The Final Ass Clown of the Year Voting Update!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I hope your Holiday season of choice continues to be safe, happy and festive! With only two more days (counting today) left in 2024, we continue the search for that misbegotten symbol of all that is wrong with the nation and the world, The Ass Clown of the Year.

Voting has been steady since the race began on December 17th, and with mere hours to go, here's how the race is shaping up:

In fifth place with 590 votes, rebounding from an earlier displacement: Robert F. Kennedy, Jr;

Holding at fourth place, with 660 votes: The News Media;

Dropping down to third place, a late entry into the race with 1395 votes: President-Elect Elon Musk; 

Advancing to a very close second place on the strength of a sudden surge, with 1410 votes: former Florida representative and all-round despicable character Matt Gaetz; and,

Remaining in first place, with a commanding lead of 11,600 votes: The American Electorate.

Several other nominees have received smaller numbers of votes, among them Der Furor's Spokesogre Stephen Cheung (pushed out of fifth place at this update), The Government of Israel, The 118th Congress, three-time Ass Clown of the Year winner Mitch McConnell, and Czar of All Russia Vladimir Putin. Oddly enough, as of the time of this writing, Der Furor himself has received no votes.

You have less than 48 hours remaining to vote, so make sure your voice is heard: vote early, vote often, and help in our annual campaign to shine the light of condemnation on the most execrable ass clowns. 

This year's campaign ends at midnight tomorrow, and the tinfoil and toilet paper crown will be awarded on New Year's Day, Wednesday, January 1st!

Have a good day and vote now! More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

Christmas is over for another year, but we can see the season out with this gorgeous rendition by the Celtic Women of a classic tune …

Happy almost-End of the Holidays. See you later with more thoughts. 

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

I don't know about you, but I'm ready to hit the eject button on this verkakte year ... 

Der Furor continued his program of distraction from the emptiness of his economic campaign promises by threatening aggression against another three countries in addition to Mexico: Canada, Panama, and Greenland; 38 passengers were killed and the remaining 29 injured when Russian air defenses apparently shot down an Azerbaijani airliner; a NASA research probe has made history by making the closest-ever approach to the sun; after nearly 250 years as the unofficial US national bird, the bald eagle formally received that designation in a law signed by President Biden on December 23rd; and in Warren, Ohio, police are searching for a man who stole more than $600 worth of printer ink from a local Sam's Club ... they hope to recover both ink cartridges soon. 

For our final Cartoon Saturday of the year, how about some New Year's-themed cartoons, eh?

Sometimes, vague is better ... 

This one goes back a few years, but is still spot-on ...

How our four-legged friends see things ...

I'm down with that!!

I surely do wish this would work ...

It's more of a meme than a cartoon, but I think Ms Parker's 1929 observation applies equally well in 2024 ...

I'd agree with this approach to ringing out 2024 ...

It's another meme, but it matches my mood ...

I never knew Mark Twain (I'm not that old!), but I think I'd have liked him ...

I wonder if my formal lounging sweats still fit ...

And that's it for your last Cartoon Saturday of 2024. Let's hope that 2025 will be better, but let's also keep our emotional powder dry.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when we observe the final Musical Sunday of the year. See you then! 

Bilbo

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2024

Well, Dear Readers, we've come down to the final Ass Clown Award of the year ...

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2024

It's been a difficult year for this award, not because of a lack of worthy nominees, but rather because of an overwhelming tsunami of potential winners. From politics to religion to the media to society at large, it's been a year of towering achievements in ass clownery, making each selection an exercise in hand-wringing desperation. But be that as it may, you depend on me to single out the winners, and I'm obligated to rise to the task.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, our final ass clown awardee for 2024 is

The 118th Congress

The 118th Congress is, by some measures, the most unproductive in decades, if not ever. From the ludicrous bureaucratic knife-fighting among House Republicans over the Speakership to the self-inflicted wounds of useless and ignorant poison-pill legislation, to the inability to simply pass a budget, to the craven submission to end-of-year pressure by President-Elect Musk and Junior Co-President Der Furor, Congress became a national and international laughingstock whose main achievement seemed to be allowing Italy to point to a nation with a more unstable government*. 

But how is Congressional productivity measured? Most media coverage of Congress’s productivity uses the number of bills passed into law as a yardstick. But this is an overly simplistic approach because it considers all bills, regardless of substance, as equally important. For instance, a measure naming a post office counts the same as a declaration of war or a multi-billion dollar spending bill, or major tax legislation. 

The raw number of bills passed also ignores the fact that since World War II, Congress has tended to pass fewer, but longer bills, such as the gigantic omnibus spending packages that have replaced the larger number of individual funding bills that were traditionally negotiated and passed. 

But it's the yardstick we have, and with it we can look at the statistics provided by LegiScan for the 118th Congress:

Number of Laws Passed (with a PL Number): 158

Number of Laws Which Named Public Facilities, Directed Award of Congressional Gold Medals, etc:  45**

This means that, in two years, the 118th Congress passed 113 pieces of legislation that - for better or worse - directly affected some segment of the American people. That works out to roughly 56 laws per year, or 5 per month.

Five pieces of meaningful legislation per month doesn't seem like very much, considering that each member of Congress has a staff of people to help with the research and writing, plus the resources of the Library of Congress and the Congressional Research Service, plus countless swarms of lobbyists eager to do the work of writing legislation so that the members don't screw it up. Of course, the relentless demands of political fund-raising, a slothful schedule (on average, 123 working days per year for the House and 144 for the Senate), and the need to bloviate every time the cameras are on eat into the time available for actual legislative work. 

What more can I say?

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the final Ass Clown Awardee for 2024, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, is the 118th Congress. That grinding noise you hear is the Founders rolling over in their graves.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for the last Cartoon Saturday of 2024. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Italy has had 69 governments since the end of World War II, each lasting an average of 1.11 years.

** This is my count, which I think is accurate, but which was done by counting lines of small print on four pages of entries using my tired old eyes. 

Ass Clown of the Year Voting Update

Well, friends, I hope you have had a wonderful start to your Holiday season, however you choose to celebrate! Even as we today celebrate Boxing Day and the next day of Hanukkah (sp?), we have to keep up with the work of seeking out and heaping dishonor upon that one deserving ass clown worthy of designation as Ass Clown of the Year.

The voting continues hot and heavy, and with less than a week to go, here are the current standings:

Slipping from third to fifth place, with 575 votes: Der Furor's Spokesogre Stephen Cheung;

Holding at fourth place, with 615 votes: The News Media;

In third place, making a strong break into the race with 880 votes: former Florida representative and all-round despicable character Matt Gaetz; 

Still in second place, with 1350 votes: President-Elect Elon Musk; and,

Remaining in first place, with a commanding lead of 11,300 votes: The American Electorate, given a strong boost by a dump of 10,000 votes from Mike. His compliance with the rules may be questionable, but his opinion certainly is not.

You have less than a week of voting opportunities left, so make sure your voice is heard: vote early, vote often, and help in our annual campaign to heap opprobrium on the most deserving ass clowns. 

The 2024 campaign ends at midnight on December 31st, and the tinfoil and toilet paper crown will be awarded on New Year's Day, Wednesday, January 1st!

Have a good day and vote now! More thoughts tomorrow, when we will announce the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December - the final Ass Clown award for 2024 ... be sure to check it out and see if you need to adjust your votes!

Bilbo

Christmas Day, 2024, Guest Post

Merry Christmas!

Those of you who have been following this blog for a longer time will remember our beloved Chocolate Lab Nessa, who was a frequent guest poster offering her dog's-eye view of current events. Nessa crossed the Rainbow Bridge a long time ago, but I recently rediscovered her 2010 Christmas guest post, which I think is worth revisiting now, 14 years later. I have not edited her post to account for changes since then ...

Hey there, once again. It's me, Nessa!

Bilbo and Agnes are still asleep, because they had a pretty strenuous day yesterday spending Christmas Eve with their grandchildren who live nearby. So I thought I'd just let them sleep and take a few minutes to give you a dog's spin on this whole Christmas thing.

I haven't quite figured the whole thing out yet, but I gather that it has something to do with the master you worship. I, of course, adore Bilbo, but other dogs worship their own masters, and we all seem to get along fine ... unlike you humans, who often seem to hate people who worship a different master. How dumb is that?

There appears to be a story about a baby born in a manger (I think the story's called a nativity or something like that), and a team of kings that came a long way and brought gifts and stuff because they somehow knew this baby was special. I happen to think all babies are special, and part of a dog's job is to protect them and sit patiently while they pull our fur and tug on our ears and tails and stuff. By the way, did you ever notice that there aren't any dogs in any of these things you humans call "nativity scenes?" What's up with that?

Well anyway, because the kings brought gifts for this special baby (I heard one of them even brought frankfurters, yum!), you humans now seem to think that it's important to give each other gifts, too. I sometimes go to the store with Bilbo and Agnes to guard the car while they buy stuff, and I'm really amazed at how much you people buy. Everybody's talking about how bad this recession thing is, but it doesn't seem to be stopping them from buying lots of things. And do you know what? I spend a lot of time guarding the house from the front window, and I see a lot of this shiny new stuff being carried away by the trash man in just a few months (even though I bark at him). Does he give you your money back when you give him your things?

Everybody seems to want to visit everybody else at this time of year, too. I have to be on my best alert level so I can bark hysterically when someone comes to the door with cookies or bread or something for Bilbo and Agnes - after all, they need to know someone is at the door, and sometimes there are dog treats in there for me, too (since all the neighbors know me). Sometimes the people who come to the door stay to visit, and I put on my best Sorrowful Lab Look^TM so that they'll share stuff with me.

I've also noticed that television is a lot different at this time of year. I spend a lot of time watching things on TV with my head in Bilbo's or Agnes's lap, and it always amazes me how many of your TV shows are devoted to people hurting and killing each other, and cars chasing around and people shooting and screaming and threatening each other. Why on earth do you like to watch that stuff? At Christmas time, though, for about a week the TV brings cheerful and uplifting stories about love and goodness and happiness. I like that. But one week out of 52 in a year? I've gotta tell you, if I were human (and I'm glad I'm not) I wouldn't want to watch a lot of that stuff.

I already told you my thoughts about all the Christmas decorations and lights and stuff in my last guest post, so I won't go into that now. I'll just say that I'm glad Bilbo didn't put up one of those stupid, lighted-up deer in the yard. They're no fun, because they don't run away when I bark at them, and if they don't run away, I can't chase them and crash around in the woods and find smelly stuff to roll around in so that Bilbo gets all spun up and Agnes makes him take me in the shower with him. That's fun! I know most dogs wouldn't like it, but we Labs are water dogs, so bring it on!

Well, I think that's about all for now. Bilbo and Agnes will be getting up and eating their breakfast pretty soon, and I need to position myself carefully in the kitchen so that I get my share of whatever they're eating. Then they have some friends coming for a visit and dinner later, so I need to get ready to announce their arrival and then make sure they always know where I am in case they need to dispose of any extra treats or food or toys or anything.

It isn't easy being a dog at Christmas, but I think I'm up to the challenge.

On behalf of dogs everywhere, I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, whichever master you worship. And don't forget us while you're at it. You may not love each other except this one time a year, but you can always count on us to love you, no matter what.

Woof!

Nessa

Christmas Eve, 2024

Today is Tuesday, December 24th, the day of Christmas Eve, when millions of people across the nation and the world frantically await the arrival of the elves from FedEx and UPS and Amazon with gifts bought online that were "guaranteed" to arrive by Christmas. Tonight, children will set out milk and cookies for Santa and desperately try to stay up late in hopes of seeing him, parents will grow ulcers as they try to deal with the toy for which "some assembly (is) required*," and stores will sell out of the batteries they didn't realize they needed for that toy they had to assemble.

The tradition of gift-giving at Christmas goes back to the biblical story of the Three Wise Men, who followed a star to the address at which they were to leave their packages, after drawing a charcoal sketch of the package in place to prove delivery ...

Of course, were The Three Wise Men to seek their goal nowadays, things might be a bit different ...

They might even resort to staying home and figuring out whether gold, frankincense, and myrrh qualify for overnight free delivery to Bethlehem. 

Ah, the holidays!

Tomorrow is Christmas Day, and there'll be a guest post to mark the occasion. I'll just warn you to be careful if you plan to go out today - not just because the stores will all be madhouses (despite online shopping), parking lots will look like the beaches of 1944 Normandy, and drivers will be more distracted than usual, but because all too many of your fellow Christmas shoppers will arrogantly and petulantly engage in behavior** that will mean some families next Christmas will have fewer people around the tree and the table.

And I want to see you all safe and happy tomorrow.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* It helps to have a degree in mechanical engineering.

** For example, refusal to vaccinate, strident and unyielding political views, and insistence on packing maximum iron at all times.

Ass Clown of the Year Voting Update

Well, friends, the Ass Clown of the Year voting has been underway for a week now, and with just a week more to go, here are the current standings:

In fifth place, with 50 votes: Robert F. Kennedy, Jr;

In fourth place, with 100 votes: The News Media;

In third place, with 225 votes: Der Furor's Spokesogre Stephen Cheung;

In second place, with 800 votes: President-Elect Elon Musk; and,

In first place, with a towering 1150 votes: The American Electorate.

There's another week of voting opportunity left, so make sure your voice is heard: vote early, vote often, and help in our annual campaign to heap opprobrium on the most deserving ass clowns. Voting ends at midnight on December 31st, and the tinfoil and toilet paper crown will be awarded on Wednesday, January 1st!

Do it now!

Have a good day and be sure to come back tomorrow for the update of our traditional Christmas Eve post. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

The tradition of the kiss under the mistletoe used to be a thing when I was young. Nowadays, it's an invitation to a sexual assault lawsuit. I love the imagery of a simpler time in this poem by Walter de La Mare ...

Mistletoe

by Walter de La Mare

Sitting under the mistletoe

(Pale-green, fairy mistletoe),

One last candle burning low,

All the sleepy dancers gone,

Just one candle burning on,

Shadows lurking everywhere:

Some one came, and kissed me there.

Tired I was; my head would go

Nodding under the mistletoe

(Pale-green, fairy mistletoe),

No footsteps came, no voice, but only,

Just as I sat there, sleepy, lonely,

Stooped in the still and shadowy air

Lips unseen—and kissed me there. 

In the current environment, perhaps a hearty handshake under the mistletoe is better. Unless, of course, you're shaking the hand of Nancy Mace.

Have a good day, enjoy the rest of your weekend, and get ready for the final sprint into Christmas. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

I'd like to think that the weeks will be better in the new year, but I'm not quite that gullible ... 

A 15-year-old girl in Madison, Wisconsin, shot eight people at her Christian school, two of them - a teacher and another student - fatally; a senior Russian general accused of using chemical weapons in Ukraine and the UK was killed in a bomb attack in Moscow; Der Furor has begun unleashing a series of lawsuits against media organizations, pollsters, and individuals he claims have treated him unfairly; a French court has sentenced the ex-husband of Gisèle Pelicot to 20 years in prison for drugging and raping her and allowing 50 other men to rape her while she was unconscious in horrific abuse that lasted nearly a decade - the other rapists have received sentences of varying length; and in Connecticut, a woman who thought she had won a year's supply of toilet paper in a contest was informed that she would instead only receive a $2 gift voucher ... the e-mail notifying her of the change had the subject line, "Oopsie, We Made a Poopsie." 

Since it's Christmas week, how about a collection of Christmas-themed cartoons? 

Professional courtesy ... 

Santa's not as low-tech as he used to be ...

I have friends like this ...

For the "alpha male" at Christmas ...

It's not a bad concept ...

This was only a matter of time ...

They can be a real problem, can't they? ...

Santa's checkup ...

Oh, yeah ...

Maybe I ought to monetize my annual holiday letter, too ...

And that's it for today, the next-to-last Cartoon Saturday for 2024 ... I hope it gave you something to laugh at other than Congressional ineptitude and the rise of unelected President-in-Essence Elon Musk. 

Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday's Christmas edition. See you then!

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

Today marks the last collection of Great Moments for 2024, so in honor of the upcoming Christmas holiday, let's try to make it a good one!

Only in America ...

I think this is what Der Furor is gifting all his critics for the next four years ...

When you call the cops too quickly ...

He sounds like my kind of curmudgeon ...

Somehow I don't think she'll appreciate it as much as you think she will ...

There's no way in hell I'm wearing Nutcracker Shorts ...

Anonymous donor, eh? ...

Once Der Furor's beloved tariffs kick in, so will the rollbacks ...

I think I'll visit him and see what props he's using for the photos ...

What do you get for the person who has everything? ...

And that's it for 2024's Great Moments in Editing and Signage! New collections will appear starting on January 3rd, so be sure to come back to enjoy them. And if you're looking for a good New Year's resolution, why not be on the lookout for great moments - clip, scan, or photograph the ones you find and send them to me at der_blogmeister@yahoo.com!

Have a good day, and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

The GOP Replacement for Obamacare*

You will recall that Der Furor and the Republican Party have for years been desperate to get rid of the successful and popular Affordable Care Act (also known as Obamacare). Der Furor was famous during his first term for repeatedly saying that a better, cheaper alternative was just two weeks away, and during the recent presidential campaign he memorably claimed not that he had a replacement plan, but rather "the concepts of a plan."

Well, as it turns out, I have learned that the GOP's Obamacare replacement plan actually exists, and I have obtained a copy! 

The new plan was drafted by a staff of noted medical experts under the direction of esteemed medical professional Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, assisted by Doctors Oz, Who, Kevorkian, Fu Manchu, Doom, and Demento; highlights include:

- Copies of the Bible (Trump edition only) will be used as guidance for proper nutrition, hygiene, and appropriate sexual behavior; each insured patient must purchase a separate copy when signing up for coverage.

- Abortions are strictly forbidden unless to protect the life and reputation of the father.

- The only approved form of birth control will consist of poster-sized photographs of angrily-frowning nuns prominently posted in each bedroom and (in Red states) classroom from kindergarten through university.

- Patients requiring anesthesia will be offered three choices: a shot of whiskey (bar brands only), a bullet to bite on (no larger than .22 caliber), or a Louisville Slugger to the head.

- Annual breast exams for women will be scheduled during non-peak hours at the nearest Hooters.

- Reconditioned dialysis machines previously used at Jiffy Lube are authorized for low-income patients.

- Second opinions on diagnoses will be reached by multiplying the the initial treatment estimate by 0.50. Insurance payments will be based on the lower number.

- Lower-cost alternative treatments must be exhausted before more expensive ones are considered.

- Annual vision exams consist of counting the patient's number of eyes. If the number is two, the patient passes. If the number equals one, the patient's vision is considered adequate. If the number equals zero, it's a pre-existing condition not covered by insurance.

- Rectal thermometers may be reused if sanitized by wiping them with wadded newspaper.

- The standard initial treatment for all medical complaints is, "Take two leeches and call me in the morning."

- Generic drugs will be used to treat generic diseases.

- Voodoo practitioners may be licensed to provide injections approved as a course of treatment.

- Dentists will be required to fill cavities with spackling compound; dental x-rays will be replaced by charcoal sketches.

- Medical imaging consists of the doctor carefully photographing the patient with a Kodak Brownie. X-rays, when prescribed, will be performed by physician assistants using X-ray specs.

- Cat Scans will be conducted with real cats (feral alley cats for low-income patients).

- Tongue depressors are no longer required to be free of Fudgesicle traces before use.

- Well-baby care consists of a doctor conducting a visual examination and certifying that "well, it's a baby."

- Radiation treatment for cancer patients consists of one-way tickets (coach class) to Chernobyl or Fukushima (insurance company's option).

The plan also contains a detailed fee structure for calculating the cost of care:

You voted for it, you've got it - the Obamacare Replacement Plan! In summary, it says,

Don't get sick. If you do, die soon.

Good luck.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* This is an update of a post I wrote and published in 2011, in case you'd forgotten how far back GOP opposition to quality, affordable health care goes.

P.S. - We began the annual Ass Clown of the Year voting on Tuesday, and the results are coming in. So far, this is how it looks: 

The American Electorate is in the lead, with 1150 votes;

Elon Musk is in second place, with 700 votes; and,

Stephen Cheung is in third place, with 150 votes.

Let's keep it up, folks! Your vote counts, so vote early, vote often, and let your favorite Ass Clowns know what you think! Voting ends at midnight on December 31st.

Updating Christmas Music for Safety and Inclusivity

At this time of year (actually, starting around Labor Day), we roll out all the classic Christmas music we've come to love over the years. These traditional tunes help lift our spirits and put us in the holiday mood, but one has to admit that they come from a different era. It's time we thought about whether or not those classic tunes reflect the ideals of inclusivity and safety we recognize today, and so I present some examples of how some of our popular Christmas music might be adjusted to better suit the legal and social needs of the present day ...

Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow

In a one horse open sleigh,

O'er the fields we go,

Laughing all the way.

Bells on bobtails ring

Making spirits bright

What fun it is to ride and sing

A sleighing song tonight!

Review Comments: A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh can be certified as safe for transporting members of the public. This assessment must consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Safety considerations may dictate the use of two or more horses, particularly if the sleigh is to travel over extended distances which could not be safely covered on foot by stranded passengers if a single horse expires during the trip. Note: permission must be obtained from landowners before entering any fields considered private property. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, laughter must remain at moderate levels and bells on bobtails must be equipped with noise dampening devices to minimize undesirable noise pollution.

While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched

Their flocks by night,

All seated on the ground,

The angel of the Lord came down

And glory shone around.

Review Comments: The International Brotherhood of Shepherds and Nomadic Animal Caretakers has filed a lawsuit alleging that long-established health and safety regulations are violated by forcing shepherds to watch their flocks seated on the ground, without the provision of appropriate ergonomic seating; therefore benches, stools, or orthopedic chairs (when required by a doctor's certification) must be made available on demand. The Brotherhood also demands that, due to inclement weather conditions frequently encountered during the Christmas season, flocks be watched either via closed-circuit television cameras mounted in grazing areas or by drone-borne cameras, monitored from inside centrally-heated and insulated observation huts. In addition, angels of the Lord must be prohibited from shining glory all around prior to ascertaining that each shepherd has been issued safety glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UV-A, UV-B and glory.

We Three Kings of Orient Are

We three kings of Orient are

Bearing gifts we traverse afar.

Field and fountain, moor and mountain,

Following yonder star.

Review Comments: While the gift of gold, which is considered legal tender and may be redeemed at a later date, is considered acceptable, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are inappropriate due to the potential risk of allergic reactions from oils and fragrances. Suggested gift alternatives include hypoallergenic skin creams and lotions which have not been tested on animals, donations to worthy causes in the king's name, or gift cards from local businesses. Traversing kings should also be discouraged from relying on astral navigation; instead, use of a suitable GPS navigation device to provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption is recommended. Camels employed to carry kings also require regular food, water, and rest breaks, and animal welfare regulations require the attendance of at least one trained veterinarian for each three camels. Because the repetitive action of the camels' hooves on sand creates high levels of airborne dust and other particulates, wear of appropriate HEPA-certified face masks is required both for kings and any accompanying support personnel.

Away in a Manger

Away in a manger,

No crib for a bed…

Review Comments: Social workers will be surveying mangers and similar places of temporary lodging throughout the season, and may remove any child found there to a place of safety pending further action against parents or other persons who may be found guilty of neglect by not providing adequate bedding and shelter for a child in their care. After a formal case study has been carried out and fully reviewed by the appropriate Child Protective Services organization, criminal proceedings may be instituted.

Little Donkey

Little donkey on the dusty road,

Got to keep on plodding

Onwards with your precious load.

Review Comments: The ASPCA has instituted strict guidelines regarding permissible maximum load and weight distribution levels for donkeys, mules, oxen, and other beasts of burden; these guidelines are carefully calculated according to the stature of the animal ("little," "big," etc). Additional guidelines govern feeding schedules and the number and duration of rest breaks required per given period (typically, four hours) of plodding. Due to the increased risk from inhalation of dust and other particulate pollution from primitive roads, HEPA face mask guidelines apply (see previous comment under We Three Kings of Orient Are) for both animals and riders. Reference to donkeys as "little" is considered demeaning to an animal of diminished stature; a simple "Donkey" is the preferred form of address. Finally, if donkeys (or other protected beasts of burden) are employed to carry loads characterized as "precious," the caretakers of said animals are required to carry, and show on demand to appropriately-identified officials, evidence of theft and liability insurance.

 The Little Drummer Boy

Little baby, pa rum pum pum pum

I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum

I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum

That’s fit to give a King, pa rum pum pum pum

Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum.

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum

On my drum?

Review Comments: There are multiple issues here, beginning with provision of age-appropriate labor in the music industry for "little boys" who are, in addition, "poor;" this must be referred to Child Protective Services to ensure compliance with child labor laws. From both a public nuisance and a medical perspective, the sound of drumming, especially at night, raises noise abatement issues as well as the need to asses both the impact of repeated percussive noises on the developing ears of young infants and the potential for repetitive wrist injuries from performing excessive pa rum pum pum pums.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Do you hear what I hear?

A song, a song high above the trees

With a voice as big as the sea

Review Comments: This song is, unfortunately, grossly insensitive toward individuals with diminished hearing capacity, and should not be performed without either subtitles or an accompanying sign language interpreter. There is also the issue of the effect of "a voice as big as the sea" on the unprotected hearing of audiences; a major study done by a team of qualified audiologists is necessary to assess the potential dangers. In addition, as noted above, noise abatement laws must be taken into account.

Ho, ho, ho and all that. 

Have a good day. More thoughts coming, with or without musical accompaniment.

Bilbo

Voting is Now Open for the 2024 Ass Clown of the Year!

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, today is the start of the two-week period in which you can cast your votes for the individual or group that best exemplifies the year's supreme achievement in ass clownery, and unseats the 2023 winner, The Republican Party. It's time to vote for

The 2024 Ass Clown of the Year

By Friday, December 27th (the announcement of the final awardee for the year, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December), I will have named 31 awardees in 2024, all of whom are eligible for the annual award. Of course, if there's someone I missed or someone you like better, you are free to vote for the write-in candidate of your choice. Here are the ground rules for Ass Clown of the Year voting, unchanged from previous years except as noted:

- Chicago Rules apply: you may vote as many times as you want, for as many candidates as you want. You may cast votes on behalf of yourself, your family members, your friends, your family members' friends, your pets, your friends' and family members' pets, or anyone else, living or dead. In the interest of fairness, I ask only that you not cast more than 100 votes at a time for any one candidate (an increase from last year) ... just vote more often if you want to stuff the digital ballot box. 

- You may vote for any of this year's 31 award winners (the first 30 are listed below, and the last will be announced on December 27th), or for anyone else you wish. 

- You need not be legally authorized to vote in the United States. Voting laws don't apply to Republicans, why should they apply to you?

- No ID is required and there is no minimum age to vote. If you are concerned that the Russians (or Elon Musk, or the Chinese, or the Venezuelans, or the Italians (via satellite), or the Martians or one or the other political party, or the "Deep State") will manipulate the results to undermine the integrity of the award without such identification, consider that the fanatical supporters of Der Furor are already convinced that elections they don't win are rigged and will assume that any IDs presented will be phony, anyhow. And in any case, integrity is a quaintly outdated concept in today's political world in which "facts" require no proof or connection to reality. I worry more about my fellow citizens than I do about any external actors.

- Finally, you again have the option to vote for ALL OF THE ABOVE, rather than a single winner.

- Votes will be accepted from now until 11:59 PM on Tuesday, December 31st. You may vote by leaving a comment on this or any blog post between now and then; by sending an e-mail to der_blogmeister@yahoo.com; by sending me a PM or leaving a comment on Facebook or Bluesky if we are connected there; by text message if you have my phone number; or in person if we should happen to meet and you are properly vaccinated. If you choose to cast your votes in person, be advised that your candidate's chances of winning are enhanced if the votes are accompanied by adult beverages, desirable snacks (list available on request), cash, or any combination thereof. Yes, it's bribery, but if Elon Musk can do it, so can you.

I will provide periodic updates on the balloting, and will announce the 2024 Ass Clown of the Year in this space on Wednesday, January 1st, 2025.

To help you make your choice, here are links to the first 30 Ass Clown awardees for 2024*, in case you want to go back and review their qualifications:

January Right-Cheek: Representatives Nancy Mace (R, SC-1) and Jim Jordan (R, OH-4)

January Special Award: Texas Governor Greg Abbott

January Left-Cheek: Sen Tim Scott (R, SC)

February Right-Cheek: Missouri State Senator Scott Schroer

February Special Award: The American News Media

February Left-Cheek: Der Furor

February Special Award #2: Jack Posobiec

March Right-Cheek: Senator Mitch McConnell (R, KY)

March Left-Cheek: Steven Cheung

April Right-Cheek: Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

April Left-Cheek: Benjamin Netanyahu

May Right-Cheek: The Conservative Wing of the Supreme Court

May Left-Cheek: Judge Aileen Canon

May Special Award: Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito and Harrison Butker

May On-Crack: Der Furor's Protective Society

June Right-Cheek: The Authors and Architects of Project 2025

June Left-Cheek: The American Electorate

July Right-Cheek: The Conservative Wing of the Supreme Court

July Left-Cheek: Representative Andy Ogle (R, TN-5)

August Right-Cheek: Der Furor and Senator JD Vance (R, OH)

August Left-Cheek: The Boeing Company

September Right-Cheek: Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

September Left-Cheek: Senator JD Vance (R, OH)

October Right-Cheek: The "Election Integrity" Zealots

October Left-Cheek: The Republican Party

November Right-Cheek: Washington Post Owner Jeff Bezos and Los Angeles Times Owner Patrick Soon-Shiong

November Special Award: The American Electorate

November Left-Cheek: The Democratic Party

November On-Crack: Former Florida Representative Matt Gaetz

December Right-Cheek: Elon Musk

It's worth noting that one candidate - The American Electorate - already has 100 votes, these having been cast by John when he jumped the gun a bit in a comment on the November Special Award. 

It's up to you, now ... vote early, vote often, and make sure your voice is heard and your chosen ass clown is recognized for appropriate ridicule and receipt of the Tinfoil and Toilet Paper Crown, which has been presented to each ass clown awardee since the 2022 annual winner - 

Although the run on tinfoil hats by the MAGA crowd and the panic-buying of toilet paper ahead of winter storms may lead to temporary shortages of raw materials, I'll make it work. 

Have a good day, vote early, and vote often. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Some of the individual recipients have won the award multiple times by being part of group awards. I have not detailed individual membership in group awards during the year in the interest of space.

Musical Sunday

We're continuing with our Musical Sunday string of beautiful and uplifting music to take our minds off the sad state of affairs in the nation and the world. Our last two Musical Sundays have featured "Angel Mine," by the Cowboy Junkies, and "Song for Judith (Open the Door)" by Judy Collins ... this week, we turn to another of my favorite songs, this one by Charlotte Church ...

Here are the lyrics:

I wish I was in Carrickfergus

Where the castle looks out to sea

I would swim over the deepest ocean

For my love to be with me

But the sea is wide

And I cannot swim over

Nor have I

The wings to fly

I wish I had

A handsome boatman

To ferry me over

My love and I

I wish I was

In the land of Eire

Where the mountains

Reach the sea

Where flowers blossom

As I do remember

Where my true love

Came to me

But the sea is wide

And I cannot swim over

Nor have I

The wings to fly

I wish I was

In Carrickfergus

To be together

My love and I!

I wish I was back home again.....

May you be back home again this holiday season.

Have a great day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

As my dad would have said, if this week had been a fish, I'd have thrown it back.

Former Syrian president Bashar al-Assad was overthrown and has been granted political asylum in Russia; Der Furor announced his intention to eliminate birthright citizenship at the same time that wealthy Russians are purchasing or renting his properties so their wives can have children with US citizenship; FBI Director Christopher Wray announced he would resign his post three years early, clearing the way for Der Furor to nominate sycophantic loyalist and conspiracy theorist Kash Patel to the position; more than 75 Nobel Prize winners in medicine, chemistry, physics and economics have signed a letter urging senators not to confirm Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as head of the Department of Health and Human Services - the first such united opposition in history; and in Philadelphia, a man who received a $4.1million settlement from city officials after serving 24 years behind bars for a murder he did not commit is headed back to jail after admitting to a different murder. 

This week, because they seen to be more popular than my carefully-themed editions, here's another randomly-selected Cartoon Saturday.

When King Arthur goes high-tech ...

It's good to be the king. Usually ...

Paging Mr Kennedy, Junior ... Mr R F Kennedy, Junior ...

I can sympathize ...

I'm familiar with all of them ...

I wonder if this was one of the things that made the Notre Dame cathedral restoration take so long ...

I found this under "karma" in the dictionary ...

As a guy with wonky color vision (can't tell pastel shades or dark shades apart), I can relate to this ...

Translation: "Mrs Benting shouldn't have complained about her artist neighbor's hedge" ...

I'd have a hard time with it, too ...

And that's it for another Cartoon Saturday - I hope you enjoyed it. Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow when we go to (Charlotte) Church. More thoughts then.

Bilbo