Friday the 13th Assorted Rants

Part 1: Friday the 13^th.

As you already know, today is Friday the 13^th. Oddly enough, yesterday was Thursday the 12^th, and tomorrow will be Saturday the 14^th (at least, if you can believe Mike).

So what?

I don't think Congress will reduce its level of inane ass-clownery, be any more effective, or pay any more attention to the Real Problems of Real People.

I think I will probably enjoy the same level of heave-a-sigh quality taskings at work.

I think most people who shout loudly about political issues ... won't think.

Why is Friday the 13^th special? Over to you, Mike.

Part 2: Papers, Please.

Why is it (insert appropriate inflammatory adjective - such as racist - here) to ask a person to identify themselves when voting? After all, we don't ask donors of vast amounts of money to political campaigns to identify themselves when they buy elections. Discuss.

Part 3: Mitt Romney Booed by NAACP.

First, booing a speaker is impolite and uncalled-for, so shame on the audience. Second, what the hell did Mr Romney expect?

Part 4: Penn State.

I love my alma mater. And I'm ashamed at what I've learned about it in the last 24 hours. Sigh.

Part 5: A Sign of the Times.

CNN is reporting that the uniforms worn by the US Olympic Team in London are made in ... China. What more can I say? By the way, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has issued a statement saying the US Olympic Committee "should be ashamed." I'm amazed that someone in Congress has actually done something, however minor.

Part 6: Legos!!

I am making slow progress on the construction of the Lego model of the Star Wars "Super Star Destroyer" (over 3,100 pieces) that Agnes gave me for Fathers' Day ...

This is no small feat for someone with bad eyesight and wonky color vision. Can I have a "woot!" here?

And that's all for today. Since it is, actually, Friday the 13th, be sure to avoid black cats, walking under ladders, and breaking mirrors. We have enough bad luck this year already.

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Unfortunate Fashion Choices

There are a lot of things that puzzle me, other than why Congress is hell-bent on acting like a bunch of clueless ass clowns. One of them is why people make stupid fashion choices, such as ...

1. Pants Halfway (or more) Down One's Backside. If you want to look like a premier dumbass, this is a pretty good choice, particularly if the underwear you are revealing is in less-than-pristine condition.

I've heard that this fashion statement derives from an attempt to look tough - like a convict who is not allowed to wear a belt while in jail. This makes it doubly stupid.

2. Tattoos. A little butterfly or flower tattooed on a girl's ankle might be cute. More than that gets ugly fast. And beyond looking hideous (and worse with age and fading), gang tattoos in particular can have serious consequences, as described in this article - Tattoo Checks Trip Up Visas. Here's a hint: ink belongs on paper ...

3. Piercings. You will encounter enough pain and suffering in your life without deliberately inflicting it on yourself. Not to mention the difficulty you'll have getting past metal detectors without having someone pat down to inspect those nipple rings you thought were such a great idea when you were drunk ...

4. Dreadlocks. They can make being bald look like a pretty good deal ...

5. Showing Off Your Bra. There are a few things the rest of us just don't need to see ...

Avoiding these fashion mistakes will help you look like a Real Person and present a positive image. Here's a hint: if people approaching you on the street cross to the other side, you may want to rethink your fashion choices.

Have a good day. Dress for success. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

News Flash: All-Out Assault Launched; Plan B Missing!

Are you feeling okay? Good. Because it's going to be tough being sick if the GOP has its way.

I noted this headline on CNN yesterday: House Republicans Launch All-Out Assault on Health Care Law. Yes, Dear Reader, the GOP members of the House of Reprehensives, infuriated beyond endurance over the existence of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act ("Obamacare" if you are opposed to it) have united to launch an endless series of House votes (more than 30 so far) seeking to repeal the law.

Of course, the fact that the Supreme Court has upheld the law's constitutionality does not seem to register with the party that, otherwise, believes the Constitution is the long-lost annex to the Ten Commandments.

Because this is the United States of America, and we have strong traditions of freedom of speech, the GOP is perfectly within its rights to oppose what it believes is a ruthless plot to end life as we know it, condemning every American to a life of bondage to a Kenyan-born radical socialist Muslim with a hidden agenda to destroy all that is good and decent in America.

For my part, I'd feel a good deal better about it if the GOP actually had a rational plan of its own to make health care affordable, rather than just spouting hysterical hyperbole designed to frighten ignorant and uninformed people who are unable or unwilling to think for themselves and make their own decisions about important topics. But then, I've always been a sucker for a safe fantasy.

Okay, GOP, it's time to put up or shut up: what - exactly - is your comprehensive plan for replacing the Affordable Care Act?

Take your time ... I'll be here.

Of course, the GOP will never put forward an actual, detailed plan, because that would require them to respond to questions about it and to explain how it is better than the law they wish to replace. They won't do that - at least, not until after the election, because it would demonstrate that the would-be emperor has no intellectual or policy clothes, and would interfere with the GOP's Number One Priority: to make sure that Mr Obama is a one-term president ...

The Number One political priority: not jobs, not health care, and not the economy - but making sure President Obama only serves one term.

Think about it. It's a long time to November, and it's time to start thinking - on your own, preferably - about who you think has your interests at heart. Hint: if you don't have your own Super PAC, the answer is "nobody" ...

Good luck.

Have a good day. Ask the hard questions, but don't expect real answers.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Son of the Return of Great Moments in Editing: The Sequel, Part 2, Continued

Weird signs and editorial bloopers tend to result in pretty popular posts, so who am I to argue with success? Here are a few more selections from the Not-So-Great Moments in Editorial Excellence collection ...

You just can't pass up great prices on the things you need ...

It's little wonder that some children don't like vegetables ...

But perhaps you can get them to eat their vegetables if you bribe them with dessert* ... 

Most children like bananas, and parents are always glad for the time-saving and choke-preventing benefits of the boneless variety ...

Need furniture? Here are a few opportunities you shouldn't pass up ... starting with creative uses for a coffin** ...

Most people would have used an appropriately-colored touch-up stick on those scratches ...

And, as with most things, your furniture will last longer if you treat it properly ...

I wonder if the GOP will make an issue of wanting to see this birth certificate ...

Well, that's one way to lose weight, but it's probably a bit extreme ...

And finally for today, you just never know what sort of things will lead to domestic spats ...

Have you run across a good editorial boo-boo lately? Scan it and send it to ol' Bilbo. Your fellow readers will thank you. Well, maybe.

Have a good day. Read twice before pushing the publish button***. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Thanks to my friend Leslie for passing this one to me.


** As it happens, I have a good friend (who, appropriately enough, is a forensic pathologist) who has a bookcase made from a coffin.


*** Awww, don't bother ... no matter how often you proofread your posts, your readers will still find your embarrassing typos later.

Stripping Away the Arguments ... So To Speak

As you know, Dear Readers, one of the current burning issues in this country is that of illegal immigration. This is one of those topics which inspires passionate arguments on all sides, some of which actually make sense. Usually lost in the discussion, though, is the operative adjective illegal - which, when last I looked, means contrary to law and not racist, unfair, anti-immigrant, or anything else. People who use those other adjectives to apply to those who oppose illegal immigration are, in my humble and correct opinion, stupid.

But let's talk about immigration issues somewhere else for a moment. Like Canada ... where, if you are a stripper, you will no longer be able to get a visa to enter the country to ply your trade.

Yes, according to this article in Time Magazine, Canadian Immigration Minister Jason Kenney has announced that starting in August, Canada will no longer renew visas for foreigners working as strippers. The Canadian government had already cut back on the number of new visas it had been granting to ecdysiasts, granting only 12 visas last year, although it had been continuing to renew visas which had been previously granted. Sadly though, gainfully-employed strippers will no longer have their visas automatically renewed.

The visa decision is based not on issues of morality, but on the alleged relationship between stripping and illegal human trafficking - according to the Time article, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (the "Mounties") have repeatedly expressed concern over the link between Canadian escort services, brothels and massage parlors and cases of human trafficking and sexual exploitation.

Sexual exploitation is, of course, a dreadful thing and it behooves us to take such measures as are necessary to protect persons from it. But we must also not lose sight of the impact on politics and on the economy of preventing strippers from obtaining visas ...

Were such a move to be taken here in the United States, the GOP would probably implode from the cognitive dissonance of trying to take a stand on the issue: on the one hand, it would be required to decry the impact of such a job-killing^TM move on manufacturers of stripper poles, pasties, and diaphanous outfits, not to mention the severe impact on related businesses such as bars, restaurants, and the security firms which provide bouncers. On the other hand, the religious right would hysterically argue in favor of the move as a way of helping to preserve its image of public morality.  The party would run screaming from the issue with smoke pouring from its ears.

Or not, as cognitive dissonance has not heretofore appeared to be an impediment to being a hardshell conservative Republican.

Anyhow ...

It occurs to me that we have an opportunity here to help boost large segments of the American economy - the manufacturing, entertainment, and garment* industries to name a few - by welcoming the strippers who are no longer being granted visas in Canada. We could really see the economy ... uh ... take off if we play this right.

Hug a stripper today. Carefully.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Yes, I know that the garment part is a bit of a stretch, but work with me here, okay?

Bull, Here and There

I notice in the news this morning that a 73 year-old man - who surely is old enough to know better - has been gored in the leg during the annual "Running of the Bulls" in Pamplona, Spain. This event, for those of you who may have spent your prior lives deep in caves trying to avoid the blazing sun, is an annual festival dating back more than 400 years during which a number of irritated bulls are released to run a cordoned-off course through the town of Pamplona, chasing a larger number of brain-dead, often drunken dumbasses who think it's fun to attempt to outrun large animals fully capable of killing them quickly and messily.

There are other festivals involving bulls that are much less dangerous, at least if you are not the bull. Heidi has written eloquently about the Montana Testicle Festival which features, for the expansion of your epicurean horizons, "Rocky Mountain Oysters" (deep-fried bull testicles), as well as events and customs dedicated to convincing comely ladies to reveal their breasts. This, of course, beats getting gored in the leg (or worse) by an angry bull who may have heard about that Rocky Mountain Oyster thing.

Here in the National Capital Region, we have our own bull-related events, notably when Congress is in session and when major elections are scheduled ... both of which are occurring this year. In comparison to the events in Pamplona, the danger you run from trying to avoid the bull in DC is mental rather than physical - your poor brain is so constantly pummeled with outright lies, half-truths, distortions, cooked statistics, and outright balderdash that it's hard to know what or who to believe at any given time. Think of it as being gored in the head ... and Al Gore isn't even involved.

Sometimes, I think I'd rather deal with the Pamplona bulls rather than the GOP/Tea Party and Democratic ones. After all, the Pamplona bull can only kill you once, whereas listening to the endless bovine feces pumped out by crass politicians kills you a little bit at a time, every day.

Have a good day. Protect yourself from the bulls ... and the bull manure.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Here we are at the end of the first week of July ... 2012 is more than half over! Given how the first half has gone, we're going to need a lot of cartoons to get through the second, so let's get moving ...

Four people have been shot dead in the small Ohio town of Newton Falls; a jockey in California was killed during a race when his horse stumbled and threw him to the ground, where another horse stepped on his head; international donors will meet in Tokyo on Sunday and be asked to donate funds to the economic development of Afghanistan in exchange for that government's promise to clean up corruption, respect the rule of law, and ensure the rights of women and minorities (cue the laugh track); a mysterious disease which causes severe neurological and respiratory complications has killed 61 children in Cambodia; and temperatures in the nation's capital could reach 106 degrees today, tying an all-time record set in 1918.

Time to cool off with a few cartoons, eh?

We lead off with the semi-traditional awful pun cartoon ...

This cartoon appeared earlier this week on the Fourth of July, and I thought it was a marvelous combination of humorous elements to mark a historical date ...

With the cost of health care being what it is, and Congress racing ahead with brilliant statesmanship, principled compromise, and glacial speed to address the problem, people are looking for alternative treatment options ... like acupuncture. Here are three cartoons that take a look at this somewhat unusual procedure ...

and ...

and ...

Another sore topic of late is the proliferation of fees businesses charge for services that were once free. The airlines are the acknowledged masters of coming up with creative nuisance fees, but banks are right up there with them, as these two cartoons point out ...

and ...

"You Are Here" notations on maps are a staple of helpful directions in strange places. They are also useful as a takeoff point for cartoons ...

and ...

and, of course, there are the twists on the theme as well ...

And here YOU are, at the end of another edition of Cartoon Saturday. It's going to be a brutal scorcher of a weekend around much of the country, so try to stay indoors where it's cool and be sure to drink plenty of fluids. This afternoon, Agnes and I are going to go to the Arena Stage to see the latest production of The Music Man - not only is it one of my favorite shows, but the theater is air conditioned.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Ass Clown of the Month Award - Special Edition

It's a little early in the month to be designating our Ass Clown of the Month, but we have such a standout candidate that I feel justified in making this special award. Ladies and Gentlemen, as the July Ass Clown of the Month ...

I give you Representative Joe Walsh (Republican from Illinois) ...

Representative Walsh has repeatedly insulted his opponent Tammy Duckworth, a double amputee who lost her legs while serving as a Black Hawk helicopter pilot in Iraq, accusing her of using her military service to score political points. One might note in this context that Representative Walsh has never served in the military. You can read the whole sordid tale here.

At a time when intemperate speech and baseless political insults are common, Mr Walsh's comments reach new depths of despicable behavior that deserve condemnation by anyone who values service to the nation. Ms Duckworth may or may not be the best candidate for the Illinois Congressional seat, but if nothing else, her sacrifice in the military service Mr Walsh has declined to perform warrants better than her opponent's cheap insults.

Representative Walsh's disgusting behavior represents the reason why so many people are turned off by our current poisonous political atmosphere. He is clearly deserving of the Ass Clown of the Month Award, and ... if I may say so ... he is well out in front in the race for designation as Ass Clown of the Year.

Have a good day. Demand more from your elected representatives than the shameful behavior of the gentleman individual from Illinois - July's exceptionally well-qualified Ass Clown of the Month.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Of Electricity and Small Towns

Two things came together this past week to get me thinking ...

First was the huge derecho storm that powered through Northern Virginia last Friday night, leaving severe damage and widespread power outages in its wake; in fact, there are still a fairly large number of people in the Virginia-Maryland region still without electricity.

No electricity! No air conditioning! No cell phones! AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!

Oddly enough, though, we survived for many thousands of years without electricity and the comforts and conveniences it has delivered ... most of which are now regarded as necessities. The ancient Egyptians built a vast and complex civilization and built the pyramids some 5,000 years ago, without a single lawsuit against the Nile Basin Electric Cooperative because the a/c went out. The Napoleonic Wars were won and lost (depending on your preferred side) without electricity. Yours truly grew up in a comfortable home in Pittsburgh without air conditioning ... and somehow survived with fans (granted, it wasn't quite this hot in Western Pennsylvania in the 50's and 60's, but still ...). Not having cable TV and a good Internet connection is a pain ... but people have been reading printed books and playing cards and board games by candlelight for a long, long time.

Somehow, we survived. I think we may need a refresher course in what we define as essentials. A pain in the neck - to be sure. The end of life as we know it - probably not.

The other thing on my mind is the death of Andy Griffith.

For those of you reading this outside the US, Andy Griffith was one of our most beloved television actors, famous for his portrayal of folksy sheriff Andy Taylor in the long-running series set in the fictional town of Mayberry, North Carolina. He was also an accomplished dramatic actor and a fine comedian ... one of his most popular and well-known routines was the story of the country bumpkin who stumbles into a football game and tries to make sense of what he's seeing in "What It Was, Was Football" ...

But much of what has been written about Andy Griffith in the wake of his death has dealt with why we need a place like his fictional town of Mayberry - a sort of bucolic, peaceful, friendly town that we like to think is the "real" America, a place that makes us feel better about ourselves in a time of political and social turmoil. This article from Atlantic Monthly sums it up - Why People Still Watch The Andy Griffith Show. Who wouldn't want to live in a place like Mayberry ... or Willoughby, in the classic Twilight Zone episode A Stop at Willoughby?

We need a chance to slow down and take life a bit easier. To read more and surf the web less. To live in a place where we know our neighbors and enjoy the sort of life that may never really have existed here in America.

It may be too late, given our dependence on a high-tech environment cooled and powered by electricity and our descent into the politics of extremism and bitter dispute ... but wouldn't it be nice to make a bit of a start?

Have a good day, and stay cool - with our without a/c. See you tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Thinking in Time

The title of today's post comes from the book Thinking in Time: The Uses of History for Decision-Makers, by Richard Neustadt and Ernest May ... a brilliant analysis of how people in positions of leadership carefully study history to help guide their actions, and then draw the wrong lessons and end up making abysmally bad decisions.

Rather like today's extreme right wing politicians and shouting heads, but that's a topic we'll take up in a different post. Today, I'm thinking in terms of my own place in time.

As you know if you've been visiting this little corner of cyberspace for very long, I have a deep love of history. I like to think of history not as a dry recitation of events that took place long ago, but as a collection of events caused by real people who had real lives and families and relationships and day-to-day cares (as my mother was fond of saying, even Hitler had a mommy). We think of history in terms of the grand events that are documented in the books our teachers make us read, but not in terms of the mundane things that happened around those great events. We know about Napoleon's great military victories, but we never think that he was a fellow who had to go to the bathroom just like the rest of us. The Egyptian pharaohs built the pyramids, but what did they do to kick back and relax in the evenings, after a long day of flogging slaves and playing god?

What about our individual places in the endless timeline of history? I've always found it fascinating that I was born in 1951 - less than 100 years after Lee surrendered to Grant at Appomattox Court House to end the Civil War, 33 years after the end of the First World War, and a mere ten years after Pearl Harbor. During my lifetime, man landed on the moon for the first (and, so far, last) time, and I've looked in wonder at brilliant photographs of distant planets and galaxies taken by spacecraft that were undreamed of when I was born.

We tend to remember where we were and what we were doing when historical events happened. When Sister Eileen, the principal of my grade school back in Pittsburgh, announced that President Kennedy had been shot, I remember sitting at my desk and looking out the window, expecting to see Russian paratroopers falling out of the sky. When Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, I was hiking in the middle of the Sangre de Cristo mountains of Colorado ... I learned of the feat about a week after the fact. When the First Gulf War broke out, I was sitting in the parking lot of the local high school, waiting for my daughter to come out after some school event or another.

Think about your place in history. Most of us probably will never be remembered for our role in major, world-shaking events, but each of us has an impact on the future - if only in the way we raise our children. And as for what lessons we draw from the past, let's be careful about what we think we've learned from history ... as Neustadt and May have shown, wrong interpretations can lead to terrible policies and decisions.

As Mark Twain once famously said (and many others have quoted later), "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so."

Have a good day. Think about your place, however humble, in history. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo