Friday, August 09, 2019

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


Our first batch of ya-ha's for August! Read on, if you dare ...

Well, I guess it helps draw in customers when gas prices go up ...


I never had the opportunity to rent a flat with a chicken ...


Make up your mind, why dontcha? ...


I think the designer of this team logo should seek other employment ...


... and so should this one ...


Hmmmmm ...


I wonder what her first clue was ...


It's not working ...


I can see how that would explain it ...


It's an understandable mistake ...


There you go ... off to the races for August!  Have a good day and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Sunday, August 04, 2019

Poetry Sunday


The sudden death of a good friend and member of my extended family a few years ago led me to start preparing for the final event we all hope will never come, but which tends to happen when least expected. This poem by Raymond Burns looks at the thinking that goes along with that planning.

Personal Effects
by Raymond Burns

The lawyer told him to write a letter
to accompany the will, to prevent
potential discord over artifacts
valued only for their sentiment.

His wife treasures a watercolor by
her father; grandmama's spoon stirs
their oatmeal every morning. Some
days, he wears his father's favorite tie.

He tries to think of things that
could be tokens of his days:
binoculars that transport
bluebirds through his cataracts

a frayed fishing vest with
pockets full of feathers brightly
tied, the little fly rod he can still
manipulate in forest thickets,

a sharp-tined garden fork,
heft and handle fit for him,
a springy spruce kayak paddle,
a retired leather satchel.

He writes his awkward note,
trying to dispense with grace
some well-worn clutter easily
discarded in another generation.

But what he wishes to bequeath
are items never owned: a Chopin
etude wafting from his wife's piano
on the scent of morning coffee

seedling peas poking into April,
monarch caterpillars infesting
milkweed leaves, a light brown
doe alert in purple asters

a full moon rising in October,
hunting-hat orange in ebony sky,
sunlit autumn afternoons that flutter
through the heart like falling leaves.


But let's not think about that right now.

Have a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, August 03, 2019

Cartoon Saturday


Well, we thought July would never end ... and then came August ...

The thundering herd of Democratic presidential candidates conducted their second circular firing squad ... uh ... debate this past week; Saudi Arabia took a tentative step into the 20th century* by announcing that women over the age of 21 may now apply for a passport without the approval of a male relative; Der Furor announced that he will impose new tariffs on $300 billion of Chinese goods in his latest replacement of statesmanship with misunderstanding of economic reality; the son of former al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden, Hamza bin Laden, was reported killed; and the administration is preparing to withdraw thousands of troops from Afghanistan in exchange for concessions from the Taliban, including a cease-fire, a renunciation of al-Qaeda, and an agreement that the Taliban will begin negotiating a larger peace deal directly with the Afghan government**.

Climate change isn't really a laughing matter, but since those in a position to do something about it think it is, why not give them something to really laugh at ...

Animals have to learn how to adapt to the changes ...


People are learning to adapt, too ...


Even gangsters are adapting ...


Climate change adaptation in Hell ...


Well, they're making the GOP angry in any case ...


Architecture can be adapted for climate change, too ...


Yeah, that's all it is ... Der Furor says so ...


It's not exactly climate change, but it still requires adaptation ...


The late-21st-century answer to the standard interview question ...


It's even tough on the gods ...


And there you have it - the Climate Change Edition of Cartoon Saturday to welcome the month of August. I hope you enjoyed it ... if you didn't, well, there are a few million other blogs out there you can read instead.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday returns. See you then.

Bilbo

* Yes, I know we're in the 21st century. I wrote what I meant.

** Of course they will (rolls eyes).

Friday, August 02, 2019

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2019


It's a new month, and a new horde of ass clowns clamoring for attention. At a time when every news cycle brings new and old candidates to the fore, it's always hard to make a single selection, but here goes ...

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is with the usual flatulent blare of trumpets that we announce

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2019

  
and the winner - for the eighth time - is

Senator Mitch McConnell (R, KY)


Senator McConnell has won this award seven previous times, most recently in June of this year, usually for his resolutely partisan blockage of Senate action on topics other than GOP judicial nominations or his reliable (if sometimes tepid) support of Der Furor's latest outrage. This time, however, Senator McConnell has earned his award for his complete refusal to advance any legislation to protect our election systems and processes from foreign interference, despite the documentation of Russian interference in the 2016 election in the Mueller Report and in the report recently released by the Senate Intelligence Committee. His refusal to take any action on election security has led to widespread condemnation - including the allegation that he might be a Russian asset - and the trending nickname "Moscow Mitch." 

Senator McConnell defends his lack of action on the issue by citing election administration as the responsibility of the individual states, not the federal government ... in my opinion a weak cop-out, as the security of our elections is a matter of ultimate national security interest.

Oh, and lest we forget ... according to recent reporting, two major manufacturers of voting machines are contributors to Mitch McConnell's senate campaigns. Follow that money, why don't you?

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, "Moscow Mitch" McConnell is named as our Right-Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2019. Nothing else needs to be said.

Have a good day and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Note: because the question has been raised before and someone is sure to ask this time, the criterion for a lifetime award for superior ass-clownery (heretofore awarded only to Donald Trump) is ten total awards, either as an individual or as part of a joint award. Moscow Mitch is getting close.

B.

Sunday, July 28, 2019

Musical Sunday


Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows that the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows...



In today's America, everybody knows. Sadly, few are willing to admit it.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts on the way.

Bilbo

Saturday, July 27, 2019

Cartoon Saturday


Because we're on the road today, this week's Cartoon Saturday won't have the usual roundup of bad news to lead things off. You can weep over the headlines on your own for a week.

This week, in honor of last week's anniversary of the first Global Positioning System - GPS - signal transmission, how about a collection of cartoons about everyone's favorite nonfoldable map?

You have to be careful when using your GPS ...


So that's why she crossed the road! ...


Sometimes the signal is a little off ...


There are a lot of highly-specialized GPS units out there. There's one for dog walkers ...


One specific to Oz ...


One for grandmasters ...


One for serial killers ...


One for skiers ...


One for wheelmen ...


And one for zamboni drivers ...


Congratulations! You have arrived at your destination and are ready to have a good day and a great weekend. Come back tomorrow, when Musical Sunday returns ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Friday, July 26, 2019

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


This will be the last Great Moments collection for July, so let's try to make it a good one. Or at least a groanable one ...

It's never a good idea to argue about hot dogs ...


Misdemeanor theft of pizza ...


I wonder which restaurant she ate at ...


At this point, I might, too ...


I think I'll just go down the street to McDonalds, thanks ...


I think I went to the wrong school ...


I'll bet he has a nice red hat ...


Where serial killers shop for appliances ...


Well, I guess it's good that they'll be in close contact ...


He was released on bail, and is now working on post-tweet clarifications for Der Furor ...


And that's it for our final collection of Great Moments in Editing and Signage for July, 2019. This feature will return next month; tomorrow, we'll have the final Cartoon Saturday for the month - see you then.

Bilbo

Sunday, July 21, 2019

Poetry Sunday


One of the joys of good poetry is the use of words and rhythm to create memorable images, as in this homage to the humble aubergine ... but contrary to the opinion of the author, I love the taste of this versatile and delicious veggie!

Eggplant
by Richard Jones

I've never liked the taste,
which, I think,
is a shame,
because some days
when my wife goes to work
and I walk to the grocery store,
I stand in the produce aisle,
admiring those gorgeous
purple fruits––
wine colored,
sensuously curved––
and can't help but reach out
and pick one up, just to hold it,
so silky smooth, so luscious looking
I almost fall in love,
but then remember
who I am:
a man not fond of eggplant.
Nonetheless,
I linger and look
and there in the bin
under the misters and lights,
I find it––
the perfect eggplant,
the glossy flesh unblemished,
meat firm under the fingers,
the stem and cap
bright green.
The fruit heavy in the hand,
I place the eggplant
in my cart,
taking special care,
knowing an eggplant is delicate
and wounds easily.
I carry the grocery bag home
through a light rain
and arrange the eggplant
on a white tablecloth,
the opulent purple orb
lustrous in the window light
and quietly beautiful
as if lying on satin sheets.
Then I sit in the wing chair.
The house grows dark
as the rain falls harder
and I wait for my wife
to come home from work,
shake off her raincoat,
turn on the lamp,
and behold the eggplant.


Have a good day, and enjoy a nice helping of the vegetable of your choice as you coast down to the end of your weekend.

More thoughts later.

Bilbo

Saturday, July 20, 2019

Cartoon Saturday


Yes, it's been another odd week ...

Der Furor received wide condemnation - but not from his base and enablers - for making inflammatory comments about four nonwhite members of Congress ... and, of course, denied he'd encouraged chants of "send her back" at a campaign rally; two hard-core conservative Senators blocked a Senate vote funding for 9/11 first responders; Der Furor claimed that a Navy ship had shot down an Iranian drone, which Iran denied; and a federal judge denied bail for multimillionaire and registered sex offender Jeffrey Epstein while he awaits trial on new allegations of sexual abuse of children.

Given how sucky the news has been lately, I figured we could use a nice, inoffensive topic for this week's Cartoon Saturday. Since my daughter and her family started raising chickens, I've become aware of the large number of chicken-themed cartoons out there, and who doesn't like chickens*? Here's a selection ...

There's a whole sub-genre of chicken cartoons that riff on the old question, "why did the chicken cross the road?" Let's lead off with some of those ...

Busted! ...


Why, indeed? ...


Answer the question! ...


A chicken-crossing-the-road cartoon AND a bilingual pun ... how much better does it get? ...


Even chickens can combine wanderlust and activism ...


Oops ...


Chicken movies need subtitles, right? ...


Free range, but only within the wi-fi coverage ...


It's a pretty clear diagnosis ... 


You can't be too careful, even when ordering chicken ...


And there you have it - a collection of relatively inoffensive cartoons about chickens. You're welcome.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday returns.

Bilbo

* Except for Harry Angel, the lead character in the William Hjortsberg novel "Falling Angel," filmed as "Angel Heart." Harry Angel was played in the film by Mickey Rourke.