Sunday, December 25, 2022

Christmas Day, 2022


Merry Christmas!

Today is Christmas Day, the day on which Christians* around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, whose lessons and example many of them find admirable in theory but bothersome to follow in practice, useful only as a cudgel with which to beat those who worship differently. Beyond the Christian world, it is a season for general good cheer, the exchange of gifts, an opportunity for hypocritical politicians to tweet biblical verses they neither understand nor follow, and a month of generally uplifting and sentimental television shows which temporarily offset the sex, violence, and cynicism of the rest of the year.

We’ve long bemoaned the commercialization of Christmas, in which the purchase and exchange of gifts has replaced thoughtful contemplation and love of family and friends. But for years now, Christmas has been politicized just like everything else. Conservative shouting heads anxious to stoke the culture wars for political gain moan bitterly about an imagined “war on Christmas,” and both Christians and non-Christians complain about discrimination because they don’t want to have to be exposed to religious holiday ideas and traditions which are not their own. Angry idiots object to hearing a generic “Happy Holidays” or "Season's Greetings" instead of "Merry Christmas," "Happy Hanukkah," "Happy Solstice," "Happy Kwanzaa," "Happy Festivus," or other seasonal holiday greeting. Nuisance lawsuits force towns and cities to remove nativity displays from public places. Scrooge lives on.


The traditional Christmas story that most of us recognize is told in the Bible in the second chapter of the gospel of Matthew:

2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
2:9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.
2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; You shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Whatever happened to the part about “peace on earth and goodwill toward men**?” It seems to have been replaced by “peace on earth, goodwill only to those who agree with me, and the rest of you can go to Hell.” It’s been replaced by rigid intolerance and stiff-necked self-righteousness that belie both the spirit of the season and the values and teachings of the person whose birth is being celebrated.


Nevertheless, for those willing to put aside their political and cultural tunnel vision and petty carping and hatreds, the Christmas season offers a time for joy and renewal, regardless of the religious tradition they profess to follow. It’s a season in which persons of goodwill can come together and treat each other like real human beings rather than like despised “others” … if, of course, they’re willing to bend enough to do so.

And it is, above all, a season for children, who have not yet been spoiled by the cynicism and hatred they’ll learn all too soon. The look on a child’s face on Christmas morning is a wonderful thing, and it reminds us that there is still joy to be found in life, if only we can get past the greed, selfishness, and political chicanery.


And so, Dear Readers, Agnes and I wish all of you a very joyous holiday of your choice and a safe, happy, and healthy new year. It's just got to be better than the last few ...

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Real Christians, not the noisy, ignorant, arrogant, heavily-armed, and intolerant sort so prevalent here in modern America.

** Okay, “persons.” Don’t get your holiday knickers in a twist.

Saturday, December 24, 2022

Christmas Eve, 2022


I'm sure you came here looking for Cartoon Saturday, but the vagaries of the calendar are such that today is not only Saturday, but Christmas Eve, which has its own traditional post. Cartoon Saturday will return one week from today on December 31st, the last day of 2022, giving us an opportunity to laugh at the end of a year which did not offer many opportunities to laugh.

But enough of all that.

Today is Saturday, December 24th, the day of Christmas Eve, when millions of people across the nation and the world frantically await the arrival of the auxiliary Santas from FedEx and UPS and Amazon with gifts bought online that were "guaranteed" to arrive by Christmas. Tonight, children will set out milk and cookies for Santa and desperately try to stay up late in hopes of seeing him, parents will use salty language as they try to deal with the toy for which "some assembly (is) required*," and stores will sell out of the batteries they didn't realize they needed for that toy they had to assemble.

Here's a timely quote from Dave Barry:

"Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space**"


Ah, the holidays!

No peace on earth, though.

Today's commentary is fairly short ... I'll have more to say tomorrow in my traditional Christmas Day post. I'll just warn you to be careful if you plan to go out today - not just because the stores will all be madhouses, parking lots will look like the beaches of 1944 Normandy, and drivers will be more distracted than usual, but because all too many of your fellow Christmas shoppers will arrogantly and petulantly refuse  to wear the masks or receive the vaccinations that will keep families next Christmas from having fewer people around the tree.

And I want to see you all safe and happy tomorrow.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* "Some assembly required" is the shortened version of the statement, "Assistance by credentialed mechanical or electrical engineers is required."

** This was one of my mother's favorite cartoons.

Friday, December 23, 2022

Great Moments in Editing and Signage (Holiday Edition)


Today marks our last edition of Great Moments for 2022, and since Christmas is just a few days off, I thought a few holiday-themed moments would be appropriate ...

Not sure who's buying these ... Vladimir Putin or American far-right militias ...  


Well, it's one way to get them taken down ...


Sounds like Christmas at our house ...


Uh ...


I'll have to remember this next year ...


It's not strictly speaking a Christmas gift idea, but if the shoe fits ...


All the better men are named Bill, aren't they? ...


Only in America ...


Um, I think I'll pass on the shorts ...


Trust me, you won't be happier, either ...


And that's it for the [Enter Preferred December Holiday Here] selection of Great Moments in Editing and Signage ... it will return in the new year. In the meantime, come back tomorrow for the traditional Christmas Eve post here at Bilbo's Random Thought Collection ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Monday, December 19, 2022

Voting is Now Open for the 2022 Ass Clown of the Year!


Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, today marks the official start of the selection campaign for the successor to the 2021 Ass Clown of the Year - Fox News posturing gargoyle Tucker Carlson. Yes, it's time to start voting for

The 2022 Ass Clown of the Year


By Friday, December 30th (the announcement of the final award for the year, the On-Crack Ass Clown for December), I will have named 27 awardees in 2022, all of whom are eligible for the annual award. Of course, if there's someone I missed or someone you like better, you are free to vote for the write-in candidate of your choice. Here are the ground rules for Ass Clown of the Year voting, unchanged from previous years except as noted:

- Chicago Rules apply: you may vote as many times as you want, for as many candidates as you want. You may cast votes on behalf of yourself, your family members, your friends, your family members' friends, your pets, your friends' and family members' pets, or anyone else, living or dead. In the interest of fairness, I ask only that you not cast more than 50 votes (same as last year) at any one time for any one candidate ... just vote more often if you want to stuff the digital ballot box. 

- You may vote for any of this year's 27 award winners (the first 26 are listed below, and the last will be announced on December 30th), or for anyone else you wish. 

- You need not be legally authorized to vote in the United States. Voting laws don't apply to Republicans, why should they apply to you?

- No ID is required and there are no age restrictions. If you are concerned that the Russians (or Elon Musk, or the Chinese, or the Venezuelans, or the Italians (via satellite), or the Martians or one or the other political party, or the "Deep State") will manipulate the results to undermine the integrity of the award without such identification, consider that the fanatical supporters of Der Furor are already convinced that elections they don't win are rigged and will assume that any IDs presented will be phony, anyhow. And in any case, integrity is a quaintly outdated concept in today's political world in which "facts" require no proof or connection to reality. I worry more about my fellow citizens than I do about any external actors.

- Finally, for the third year in a row, because the number of potential awardees is so staggeringly high and their qualifications so unquestionable, you have the option to vote for ALL OF THE ABOVE, rather than a single winner.

- Votes will be accepted from now until 11:59 PM on Saturday, December 31st. You may vote by leaving a comment on this or any blog post between now and then; by sending an e-mail to der_blogmeister@yahoo.com; by sending me a PM or leaving a comment on Facebook if we are connected there; by text message if you have my phone number; or in person if we should happen to meet and you properly vaccinated. If you choose to cast your votes in person, be advised that your candidate's chances of winning are enhanced if the votes are accompanied by adult beverages, desirable snacks (list available on request), or cash. Yes, it's bribery, but in today's political environment it's okay unless the other side is doing it.

I will provide periodic updates on the balloting, and will announce the 2022 Ass Clown of the Year in this space on Sunday, January 1st, 2023.

To help you make your choice, here are links to the first 24 Ass Clown awardees for 2022*, in case you want to go back and review the citations:

January Right-Cheek: Senator Raphael "Ted" Cruz (R, TX) 

January Left-Cheek: Virginia Governor Glenn Youngkin

February Right-Cheek: The Republican National Committee

February Left-Cheek: The Republican Party 

March Right-Cheek: The Republican Party, the "Freedom Convoy," Der Furor, Senator Lindsey Graham (R, SC), and Vladimir Putin

March Left-Cheek: The Republican Members of the Senate Judiciary Committee

April Right-Cheek: Senator Joe Manchin (D, WV)

April Left-Cheek: Florida Governor Ron DeSantis 

May Right-Cheek: Senator Susan Collins (R, ME)

May Left-Cheek: Representative Elise Stefanik (R, NY-21)

June Right-Cheek: Special Counsel John Dunham

June Special Award: Kyle Rittenhouse

June Left-Cheek: Group Award to Those Who Failed to Sound the Alarm on Der Furor Unless Under Oath or to Protect a Book Deal

July Right-Cheek: Michael Flynn 

July Left-Cheek: Representative Jim Jordan (R, OH-4) 

July On-Crack: Hungarian President Viktor Orban

August Right-Cheek: The Republican Party

August Left-Cheek: Senator Lindsey Graham (R, SC)

September Right-Cheek: Judge Aileen Cannon


October Right-Cheek: The Republican Party

October Left-Cheek: Retired Military Officers Working for Foreign Governments

November Right-Cheek: Donald Trump, Junior

November Left-Cheek: Dan Bongino, Dinesh D'Souza, Tomi Lahren, and Brigitte Gabriel

December Right-Cheek: Kevin McCarthy (R, CA-23)



December On-Crack: To be announced on December 30th

It's up to you, now ... vote early, vote often, and make sure your voice is heard and your chosen ass clown is recognized for appropriate ridicule.

BUT WAIT ... THERE'S MORE!!

With today's announcement of the start of the 2022 ACOY balloting comes the unveiling of the official Tinfoil and Toilet Paper Crown, to be presented to each ass clown awardee starting with the 2022 annual winner - 


Although the run on tinfoil hats by the MAGA crowd and the panic-buying of toilet paper ahead of winter storms may lead to temporary shortages of raw materials, I'll make it work. 

Have a good day, vote early, and vote often. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Many of the individual recipients have won the award multiple times by being part of group awards. I have not detailed membership in group awards during the year in the interest of space.

Sunday, December 18, 2022

Musical Sunday


This past Monday we celebrated the birthday of the singer sometimes known as "The Queen of Percussion," Sheila Escovedo. Under the stage name "Sheila E" she had a string of hits in the 1980s that included this, which became one of her signature songs ...


Have a good day and enjoy the rest of  your weekend ... and may your loves be ever bizarre.

More thoughts coming, including tomorrow's MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT. Be here!

Bilbo




Saturday, December 17, 2022

Cartoon Saturday


Just about a week until Christmas, and the Scrooge-Grinch Super PAC is working hard ...

Three members of a paramilitary group that plotted to kidnap Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer in 2020 were sentenced to lengthy prison sentences; a huge winter storm brought chaos and misery to much of the midwestern United States; Der Furor, in a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT!!, introduced his latest embarrassingly shameless grift - a collection of "digital trading cards" showing Der Furor in a range of tacky superhero costumes and poses, priced at a measly $99 each (plus transaction fee, of course); the House Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol will hold its final public meeting on December 19th, and appears prepared to refer criminal charges against Der Furor and others to the Department of Justice; and if you are in need of a gift for that hard-to-please far-right "Christian," you can order a copy of the "hot priest calendar," which offers twelve months of clerical stud muffins guaranteed to invoke at least one of the seven deadly sins. 

We all do a lot of eating during the holidays, and so I thought it might be appropriate this week to take a look at cartoons dealing with food and eating.

There have been highly selective eaters for a very long time ...  


The waiter's new standard question ...


I didn't want to wait until next Halloween to use this one ...


I think this might be my new preferred Thanksgiving tradition ...


I've known people this ... odd ...


The pun of the year ...


And yet, more expensive ...


This is a very old cartoon, but - sadly - it's as topical as ever ...


I hate it when I have to remind everyone ...


It's not all that much of an exaggeration ...


There you go - a collection of cartoons to ... uh ... whet your appetite for more.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and work on getting into the Holiday spirit. More thoughts tomorrow, when we visit Sheila E for Musical Sunday.

Bilbo

Friday, December 16, 2022

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2022


With only two more Ass Clown awards to present in this farkakte year, I need to make good selections without resorting to the presentation of out-of-cycle special awards (two of which I've already presented this year*). Fortunately, I found today's pick to be pretty simple.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the tinfoil and toilet paper crown of

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2022


is presented to

Kari Lake


Former television news anchor Kari Lake ran for governor in Arizona in this years election, endorsed by Der Furor and running on a single-minded platform of grievance, imaginary voter fraud, stolen elections, and generally "owning the libs." She was opposed by Democratic candidate Katie Hobbs, who ran an issue-based campaign that addressed economic issues of concern to Arizonans. When the dust finally settled, Ms Lake lost, albeit narrowly.

The post-mortem analyses of her campaign continue, but a major reason for her defeat appears to have been a slavish parroting of Der Furor's style of issue-free, grievance-based politics. Her campaign was so inept and so poorly focused that a high-ranking Arizona Republican official was quoted as saying, "I don’t really know what to say beyond outrageous arrogance and never getting out of primary mode. This election wasn’t stolen. It was given away." Naturally, she has filed a lawsuit challenging the ballot counting and certification of the midterm election and asking a court to arbitrarily declare her the winner. 

While the fact that the election was decided by a mere 17,000 votes indicates that the angry, unfocused politics of Der Furor still command a lot of support among the MAGA faithful, it also indicates that a growing number of voters are looking for elected officials who have actual plans to address issues of actual concern to real families. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, Arizona shrieking gargoyle Kari Lake is designated as the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2022, with all the well-earned derision that applies. She also earns a Gohmert Stupidity Scale score of 850,000, leaving plenty of room for the near certainty of higher scores on a regular basis in the future.

Have a good day, and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

* To Kyle Rittenhouse in June and to Der Furor earlier this month.

Sunday, December 11, 2022

Poetry Sunday


There was a time when stealing a kiss under the mistletoe was a generally harmless holiday tradition. Nowadays, it's often considered sexual harassment. Times change.


Mistletoe
By Walter De La Mare

Sitting under the mistletoe
(Pale-green, fairy mistletoe),
One last candle burning low,
All the sleepy dancers gone,
Just one candle burning on,
Shadows lurking everywhere:
Some one came, and kissed me there.

Tired I was; my head would go
Nodding under the mistletoe
(Pale-green, fairy mistletoe),
No footsteps came, no voice, but only,
Just as I sat there, sleepy, lonely,
Stooped in the still and shadowy air
Lips unseen—and kissed me there.


Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Be sure that the person you want to kiss under the mistletoe is amenable to the experience ... you'll thank me.

More thoughts coming. 

Bilbo

Saturday, December 10, 2022

Cartoon Saturday


Oh, for pity's sake ...

Der Furor's organization was found guilty on all counts of criminal tax fraud by a Manhattan jury; after months of difficult negotiation, WNBA star Britney Griner was released by Russia in exchange for convicted arms trafficker Victor Bout; twenty-five members of far-right groups were arrested in raids across Germany on suspicion of plotting to overthrow the government; Ukrainian forces appear to have conducted attacks via drone on several military and industrial sites in Russia; and in the town of Electra, Texas, the wife of the town's assistant fire chief was arrested after she left three five-gallon buckets of human waste (the precise medical term is "poop") in front of the local police station ... she was identified by witnesses despite wearing a white hazmat suit and yellow mask.

This week, in honor of all the bull that surrounds us from the political classes, how about a collection of cartoons about bulls ... and cows? ...

Pacifier or pasturefier? ...  


There's a lot of bull in debates, so it makes sense ...


Some moms are just never satisfied ...


Nowadays there's an app for everything ...


Yep, she's pretty upset ...


Well, I thought it was funny ...


NSFW? ...


She's got a fever ... and the only prescription is less cowbell ...


Yes, thank you ...


Everybody needs to be in shape for the big event ...


I hope you weren't cowed by the excellence of this collection, and that's no bull!

Have a good day and a great weekend. Be sure to come back tomorrow for the first Poetry Sunday of the month ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Friday, December 09, 2022

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


And away we go! ...

I don't think he can get a license to operate in Texas, Florida, and most other red states ...


It's convenient for men who need a place to wait while their significant others shop at the estate sale ...


I wonder what they misidentified it as ...


It's an interesting twofer ...


The ducks appear to be working on a MAGA-quality misinformation campaign ...


It's always good to see a business step up and reimburse its customers for service failures ...


I wonder where they were trying to go ...


Are we sure this is a good thing? ...


You just can't make these things up ...


It's a better line than the Tampa police chief who flashed her badge last week to get out of a traffic citation ... 


And that's it for our first collection of Great Moments for December ... I hope you enjoyed it.

Have a good day and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo