Ass Clown Special Award

As we trudge grimly toward the end of a year many of us had hoped would be better than 2021, but now hope will be - at least - no worse than 2022, there are just two more official opportunities to recognize new achievements in ass clownery. But the Left Cheek and On-Crack awards for this month are still weeks off, voting for the annual award is still two weeks away, and the ass clownery continues unabated. I find it necessary, therefore, to award the year's second

Ass Clown Special Award

to

Der Furor 

You may have thought that the Mango Mussolini had lost all power to shock and offend, but you'd be wrong. In a shocking rant for the ages, he posted this to his "Truth Social" platform on December 3rd:

In case you missed it, the Velveeta Voldemort - the former President of the United States - has just called for the rejection of "all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution." These are the words of a tyrant.

If there were ever any doubt in your mind that this man is a dangerous, deluded lunatic who should never again be allowed to exercise power of any kind, this should be your wake-up call.

You may recall that I presented the very first Ass Clown Award to The Creamsicle Caligula all the way back in April of 2011. On the occasion of his eleventh win in October, 2017, I presented him a Lifetime Achievement in Ass Clownery award and declared him ineligible for future awards. But such was his astounding level of hyperactive lunacy that I was forced to rescind his lifetime award in 2020 and name him the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for July. And now, with his explicit rejection of the Constitution he once swore an oath* to preserve, protect, and defend, The Angry Ocher God-King has finally slipped the surly bonds of rationality, reality, decency, and simple common sense to prove what thinking people always knew - that he is a despicable human being who exhibits the very worst of what the world sees in today's America.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the second Ass Clown Special Award for 2022 ... and a Gohmert Stupidity Scale score of 3,000,000 ... is presented to Der Furor, in the fervent hope that he has finally gone too far**.

But I'm not holding my breath, and neither should you.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* In front of "the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration — period — both in person and around the globe," according to then-press secretary Sean Spicer.

** Not for Republicans, though: only three GOP lawmakers have called the Tangerine Tyrant out, and two of those - Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger - have lost their seats and been condemned by their party, anyhow. The third was Representative Michael Turner (R-OH), the top Republican on the House Intelligence Committee. But moral indignation goes only so far ... in the finest modern Republican tradition, Turner would not say he would not support Trump if he were the GOP nominee in 2024.

Musical Sunday

Why be traditional? Our first Musical Sunday of the Christmas season goes not for the usual, but the unusual. Here's the wonderful acapella group Pentatonix with "Making Christmas," from Tim Burton's "The Nightmare Before Christmas" ...

Ho, ho, ho! Make your Christmas - and everyone else's - happy.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

First collection for the new month! As usual, we can use the humor ...

An economically devastating rail strike was averted when Congress passed, and President Biden signed, a bill to block a strike and force workers to accept the agreements made in September by union leaders; in a step aimed at crippling the Russian war economy, the Western allies on Friday approved a cap of $60 on a barrel of Russian crude oil; the parenting website BabyCenter revealed the most popular baby names for 2022, with Olivia and Liam leading the list for girls and boys, respectively; the Air Force introduced its new, sixth-generation stealth bomber, the B-21 Raider, at a ceremony in Palmdale, California; and in Spain, authorities are looking for a person who paraglided over a border fence from Morocco to the Spanish enclave of Melilla, introducing a new tactic to the search for better ways to illegally immigrate ... Congressional Republicans said it illustrated the need for a really, really high wall on the US southern border.

I've been out of the dating scene since 1982, so I thought I'd take a walk down memory lane with a look at the joys and pitfalls of what we used to quaintly call "billing and cooing."

Dating is not immune from Freudian slips ...

I've had dates like that ...

Uh, oh ...

I wonder when they find the time ...

Good decision ...

I've had dates like this, too ...

If I were to go back into the dating scene, I'd need such a league as well ...

Personal relationships in 2022 ...

When you date a military woman ...

An appropriate analogy at World Cup time ...

And that's it for our first collection of cartoons for the new month ... I hope you enjoyed it.

Have a good day and a great weekend as we stride resolutely into the holiday season. More thoughts tomorrow, when Musical Sunday returns for the final month of the year.

Bilbo

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2022

A new month - the last one of this godforsaken year - has arrived, and with it the opportunity to nominate the last three ass clown awardees for 2022. Without going into the usual spiel about how difficult it is to single out each winner, I'll just say that it's amazing that it took me this long to get around to today's recipient. Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the tinfoil and toilet paper crown of

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2022

 

is presented to

Representative Kevin McCarthy (R, CA-23)

Representative McCarthy has made a name for himself as one of the most, if not the most, nakedly ambitious and utterly amoral members of Congress. Having for years set his sight on the dream of being Speaker of the House, he has abased himself before Der Furor (after blaming him for the storming of the Capitol on January 6th, 2021) and prostituted himself to the most radical and extreme wings of the GOP Congressional delegation in order to gain their votes for his candidacy. He is a man with ambition to power but no actual plans to use the office he seeks for the betterment of the nation. He is a man whose positions change with the whim of the crowd, unencumbered by truth, ethical considerations, or simple humanity.

Mr McCarthy is so tightly bound to Der Furor that he is completely unable to call out The Mango Mussolini for statements and actions he condemns in others, twisting himself into rhetorical knots to avoid giving offense to his idol and thereby turning the howling right-wing mob against himself and torpedoing his dreams of power and revenge.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2022, is Representative Kevin McCarthy - a man loyal in the end only to himself and his lust for power. To paraphrase the great parody poem Deteriorata, "A walk through the ocean of his soul would scarcely get your feet wet."

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for the first Cartoon Saturday of the month. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Special Note! 

Voting for the 2022 Ass Clown of the Year will begin on Monday, December 19th. On that date I'll publish the official list of 2022 awardees-to-date, plus the rules for voting. Because the rules do not limit you to voting for previous awardees, you may want to start thinking about ass clowns I haven't gotten around to yet ... just remember that the final awardee should exemplify the very depths of ass clownery, and tower above other ass clowns, however "worthy" they may be. Make your plan to vote now - this is one election that can't be won through gerrymandering and frivolous lawsuits ... only by weight of evidence!

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

As I enter the long, cold days of winter and exit the euphoria of the Thanksgiving holiday, this classic poem by the author of The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit speaks to me more clearly every day ...

I Sit Beside the Fire and Think

by J.R.R. Tolkien

I sit beside the fire and think

Of all that I have seen

Of meadow flowers and butterflies

In summers that have been

Of yellow leaves and gossamer

In autumns that there were

With morning mist and silver sun

And wind upon my hair

I sit beside the fire and think

Of how the world will be

When winter comes without a spring

That I shall ever see

For still there are so many things

That I have never seen

In every wood in every spring

There is a different green

I sit beside the fire and think 

Of people long ago

And people that will see a world

That I shall never know

But all the while I sit and think

Of times there were before

I listen for returning feet 

And voices at the door

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. And of your life, which is the only one you get. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

As we discussed this past week, we have much to be thankful for. But then, of course, it doesn't take long for things to get back to normal ...

The Supreme Court, in a brief and unsigned decision, has allowed the IRS to turn over Der Furor's long-sought tax records to the House Ways and Means Committee; the latest mass murders by gunfire in the US took place at an LGBTQ nightclub in Colorado Springs, where five people were murdered and 17 injured, and at a Walmart store in Chesapeake, Virginia, where 6 people were murdered; one person was murdered and 14 injured in two bomb attacks on bus stops in Jerusalem; in an amazing upset, Saudi Arabia beat heavily-favored Argentina 2-1 at the World Cup soccer tournament in Qatar; and in Nebraska, the start of deer hunting season was observed when three hunters were shot and injured by members of their own hunting parties in separate incidents.

Yes, I know Thanksgiving was last Thursday, but I thought these cartoons were too good to stick away for a year ...

Inappropriate footwear for the season ...  

Everybody has a dream ...

Globalization isn't always all it's cracked up to be ...

Menu arranging gets harder every year ...

It's worth a try, isn't it? ...

This explains some things ...

That makes things easier, doesn't it? ...

Just checking in ...

Family's family, right? ...

It would make things a lot easier for the surgeon, wouldn't it? ...

And that's it for this week's post-Thanksgiving edition of Cartoon Saturday ... I hope you enjoyed it, and are surviving the Black Friday weekend sales mobs.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when we meet up with J.R.R. Tolkien for Poetry Sunday.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

How was your Thanksgiving? Good, I hope. Why not come out of your turkey-induced food coma long enough to enjoy this week's collection of great moments? ...

Well, it is abuse of a sort ...

You can carve them using a bladeless knife without a handle ...

Yes, but it could be embarrassing if you do it at a yard sale ...

Um ... I think I'll wait until the next course, thank you ...

I wonder if this also applies on World Naked Gardening Day ...

Especially if you've been using your hands to handle the family jewels ...

For the discerning conspiracy theorist who wants to update from the ordinary tinfoil hat ...

GOP math ...

Yes, I think that would have been a suspicious pointer ...

Well, that doesn't strike me as being particularly newsworthy, but what do I know? ...

And that's it for the last collection of editorial and signage gems for the month of November - I hope you enjoyed it.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday ... more thoughts then. 

Bilbo

Thanksgiving, 2022

Happy Thanksgiving!

I've been writing this blog since 2006, and some of you - masochists that you are - have been reading it for almost all of that time. You've learned many things about me over the years, one of which is that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. In a crazy world in which we too often focus on fear and negativity* and the material things in life, it's good to have a day on which to sit back and reflect on the things for which we can be truly thankful.

We’re living in a scary time in which it’s easy to be distracted from things for which we can be thankful, because there is so much going on that is awful, and so many people who keep relentlessly reminding us of it. For me, this year the awful things included:

A political party that continues relentlessly to weaponize fear and hatred, which accepts - and, indeed, praises and amplifies - the most coarse, violent, and angry discourse, and which works tirelessly to undermine a political system it cannot win in a fair contest of ideas and policies;

The continuing horror of realizing that many Americans continue to accept frequent mass murder - even of little children - as an acceptable price to pay for the unrestricted "right to keep and bear arms;" 

A deadly pandemic that lingers on, largely because ignorant fools conflate the responsibility for public health with unacceptable limits on their “freedom;”

A badly flawed legal system in which the degree of available justice is directly related to one’s skin color, political connections, and ability to pay astronomical legal fees far in excess of what ordinary people can afford; and,

A changing climate that is denied by those unwilling to see the obvious truth around them.

That all sounds pretty bad, and it is, but on the whole, though, it’s actually been a pretty good year for ol’ Bilbo. Although there have been many negatives, I have to consider myself a lucky man for a lot of reasons:

Surviving the pandemic for another year;

The patient and long-suffering love of a beautiful and amazingly talented wife;

Three loving and successful children of whom I am justly and endlessly proud;

Six adorable, intelligent, talented, and loving grandchildren;

A large and loving extended family;

A comfortable retirement**;

A roof over my head***;

Good health†;

Good friends;

The good fortune to be able to live in the United States of America - a country which, for all its faults, gives me the opportunity to enjoy all of the above;

The ability to write what I wish in this space without worrying about government censorship††; and,

The ability to enjoy the good things of the world that would be denied by those whose harsh and intolerant worship of a jealous, angry, and politicized God ignores the beauty and possibilities of the present in favor of rigid belief in a single religion and an imagined paradise in an unknowable future.

I have many things to be thankful for on this Thanksgiving Day, and it's only proper that I should take a few minutes to acknowledge that I am, as ever, most richly blessed.

I wish all of you, Dear Readers, Friends, the very happiest, healthiest, and safest of holidays.

Have a good day. Give thanks for the good things you have and the bad things you don't. And stay out of the stores this weekend ... you'll thank me.

More thoughts tomorrow, when we offer the final collection of Great Moments in Editing and Signage for the month.

Bilbo

* Yes, GOP, I'm talking to you.

** So far, anyhow. If the GOP succeeds in wrecking Social Security, I'll be looking for a large cardboard box in a more affordable neighborhood.

*** As long as we keep up the payments.

† Unless the GOP succeeds in gutting Medicare, and continues its efforts to eliminate the ACA with no coherent idea of how to provide health care to tens of millions of Americans.

†† Yet. Given the GOP's attitude toward the First Amendment (as opposed to its undying love of the Second), I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Musical Sunday

We haven't heard from the Parody Project for a while, but this is a great song parody that's timely ... and, unfortunately, very sad.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

And you thought 2021 was crazy ...

Not satisfied with abasing the presidency and ruining America's standing in the world one time, Der Furor announced that he will run again for office in 2024; on Friday, Attorney General Merrick Garland announced the appointment of a special counsel to oversee criminal investigations involving Der Furor; two people were killed and a major international crisis barely averted when a Ukrainian air defense missile targeting a Russian cruise missile accidentally landed in Poland; in Moscow, Idaho, four college students were murdered in their off-campus apartment, and the killer is still at large; and in (where else?) Florida, a man was arrested and charged with Sexual Contact with an Animal after putting his genitals into the mouth of the dog he had just purchased ... the dog was taken away by Animal Control officers and the man told arresting officers he "immediately felt remorse."

The weather has turned cold as we move toward winter, providing an impetus to stay inside and enjoy reading. And so it is that this week, we celebrate books and reading ...

I wonder if this fellow is available to help me find an agent when I finish my own book ...

Bringing order to the chaos of one's library ...

You have to know where to look in the bookstore ...

I've looked into do-it-yourself publishing, but I'm not sure it's right for me ...

We have similar piles at our house ...

Now that's a sad bedtime story ...

Poor Mr Orwell had no idea ...

Yes, this is my collection, too ...

People choose their reading material for various reasons ...

Seasonally appropriate book signing ...

And that's it for today's collection of cartoons on the theme of books and reading. I hope you enjoyed it and are looking forward to reading through your accumulated library during the dark and cold months of winter ... I am.

Have a good day and be sure to come back tomorrow for Musical Sunday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo