Cartoon Saturday

I'd like to think that the weeks will be better in the new year, but I'm not quite that gullible ... 

A 15-year-old girl in Madison, Wisconsin, shot eight people at her Christian school, two of them - a teacher and another student - fatally; a senior Russian general accused of using chemical weapons in Ukraine and the UK was killed in a bomb attack in Moscow; Der Furor has begun unleashing a series of lawsuits against media organizations, pollsters, and individuals he claims have treated him unfairly; a French court has sentenced the ex-husband of Gisèle Pelicot to 20 years in prison for drugging and raping her and allowing 50 other men to rape her while she was unconscious in horrific abuse that lasted nearly a decade - the other rapists have received sentences of varying length; and in Connecticut, a woman who thought she had won a year's supply of toilet paper in a contest was informed that she would instead only receive a $2 gift voucher ... the e-mail notifying her of the change had the subject line, "Oopsie, We Made a Poopsie." 

Since it's Christmas week, how about a collection of Christmas-themed cartoons? 

Professional courtesy ... 

Santa's not as low-tech as he used to be ...

I have friends like this ...

For the "alpha male" at Christmas ...

It's not a bad concept ...

This was only a matter of time ...

They can be a real problem, can't they? ...

Santa's checkup ...

Oh, yeah ...

Maybe I ought to monetize my annual holiday letter, too ...

And that's it for today, the next-to-last Cartoon Saturday for 2024 ... I hope it gave you something to laugh at other than Congressional ineptitude and the rise of unelected President-in-Essence Elon Musk. 

Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday's Christmas edition. See you then!

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

Today marks the last collection of Great Moments for 2024, so in honor of the upcoming Christmas holiday, let's try to make it a good one!

Only in America ...

I think this is what Der Furor is gifting all his critics for the next four years ...

When you call the cops too quickly ...

He sounds like my kind of curmudgeon ...

Somehow I don't think she'll appreciate it as much as you think she will ...

There's no way in hell I'm wearing Nutcracker Shorts ...

Anonymous donor, eh? ...

Once Der Furor's beloved tariffs kick in, so will the rollbacks ...

I think I'll visit him and see what props he's using for the photos ...

What do you get for the person who has everything? ...

And that's it for 2024's Great Moments in Editing and Signage! New collections will appear starting on January 3rd, so be sure to come back to enjoy them. And if you're looking for a good New Year's resolution, why not be on the lookout for great moments - clip, scan, or photograph the ones you find and send them to me at der_blogmeister@yahoo.com!

Have a good day, and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

The GOP Replacement for Obamacare*

You will recall that Der Furor and the Republican Party have for years been desperate to get rid of the successful and popular Affordable Care Act (also known as Obamacare). Der Furor was famous during his first term for repeatedly saying that a better, cheaper alternative was just two weeks away, and during the recent presidential campaign he memorably claimed not that he had a replacement plan, but rather "the concepts of a plan."

Well, as it turns out, I have learned that the GOP's Obamacare replacement plan actually exists, and I have obtained a copy! 

The new plan was drafted by a staff of noted medical experts under the direction of esteemed medical professional Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, assisted by Doctors Oz, Who, Kevorkian, Fu Manchu, Doom, and Demento; highlights include:

- Copies of the Bible (Trump edition only) will be used as guidance for proper nutrition, hygiene, and appropriate sexual behavior; each insured patient must purchase a separate copy when signing up for coverage.

- Abortions are strictly forbidden unless to protect the life and reputation of the father.

- The only approved form of birth control will consist of poster-sized photographs of angrily-frowning nuns prominently posted in each bedroom and (in Red states) classroom from kindergarten through university.

- Patients requiring anesthesia will be offered three choices: a shot of whiskey (bar brands only), a bullet to bite on (no larger than .22 caliber), or a Louisville Slugger to the head.

- Annual breast exams for women will be scheduled during non-peak hours at the nearest Hooters.

- Reconditioned dialysis machines previously used at Jiffy Lube are authorized for low-income patients.

- Second opinions on diagnoses will be reached by multiplying the the initial treatment estimate by 0.50. Insurance payments will be based on the lower number.

- Lower-cost alternative treatments must be exhausted before more expensive ones are considered.

- Annual vision exams consist of counting the patient's number of eyes. If the number is two, the patient passes. If the number equals one, the patient's vision is considered adequate. If the number equals zero, it's a pre-existing condition not covered by insurance.

- Rectal thermometers may be reused if sanitized by wiping them with wadded newspaper.

- The standard initial treatment for all medical complaints is, "Take two leeches and call me in the morning."

- Generic drugs will be used to treat generic diseases.

- Voodoo practitioners may be licensed to provide injections approved as a course of treatment.

- Dentists will be required to fill cavities with spackling compound; dental x-rays will be replaced by charcoal sketches.

- Medical imaging consists of the doctor carefully photographing the patient with a Kodak Brownie. X-rays, when prescribed, will be performed by physician assistants using X-ray specs.

- Cat Scans will be conducted with real cats (feral alley cats for low-income patients).

- Tongue depressors are no longer required to be free of Fudgesicle traces before use.

- Well-baby care consists of a doctor conducting a visual examination and certifying that "well, it's a baby."

- Radiation treatment for cancer patients consists of one-way tickets (coach class) to Chernobyl or Fukushima (insurance company's option).

The plan also contains a detailed fee structure for calculating the cost of care:

You voted for it, you've got it - the Obamacare Replacement Plan! In summary, it says,

Don't get sick. If you do, die soon.

Good luck.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* This is an update of a post I wrote and published in 2011, in case you'd forgotten how far back GOP opposition to quality, affordable health care goes.

P.S. - We began the annual Ass Clown of the Year voting on Tuesday, and the results are coming in. So far, this is how it looks: 

The American Electorate is in the lead, with 1150 votes;

Elon Musk is in second place, with 700 votes; and,

Stephen Cheung is in third place, with 150 votes.

Let's keep it up, folks! Your vote counts, so vote early, vote often, and let your favorite Ass Clowns know what you think! Voting ends at midnight on December 31st.

Updating Christmas Music for Safety and Inclusivity

At this time of year (actually, starting around Labor Day), we roll out all the classic Christmas music we've come to love over the years. These traditional tunes help lift our spirits and put us in the holiday mood, but one has to admit that they come from a different era. It's time we thought about whether or not those classic tunes reflect the ideals of inclusivity and safety we recognize today, and so I present some examples of how some of our popular Christmas music might be adjusted to better suit the legal and social needs of the present day ...

Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow

In a one horse open sleigh,

O'er the fields we go,

Laughing all the way.

Bells on bobtails ring

Making spirits bright

What fun it is to ride and sing

A sleighing song tonight!

Review Comments: A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh can be certified as safe for transporting members of the public. This assessment must consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Safety considerations may dictate the use of two or more horses, particularly if the sleigh is to travel over extended distances which could not be safely covered on foot by stranded passengers if a single horse expires during the trip. Note: permission must be obtained from landowners before entering any fields considered private property. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, laughter must remain at moderate levels and bells on bobtails must be equipped with noise dampening devices to minimize undesirable noise pollution.

While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched

Their flocks by night,

All seated on the ground,

The angel of the Lord came down

And glory shone around.

Review Comments: The International Brotherhood of Shepherds and Nomadic Animal Caretakers has filed a lawsuit alleging that long-established health and safety regulations are violated by forcing shepherds to watch their flocks seated on the ground, without the provision of appropriate ergonomic seating; therefore benches, stools, or orthopedic chairs (when required by a doctor's certification) must be made available on demand. The Brotherhood also demands that, due to inclement weather conditions frequently encountered during the Christmas season, flocks be watched either via closed-circuit television cameras mounted in grazing areas or by drone-borne cameras, monitored from inside centrally-heated and insulated observation huts. In addition, angels of the Lord must be prohibited from shining glory all around prior to ascertaining that each shepherd has been issued safety glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UV-A, UV-B and glory.

We Three Kings of Orient Are

We three kings of Orient are

Bearing gifts we traverse afar.

Field and fountain, moor and mountain,

Following yonder star.

Review Comments: While the gift of gold, which is considered legal tender and may be redeemed at a later date, is considered acceptable, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are inappropriate due to the potential risk of allergic reactions from oils and fragrances. Suggested gift alternatives include hypoallergenic skin creams and lotions which have not been tested on animals, donations to worthy causes in the king's name, or gift cards from local businesses. Traversing kings should also be discouraged from relying on astral navigation; instead, use of a suitable GPS navigation device to provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption is recommended. Camels employed to carry kings also require regular food, water, and rest breaks, and animal welfare regulations require the attendance of at least one trained veterinarian for each three camels. Because the repetitive action of the camels' hooves on sand creates high levels of airborne dust and other particulates, wear of appropriate HEPA-certified face masks is required both for kings and any accompanying support personnel.

Away in a Manger

Away in a manger,

No crib for a bed…

Review Comments: Social workers will be surveying mangers and similar places of temporary lodging throughout the season, and may remove any child found there to a place of safety pending further action against parents or other persons who may be found guilty of neglect by not providing adequate bedding and shelter for a child in their care. After a formal case study has been carried out and fully reviewed by the appropriate Child Protective Services organization, criminal proceedings may be instituted.

Little Donkey

Little donkey on the dusty road,

Got to keep on plodding

Onwards with your precious load.

Review Comments: The ASPCA has instituted strict guidelines regarding permissible maximum load and weight distribution levels for donkeys, mules, oxen, and other beasts of burden; these guidelines are carefully calculated according to the stature of the animal ("little," "big," etc). Additional guidelines govern feeding schedules and the number and duration of rest breaks required per given period (typically, four hours) of plodding. Due to the increased risk from inhalation of dust and other particulate pollution from primitive roads, HEPA face mask guidelines apply (see previous comment under We Three Kings of Orient Are) for both animals and riders. Reference to donkeys as "little" is considered demeaning to an animal of diminished stature; a simple "Donkey" is the preferred form of address. Finally, if donkeys (or other protected beasts of burden) are employed to carry loads characterized as "precious," the caretakers of said animals are required to carry, and show on demand to appropriately-identified officials, evidence of theft and liability insurance.

 The Little Drummer Boy

Little baby, pa rum pum pum pum

I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum

I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum

That’s fit to give a King, pa rum pum pum pum

Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum.

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum

On my drum?

Review Comments: There are multiple issues here, beginning with provision of age-appropriate labor in the music industry for "little boys" who are, in addition, "poor;" this must be referred to Child Protective Services to ensure compliance with child labor laws. From both a public nuisance and a medical perspective, the sound of drumming, especially at night, raises noise abatement issues as well as the need to asses both the impact of repeated percussive noises on the developing ears of young infants and the potential for repetitive wrist injuries from performing excessive pa rum pum pum pums.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Do you hear what I hear?

A song, a song high above the trees

With a voice as big as the sea

Review Comments: This song is, unfortunately, grossly insensitive toward individuals with diminished hearing capacity, and should not be performed without either subtitles or an accompanying sign language interpreter. There is also the issue of the effect of "a voice as big as the sea" on the unprotected hearing of audiences; a major study done by a team of qualified audiologists is necessary to assess the potential dangers. In addition, as noted above, noise abatement laws must be taken into account.

Ho, ho, ho and all that. 

Have a good day. More thoughts coming, with or without musical accompaniment.

Bilbo

Voting is Now Open for the 2024 Ass Clown of the Year!

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, today is the start of the two-week period in which you can cast your votes for the individual or group that best exemplifies the year's supreme achievement in ass clownery, and unseats the 2023 winner, The Republican Party. It's time to vote for

The 2024 Ass Clown of the Year

By Friday, December 27th (the announcement of the final awardee for the year, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December), I will have named 31 awardees in 2024, all of whom are eligible for the annual award. Of course, if there's someone I missed or someone you like better, you are free to vote for the write-in candidate of your choice. Here are the ground rules for Ass Clown of the Year voting, unchanged from previous years except as noted:

- Chicago Rules apply: you may vote as many times as you want, for as many candidates as you want. You may cast votes on behalf of yourself, your family members, your friends, your family members' friends, your pets, your friends' and family members' pets, or anyone else, living or dead. In the interest of fairness, I ask only that you not cast more than 100 votes at a time for any one candidate (an increase from last year) ... just vote more often if you want to stuff the digital ballot box. 

- You may vote for any of this year's 31 award winners (the first 30 are listed below, and the last will be announced on December 27th), or for anyone else you wish. 

- You need not be legally authorized to vote in the United States. Voting laws don't apply to Republicans, why should they apply to you?

- No ID is required and there is no minimum age to vote. If you are concerned that the Russians (or Elon Musk, or the Chinese, or the Venezuelans, or the Italians (via satellite), or the Martians or one or the other political party, or the "Deep State") will manipulate the results to undermine the integrity of the award without such identification, consider that the fanatical supporters of Der Furor are already convinced that elections they don't win are rigged and will assume that any IDs presented will be phony, anyhow. And in any case, integrity is a quaintly outdated concept in today's political world in which "facts" require no proof or connection to reality. I worry more about my fellow citizens than I do about any external actors.

- Finally, you again have the option to vote for ALL OF THE ABOVE, rather than a single winner.

- Votes will be accepted from now until 11:59 PM on Tuesday, December 31st. You may vote by leaving a comment on this or any blog post between now and then; by sending an e-mail to der_blogmeister@yahoo.com; by sending me a PM or leaving a comment on Facebook or Bluesky if we are connected there; by text message if you have my phone number; or in person if we should happen to meet and you are properly vaccinated. If you choose to cast your votes in person, be advised that your candidate's chances of winning are enhanced if the votes are accompanied by adult beverages, desirable snacks (list available on request), cash, or any combination thereof. Yes, it's bribery, but if Elon Musk can do it, so can you.

I will provide periodic updates on the balloting, and will announce the 2024 Ass Clown of the Year in this space on Wednesday, January 1st, 2025.

To help you make your choice, here are links to the first 30 Ass Clown awardees for 2024*, in case you want to go back and review their qualifications:

January Right-Cheek: Representatives Nancy Mace (R, SC-1) and Jim Jordan (R, OH-4)

January Special Award: Texas Governor Greg Abbott

January Left-Cheek: Sen Tim Scott (R, SC)

February Right-Cheek: Missouri State Senator Scott Schroer

February Special Award: The American News Media

February Left-Cheek: Der Furor

February Special Award #2: Jack Posobiec

March Right-Cheek: Senator Mitch McConnell (R, KY)

March Left-Cheek: Steven Cheung

April Right-Cheek: Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

April Left-Cheek: Benjamin Netanyahu

May Right-Cheek: The Conservative Wing of the Supreme Court

May Left-Cheek: Judge Aileen Canon

May Special Award: Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito and Harrison Butker

May On-Crack: Der Furor's Protective Society

June Right-Cheek: The Authors and Architects of Project 2025

June Left-Cheek: The American Electorate

July Right-Cheek: The Conservative Wing of the Supreme Court

July Left-Cheek: Representative Andy Ogle (R, TN-5)

August Right-Cheek: Der Furor and Senator JD Vance (R, OH)

August Left-Cheek: The Boeing Company

September Right-Cheek: Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

September Left-Cheek: Senator JD Vance (R, OH)

October Right-Cheek: The "Election Integrity" Zealots

October Left-Cheek: The Republican Party

November Right-Cheek: Washington Post Owner Jeff Bezos and Los Angeles Times Owner Patrick Soon-Shiong

November Special Award: The American Electorate

November Left-Cheek: The Democratic Party

November On-Crack: Former Florida Representative Matt Gaetz

December Right-Cheek: Elon Musk

It's worth noting that one candidate - The American Electorate - already has 100 votes, these having been cast by John when he jumped the gun a bit in a comment on the November Special Award. 

It's up to you, now ... vote early, vote often, and make sure your voice is heard and your chosen ass clown is recognized for appropriate ridicule and receipt of the Tinfoil and Toilet Paper Crown, which has been presented to each ass clown awardee since the 2022 annual winner - 

Although the run on tinfoil hats by the MAGA crowd and the panic-buying of toilet paper ahead of winter storms may lead to temporary shortages of raw materials, I'll make it work. 

Have a good day, vote early, and vote often. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Some of the individual recipients have won the award multiple times by being part of group awards. I have not detailed individual membership in group awards during the year in the interest of space.

Musical Sunday

We're continuing with our Musical Sunday string of beautiful and uplifting music to take our minds off the sad state of affairs in the nation and the world. Our last two Musical Sundays have featured "Angel Mine," by the Cowboy Junkies, and "Song for Judith (Open the Door)" by Judy Collins ... this week, we turn to another of my favorite songs, this one by Charlotte Church ...

Here are the lyrics:

I wish I was in Carrickfergus

Where the castle looks out to sea

I would swim over the deepest ocean

For my love to be with me

But the sea is wide

And I cannot swim over

Nor have I

The wings to fly

I wish I had

A handsome boatman

To ferry me over

My love and I

I wish I was

In the land of Eire

Where the mountains

Reach the sea

Where flowers blossom

As I do remember

Where my true love

Came to me

But the sea is wide

And I cannot swim over

Nor have I

The wings to fly

I wish I was

In Carrickfergus

To be together

My love and I!

I wish I was back home again.....

May you be back home again this holiday season.

Have a great day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

As my dad would have said, if this week had been a fish, I'd have thrown it back.

Former Syrian president Bashar al-Assad was overthrown and has been granted political asylum in Russia; Der Furor announced his intention to eliminate birthright citizenship at the same time that wealthy Russians are purchasing or renting his properties so their wives can have children with US citizenship; FBI Director Christopher Wray announced he would resign his post three years early, clearing the way for Der Furor to nominate sycophantic loyalist and conspiracy theorist Kash Patel to the position; more than 75 Nobel Prize winners in medicine, chemistry, physics and economics have signed a letter urging senators not to confirm Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as head of the Department of Health and Human Services - the first such united opposition in history; and in Philadelphia, a man who received a $4.1million settlement from city officials after serving 24 years behind bars for a murder he did not commit is headed back to jail after admitting to a different murder. 

This week, because they seen to be more popular than my carefully-themed editions, here's another randomly-selected Cartoon Saturday.

When King Arthur goes high-tech ...

It's good to be the king. Usually ...

Paging Mr Kennedy, Junior ... Mr R F Kennedy, Junior ...

I can sympathize ...

I'm familiar with all of them ...

I wonder if this was one of the things that made the Notre Dame cathedral restoration take so long ...

I found this under "karma" in the dictionary ...

As a guy with wonky color vision (can't tell pastel shades or dark shades apart), I can relate to this ...

Translation: "Mrs Benting shouldn't have complained about her artist neighbor's hedge" ...

I'd have a hard time with it, too ...

And that's it for another Cartoon Saturday - I hope you enjoyed it. Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow when we go to (Charlotte) Church. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2024

We are down to the last month of 2024 and the last two opportunities to recognize superior ass clownery for the year. With this in mind, Der Furor's selection of billionaires, know-nothings, and petty, vengeful creatures for senior positions in and around his new administration offer what we used to call in the Air Force a target-rich environment. And so it is that the award for 

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2024

is presented to

Elon Musk

Elon Musk, the world's richest man and an entrepreneur with deep financial ties to the federal government because of his provision of Starlink Internet services and, through his SpaceX company, launch services for NASA, cemented his increasing control over your government by spending over a quarter of a billion dollars during the fall to help Der Furor win the presidency. According to reporting by the New York Times,

"Over the course of the race, he gave America PAC [his main Super PAC] a staggering $239 million in both cash and in-kind contributions. In total, Mr. Musk and entities he controls disclosed about $277 million in donations to federal groups this cycle."

Musk spent another $20 million on a super PAC named after late liberal Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, designed to make Der Furor more electorally palatable by minimizing his anti-abortion positions. Justice Ginsburg was well known to despise Der Furor, and a spokesman for her family said that 

“The use of her name and image to support Donald Trump’s re-election campaign, and specifically to suggest that she would approve of his position on abortion, is nothing short of appalling.”

Mr Musk also drew scrutiny by spending $40.5 million on legally questionable checks to voters who signed a petition in support of the Constitution.

And the dollar totals do not include the value of the tsunami of free political advertising and support from X (formerly Twitter), the social media platform owned and controlled by Mr Musk.

Since the election, Musk has been a near-permanent fixture at Mar-a-Lago, all but acting as a shadow president by taking part in Der Furor's discussions with foreign leaders. He has also issued brazenly inappropriate threats to political opponents, threatening criminal sanctions against critics of the new administration. 

Oh, and by the way - under US law it is illegal for Elon Musk to make campaign contributions. Check it out: 53 USC 30119a(1). 

If you are a fan of oligarchy, if you are one of those people who believes that billionaires are best suited to make decisions that affect us all, Elon Musk is your guy. If you are an American citizen concerned over the degree of influence a single ultra-wealthy individual exerts over your government, you should worry.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2024, is Elon Musk - a man whose deep pockets have bought himself a government with the willing acquiescence of the GOP and an American electorate blithely ignorant of the danger.

Have a good day, and watch carefully what happens as your government falls more and more under the influence of an unelected megalomaniac ... who has the support of the duly-elected megalomaniac. 

And hope that the 2026 midterm elections are not too late to begin reversing the decay.

Have a good day and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, because we all need a laugh nowadays. 

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo 

Qualifications for Election

Back in January of 2023, I wrote a post lamenting the dearth of detailed qualifications for those who would serve in our nation's highest offices. The Constitution contains only minimal qualifications for federal officers: age, citizenship status, and (for Senators and Representatives) residency. As I noted at the time, they represent a pretty low bar under which the unqualified can limbo, and we need some better guidelines to prevent (or, at the very least, hinder) the venal, the incompetent, the traitorous, the criminal, and the just-plain-crazy from occupying the nation's highest offices.

In that post, I offered a proposed Constitutional amendment to fix this lamentable situation, and I also sent copies of it to the President, both my Senators, and my Representative ... all of whom thanked me for my interest and went on to the next fund-raising event.

Well ...

Now we've had an election which has resulted in Der Furor, a vengeful and incompetent buffoon, being elected for a second time. He is now busily nominating for positions of great responsibility a scrum of oddballs, conspiracy theorists, criminals, billionaires, and various combinations thereof, whose main qualifications are slavish devotion to Der Furor and looking good on Fox News. It's horrifying to think that the only thing standing between some of these people and the maiming of the republic is a Senate and a House full of drooling sycophants afraid of Der Furor and of their base.

It's probably too late to fix the problem now, but I thought I'd go ahead and update my proposed Constitutional amendment just in case the nation survives the next four years and we want to prevent future electoral catastrophes ...

A Proposed Constitutional Amendment on Qualifications for Election to the Presidency/Vice Presidency, Senate, and House of Representatives, and for Appointment to Positions of Responsibility Under the Executive Branch

Amendment XXVIII

Section 1.

Article 1, Section 2, Clause 2, is deleted in its entirety and replaced with the following:

No person under twenty-five years of age and a citizen of the United States for less than ten years at the time of election shall be eligible for election to the House of Representatives. A person elected to the House of Representatives must have been a legal permanent resident of the district in which elected for at least five years prior to the date of election.

No person who is ineligible for award of a Top Secret security clearance, according to the requirements defined by the the Department of Defense as of the date of election, shall be eligible to serve as a Representative. 

Section 2.

Article I, Section 3, Clause 3, is deleted in its entirety and replaced with the following:

No person under thirty years of age and a citizen of the United States for less than fifteen years at the time of election shall be eligible for election to the Senate. A person elected to the Senate must have been a legal permanent resident of the state in which elected for at least five years prior to the date of election.

No person who is ineligible for award of a Top Secret security clearance, according to the requirements defined by the the Department of Defense as of the date of election, shall be eligible to serve as a Senator.

Section 3.

Article II, Section 1, Clause 5, is deleted in its entirety and replaced with the following:

No person under thirty-five years of age and a citizen of the United States, whether native-born or naturalized, for less than twenty years at the time of election shall be eligible for election to the office of President or Vice President of the United States.

No person who is ineligible for award of a Top Secret security clearance, according to the requirements defined by the the Department of Defense as of the date of election, shall be eligible for election to the Presidency or Vice-Presidency.

Any person seeking election to the Presidency or Vice-Presidency shall submit to the Judiciary Committees of both Houses of Congress and, through such mechanism as the Department of the Treasury may direct, to the people, full and complete copies of federal and state tax returns, both business and personal, for the ten years preceding the date of election, this action to be completed a minimum of six months before the date of election.

Section 4.

The following is added as Article II, Section 2, Clause 3:

Individuals nominated by the President for positions of public trust requiring confirmation by the Senate shall submit to the Judiciary Committees of both Houses of Congress and, through such mechanism as the Department of the Treasury may direct, to the people, full and complete copies of federal and state tax returns, both business and personal, for the ten years preceding the date of appointment, this action to be completed not later than one month before the start of confirmation hearings. 

Individuals nominated by the President for positions of public trust requiring confirmation by the Senate must be successfully adjudicated for award of a security clearance at the level designated for the position, according to the requirements defined by the Department of Defense. This adjudication must be completed prior to the individual's assumption of the position.

Section 5.

The current Article II, Section 2, Claus 3, dealing with recess appointments, is deleted in its entirety.

Section 6.

Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

*****

Of course, this has not the slightest chance of ever being adopted, but a guy can dream, can't he?

Have a good day, and come back on Friday for the announcement of the Right Cheek Ass Clown for December ... the next-to-last Ass Clown Award for 2024. You won't want to miss it!

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

"Alpha Males"

Back in June of last year, I wrote about the concept of the so-called "alpha male," also known as an "incel," or, to use the proper scientific term, "douchebag." For what it's worth, I still think the whole "alpha male" thing is stupid. As has been frequently noted elsewhere in various forms,

"When men refer to themselves as "alpha males," I hear that in the context of software, where alpha versions are unstable, missing important features, filled with flaws, and not fit for the public."

Indeed.

If you are so insecure in your manhood that you have to pump iron and post it on your X account, grow an enormous beard, wear clothing full of pseudo-manly slogans, drive an enormous pickup truck festooned with giant flags and angry decals, and ostentatiously pack iron and a giant Bowie knife for a visit to the local Dunkin Donuts, your testosterone level is probably insufficient to support reproduction, anyhow.

With this introduction, I call your attention to a recent New York Times guest essay by Sarah Bernstein: How Our Messed-Up Dating Culture Leads to Loneliness, Anger and Donald Trump.

Ms Bernstein writes that 

The manosphere would have us believe that this situation was inevitable, that women have emasculated men with their success and now complain that there aren’t enough real men to go around. In truth, our culture is broken because while we have acknowledged the limiting nature of the peasant-to-princess story line, we have not done the same for the prince. Over the past 60 years, as girls and women have fought their way into classrooms and boardrooms, society has expanded its idea of womanhood accordingly, yet our definition of manhood has failed to evolve alongside it. 

That's a brilliant observation, IMHO. What does it mean to be a man in the 21st Century?

As I'm fond of pointing out to my wife when I manage to get a stubborn lid off a jar, we men don't have much opportunity to rescue damsels in distress since the dragons died out. We don't have to fight off marauding tribes of Mongols and Visigoths, and wild animals don't usually pose a threat to our homes. We don't have to build a crude shelter for our families, leave it every day to hunt and trap game to feed them, and start all over again in a new place when the game runs out. 

Our roles nowadays are different. We commute to office jobs, hunt and gather at the local supermarket, and defend our homes against the threat of raccoons and termites. Warfare is carried out by professional warriors - men (and women, too, Mr Hegseth) recruited, trained, and armed to do it ... not by a levée en masse waving sharpened farm tools and following their lord into battle.

As much as we'd like to fantasize, there's no need for an "alpha male" any more, if there ever was. Today's "alpha male" is the one who can pick out the good stocks, find the bargains, install the software, and change the tire ... all of which can be done every bit as well by any female, with or without a preceding Greek letter. He's the guy who can do the shopping, fix the dinner, change the diapers, and read the bedtime stories. He can cut the grass, take out the garbage, walk the dog in the rain, and wash the car. He defends his home by installing better locks and keeping the insurance up to date.

And if he still needs guidance, there's a website called "The Art of Manliness" (yes, really) that can help.

Men, just accept that times have changed. Change with them. We live in a time when women can do everything we can do, and sometimes better. Don't mansplain and don't make assumptions that you may regret.

And remember that the Golden Rule works for the sexes, too.

Have a good day, and don't spoil it with any "alpha male" crap.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

As we move closer to the Christmas holiday, it's only proper that we should have some seasonal poetry. Here's the classic story from Ogden Nash ...

The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus

By Ogden Nash

In Baltimore there lived a boy.

He wasn't anybody's joy.

Although his name was Jabez Dawes,

His character was full of flaws.

In school he never led his classes,

He hid old ladies' reading glasses,

His mouth was open when he chewed,

And elbows to the table glued.

He stole the milk of hungry kittens,

And walked through doors marked NO ADMITTANCE.

He said he acted thus because

There wasn't any Santa Claus.

Another trick that tickled Jabez

Was crying 'Boo' at little babies.

He brushed his teeth, they said in town,

Sideways instead of up and down.

Yet people pardoned every sin,

And viewed his antics with a grin,

Till they were told by Jabez Dawes,

'There isn't any Santa Claus!'

Deploring how he did behave,

His parents swiftly sought their grave.

They hurried through the portals pearly,

And Jabez left the funeral early.

Like whooping cough, from child to child,

He sped to spread the rumor wild:

'Sure as my name is Jabez Dawes

There isn't any Santa Claus!'

Slunk like a weasel of a marten

Through nursery and kindergarten,

Whispering low to every tot,

'There isn't any, no there's not!'

The children wept all Christmas eve

And Jabez chortled up his sleeve.

No infant dared hang up his stocking

For fear of Jabez' ribald mocking.

He sprawled on his untidy bed,

Fresh malice dancing in his head,

When presently with scalp-a-tingling,

Jabez heard a distant jingling;

He heard the crunch of sleigh and hoof

Crisply alighting on the roof.

What good to rise and bar the door?

A shower of soot was on the floor.

What was beheld by Jabez Dawes?

The fireplace full of Santa Claus!

Then Jabez fell upon his knees

With cries of 'Don't,' and 'Pretty Please.'

He howled, 'I don't know where you read it,

But anyhow, I never said it!'

'Jabez' replied the angry saint,

'It isn't I, it's you that ain't.

Although there is a Santa Claus,

There isn't any Jabez Dawes!'

Said Jabez then with impudent vim,

'Oh, yes there is, and I am him!

Your magic don't scare me, it doesn't'

And suddenly he found he wasn't!

From grimy feet to grimy locks,

Jabez became a Jack-in-the-box,

An ugly toy with springs unsprung,

Forever sticking out his tongue.

The neighbors heard his mournful squeal;

They searched for him, but not with zeal.

No trace was found of Jabez Dawes,

Which led to thunderous applause,

And people drank a loving cup

And went and hung their stockings up.

All you who sneer at Santa Claus,

Beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,

The saucy boy who mocked the saint.

Donner and Blitzen licked off his paint. 

You'd better believe there's a Santa Claus. Well, not in any Republican administrations, but still ...

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

So you thought December might be better than November? Wanna buy a bridge? 

The head of one of the nation’s largest health insurers was gunned down in midtown Manhattan on Wednesday morning in what the police called a “brazen targeted attack;” two children - aged 5 and 6 - were murdered at their kindergarten school in Oroville, California, although the murder (by gun, of course) didn't receive much coverage because it happened the same day as the murder of a high-profile CEO; billionaire Elon Musk spent $250 million - a quarter of a billion dollars - to support Der Furor's presidential campaign, not counting his transformation of the former Twitter into a fountain of free advertising and promotion for DF's campaign; Pete Hegseth, Der Furor's nominee for Secretary of Defense, appears unlikely be confirmed by the Senate, leaving Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (!) as a possible replacement; and in Texas, a first-grade teacher who revoked bathroom privileges for her students as a lesson in responsibility after a restroom pass went missing is under fire from outraged parents after six children in her care suffered predictable accidents. 

Why not stick with a good thing? Here's another collection of random cartoons ... 

This is how my daughter sees it ...

There's a lot of reliance on it nowadays ...

This is the part that didn't make it into the story of David and Goliath ...

Ah, yes ... memories of my days on the dance floor ...

Hope for the best, plan for the worst and most expensive ...

I'll take the giant beast. How much worse can it be? ...

Interviews for positions in Der Furor's administration ...

Best summary of it that I've seen in a long time ...

It's a feature, not a bug ...

If I ever get my novel-in-progress in front of an editor, I think it'll go something like this ...

And that's it for the first Cartoon Saturday of December. I hope you enjoyed it.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday, and a cautionary Christmas tale. More thoughts then.

Bilbo