly and stupidly maligned and undercut at every opportunity by Trump and his loyalists and enablers, were forced to work without pay.

4. "Promote the general Welfare." It would be difficult to argue that the "general welfare" was promoted by the Petulant Trump Shutdown™ that cost the nation an estimated $11 billion - of which an estimated $3 billion is irretrievably lost. 

5. "Secure the Blessings of Liberty." I think you'd be hard-pressed to find anything secured by the Petulant Trump Shutdown™ ... except the reputation of an administration stacked with billionaires as being out of touch with the experiences and needs of average Americans.

If the Petulant Trump Shutdown™ proved anything, it proved that government is an essential part of modern America, and that it needs to work and work well. I don't like paying taxes any more than anyone else, but I appreciate that the taxes I pay ensure my air travel is safe, that my food and medicine are wholesome and safe, and that criminals are pursued, arrested, and punished***.

If, in mid-February, we endure a second Petulant Trump Shutdown™, the lesson will be that the problem is not the government, but a childish and incompetent president and his enablers who all need to be replaced by people willing to rise to the challenge of actually governing. One can only hope that Congress ... which has hitherto shown a complete lack of spine ... will rise to the occasion and do its Constitutionally-mandated job.

But I'm not holding my breath, and neither should you.

Have a good day. Expect better. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* "Forced to work without pay" is what we used to call "slavery."

** Just ask Trump. And consider where he may have gotten the story.

*** Unless, of course, they are wealthy and well-connected and able to hire the very best lawyers.

Thinking about the State of the Union

One of the subplots of the recent faceoff between the Speaker of the House and the President of the United States (who represent two Constitutionally defined, equal branches of the government) was the suggestion (later confirmed) that Donald Trump not present his 2019 State of the Union address on January 29th, as originally planned. Much ink has been spilled and many digital bits rearranged over this dispute, some of which actually made useful and valid points. Here's my take on the issue ...

Article II, Section 3 of the Constitution states that the President

"shall from time to time give to the Congress Information of the State of the Union, and recommend to their Consideration such Measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient"

It does not specify how the President will provide this information - in writing, as a formal speech to Congress, as a PowerPoint briefing, carved on stone tablets, or whatever. The first two Presidents delivered their reports in person in the form of short (by today's standards) speeches. Thomas Jefferson sent his report in the form of a letter to Congress, because he believed that an in-person speech focused too much attention and granted too much personal power to the President. This began a tradition that lasted until the presidency of Woodrow Wilson, who chose to deliver his report in person. Every President since Wilson has done the same.

Because the State of the Union address (or "SOTU" in government shorthand) has become less of a useful report on the state of affairs and more of a political media spectacle with each passing year, some observers have argued that the time may have come for a return to the Jeffersonian tradition of delivering the report in writing. I can see arguments both for and against such a change.

On the one hand, a formal, written report can contain much more detail, including appendices with background information and evidence, draft legislation, and so on. It can be read and digested with the benefit of sufficient time to consider the information, rather than being analyzed on the fly by on-air shouting heads. The focus would be on the content, rather than on the theatrics of the presentation. I believe this form of presentation would provide a much more useful and robust product to Congress.

But on the other hand, I believe it's important for Americans to see their President standing in front of Congress to make the case for his (or, eventually, her) policies. I love public speaking and enjoy listening to a good, well-constructed speech. Unfortunately, our current Chief Executive is incapable of delivering a coherent formal address without veering wildly off the rails, even if he had coherent policies and plans for which to make a case.

So I'm torn.

On balance, though, I think the better option would be to return to the practice of delivering the Constitutionally-mandated provision of information to Congress in writing. It would allow for a better and more comprehensive report while avoiding the useless public relations spectacle into which the modern State of the Union address has devolved. Particularly in the case of Donald Trump, who believes anecdotes and innuendo make a better case than facts and evidence, it could force a more realistic look at the actual state of the union and propose more appropriate legislative initiatives to improve it.

I think it's time to move away from the State of the Union Address and toward a more useful State of the Union Report. What's your opinion? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

This past Tuesday, January 22nd, we celebrated the birthday of singer Sam Cooke, whose song "(What a Wonderful World" is one of my favorites. I featured it last year at this time, but it's too good not to share again ...

Have a good day and remember - it is a wonderful world, no matter how much the Donald Trumps of the world would have you believe it's a downward-spiraling pit of horror. Enjoy life.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo